A/N: Hello! A bit of shameless begging before you continue on. Do we have any banner makers out there? The majority of my current stories don't have banners right now. I love banners and I'm not ashamed to beg. *puppy dog eyes*. I'm looking for help w/this story, Snapshots, and (I know this is a long shot), my Destiel story Boy Done Wrong. Anywho! If you or anyone you know would be interested, let me know! I would do a very happy dance.

There was an instant voice in the back of Edward's mind urging him to get up. He was conscious, and he had work to do. He should not be resting in a client's wagon, tucked in between bits and pieces of their lives. However, his body wouldn't cooperate. His limbs were struck by a lethargy unlike anything he'd ever experienced in his life. It took all his concentration to open his eyes, never mind actually moving.

"Rest easy, son," Carlisle said after his sons had helped settle Edward in the bed of their wagon.

Too tired to fight, Edward slept fitfully.

Whenever he stirred, someone, no, not someone, Bella would press the lip of the canteen to his mouth and encourage him to drink. Often, she would rub a cool cloth along his face.

"Need to get up," he mumbled to her once. He felt the roll of the wheels beneath his back.

"Pardon my language, but like hell you're getting up out of this wagon, Edward Masen. Carlisle said you need to be out of the sun for a while yet. You best get used to the idea of riding in here with me."

He opened his mouth to argue, but her glare had him backtracking. Anyway, it wasn't as though he could get his limbs to move. He closed his eyes and was back to sleep in seconds.

When he woke again it was with a sense of urgency. His boss sounded upset, and he was sleeping on the job. It was slightly easier to pry his eyes open that time. He had more energy but only a fraction. He still couldn't get his body to cooperate enough to get him upright.

Slowly, though, the sound around him sharpened. He recognized not only James's angry voice but Carlisle's as well. They had to be standing right outside the wagon.

"You were driving him into the ground. That's the reason he's not even sitting upright yet. It's not just the heat stroke, he's exhausted. Even without the heat, he would have collapsed sooner than later."

"We've done this run together five times now, ten times if you count the return trip. We ain't never had a problem like this before. Wasn't like I wanted him to die. In fact, not to be crass, but that would be inconvenient. He has work to do."

"Not any time soon."

"I'm not arguing he should rest a spell, but I hope it's not your intention to coddle him the rest of the trip. He'll be up and on his feet before you know it."

"I need you to grasp the fact you almost killed your man. You are constantly warning the rest of us to respect the elements, yet it's you who didn't. Please understand that if not for the quick thinking of my ward, Edward would be dead."

"It's your ward I was protecting."

Edward groaned and actually managed to raise up off the wagon bed before a wave of dizziness forced him back down.

"What are you on about?" Carlisle asked.

"Let's just say his behavior concerned me."

Edward winced. Even though he knew James was covering his own ass, he was grateful he didn't tell Carlisle the full truth.

"You doubt the character of your own man?" Carlisle asked.

"Begging your pardon, Doc, but I doubt the character of any man where pretty women are concerned."

Edward bristled. He knew he was out of line kissing Bella the way he had, but he would never dream of… Well. In any event.

"All the same, Mr. Hunter, why don't you leave it to me to take care of my own? What I don't need is to worry about your men."

"Yes, sir. I hear you."

"Good."

It was a minute later that the wagon jostled. Edward had pushed himself mostly upright by that time. He cleared his parched throat and nodded at Carlisle as the older man climbed into the wagon bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. Fine."

Carlisle put his hand to Edward's forehead and then his cheek. "I'm not your boss. Tell me how you really feel."

Edward blew out a sharp breath. "I, um… It's hard to think. And… when I think, it's hard to, um… find the right words."

"Hmm. Hopefully rest and plenty of water will help. Now I'm going to call Emmett or Jasper to help you out of the wagon. We need to get a little dinner in you. Then you can sleep at our camp for the time being."

"I can't-"

"Doctor's orders. Don't try to argue with me today. Conserve your energy."

Before Carlisle moved away, Edward reached out and clasped his shoulder. "Carlisle." He swallowed several times, trying to get his words to work. "What James…"

"I take it you overheard our conversation?"

Edward nodded.

"Suffice to say you and I are going to have a conversation at some point, but that time is not tonight. Try not to worry."

So Edward didn't.

~0~

It was the evening of July Third. Bella was about to climb into the wagon bed when a hand on her arm stopped her. She turned her head to find Esme looking back at her.

"Aren't you going to help with the chores?"

Bella narrowed her eyes ever so slightly at the older woman. "I've done what was bidden of me."

"Well, perhaps you can come chat with me. It's been some time since we had a good talk."

"We speak every day on the trail." Bella cast a glance over her shoulder into the wagon bed. Edward was watching them curiously. She took her foster mother by the arm and pulled her a ways away. "Tell me what's really troubling you."

