Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
Warnings: Angst.
Pairings: Raito/L
Summary: At L's death, he spoke of love. Raito believes it was to mess with his head and a new game begins, but Raito can't win. What will he do to win the game of love when L is dead?
Notes: Thanks for all the reviews, comments, favorites, and alerts for this story. Glad everyone enjoys it. Hope you like this chapter and please tell me what you think.
L stared at the results once again. He couldn't believe it. But it was staring him in the face. What could he do now? Everything was setting up already. They were almost ready to catch the third Kira. He looked at his friend who was staring at him. He glanced back down at the paper. He walked to a trash bag and grabbed a lighter from the table. He lit up the paper, watching it burn. He made his decision. No one would ever find out what is wrong with him. He whispered, "No one but Watari will know about this."
Kats leaned against the wall, looking sadly at her friend. She replied, "They should know. They could hel…"
"I do not want anyone to know! I will not let this affect me!" L cut her off harshly. He will not fall down to Kira. He will live through this case. He will make sure of it.
Kats pushed off the wall and walked to her friend. She didn't want him to do this alone but his face showed determination. There was no way to convince him other wise. She closed her eyes and mumbled, "You need someone by your side through this."
L turned around to face his friend and replied, "I will not lose to Kira. I will defeat him."
"Even if that means sending the one you love to death?" Kats asked as she opened her eyes. She knew L was conflicted. She could see it in his eyes. For the first time, she saw his emotions clearly.
His hands curled into fists and his eyes narrowed. He knew that Kira would not spare him. That was the way Kira was. He sneered, "I cannot let him defeat me. I cannot let that happen no matter what."
In the main room, Raito stared at computer, listening to eight men discuss about killing someone. Everyone's eyes were on the scene but he couldn't stop worrying over L. What was wrong with L? Was everything all right with him?
Matsuda leaned against the wall and wondered how L and Raito could stand the handcuffs. He sighed as he watched the scene. They needed L. He hoped nothing was wrong with the detective. They needed him to defeat Kira. When L walked into the room, he jumped up and asked, "What is wrong?"
"It is just the flu or something like that. I will be fine." L lied easily. He scolded his face to reveal nothing. He wasn't about to reveal anything even if Kats wants him to. He looked at Raito who was staring back at him. The words Kats said haunts him. Could he really send the one he loves to death? Would Raito kill him without thinking twice? He walked to his desk, unlocked Matsuda from the cuffs and snapped it back onto his wrist. As he felt everyone's eyes on him, he sighed, "We are so close to catching Kira. It is time to end this game."
"It was never a game, L." Yagami scolded. He stared at the scene and mumbled, "These men are discussing who to kill. We need to stop them."
L didn't want to do that. It might put a dead end to their case, but he let Raito call one of the members and tried to postpone the deaths. He listened to Raito talk like him and he must admit that Raito would make a perfect L if he wasn't Kira. He glanced toward Raito and sighed, "Raito-kun could really replace me."
Raito stared at L and growled, "I could never replace you. Ryuuzaki, you are someone that is great in the world." He didn't want to think about taking L's place. Besides, this was a test. He saw it right away.
Yagami sighed, "We postpone the deaths. It gives us some time to think of a way to find Kira." He looked around his men and comment, "I think we need to leave and get some rest. Ryuuzaki, please get some rest too. You need to take care of yourself." He left with the others following.
Raito glanced over at L and watched him messing around the computer. He looked at the clock and saw it was almost ten at night. He spoke afraid L would flip out like lately, "We should get some rest. You being sick means you need rest."
L stopped in typing and stared at the computer. Should he try to rest? The nightmares were plaguing him lately. Would they come back if he rested? But Raito was right; he needed the rest, more than ever. He stood up and sighed. He would find out soon. He would just hope the nightmares didn't come tonight. As he walked out of the room with Raito following, he passed by Watari and Kats in the hallway. He stared at the two who were giving him worried looks. He spoke, "Watari, please get some rest. You are looking worn down."
