Time

"What?"

He shut his eyes so hard it hurt. It was so embarrassing. But it was his last wish. He could even imagine the plain shock on his murderer's face. And Kisa, as stupid as it could get, felt happy.

He lay hanging against the wall limply. Fighting back never crossed his mind. Kisa just slowly creeped his cold hands on Yukina's grip around his neck. And he could feel his own pulse throbbing againts Yukina's skin.

"I said fuck me..." come the choking voice. It sounded so small. Yet it was so crisp and clear. It resonated into all the corners of Kisa's flat. "Fuck me like you hate me..."

There was silence except Kisa's fall on the cold hard floor. He landed hard on his bottom after Yukina released him with no warning. His lungs hurt so badly after being filled with air once more. His other hand on his chest, Kisa looked up at the dark silhouette. He could sense it looming on him. Closer to him.

"I see you've lost your mind."

Kisa chuckled. This time it was his turn to be insane.

Kisa's head hit the floor with a thud. Yukina had just pulled the still weak man's feet towards himself making Kisa lay on his back.

You were once so gentle...

"Shouta, I don't hate you," Yukina's voice was so low. "I despise you."

Eyes toward the ceiling that Kisa couldn't even see, he felt cold, soft hands against his stomach. The unbuckling of his belt sounded so loud, it chimed off his waist. He didn't even flinch when he felt his jeans and his underpants slid their way off to one of his knees.

He could feel his nakedness, his vulnerability, his weakness as he felt his legs being spread wide open impatiently.

And like what Kisa was expecting, there was no foreplay.

"Kou...I love you since the beginning..."

Kisa could feel his spine grinding hard against the floor. Each thrust, each painful thrust was like a knife slicing at Kisa's core. But he didn't complain. He wanted it. He wanted it to be hard, painful, unbearable. Because there would be no repetition of the nonsense cycle ever again. That was the choice he made.

"Love?" Yukina had stopped moving. "Do you expect me to say I love you too?"

"Can't you?"

"I am just fucking you for fuck's sake."

Smiling, Kisa rested his arm against his closed eyes as he savoured the heat that was burning from where they were joined. There was no hint of gentleness. It was indeed for fucks sake, just like what Yukina had said. But it was different for Kisa. So different. And though the man being shattered into pieces wanted to cry, he didn't.

I've shed all the tears I have on my way here. I have no more...

"K-Kou...thank you for letting me cry on your shoulders when I had nowhere to hide..."

Grunting as he increased his pace, Yukina just acted not the least bit touched. "I did that for fun."

"Thank you for cooking for me..."

Yukina didn't answer.

"Thank you for watching over me as I sleep..."

"What is this drama that you're pulling off now?" Yukina hissed, as he turned Kisa to lie on his stomach.

Each movement forces Kisa to burry his face on the surface beneath him. He didn't know anymore how many times he felt his cheeks scrape the floor.

"Thank you for holding hands with me in public..." Kisa exhaled the tired words out his dry mouth.

Yukina grabbed both Kisa's thighs and gripped them tight enough to leave a bruise. "Enough..."

"Thank you for the sweet memory in the park..."

"I SAID ENOUGH!"

"Thank you for all the kindness from the very start..."

Anger boiling in Yukina's chest, his left hand landed on Kisa's lips with a slap and it never left Kisa's mouth the entire time the prince was satisfying himself. He didn't want to hear another nonsense from the man he hated the most.

The prince's brows met into a deep furrow. Kisa's small hands started holding onto Yukina's hand muffling his words. Kisa was carressing his hand gently, delicately.

Like a bolt of electricity was released, Yukina pulled his hand from Kisa's grasp and pushed in deeper, harder and hastier instead into Kisa. Making clear that he was not being affected whatever Kisa was doing.

I want a kiss...I want one last kiss from him...

Catching Yukina offguard, Kisa pushed himself forward, wrapped his aching arms around Yukina's neck and brushed his chapped lips against Yukina's soft ones.

Thrusting stopped. Breathing stopped. Time stopped.

"I thought I have no more tears to shed..." Kisa thought to himself.

The moment their lips met that time, the sides of his cheeks felt cold. And he could feel something dripping down from his chin.