Esme sighed and stroked her cheek affectionately. "You've taken good care of Edward while he's been recuperating."

"He had no one else."

"There's no need to get defensive. What you did was very kind. He needed the care, and he looks to be regaining his strength. He's an able man, Bella, and his mind appears to be healing as the rest of him. I'm not sure he would appreciate the constant attention you've shown him."

Bella frowned and pressed her tongue against the roof of her mouth. She was certain it wasn't Edward who wouldn't appreciate her attention. Every time he saw her, his lips turned up, and Bella's heart skipped a beat. What she wanted more than anything was the chance to ask him what those little smiles meant, but they hadn't had time. Even if they'd had the time and privacy, she hadn't the words. Was she being a silly little girl?

"The wagon isn't enclosed," Bella said. "You'd see if anything inappropriate was happening. Surely it's no different than a chaperoned visit with a good friend."

Esme tilted her head, fixing Bella with a knowing look. "Do you enjoy his company merely as a friend?"

Bella looked down at her feet. Her foster mother put her hand to her cheek with a tender touch. "Sweetheart. That kind of man is not for you."

Tears of frustration, anger, and uncertainty stung Bella's eyes, and she could not raise her head. Her jaw was clenched. She had to swallow hard before she could speak again. "May I see my friend now?"

Esme sighed. "You may."

Bella turned away and scrambled up into the wagon bed. The tense set of her shoulders seemed to permeate the atmosphere, and she couldn't raise her head to see the smile she loved so much. There was a knot in her throat she couldn't swallow down for trying.

Edward touched her knee. It was the lightest of brushes, but it did wonders to calm her. More than calm, a shock went straight to her belly, soothing the twist with something much warmer. When she looked up, she saw his concerned expression melt into his soft smile. She smiled back and huffed, searching for anything else to think about.

"I, um… Hey, I have a question for you."

"What's that?"

"What's the Three Crossings?"

Edward sucked in a sharp breath. "Oh, hell. Is that where we are?" He rubbed his eyes. "Where did you hear that name?"

The stricken look on his face shocked her. "Well, I... I suppose I was snooping when James was talking to Carlisle and Alistair. They were talking about whether it was a good idea to go on to Three Crossings or if we want to use the South Alternate Route, whatever that all means."

Edward looked away from her, his breath ragged. Bella wasn't at all sure what had him so disturbed nor what she could do about it. She touched his knee in the same surreptitious gesture. He didn't turn back, but he brushed his fingertips against hers in return. It was another minute before he answered. "There is no good choice here. Not around this time of year. It's called Three Island Crossing because the river is wide enough there are three strips of land, three islands. So what happens is, you cross the river four times in one set. This early in the year, the waters are likely rough." He swallowed audibly. "Three Crossings is where Maggie died."

"Oh." Out of her depth, Bella had no idea what to say to such a pronouncement. "I'm so sorry." She found his fingers and gave them a brief squeeze. "If it's so dangerous, why would anyone do it?"

"In another month or so, the waters are much calmer, and it's an obvious choice. If you must take the Southern Alternate Route, you cannot cross to the North bank for quite some time. It's a much longer path and very dry. It's difficult on the animals, and because most folks would rather take the chance of drowning to cut days off their journey, it's more like you'll be lonely on that route."

"You're right. There's no good choice there."

He shook his head. "I'm sure James sent one of the others ahead to scout. He makes the choice to take us across the river, it'll be all right."

"You'll forgive me if I trust James about as far as I could throw him."

Edward smirked. "It was an accident you know. What he did to me."

Bella made a vague noise of acknowledgment but said nothing.

"Anyhow," Edward said. "You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course."

"You can trust James with this decision. And I'll be there. I promise I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

The look in his eyes was so fierce, Bella could imagine he would jump into churning water, forgoing his own survival to save her. The thought chilled her to the marrow of her bones.

~0~

Edward could practically see the wheels in Carlisle's head turning. He looked from Edward out to the rushing waters of the Snake River and the three islands at its center. Edward had seen the water much choppier-it had been worse when Maggie died-but this was not a tranquil river by a long shot. "This is too dangerous for you, Edward," Carlisle said.

"You know we don't have another choice. There's not enough room for me in the wagons. Not with the women and the little ones riding." Rosalie, Esme, and the little boys certainly had to stay in the wagons, and there was hardly room.

Carlisle's expression was disgruntled, but he nodded. "Fine. Then you're with my wagon."

"Yes, sir. Of course." It was where Edward wanted to be, after all. Bella would be fording the river, walking toward the back of the wagon. There was only enough room in the wagon for Esme and Rosalie. Henry and Peter were the only ones who could fit in the Hale's wagon.

