We don't bother with silence, we've never been very fond of it. The way we see it, you only have so much time left with the people you love, and if you don't make the most of time, then time will get the best of you. Sometimes, when we want to relax, we dwell in a quiet atmosphere. Not right now, though.
My husband and I are in Donnie's kitchen, preparing dinner. It's Friday, meaning that Michelangelo and his family will be here for supper by six. We have the next hour and a half to fix something up.
Leonardo is chopping up vegetables for a salad, sitting on a stool at the island. All day, he's been struggling to walk and is unable stand unless he's leaning on something for support. He says he's fine, but I know he's far from it.
I'm standing across from him, rubbing seasoning on a chunk of venison. Earlier, while me and Leonardo were napping, Donnie and Alopex had gone hunting. They came home with two deer and a squirrel. The first deer is being used for dinner tonight, while the second will be sent home with me and Leonardo by the end of the night.
"So," Leo starts, already smiling, "we should probably start discussing names, don't you think?"
I roll my eyes and snort. "We haven't even tried for a kid and you're already wanting to talk about names?" Turning around, I open the oven and slide a tray of venison on the bottom rack, just below the potatoes rapped in tin foil. There's a pot boiling corn on the stove.
"Well, Donnie said the pregnancy will only last for four months, and we'll know the gender a month and a half in. It's a pretty big deal, finding the perfect name, if you ask me. Therefore, I feel that we should start sooner than later." Leonardo sets his cutting knife down and dumps a cluster of tiny carrots into a bowl with the other veggies.
Smirking at my husband, I rest my folded arms on the countertop. Leo reaches across the cold, marble surface to grab my hands. I give his a a squeeze. "We'll start talking about names the second we find out you're pregnant, alright?" Grinning, Leonardo nods and leans across the counter to kiss my cheek. I smile.
"Look at you two love birds," a cheerful tone is carried into the room as Donatello walks in, wearing a blissful expression. He doesn't wear any form of protective gear anymore. His belt and Naginata have been put to rest—the latter is hanging over his fireplace, which you'd think would be a hazard, what, with it being wood and all.
Recently, Leonardo and I had decided that there is little point in wearing protective gear, as well. We both left our bandages on, me for obvious reasons, him, well, I don't know why. My guess would have to be that he doesn't want me to feel indifferent.
"Hey, Don." My brother returns my greeting with a slight bob of his head. "Forgot to ask you, how was dinner last week?"
Last Friday, my husband and I didn't come over. Having just begun talking from a week of ignoring each other, we decided that it'd be best for our relationship if we stayed home and worked things out. Donatello, of course, being the genius he is, agreed with this and then went on a explain in depth of how important a healthy relationship is in a marriage.
Donnie slides onto the stool beside Leo, gnawing on his bottom lip nervously. "It was alright. I ate by myself, but it was alright," he speaks quickly, as if trying to get me to not understand what he's saying. Tough luck, Don, you ain't getting out of this that easy.
Rage doesn't fail to take control tonight, it overrides my body and sends me into a frenzy. My eyes widen, then narrow into slits. I ball my left hand into a fist and clench my teeth so tightly, that my jaw feels like it's being stabbed by a thousand blades. Leonardo squeezes my right hand.
I turn my head to look at him. He meets my eye and I can't help but feel a million times calmer. With a muted voice, he tells me, "Everything'll be alright, we'll get through this; together." I believe him, trust him.
I take it a deep inhale of the fine, clean air around me. It tastes of slowly cooking food, mingling with the strong smell of Donatello. When I exhale, the chaos has seemingly left my body. I'm a bird in flight.
"Where were Mikey and his family?" Leonardo questions.
"At home, I assume. I called Mike a half hour after they were supposed to be here, but when he picked up he refused to tell me why he couldn't come. He repeatedly told me that him and Karai were busy—with what, I don't know." Donnie shrugs, as if it's nothing. It's definitely something, alright.
Standing up, Donatello excuses himself, giving me and Leo each a friendly nod before retreating to his lab. As soon as my brother is out of sight, I will myself to blow up.
"Why, that little shit!" I bellow, slamming a fist down on the counter top.
Leo heaves an irritated sigh when he pushes himself away from the counter, walking around it to get to where I am standing. He doesn't touch me, merely stares, with a furrowed brow and disapproving gleam to his sapphire eyes. "You need to calm down, Raphael." The way he says name, with a tone more bitter than unsweetened coffee, sends chills rippling down my spine. I huff, a puffy cloud of impatience exiting through my flared nostrils.
"Oh, I need to calm down?!" I demand, gesturing towards myself. "I've been nothing but calm—"
"For the past week," Leo cuts me off, his voice surprisingly smooth, as if unaffected by my yelling. "You've been calm for seven straight days, don't break the streak now."