Eyes wide, Yukina stared into nothingness for a moment. Seeing things he could only see.

"Just bear with it for a while...I'll buy you a frame on the next pay out."
"I am grateful to you for helping me out earlier, but I am not your servant."
"Ah no...oh by the way...here...I bought you some clothes, I hope they'll fit you. Why don't you try them out?"
"It suits you well! I knew it...blue, fits you perfectly..."
"Ne-Kou...as a prince...what do you think is your greatest duty?"
"It's very sad..."

Yukina blinked as flashes of the past ran before his sight like a camera snapping photos continuiously. And the longer Kisa lingered on his closed lips, the fog before Yukina's eyes started getting clearer and started taking shape.

A familiar room. A canvas torn into two. Him on the other side. The guy he hated on the other one. And there he was, the only prince of Yukina clan, lying lifeless on the tatami floor.

"I'll follow you soon...I never had the chance to explain everything to you...but...I believe you would understand why I did this...I am sorry...sorry...You have no idea...how angry I am at myself...but the emperor...the emperor..."

Gasping from all sorts of pain inside him, Shouta gently closed Yukina's still open eyes. "Be angry at me for all enternity, but I love you..."

The familiar room suddenly became occupied with men wearing the familiar symbol of the emperor.

"Leave me alone! I did what you want! I killed him with my hands to save the entire Yukina Clan! I am going to follow him!"

"Are you stupid? The Emperor is now waiting for you...serving the Emperor would be your highest achievement Shouta."

"No! No! No! Kill me now! Kill me now!"

The familiar face of the huge man glared at the small, shaking man on the floor. "Shouta, from the very start, the Yukina's and the Tokugawa's are enemies. What makes you think that your silly love can change it?" Moving out the room, his robe fluttering, he threw a distateful look at the dead prince. "Bring Shouta and dress him properly. The Emperor is eager to know you better Shouta, act properly and be obedient."

"How can you do this to your own son!? Otou-sama!"

"Arhg..." Kisa pulled away abruptly. His lips bleeding from being bitten by Yukina.

"I almost couldn't see through your lies Shouta."

Confused, Kisa could only try to picture the face of the man he loves through the darkness. And in a snap, Kisa felt his chest about to crash as he slammed back against the floor. The stronger guy on top of him once more. Confused, and angrier.

"Stop showing me these crap! STOP SHOWING ME THESE SHIT!"

Kisa who wasn't the least aware of what Yukina was saying licked the blood off his lips. The salty sensation lingering in his mouth as he kept his mouth shut to stop his moans of pain. The hard floor to embrace him as the prince poured all his anger in his every movement inside Kisa's soft flesh.

Rolling to his side, Kisa could feel the sticky sensation trickling down his thighs. His blank face facing the wall, he listened to the rustle Yukina's clothes made as he pulled himself together.

The prince's low panting, the steam of after sex on the hall way even infuriated Yukina more. Fully zipping his jeans back, he threw a glance at the half naked man on the floor before entering the bedroom without closing the door. Kisa heard the bed's springs as Yukina sat on it.

With all his might, Kisa sat on the floor, trying to put back his soiled jeans on him. He could still feel his raw insides throbbing. It felt like something was still there. And Kisa smiled bitterly.

Fingers trembling, Kisa pulled his zipper upwards, and never had imagined that doing so would take a lot of effort. His every joint was aching. His head was throbbing. His heart was bleeding.

"Thank you for fucking me hard," Kisa muttered in between his raspy breath as he tried to grab the walls for support.

Yukina turned on the lampshade on the bed side table and looked Kisa in the eyes as the man rested his back against the walls. They looked eye to eye. Soul to soul.

"May I ask how you're planning to kill me this time?" Kisa asked, the faint light from the lampshade shining against his eyes. It made them look like they were on fire.

Yukina's gaze at Kisa grew more intense. "Something painful."

Kisa couldn't help but smile. Memorizing every detail he could from Yukina. The perfect hair, the eyes that seemed to see through his core, the soft lips who used to say sweet things, the hands that touched him gently, the voice that called out to him. And he wouldn't deny it. He was in love as well with the Yukina who hated him. He had accepted everything about the prince. From thousands of years ago to their present.