"I can say the same thing to you, sir." Watari replied as he stared at Raito. He couldn't believe his ears of what Kats said but he knew they wouldn't lie like this. Beside there was one test paper that L didn't burn. Of course, he was ordered to burn it after seeing it. He agreed with Kats that L needed someone to support him but he wasn't going to go behind L's back to get him that help.
L left behind Watari and Kats, heading to his private room. When they entered the room, he stared at the bed like a curse. Every time he lay down, he had his past come back to haunt him. He glanced to Raito who was staring at him in worry. He sighed sadly. He was dead tired and needed the rest, at least a peaceful rest. He unlocked the cuffs to let Raito change. He jumped onto the bed after cuffing the wrists once again, pulling the young man toward the bed. Lips met his and he tried to fight the attraction. He needed to push Raito away but he was pulling the younger man closer. He wanted the contact but at the same time felt shame getting this close to his enemy.
Ryuk floated into the room, seeing the two making out. He laughed, "Who would have thought they would be like this when giving the chance? Raito, I think you fell for your enemy a long time ago. I'm surprised."
Raito broke the kiss and stared down. For the first time, he saw pinkness on L's cheeks. He liked how L looked. He also was worried. He was positive that L lied about it being the flu. He ran his hand across L's cheek, watching the older man turn his face toward the touch. He asked in a whispering voice, "What is really wrong with you? What did Kats say?"
The spell was broken with that question. He pushed Raito off of his person and sighed, "As I said, just the flu. I will be fine."
"You are lying." Raito replied as he stared at L hurt. Why couldn't the older man trust him? He glanced to the chain and knew the answer. The detective thought him to be a murderer. And the worst part is he couldn't say he wasn't. After all, he didn't remember anything. He leaned off of L and lay there, staring up at the ceiling. He told his thoughts, "I understand why you don't trust me but after what happened between us, what is happening between us that you would trust me a little."
"There is nothing happening between us. This is a mistake. I will not let it happen again." L explained as he turned his back on Raito. He lay there, thinking. He was letting his emotions rule him. He wasn't thinking the best. He needed to calm himself and refuse Raito. It was the only way of staying alive. He couldn't let his emotions rule him on this case. He had something to live for now. He smiled bitterly. In the past, he had nothing to live for. All his life, he was alone in the world. Watari, Kats, or even the children at the Wammy House could never fill the void within him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Raito staring up at the ceiling. He wanted to voice out his problems but his problem was Raito. Raito was confused and once the teenager gained back the power to kill, they would be enemies again. He hated that. He wanted to keep this feeling forever. He wanted Raito to stay the same as he was now.
Raito knew L was watching him. He felt hurt by what L said but he refused to show it. He did have some pride inside of him. He turned his head to look over at L. Like he thought those dark eyes were watching him. He knew the older man was afraid to sleep in fear of the nightmares returning. He wondered what the nightmares showed. He knew it dealt with the older man's father abusing him. He wondered how bad the abuse was. He wanted to ask but feared to be shunned by the detective. Those dark eyes told nothing. They showed no emotion within them at all. L was a mystery to everyone and no one ever knew who he really was. He pulled L closer to his body, wrapping his arm around L's thin waist. How could L eat so many sweets and not gain weight?
L lay there, stiff. He liked the contact and that is what scared him the most. He knew he had to start pushing the other man away from him. He couldn't let this continue the way it was. If he did, his life was going to be done for. He lay there, relaxing as he felt Raito rub his stomach and arm. He must admit it felt great to be in someone's arms. He closed his eyes and sighed. If only the sleep was peaceful, then everything would be perfect. Only if he wasn't in the arms of a murderer, then his mind could let it happen. He spoke, "Raito-kun should stop this before he gets hurt."
"I want to drive those nightmares away. I figured if someone was holding you, then the nightmares won't come to you." Raito explained as he held L close to him. He wanted more but at the same time wanted to beat the crap out of L. Part of him felt great being with the older male but there was another part screaming out his shame for doing such a thing. It was like they were enemies and he should hate the detective. Was he really Kira? Was that the reason he was feeling this way? Was L right along? He didn't want to think that way. He wanted to think he was innocent, just caught up into this whole ordeal.