My lips twist into a firm knot, one I don't expect to be untied. Leonardo is full of surprises, though, I have learned.
He places a hand on either of my hips, smirking as he leans forward with puckered lips. He kisses me, with a warm mouth that is silkier than a dog's coat. I nibble on his upper lip playfully.
When we break apart, Leonardo's hands have shifted from the bridge of my shell to the top of my plastron. He fingertips outline my collar bone.
"Please don't explode at dinner tonight," my husband begs. I've always been a sucker for his requests. Rolling my eyes, I cave in, "I promise, I won't."
Leonardo flashes a teeth-showing grin. "And for heavens sake, if you have to yell, don't do it in front of Ellie. You know how easily you get scared."
I nod and earn another kiss, this time, on the tip of my snout.
Michelangelo and his family arrive 15 minutes late to dinner. We were ready to start without them, had they waited five more minutes.
I can't say I would've been surprised if they stayed home. In fact, I'd came up with a plan, consistent of stomping over to Mikey's house after dinner, and blow up in his face. No holding back. All hell let loose; I'll open the gates.
Of course, they showed up.
Me, Leo, Donnie, and Alopex were making our plates when Mikey stepped through the front door, Ellie in his arms. She was wearing her favorite dress—I swear, I've only ever seen her in three other outfits next to this dress in the past year, it's not that she doesn't have a lot of clothes, just that she's obsessed with wearing the dress.
Karai was holding a basket of muffins. She loves to bake, little known fact, and almost always brings tears to Friday night dinners.
As usual, everyone greeted one another with hugs and small, half hearted welcomes. Ellie begged to sit beside her uncle Leo. Mikey followed Karai around like a child would his mother. Everything seemed utterly normal.
But then there was Alopex. She sat awkwardly in the chair between me and Donatello, jabbing her food as if she wasn't quite sure whether or not she wanted to eat it. Donnie attempted to make small talk with her, but she clearly wasn't up for that.
Leonardo, being the social butterfly that he is, didn't seem to get the memo to leave Alopex alone. "Did you and Karai know each other back in the Foot Clan?" That was enough to silence everyone, including Ellie, who'd taken a liking to banging her fork against the table. Course, a heavy warning glance from her father could've been threat enough to settle her down, even I'd curl up in shame at Mikey's glare.
Alopex glanced up, an intimidating gleam in her golden eyes. Her narrowed glare doesn't even begin to compare to Karai's icy expression, though.
Amber eyes piercing, lips curled in a snarl, nostrils flared, and I still can't put together why it is that they already seem to hate the mere sight of each other.
"No," Karai declares strongly. "No, we never knew each other."
After dinner was finished, tension built further. Karai handed Ellie to Leonardo, who took his niece into the living room to play with the toys she'd bring along. The former approached Alopex, asking if they could "chat" in the other room. Donnie disappeared to his lab, and I confronted Mikey.
"So, I heard you weren't here last week." Michelangelo was washing dishes—we alternate between turns weekly. Glancing at me over his shoulder, Mikey grunts.
"What's it to you?"
Pursing my lips, I lean my elbows back against the counter. "You hurt Donnie's feelings." A roll of his soft, baby blue eyes is the only response earned. I breathe in deeply, and exhale with a long, exasperated huff.
Standing upright, I loom over Mikey, looking him up and down. He shivers; a tell. It means he's afraid, daunted. And it makes me feel powerful.
"You know how much these dinners to Donnie, and yet, you were selfish enough to take that away from him—without even giving an excuse, mind you! I just want to know why." I shrug, as if it's nothing.
Mikey snorts, tossing the dish rag he'd been using in the corner of the counter before walking over to the fridge. "Look, I don't wanna talk about it right now. Now, do you know where Donnie keeps the scotch? Lord knows the guy has stash," he chuckles, as if it's the most amusing thing in the world. I'd gladly disagree, though, because he's making fun of my brother, and if there's only one thing I can promise, it's that I will never let someone trash my family.
Stomping forward, I slam the fridge door shut, setting Mikey back a few steps. "What the fuck is you're problem, man?"
"You're my problem, Mikey." I shove him further away from me, my hands pushing against his plastron.
"Why? 'Cause I didn't come to dinner last week? Anyway, you said, 'I heard you weren't here,' meaning you didn't come to dinner either. Care to explain that?" He thinks that's a smooth move, a one up on his behalf. Surprise, surprise, Mikey, cause I've got a few tricks up my own sleeve.
Tilting my head, I can't help but smirk. It's an odd sort of satisfaction, watching the confusion seep into his eyes at my lack of reaction. "Maybe, if you weren't too caught up in your own wonderland to check in with your family, you would already know that Leonardo and I got into quite the brawl last week. Donnie told us to stay home and make up, that's why I didn't come." Your move.