A gunshot and whoop drew both men's attention. Carlisle looked toward one of the other wagons camped a bit further down the river. Much of the train had called a day of celebration as it was Independence Day. Carlisle's party was not the only one who had decided to keep moving, but it would be a more lonely crossing than most. Carlisle shook his head. "I hope they're careful. Doctor Snow's family is also crossing. It would be a shame to have no doctor on the south bank should someone get accidentally shot."

"You worry so much about not only your family but everyone else's. I don't know that I've told you enough, Carlisle, but I appreciate it. You shouldn't be the one looking out for me, but I'm grateful."

"It's nothing you should thank me for. Life is a difficult occupation, and the world is full of hardships. My philosophy is we must look out for each other. You're a good man, Edward, and I seem to recall you did the same for me."

They both moved off then to ready for a hard day's travel.

As he expected her to, when Bella heard he would be outside the wagon with the rest, she began to fret. "It doesn't make sense," she said in a low voice so only Edward would hear. "You're still dizzy and tired. What if the water gets the better of you?"

It wasn't lost on Edward that this was the exact worry he should have had the first time he made this crossing. Maggie had been dizzy, exhausted, and weaker than he to boot. The waterline had been higher.

He shook his head to cast off the oppressive memory. "Don't you worry. I won't be doing much more than walking, maybe a little dog paddling. We're already in the river, so if the sun gets to be too much, I'll dunk myself." He winked at her.

She shoved his arm playfully. "That isn't funny." She wrapped her arms around herself. "That was the most frightening thing I have ever seen, and if I never see it again, that would be just fine by me."

"Can't say I blame you." He was, in effect, in the same boat. The worst thing he'd ever witnessed was his wife drowning. Though he told himself he'd made this very same crossing five other times without any disaster larger than soggy belongings. "The wagons are caulked, and we're all expert river crossers by now. I'm sorry if I made you nervous."

She gulped but made an effort to put on a brave face. "Of course. Expert river crossers."

James headed in their direction then, and Edward took a deliberate step away from Bella. To his reckoning, it seemed as though James was avoiding him. He looked as though someone had a grip on his testicles as he came up to Edward then. Hands on his hips, he coughed, and kicked his foot in the dirt.

"Anyhow," James said as though they were already in the middle of a conversation. "Doc says you're not up to leading any of the teams. Think you could do me the favor of keeping an eye out for trouble from the rear?"

Seeing as James wasn't the type to ask but order, Edward figured that was as close to an apology as he was likely to get. "That's what I intended."

"Good." James paused again, tilted his hat at Bella who only glared back, and walked off to the Hale's wagon.

The Hales set out first. Edward clucked his disapproval as he watched the boys hanging out of the wagon, trying to get a better look. He was about to shout across the water for someone to get them back inside, their mother, Vera, came around and scolded them.

When they were a pace out, the medium wagon, driven by Victor, followed. Edward scanned the water. Judging by the waterline against the Hale's wagon, the first crossing didn't seem deep enough to trouble the smaller wagon.

"We're moving!" Laurent called from his place with the oxen team on the Cullen's wagon.

"Here we go," Bella murmured by his side.

Edward thrust one of the ropes that had been secured to the back of the wagon at her. "Hold tight to this as you walk, you hear?"

"Just like every other crossing," she said, her tone a mild reproof.

He sighed. "Yes. Just like every other crossing."

This was the day he dreaded every time he made this journey. No matter how much else he had to think about, his memories stole him away. Tonight, if all was well, he would make the trek a ways down the river to where he'd buried Maggie and his unborn child in a patch between a cluster of trees. Today he would be plagued by the visceral remembrance of the whole hellish experience.

"One down, three to go."

Edward blinked, momentarily displaced in time. He was aware Bella was talking to him, but he was confused why she was there and Maggie wasn't. He cleared his throat, trying to shake away the haze in his mind. "Right. One down. Keep going, my darling. We'll be there before you know it."

"What did you say?" It was Carlisle who asked. He had been walking closer to the wagon, speaking with Esme last Edward checked.

Edward had to think hard to remember what he'd just said. His thoughts were always scattered during this crossing, but that day was by far the worst. Part of it was the heat stroke-as Bella had pointed out, he was still frequently dizzy and his thoughts were fuzzy around the edges-but it was also Bella. He couldn't pretend she was merely another customer, his business. The fear history would repeat itself, that he would lose another young woman who meant the world to him, was crippling.

"Carlisle." Bella took his arm and pulled her foster father close. Edward was almost certain she was explaining about Maggie. He was far too overwhelmed to feel foolish. Rather than let it bother him, he took the time to rub his eyes and remind himself what was really going on.

The second crossing only made things harder. Alice had run back to check on her parents. When she tripped, falling head first into the water, Edward's heart began to beat out of control. She was in two feet of water when she tripped and not in any danger, yet Edward was sure, for a second that stretched on for an age, that disaster was at hand.

Bella touched his arm. "Are you all right?"

