Self-Fulfilled

Ron and Hermione had gone back to being painfully polite to one another. To make sure Ron couldn't claim she was being unfair with Rose and Hugo, she brought them to his flat after Christmas Dinner with her parents. When her mother asked how things were going, she said the same thing she had to Ginny: she couldn't talk about it.

Just after the new year, Hermione had her assistant keep a morning clear so she could take Hugo and Rose to school, requesting that she was put as the first point of contact if it was needed. The staff was obliging and she was able to get to work shortly after.

The following Friday, Ron had requested Rose and Hugo spend the night with him. "I have a room ready for them," he said. "Got beds and everything."

Another step in solidifying life in his own place. Hermione agreed and decided to spend her free evening stopping by some of her favorite muggle places from her childhood. She would perhaps get tickets to take the kids to some of them the next week. She had visited Parliament and walked through a few rooms of The British Museum. Rose would like that one, Hermione thought. She would have to remind both of them not to bring any attention to them not being muggles there, but it was about time she introduced them to what her own upbringing had been like in this way.

Hermione browsed through a museum guide as she walked towards the street when she saw someone waving at her. Her attention shifted to her right and she was shocked to find Miss Ford—in jeans and a t-shirt, wearing a cap and smiling at her. Hermione stiffened as she came over.

"Mrs. Granger! So lovely running into you," Miss Ford said.

"Going to the museum?" Hermione asked. She was trying to maintain a strong, unperturbed demeanor. She couldn't make a scene. Not here, with people bustling all around them.

"Yes, I'm submitting a proposal to do a field trip here with the class in a month or so," Miss Ford said. "Don't say anything just yet, though. I'm hoping to surprise the students once it's all official."

Hermione's face burned thinking that Miss Ford was going to try and take away her chance to show this to Rose. She would definitely bring her daughter here before any such field trip.

"I've actually been wanting to catch you," Miss Ford said, lowering her voice. "Wanting to talk to you, that is."

Hermione braced herself. She grit her teeth. She knew—she knew—Ron wouldn't tell her if something was really going on. While everything had been cracking in her life, she was terrified that the next words were going to shatter it irreparably.

A dark skinned woman sidled up to Miss Ford as she opened her mouth to speak again, grabbing her hand. Miss Ford turned as the woman stood on her toes, giving her a kiss. Hermione blinked.

"Hi, babe," the new arrival said. "They were all out of your favorite."

Miss Ford groaned. "Oh, well. Thanks anyway," she turned back to Hermione. "Sorry, this is my girlfriend, Lakshmi. Lakshmi, this is the mum to my student who's a witch. The one I was telling you about, whose dad reminds me of my older brother."

"Hermione Granger's daughter is in your class?" Lakshmi exclaimed. "You didn't say that."

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" Hermione asked, all other words having escaped her entirely. There was something vaguely familiar about the woman.

"No, but I think anyone with any sense knows who you are," Lakshmi said. "Besides, my cousins Padma and Parvati remember you. And, who was your husband... that Weasley…"

"Ron," Miss Ford said.

"That's right," Lakshmi replied. "My cousins have told us how him and Harry Potter were the worst dates they ever had."

"Really?" Miss Ford asked with a laugh.

"You're… dating a witch?" Hermione asked, confused.

"Melissa's aunt introduced us," Lakshmi answered. "She went to Hogwarts. Muggleborn. We work together at Gringotts."

"Oh," Hermione said stupidly.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say how sorry I am about everything that happened," Miss Ford said. "They got there so quickly and I was frozen, but I just feel terrible about how they handled Rose."

"Thank you," Hermione said. "I'm… I'm sorry, I have somewhere to be."

"Terribly sorry to keep you!" Miss Ford said enthusiastically.

"Nice to meet you," Lakshmi called after her as Hermione rushed away.

Hermione had planned to see one or two more places before they closed in a couple hours. She had heard rumors about a wizarding section of the Tower of London, but she couldn't concentrate now. She moved in a haze, taking the underground by default as everything she saw just sunk in, unraveling weeks of spite and anger. Hermione felt something she had rarely experienced in her life. She felt like a complete idiot.

When she finally came to her senses, she apparated, knocking on Harry and Ginny's front door. James answered the door, jumping up and down when he saw her.

"Aunt 'Mione!" he shouted. "Where's Rose? I got the coolest Quidditch kit for Christmas to show her!"

"She's not here," Hermione replied numbly. Harry stepped up behind his oldest, a smile on his face as he set a hand on James's shoulder.

"This is a nice surprise," Harry said. "I was just putting the kids down."

Hermione looked at him, unable to hold back her desperate pressing of lips and pleading eyes.

"James, let's get you to bed," Harry said.