"A brawl? As in a fight? You and Leonardo, the power couple, fought?" Mikey bursts into a fit of laughter. "I'm sorry," he gets out between amused snickers, "but that is the most unbelievable thing I've ever heard!"
"Knock it off, this is serious."
"Of course it is, Raph, because everything is serious when it comes to you and your precious husband," he gives me a fake smile before rolling his eyes and walking towards the door.
"I am very serious about me and my husband, because I love him. Our relationship is as real as can be, not some we-hooked-up-in-the-basement-cause-we-were-bored-and-now-she's-pregnant relationship." I halt, putting an end to my stomping. Folding my arms across my plastron, I switch out my previous facial expression for a new one; a scowl dark enough to put out the light of a whole world.
Michelangelo whips around, a defensive gleam in his eyes. "DO NOT SAY THAT ABOUT ME AND MY WIFE!" He screams, lashing out completely. He swings a fist, aiming it at my face, but I catch his wrist midair.
"Then stay the fuck away from my brother and husband," I hiss through gritted teeth. My grip on his arm tightens as he calls out, "Karai, get Ellie. We're done here." The sound of a faint reply and the pitter-patter of traveling footsteps is enough to tell us that his wife is doing just as he demanded.
I'm not ready to let go of Michelangelo. He isn't struggling, therefore, I see no point in releasing my grip on his wrist. Our eyes are locked and I swear, nothing could cool the hatred we're shooting at each other. But there is a way to break it.
"Raph!" Leonardo comes rushing into the kitchen one door, while Karai and her daughter linger in front of the other. My husband lets out a sigh of exhaustion. "Let him go. We should be getting home ourselves, don't you agree?"
Leo's sapphire eyes will be the end of me, I swear. The simple-seeming orbs wear me down; in the best of ways, I mean.
The irises are sapphire, sprinkled with royal blue raindrops. If I look closely enough, I can see a small, green creek running around the pupil. I wonder if my own eyes put it there, from hours of gazing at each other. I wonder if there's blue in my eyes, looking like a meteor on a foreign planet.
Slowly, I let go of Mikey's wrist. He snatches it away, holding his hand against his upper plastron as he stalks over to where his wife and daughter stand in a doorway. They leave the house quickly, without so much as a goodbye.
There I am, though, alone in the kitchen with Leonardo. Everything is still, quiet, for oh so long. Until he pulls me into his arms and I break.
I try so hard to bottle everything up—Donnie's PTSD, Leo's anxiety, my depression, my (minor) schizophrenia, my cutting, drinking, suicide attempts, Mikey walking out on us, Karai playing mind games, Alopex being a slut and hitting on me—but it's all too much, everything is too much.
Splinter always told me that there is no such thing as anger. "Anger," he would preach, "is a product of something else. A love child of many other emotions—sadness, fear, frustration, even embarrassment."
"Then how do I get rid of it?" I used to ask, merely for his own amusement.
Splinter would stop pacing—lord knows he never talks with out moving about—only to turn and meet my eye. "Easy, open up."
Back then, those words meant nothing to me. I was a shallow, arrogant teenager who couldn't give two fucks about his well being or that of others. Now, I can't seem to stop caring for those around me.
"I'm sorry," I sob, tears pouring out of me like lemonade from a pitcher.
"Shhh. . ," Leo holds me tight against him. He rubs soothing circles on my carapace. "Sweetheart, there's no reason to be sorry. I heard everything, and I'm not upset with what you said, at all. I'm glad that you're sticking up for me and Donnie—and it is about time that someone put Mikey in his place. I'm just glad that it could be you."
I pull away, confusion sparking my interest. "That makes no sense, Babe. I just drove him away, and you're happy?"
Leonardo pushed his lips to the right, and he glances up at the ceiling in consideration. "I wouldn't exactly say happy. But I can't complain about you telling him to leave." Then in a whisper, he adds, "Something seemed off with him and Karai, I don't know what, but it was there. I needed to reassurance of their absence."
Nodding, I wipe the few lingering tears off of my face. "They were acting strange, I agree. Especially Karai towards Alopex."
"Do you think they knew each other?"
"And what, lied for show? It's possible." I take Leonardo's hand in mine and lace our fingers together. "You ready to go?"
My husband nods slightly, and let's me lead him out of the house.
Over by the shed, my motorcycle sits propped against a wheelbarrow. It would make sense to drive the vehicle home, after all, I do keep forgetting it at Donnie's house. Also, Leo won't have to trudge the long distance home—he makes it rather obvious that he's still soar from the surgery this morning.