L sighed sadly but curled closer to the other man. He must admit he was comfortable in Raito's arms. He refused to open his eyes to have reality hit him in the face. He wanted to forget that he was a detective chasing Kira. He wanted to forget the man that he lays beside was Kira. He felt coldness around his face again and wondered where it was coming from. There were no windows open in the bedroom. He felt different. He felt like someone was watching him. He knew for a fact there were no cameras in his room.
Ryuk chuckled as he watched L shiver. He pulled away from the detective and stared upon Raito's head. Raito's life span changed too. It was longer than it was before. He couldn't believe his eyes. First L's lifespan grew longer, and then his entire name disappeared. Well, he figured out the reason for that. But Raito's lifespan still confused him. Did that mean Raito was going to choose a different path? Did that mean Kira was going to disappear? He must admit he would stand back and watch to see what Raito did. He wouldn't kill the teenager if Raito decided to stop being Kira. He wondered how Rem would take seeing Raito with L though. She was a dangerous shinigami who only wished to protect one human, Misa. He floated back through the walls and saw Kats staring out the window. She was fun. He liked her a lot. She reminded him of himself. She played with people to have some fun. For some strange reason she looked lost in her thoughts. He watched her closely.
Watari walked into the room and sighed sadly, "He will not listen to either of us."
"He has the right to know."
"True, but L will never let it happen. He will never forgive us if we interfere."
Kats turned around to face the elderly man and sighed. She glanced around the room, seeing the papers on the table, the computers running, and the left behind coffee cups. She mumbled, "This case."
"Yes, I know."
"He has changed his mind. He now refuses to die by Kira's hands." Kats whispered as she turned around to face the window. Her hands curled up into fists and she continued to whisper, "The boy has the right to know what is going on with L."
"He is a suspect."
"He is more to L."
"You believe so?"
"I know so. I can see his emotions running lose around the kid." Kats replied as she turned around to face the elderly man. She continued with her words, "It is the first time I ever saw true emotions on his face. He is different around Yagami-kun. Yagami-kun is perfect for him."
"Only if he wasn't a murderer." Watari responded back. He hated to admit it. Raito was perfect for his ward but sadly they were not meant to be together. He walked to the window and looked out of it. He sighed sadly, "If he continues to let his emotions rule him, he will end up hurt. Yagami-kun will bring pain to him."
"It already started. L is alone, Watari. He always has been. You or I can never fill that void within him." Kats explained as she turned back to look out of the window.
"You do not know that."
"Watari, has L ever told you anything about his past? Has he ever revealed one little detail about it?" Kats asked as she glanced to her side. She knew L never told Watari. She was never told about his past. L bottled it up inside and refused to show the world what happened.
In the bedroom, L lay there, still. He felt Raito's breath against his neck. It was warm and made him feel warm. He loved being in the arms of Raito. But he knew that he would be heart broken in the end. He could not lose this case now and he would be forced to send the only one he loves to his death. He sighed sadly. He kept his eyes closed and whispered, "This case, no matter what will cause me pain."
Raito didn't say a word or move a muscle. He heard what L said and felt pain from those words. Part of him was rejoicing about L suffering but another part was feeling hurt if L suffered. He moved slightly, moving closer to L.
L stiffened when he felt Raito move. When he figured the younger man was asleep, he sighed again. He didn't want this case to bring him pain. He didn't want to choose between being a detective and being a man in love. Tears wanted to fall but he forced them back. There was no way he will show his grief. He needed to sleep as well. He hoped the nightmares wouldn't come back.
The day was bright and warm. He walked out of the shop, calmly. He didn't want people to come near him. He couldn't believe he did something so stupid in front of people. He should have had Watari go to get him cake. He leaned against the wall as he watched the police take the criminal away. Stupid people think they could get away with robbing a shop for some cash. He glanced to his side to see the woman who helped the injured. She looked back at him and he sighed. The police would want him to tell what happened. After all, he was the one who disarmed the criminal. When he saw Watari pull up, he thanked anyone that he could get away without being noticed. He stepped to the car but was stopped by a hand on his arm. He looked up at the young woman.