"Be careful. The rocks are slippery. You have to be more careful." He knew he shouldn't snap at Bella. Of course he knew that, but he couldn't help it.

"I'll be careful," Bella said, placating him.

Edward flinched as the water splashed off the wheels, hitting in the face. He remembered struggling alone with his draft animals, soaked to the bone from the backsplash before he was even in deep water.

"Halfway done," Bella said, breaking into his reverie.

Edward's throat tightened. Though there was a small voice in the back of his head telling him to be wary, Bella's family was watching, he pulled her to him anyway. He caught her face in his hands. "Please be careful. Please. Don't let go of the rope. Please don't let go. Don't let go."

She put her hands over his. "I won't. I promise." She stroked her fingers over his knuckles. "Was it here?"

He closed his eyes but managed a nod.

"Nothing's going to happen, Edward. Not this time."

He took a deep breath, getting a hold of himself, and dropped his hands. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. It's all fine. Come on. Wagon's going to leave us behind."

Edward glanced up. Sure enough, they had an audience. He took a step away from Bella and nodded.

The third crossing was where the water was deepest. Anxiety crept up Edward's spine as more and more of the wagon-more and more of Bella-disappeared beneath the surface. The wagon floated. Bella swam. Edward did his best not to panic.

Some hours later, the whole ordeal was done with. Edward sat on the bank and rested his forehead on his knees. He had refused offers of food as he was sure he would only lose whatever he tried to choke down. He rubbed at his temples, trying to block out the sounds of revelers finally able to enjoy their Independence Day.

He heard footsteps approach but didn't raise his head. "Are you dizzy?" Carlisle asked, his voice, as ever, even and gentle.

Edward had to think about his answer. What was dizziness compared to the raging storm in his head? "Yes," he said.

"Look up at me."

It was the last thing he felt like doing, but Edward obeyed. He raised his head and followed Carlisle's simple instructions as he tested his vision.

"I'm fine," Edward said a few minutes later. He climbed to his feet, and though he swayed, he didn't fall. "I need to get going."

"Where are you off to?"

"I just need a few minutes alone."

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen. You've been in the sun all day, and you've been showing signs of disorientation."

"That-" Edward snapped his mouth shut. He rubbed his temples. "This is something I need to do."

"I understand, but you'll have to suffer my company."

"Fine."

They walked in silence for a time until Edward found his wife's crude grave. He had replaced the dilapidated wood marker a number of times in his travels. In a way, he knew he was lucky. Most emigrants who'd lost a love one would never see their grave again.

"Will you tell me about your wife?" Carlisle asked.

Because he knew he owed the other man an explanation, Edward told him about Maggie. Carlisle was quiet for a time after Edward finished.

"Does Bella remind you of Maggie?"

Edward's breath left him in a huff. "At times," he admitted.

Carlisle nodded as though he expected as much. "I asked you once of your intentions."

"They haven't changed, though I will admit we would be having a very different conversation if I… Well. If situations were different."

Edward rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry about today. I was out line, and I know that. I wasn't trying to be inappropriate."

"Today I understand."

"You do?" That was enlightening as Edward wasn't sure he understood what had come over him that day.

"Yes. My daughter-in-law suffered a regrettable trauma some years back. She suffers the occasional episode, very similar to what I saw in you today."

Edward grimaced. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of suffering episodes.

"You care for Bella," Carlisle said. It wasn't a question.

"I… Yes. Very much so."

"And if I'm reading you correctly, the only other woman you've truly cared for died here. I find it reasonable you would worry, and your heat stroke didn't help keep your mind clear. I understand your reaction.

"What concerns me is Bella's attachment to you. What she might want. I believe you're an honorable man. If your intentions have changed, I'd expect you to follow the rules of polite society. But even in that case, I'm not her father, Edward. I can't speak for her."

"I could." Edward reached out to touch the rough edge of Maggie's grave marker. "I'm not a good husband. Not good enough for either of them."

Carlisle reached out and splayed his hand across Edward's back. "You're a good man. The lifestyle you lead… it's not what I would choose for my child, but then, that's what this journey is about, is it not? New beginnings." He clapped Edward on the shoulder. "Think about it, but I will ask that you not confuse the poor child. She is headstrong to be sure but not unbreakable."

They headed back to camp then, and Edward's thoughts were muddled for very different reasons than they had been earlier. "It's not because of Maggie, you know," he said just before they got within range of the camp.

"What's that?"

"My affection for Bella. It has nothing to do with Maggie. Yes, there are similarities. Maggie was so young, alone, and spirited, but Bella is very different." He had no idea why he was telling Carlisle this, but it seemed important.

The older man smiled. "She is a lovely, unique girl, and she deserves everything this world has to offer."

"That we can both agree on."

A/N: Hmmm.

Thanks to jessypt and barburella, and to all you lovely reviewers and readers and general all around beautiful people.