Making a sharp turn in the direction of my bike, Leonardo let's out a surprised yelp as he's yanked off corse. "What are you doing?" He demands just as I bend down to pluck two crimson roses from the dirt.
"Taking a detour."
I stop in front of my bike, releasing Leonardo's hand as I make a move to sit on the black leather seat. He takes the roses from me and I proceed to backing the motorcycle away from the shed, and forward into the open grass.
When I stop again, I turn off the engine only to walk back to the shed. This time I step inside the small structure.
There are two rows of shelves on three of the four walls. Tools and cans of paint fill the shed, but I know that a bike helmet is in here somewhere.
As I dig around, Leonardo stands just beyond the door. "What's with the roses? And the bike? We could just walk, ya know, it'd be easier."
I shake my head profoundly. "You wouldn't be able to walk home, not after surgery this morning."
Leonardo huffs and puffs, stomping a foot against the grass. "Raph, I'm fine! I can manage on my own, believe me."
"Ah ha," I murmur with a genuine smile towards my findings; a red and black helmet. Tossing it over to Leonardo, he catches it with almost effortlessly. "I know you probably could, but I don't want to cause you any discomfort. Plus, I already sorta kinda have my bike ready, so there really is no going back now."
Leonardo rolls his eyes, but straps on the hamlet anyhow. He climbs onto the bike after me, wrapping his arms around my torso. The roses are held tight in his grip. "What about you? You don't have a helmet!" He shouts over the roaring engine.
"I'll survive!" I yell back.
I rev my bike, a chuckle rumbling in the depths of my throat as we shoot through the tall grasses. I drive us towards our home, but turn into the woods when we're halfway there. I don't bother to answer when my husband asks why I'm not taking us home, I don't tell him where we're headed.
The stars shine bright overhead. It's almost distracting, when the galaxy dances around the moon, the wind's music starting a rhythm that's impossible to ignore. Up ahead, waves overlap each other in the lake. Animals scurry about, running away from the motorcycle.
I drive faster.
I parked my bike half a mile away from our destination, as the trees are closer together in this section of the forest, leaving me with barely any room to drive.
Walking behind me, Leonardo tugs on my hand grasping my attention. "Where are we going, love? It's late, and we still have, er, stuff to do tonight," a romantic tone underlines his words, getting his point across fairly. He doesn't fancy being out here, in the middle of the night, when we could be in bed.
I'm holding the roses now, careful not to bend the stem or fray the petals. Glancing back over my shoulder, I offer Leonardo a genuine smile. "This'll be fast, trust me." He seems to do so, considering he shuts his mouth, doing nothing but following my lead.
We're there before I know it, sitting side by side on a boulder. I try to make eye contact with Leo, but he can't seem to bring himself to so much as glance at me. I can sense his uneasiness, it radiates off of his body in a way that can't be ignored.
"I wanted to get his blessing," I stretch out my words and the pauses between syllables. A nervous feeling plants itself in my stomach, sprouting with the aid of Leonardo's silence. Why isn't he saying anything?
"How?"
How? What does he mean "how?" Leonardo is the one who's been trying his absolute fucking hardest to contact our father. One the other hand, that could've the exact reason why he's questioning me.
So I take his hand in mine and lay a loving kiss on his cheek.
Turning to Splinter's grave, I smile. "Hey, Dad. It's been a while, two weeks. I would've come sooner, I swear, but me and Leo were having some problems, and ever since we made up, I haven't been willing to leave his side."
Leonardo is staring at me now, his eyes filled with wonder. My gaze is fixated on my father's makeshift tombstone as I speak to it, giving a quick recap of the last two weeks.
"Anyhow, there's a reason why I came here tonight—and dragged Leo with me—is because we have something to tell you."
Meeting Leo's glance, I motion towards Splinter's grave. My husband nods.
"The two of us want kids," Leonardo confesses with a grin that stretches from ear to ear. He doesn't take his eyes off of me. "And we want your blessing."
For a moment, there's nothing but a breath of silence. The wind stills and leaves stop rustling.
I hand one of the roses to Leonardo. The other one, I keep for myself, to press a kiss to, and to lay it down on my father's grave. Leo repeats my actions. And then I kiss him.
A sharp breeze comes out of nowhere, chilling me to the bone. I caress Leonardo's cheek, holding his beautiful, luscious face in my scarred up hands. Bats shoot away from the trees and into the sky, diving overhead. Leo drapes his arms over my shoulders, tugging me closer. I fall into a pit of love for him, just as the first few drops of rain come spiraling down from the clouds.
I take this as an answer; yes, he's given us his blessing.
I'm finally going to give Leonardo the one thing he's always wanted: a family.
There's not a limit to the things that I'd do, I'd give you stars but the stars wouldn't do.
— Blue October (Coal Makes Diamonds)