"If I would have the chance to choose who I'd be..." Kisa began, looking at the floor. "I still wanted to be Kisa Shouta. And I'd still probably fall in love with you, whatever the circumstances are."

Smirking, Yukina crossed his longs legs. "Do you think your drama would change my mind?"

Kisa lifted his gaze to look at Yukina's cold eyes. His lips smiled, his eyes didn't. "No...I wasn't thinking that way."

Silence filled the few distance between the two. The clock's hand sounded stronger, and Kisa could hear his heart against his ribs about to jump out of it any time. He had made the decision. But he was afraid with it himself. He didn't know what would happen exactly.

"Can I spend sometime on my own? After all, I am going to die. I'll just...pray."

Yukina's eyes narrowed as if he was reading Kisa.

"What are you planning?"

"Maybe you'll see, maybe not."

Staggering, Kisa left from where he was standing towards the living room and grabbed the box he was carrying before. He threw a final glance to the hallway being lit by the light coming from the open door of his room.

"Yukina...if ever you ran out of ideas, just push me off the roof top."

Kisa waited for an answer. But there was none.

Bowing his head as he trudged towards the door, Kisa murmured something, only the door as the witness.

"Kou...being reborn and you waiting for thousands of years has erased the important memories that turned this entire thing into a grave misunderstanding. Probably when you remember, you'd be able to forgive yourself. And forgive me as well for breaking now the promise we made on the first time I died after the curse. This should end now."

The cold breeze caressed Kisa's puffy cheeks. The strands of his hair dancing with the wind. And his eyes wandered towards the sky. He was waiting for the sunrise.

He wanted to see it so suddenly. Maybe because he was taking for granted these kind of things when he still didn't know that he would come up with such a stupid idea.

The roof top of Kisa's apartment building was with no soul except him. The white blankets that some tenant forgot to take in the night before fluttered with the wind. It sounded like it was singing.

"I didn't know I could see much of Tokyo from up here," Kisa whispered looking down at the box he was clutching against his chest.

With one hand, Kisa rubbed his eyes. "This is inevitable. This is inevitable..."

And with his other hand, he took something from his pocket. A lighter.

"Ah-I just thought, you're still a part of the painting I bought, so I at least have to take care of you..."
"I'm sorry, for some reason my eyes won't stop...Ah~why am I crying like this for onions!"

His face buried on both of his hands, Yukina raised his eyes towards the lampshade. "Shit...I shouldn't be...shouldn't be feeling and remembering these stupid things."

He sighed and massaged his temples. "What would happen if I don't kill him?"

The thought shocked him. He knew the answer but the mere fact that he even thought about not killing was unnerving.

He was able to come back many times because of the curse he made himself. He'd kill Kisa over and over and over again with the man being reborn over and over again. If he didn't, he, the maker of the curse would disappear finally for eternity. And Kisa would die a normal human death, and like the rest, would never be reborn again.

"Am I doing the killing, just because...just because of hatred...just because I don't want to disappear?"

The question stabbed him. He couldn't remember anymore.

Yukina felt himself gasp. He looked around. Something was burning. He couldn't smell it, he could sense it. And he knew very well that sensation. A sense of smell of the paint he used when he was still the prince painting out of hobby.

"He's burning the canvas? He's burning it to make me disappear and he could live a happy life?" Yukina stood from the bed, his anger seething in him. "Your true colors are showing now, huh you Shouta?" He muttered, his teeth clashing. "I should've known better this is your plan just like that time."

But if the canvas was burning, how come he wasn't?

A wave of something unexpainable poured over the prince standing frozen on the floor. His head slowly turning towards the place where Kisa had hung the canvas Yukina came from. And as if the prince's eyes couldn't believe it, the empty canvas was still hanging on the wall, safe and still.

"Ne Kisa-san, have you ever betrayed someone in your life? Betrayed someone who loves you more than his life?"

Without averting his eyes, Kisa didn't have to think about the answer. "I would never betray someone. Especially someone who cares for me. I think I would rather die than do that."

For the first time in a very very long time, Yukina's head was blank as he ran towards the roof top where Kisa was.

The dawn was breaking. The sky a flaming orange. Like the flames that surrounded Kisa Shouta facing the world below him.