"But Aunt 'Mione just got here!" James argued.

"We're meeting your mum for the games she's covering in the morning and you need sleep," Harry prodded, guiding James around and gesturing for Hermione to come in. "Off to bed. You too, Al."

Albus had just appeared in the doorway between the hallway and sitting room. He gave a quick smile to Hermione, which she tried to return, and followed the guidance of Harry's other hand moving him down and towards their bedrooms as well.

Hermione wandered the sitting room, looking at photographs. She stopped at one of her, Ron, Ginny, and Harry at their wedding. Ron pulled her close in her bridesmaid's dress and kissed her cheek. She held a bouquet in her hand, shooting him a coy look, then looked over at Ginny, sharing a conspiratorial laugh. She ran her finger along the top wondering how they had ever been like that before. It seemed so foreign to who they were now and, once again, it was on Hermione.

"Ginny's not here," Harry said unnecessarily. "She's got games all weekend. She got a hotel room so she can concentrate and get her writing done in between matches. Want a drink?"

"Yes," Hermione accepted quickly.

Harry waved his wand and two bottles flew to them. Hermione popped the top of her own and took a couple gulps, sinking onto the couch—the same spot where she sat when opening the gift from Rose—and bounced her knees.

"What's up?" Harry asked.

"He wasn't cheating on me," Hermione said.

Harry blinked for a minute. "He said you thought that. Why?"

Hermione supposed she shouldn't be surprised that Ron would have talked about it with Harry. The only reason she hadn't talked to Ginny about it yet was because she knew she didn't have proof yet. Nothing solid, despite using it to have a leg up in her argument against Ron. She regretted ever saying it before she knew, now.

"I saw him with Rose's teacher," Hermione said. The floodgates were opening. She wiped her eyes with the bottom of her jacket sleeve. "At my favorite muggle bookshop. They had seemed on particularly good terms in the past too," she added, hoping that Harry would see it wasn't a completely unfounded concern.

Harry just leaned forward, stroking his chin with narrowed eyes. "You mean when he went to get you a book from there," Harry said.

"How did you—"

"He told me about asking your parents directions. He was going to get a recommendation from a shopkeeper and surprise you," Harry said.

It was just getting worse and worse for Hermione. What were the chances, though, that Miss Ford would frequent that exact shop at the exact time that Ron happened to be there? At the exact moment she would have thought to go there herself? Whatever they were, they weren't in her favor. She wiped her eyes again.

"So he finally convinced you there was nothing there?" Harry asked.

"I ran into her," Hermione said. Harry was waiting for the punchline. "With her girlfriend."

"Oh," Harry said. "I see."

"What's wrong with me, Harry?" Hermione cried.

"Nothing, really," Harry said with a sigh. "You're just wound up so much, Hermione. And, well—"

"Well what?"

Harry took a drink, buying himself some time as Hermione steeled herself. Her mother's advice had helped in small measures, but she still felt so lost.

"You know that Ron isn't the same as he was at Hogwarts, right?" Harry asked.

"Of course I know that," Hermione snapped.

"Because sometimes you talk to him like you're still the one who has everything together and has to drag him along," Harry said. Hermione stiffened. "Ginny's noticed it, too."

"Like when?"

"Like when you're trying to get Rose and Hugo ready to go somewhere," Harry said. "You start to issue orders and honestly he usually has those things done already."

Hermione's face warmed, but she sat there. She had asked. Harry was only telling her what she had asked.

"And this whole thing with thinking he was seeing someone else… it's not like it was back then. He's not going to just go snogging other women because he's brassed with you," Harry said. "And the silent treatment… it's just not going to work. I mean, honestly Hermione, why are you here talking to me about this?"

"I need to sort this in my head before—"

"Ron's the one you should be sorting it with," Harry cut her off. "You know we love you, but if you just keep going to everyone else to do your sorting, how do you ever expect to get through this with him?"

"He's never going to hear me out," Hermione cried.

"Try him," Harry prodded. "I think he's more willing than you're giving him credit for."

"What has he told you?" she asked.

"I'm not going to go into that," Harry said. "And I wouldn't tell him what you vent here either. Not unless it was really big, but it's not going to help either of you if I just feed you each what the other doesn't want to build themselves up to say."

Hermione nodded solemnly. "You're right," she said.

"Either way, you have to stop jerking Ron around," Harry added. "It's really making things harder on him."

They just sat there for a while before Hermione excused herself and apparated home. She was going to talk to him tomorrow.

Hermione grabbed a box of Ron's favorite donuts on her way to his flat. When she knocked on the door, Ron opened it and furrowed his brow.

"I thought I had them until one," Ron said.