'Where are you going?' The woman asked as she stared at the strange man. At first, she thought him to be a homeless man looking for some food. Then, he never even broke an emotion while a gun was pointed in his face. After that, he disarmed the man with ease.
'I am leaving.' He answered.
'But the police would like to know what happened. They might even give you a reward.' She spoke back.
'I could care less about a reward. I do not want to be noticed.' He explained for an unknown reason. Usually he would just walk away and stop talking. He stared at the woman who saved a man's life inside. He spoke, 'It is you who should get a reward. You saved a man's life.'
'You disarmed the criminal.' She replied quickly.
Pulling his arm away from her, L smiled and chuckled, 'It was nothing. I should be going.'
'My name is Katsue, but everyone calls me Kats.' She said as she blocked the man's exit.
Watari stared at the two and went to his ward's aid. He bowed his head and politely spoke, 'Please move aside, so we may leave.'
L held his hand up and asked, 'Are you a doctor?'
'Yes, I am. Why?' Kats asked.
'I may be in need of a private doctor. I will pay good.' L explained. He did need a doctor on his pay roll. He wasn't sure why he was opening up so much to this young woman but something about her made him feel safe.
'Wow, a job offer. I don't come cheap.' Kats replied as she smiled. She liked this man for some strange reason.
Handing her a card, L responded, 'That is the hotel I am staying at for two days. If Kats like the offer, then please drop by before I leave. I will tell Kats everything.' He walked around the woman and got into the car. He waited until Watari got into the driver seat and rolled down his window as he spoke, 'I hope to see Kats there.'
He awoke and looked at the alarm clock. It read five in the morning. He was surprised that he didn't dream about his haunting past. Instead he dreamt of how he met Kats. L glanced to his side to see Raito curled next to him. He pulled out of the other man's hold, to watch amused as Raito tried to grab him back in his sleep. He locked Raito to the head broad and went to the bathroom quickly. As his head was over the toilet, he threw up what he ate yesterday. While leaning his hand on the wall, he wanted it to stop. He really needed to discuss everything with Kats. Well, he also could research everything. He stood up and stared into the mirror. It was time to take care of himself. He had no choice in this matter. He brushed his teeth to get the nasty taste out of his mouth. He heard Raito waking up.
"Ryuuzaki?" Raito called out as he noticed himself chained to the bed. He hoped the older male was all right and not throwing up again. L walked out into the room and he stared at him. He asked, "Did you throw up again?"
"I am fine." L lied. Well, he was fine. He knew what was causing this now. He just refused to let others know. He wasn't about to reveal it to his number one suspect either even though it concerned the younger man. He turned his face away from those knowing eyes. He walked over and unlocked the teenager. He sighed, "Raito-kun should get ready. We have some work to do today. Like deciding how to capture Kira."
Raito got up and walked to the older man. He wanted L to be ok. He wanted the other man to trust him. He pulled L into his arms, leaning his head on L's shoulder. He felt L tense under his touch and he whispered, "I wish you would trust me."
L wanted to trust the teenager. He wanted to stay in Raito's arms and confessed what was wrong with him. He pulled away and stared at the other man. He shook his head and replied, "I cannot afford to trust Raito-kun." He walked to the closest, getting a new outfit to wear. Well, all his clothing looked the same. He spoke, "Raito-kun has ten minutes to get ready."
Raito stared at L and sighed annoyed. Why couldn't L open up to him? Well, he did tell him about his father. Was that a start of something? He went into the bathroom to get ready. He would need his strength for what is coming. They were so close to catching Kira and he could be released soon. He might not remember anything but he thought he would never kill someone.
Thirty minutes later, L walked into the main room with Raito following behind him. The teenager was getting on his nerves. He had to throw up again and the teenager wouldn't stop asking what was wrong with him. He refused to tell the other man anything. This was his problem.
"You're really late, Ryuuzaki, Raito-kun." Matsuda remarked as he saw the two enter the room.