Panting, Yukina dragged his feet towards Kisa who had his eyes closed. His left hand holding the canvas where he was painted. It was his part of the canvas Kisa was trying to burn into ashes.

"Shouta..."

The canvas was already halfway burned.

Kisa slowly opened his eyes. His lower body was nowhere to be seen. "There were thousands of yesterdays that passed us Yukina, and I wished that we could be together with the coming tomorrows, but for both of us to be finally be free from this never ending rope that binds us, one must give way. I am sure...deep inside you're tired as well."

If kisa burns Yukina's side of the canvas, the prince will fade away like he didn't exist and Kisa will finally be released from the curse of being reborn again and again. But if it was Kisa's side that burns, Yukina will be freed from his canvas and would be able to live a normal human life and die a normal human death. The curse finally ending.

They could've done this a long time ago. But they had made a promise. A promise forgotten by time. A promise replaced by anger. Initially it was the anger that started the curse. But the truth about the never ending cycle of being reborn and being killed was a promise between them. And Kisa happened to remember it first. And was breaking it.

"What the fuck are you saying? Do you think my anger will disappear by you doing this?!"

"Live a happy life Yuki...we're almost free from the curse now...I'm sorry for breaking our promise. We should've done this a long time ago. But we're both selfish. And our selfishness...turned us against each other...isn't it silly?"

"What promise?"

"If I don't do this this time, who knows what would be erased the next time we see each other? Time isn't a friend...it's our enemy Yukina."

"WHAT PROMISE?!"

Yukina started taking his steps forward. But he froze on the spot. Looking at the burning flames devouring Kisa, Yukina...saw something.

The carriage was being pulled by two horses. Two directionless horses. Yukina could see himself and Kisa clinging to one another.

"Promise me you won't forget. Okay?" Shouta in a silk Yukata whispered as he buried his face on Yukina's shoulders.

"I'm sorry for putting this kind of curse on both of us."

"No. I'd be happy to die over and over again if that would mean that we would be able to be together even for just a short span of time. The curse of revenge turned for the better when you torn the canvas...we are inseparable now. Forever."

"But to kill you...I can't bear it."

"I will be reborn anyway...that's fine. This is a chance given to us by the heavens...a never ending love."

The two looked before them. They held hands tightly as they watched their carriage nearing a cliff hearing the raging rivers below.

"This is the first death. Kou...see you soon..."

"Shouta...sorry. See you soon."

As the carriage crashed into the black river drowning and killing Kisa, Yukina disappeared, his spirit being locked up back into the canvas he was in.

The waiting for the reborn-ed Kisa, killing him, Yukina realized was something they both agreed. It was consensual. And time has caused the memories fade away and the real one take a different form. Seething hatred.

"Kisa...san..."

By the time Yukina remembered the real reason he was there, Kisa was almost gone.

"No...no...Damn it! No!"

"Live a normal life and die a normal death. I've been alive thousand times while you alone waited in that canvas. Not able to live a life. It must have been painful and sad. This time it's different."

The fire intensified.

"Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream. And you'll be there. Good bye for real this time...Yukina."

The flames that devoured Kisa were as orange as the peeking sun. And when the sun was completely up, there was only the ashes of the canvas. Yukina tried to grab what was left of Kisa, his hand, but the man instead caught the wind.

"Kisa-san?! KISA-SAN?!"

Yukina turned around. His eyes circling the entire roof top. The wind blowing hard against him. Making him feel so cold, alone. He dashed at the fluttering white blankets, looking for his other half. But there was no one except him.

"KISA-SAN?!"

Yukina couldn't count how many times he circled the entire place knowing he wouldn't find the one he was looking for. Biting down on his lower lip, hand shaking, chest heaving, the prince glared at the sun.

"I DON'T WANT TO LIVE NORMALLY IF THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE!?"

Chapter end notes:

ERMMM..lol..i wrote this for almost the whole day. all the free time i had i poured over this. i cried a little...BECAUSE I WAS LISTENING TO "NEVER STOP HOLDING YOUR HAND" the entire time I was writing this. Pfft..silly me.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As you can see, there was no smut. i was not in the mood to write it. hahaha...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. REVIEWS APPRECIATED^^

-shuusetsu

this is Kisa

this is Yukina...they're so far away now. pfftt...