"Because Ryuuzaki was throwing up again." Raito growled. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to help the older man. Why couldn't L understand that? Why was L pushing him away?
Matsuda joked, "It almost sounds like Ryuuzaki is pregnant."
Everyone became silent and the teenager stared at Matsuda. He shook his head as he growled, "That is the most stupid thing I ever heard in my life."
"Wow, we finally agree on something." L commented as he pulled the teenager toward their work station. He needed a plan to catch the third Kira. Then he would figure out what to do next. He glanced to his side to see Kats staring at him. He wasn't going to tell anyone what is going on with him. It was his problem, his alone like always.
Kats stood up and spoke, "Ryuuzaki, may I see you in private?"
"Kats may not. I am busy trying to figure out a plan to catch Kira." L responded. He didn't need to hear another speech about the issue.
"We should arrest all of them. They clearly are behind it." Yagami spoke.
"No."
"Why not? It is the right thing to do."
"Then we will lose our chance to catch Kira. He might not be among them."
"We heard what they are planning. We have to do something to stop them. We only got some much time."
Turning around to face Yagami, L replied, "Kira might not be among those seven. If that is the case, then Kira will slip through our fingers. It is time to put another plan together."
"Like what?" Raito asked annoyed. He had to agree with his father. It was the best way to stop Kira's actions.
L stood up and pulled the younger man up the stairs. He spoke while walking, "I know Raito-kun agrees with his father but Raito-kun cannot leave my sight." He headed toward Misa's room. It was time to put his plan into action. Aiber would be a great use in this plan. He walked into the room and jumped onto the couch, staring at Misa. He felt Raito pull at the chain and he asked, "Amane-chan, do you love Raito-kun?"
"Of course I do." Misa answered as she looked at the two. She wondered what was going on.
"Amane-chan admires Kira, but Raito-kun is trying to catch him. What would Amane-chan do?"
Raito pulled on the chain more and growled annoyed. Why did they have to go into this girl's room? He didn't want to hear this conversation. He wanted it to stop. He didn't want this girl hanging over him more. He had enough trouble getting her away from him.
"I would choose Raito, of course." Misa replied as she jumped up and latched herself onto Raito.
"Then, maybe Amane-chan can help us catch Kira."
"How?"
"Play a part and get inside Yotsuba."
The teenager growled, "Ryuuzaki that is too dangerous." He didn't like the idea. He didn't want anything bad to happen to Misa even though he didn't care for her.
"Oh Raito. Raito cares for Misa." Misa replied as she batting her eye latches at the young man. She rubbed her face against his arm. She knew Raito loved her.
"That isn't it. I just don't want to see anyone hurt by that mad man." Raito remarked coldly.
"Remember Raito-kun, we share the same fate." L spoke as he raised his chained hand.
"Misa doesn't want to imagine a world without Raito." Misa said as she continued to hold onto Raito.
"Yes, that would be dark." L replied in a monotone voice. He didn't care for the girl. He really wished she wasn't there. But she could break the case for them. He needed her to get inside the Yotsuba and gain information. There was only one way for him to get her to do what he said and that was to use her love for Raito. It was cruel but he knew Kira would do the same thing. He really was like Kira on many levels. He started to feel lightheaded and sighed, "We will work everything out in an hour." He walked out of the room, pulling Raito along with him.
"Ryuuzaki, are you out of your mind!" Raito ranted. How dare this man use an innocent girl like that? He didn't like L using her emotions for him to gain her help.
L raised his hand and leaned it against the wall as he stopped walking. Everything was spinning in circles. He needed some rest again. He spoke coldly, "Shut up, Yagami-kun. This is my case and I will work it the way I want." He continued to walk down the stairs to the main room. As he sat down, he ordered, "It is your choice how to work on this case, but right now Amane-chan will go inside Yotsuba and get us information."
"I have to agree with my son that using Amane-chan is wrong." Yagami spoke out. He didn't like the idea. She could be harmed by Kira even if L thought she used to be the second Kira.
L stood up in anger. He never felt such rage before. Turning to look at Yagami, he spoke coldly, "If Yagami-san does not like my skills, then he can leave the team and go back to work with the police. I had enough of everyone telling me what to do on my case." The entire room was spinning and he could feel himself falling.
"RYUUZAKI!" Raito screamed as he ran to catch the older man.
L was falling off his chair, trying to speak words that he couldn't say. Raito ran to his side and caught him, staring down at him. He grinned down at the dying man.
'I…I…I love…love Raito-kun…'
Raito shook L and screamed, "Ryuuzaki, what is wrong?"
Kats ran to their sides and checked L's pulse, scared that Kira somehow got to him. When she felt his pulse, she sighed in relief. Raito was looking at her and she whispered, "He's alive."
Yagami stood by them and asked, "What is wrong with him?"
Kats unlocked the chain connecting Raito to L and ordered, "Matsuda-san, please be chained to Yagami-kun while I check out Ryuuzaki." Watari walked into the room and picked L up in his arms. She followed the elderly man out of the room without explaining anything.
Raito stood up and paced as he felt the chain tug. He glanced over to see Matsuda chained to him. He wanted to be chained to L. He wanted to know what was wrong with L. Plus; his dream came back to him while he was awake. It was like he caught L from falling before. He looked out the door. Why wasn't L telling them what was wrong? Why was Kats keeping that information? Was L dying? He turned around and paced back and forth. He couldn't stop worrying over the older man.
Yagami placed his hand on Raito's shoulder and whispered, "Ryuuzaki is a strong person. I am sure he will be fine." He saw the worry in his son's eyes. Was there more to L and Raito's relationship? Did his son like L more than a friend?
In the medical room, L awoke and stared at two concerned faces. He sat up, feeling dizzy. He glanced toward the window and asked, "Is everything all right?"
"Yes. You are just stressing out too much. You need to keep your stress levels down." Kats replied as she touched his hand. She was worried about her friend. She didn't want to see him like this.
L smiled bitterly and whispered, "This case will bring me more pain than anything I ever felt. It is time to end it."
Days went by quickly and everything was moving according to plan. He was sitting in the helicopter. He had to work fast. They had to catch the final Kira. Hopefully it would end right there. He glanced to his side as he flew the helicopter and doubt it would end. His friend, his only love would become Kira once more. He didn't want that to happen. He wanted Raito to be the same man he was now. L sighed and looked forward. As he looked ahead, he asked, "Watari, are you ready?"
"Of course, sir." Watari answered, hiding his concern for his ward. L didn't stop working and refused to take time off. L was determined to catch Kira. He sighed sadly. Also, L refused to tell anyone what was going on with him lately.
Raito stared out the window, happy that they would finally catch Kira. Higuchi was going to be caught at last and his name would be clear. Everything was happening so fast. They were flying off the air, blocking Higuchi's way out. The police came even though L told them not to. Aizawa did it and refused to stop helping in the end. Everyone was screaming about a monster.
L ordered the notebook brought to him. Once he touched it, he stared ahead and whispered, "Shinigami. They really exist."
Raito grabbed a hold of the notebook and screamed loudly. Everything was blurring. Everything was coming back to him. His memories were flying across his mind.
'I…I…I love…love Raito-kun…'
'I am joining L.'
Snapping out of his thoughts, hearing L call for him, Raito whispered, "I'm fine." Yes, I am fine. Now, I have you, L. All I need from you is a confession of love, if what you said at your dying breathe was the truth. He told himself. He still had that game to win. But first, he had to take care of Higuchi. He wrote Higuchi's name on a piece of the death note in his watch and tracked the time. The first time around was hard enough to wait.
L pulled the death note away from Raito and looked ahead as Higuchi fell to the ground. He flipped through the pages, trying to see Higuchi's name.
Raito stared wide-eyed at L. He didn't think the older male would take the death note off of him. Then he stared ahead and wondered why he still remembered everything. L taking the death note off of him before Higuchi should have stopped his memories.
Ryuk flew in front of Raito and howled, "You finally remember. I am glad, Raito. I have something to tell you. L cannot die now."