"You do," Hermione replied. "I mean, you can have them longer if you want. I wanted to come talk… with you…"

"Mum!" Hugo shouted, darting out like a bullet and tackling her leg.

She hugged him and kissed the top of his head before looking back up at Ron for a reaction. He licked his lips, then opened the door wider, allowing her to come in. Rose came up to give her a hug as well, each taking a donut before Ron told them to go play in their new room.

"Figure out what kind of shelves you want in there, Rosie," Ron said.

"I'll be the designer, you're going to be the builder," Rose informed Hugo as they walked down the hall.

Ron sunk into a chair at a small informal dining room table. The place was looking more complete since the last time Hermione had been there. The sitting room was painted a muted blue, there were pictures hanging, and Ron seemed to have bought new dishes and cookware for the small kitchen.

"Did you want one?" Hermione asked.

"I'm alright," Ron said, refusing the donut.

Hermione swallowed, folding her hands in front of her. "I know you weren't seeing anyone," she said quietly. She looked up at Ron and he was watching her, his face emotionless.

"Finally worked it out for yourself?" Ron said, his voice as blank as the rest of his face. "I mean, it wasn't enough for me to say there wasn't anything going on with whoever, so what finally made you believe it?"

It was so much more difficult admitting her blunder to Ron than it had been to Harry. "I just did," she said.

"So do I finally get to know who I supposedly shagged?" Ron asked. "Or is that left up to the imagination?"

"I thought… I saw you with Rose's teacher and—"

"Miss Ford?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Yes," Hermione said, her face burning. She looked down at a spot on the table just in front of Ron.

"Wow," Ron said simply.

Hermione looked up at him again. His eyes bore into hers, but she held his gaze. "I'm sorry," she said.

"You know, that word's been said a lot the last couple months."

"You're not making this easier," Hermione said.

"I could say the same," Ron said. He leaned forward against the table. "You tell me I've been unfaithful and now I'm supposed to just… this isn't some row over dishes, Hermione."

"I know," Hermione said.

"So what do you want?" Ron asked.

"I want to start with Dr. Yarbrough again."

Ron scoffed. "You mean, the couple's therapy you stopped scheduling a month ago?"

"Yes," Hermione said meekly.

"I don't know," Ron said.

Hermione put a hand over Ron's. "I know this is on me," she said. "I know it and I don't… I don't want to give up. Not yet."

Ron moved his hand away from hers and Hermione felt like an idiot again.

"Ron—"

"The thing is, as far as I'm concerned you're forgiven for the accusations and whatever else," Ron said flatly. "At least from the standpoint of you and I being co-parents, right? I won't bring it up again. I won't hold it against you. But I don't know how much more of this I can take."

Hermione stayed silent, watching as Ron looked off, shaking his head, thinking. She wanted so badly to go back to a month before and just do it all over again. She wanted to go back six months and do the same. But even if she could get ahold of a time turner again, it would do no good.

"I'll schedule an appointment for Tuesday," Hermione rushed ahead. "I'll be there. You can decide if you want to… or… or not."

"Fine," Ron said. "I'll think about it. But I'm not making any promises."

Hermione nodded and stood. She took a tentative step towards Ron and then another, as though approaching a hippogriff and waiting for it to bow its approval. He didn't move. She laid her hand along the right side of his face, her fingertips brushing against his hairline. He was biting the insides of his cheek, not looking at her, but he didn't push her away either. Emboldened, Hermione bent down brushing her lips against his. She took his upper lip between hers and then started to pull away.

Just before she could, Ron's hand wrapped into her hair and he pulled her deeper into him, kissing her and sending pleasant, hopeful chills down her spine. When he let her go, Hermione watched him closely, her eyes shifting between his.

"I'll think about it," Ron said again quietly.

"Thank you," Hermione whispered. She stood and cleared her throat. "Rose, Hugo… I'll see you later today, alright?"

"Bye, Mum!" Hugo shouted from their bedroom.

Hermione walked down the stairs. In one sense she was relieved that Ron had said he wasn't going to hold anything against her. In another she couldn't help but wonder whether that was going to remain true if it came down to keeping Rose and Hugo. She had read too many accounts of lawyers and individuals who held back on such situations until they became ammunition and Hermione knew that over the past month she had given Ron plenty of ammunition.

Hermione sat in Yarbrough's lobby alone, looking at her watch. Her name was called and Ron still wasn't there. She had hoped, but she should have known. Even in asking, she knew it wasn't a fair request, but she would schedule them every week and just hope against hope that Ron would get to the point where he was willing to try again.

She settled into the chair across from Dr. Yarbrough after shaking his hand. She squirmed a little trying to get comfortable as she leaned against one arm.

"Is Ron joining us today?" Yarbrough asked.

"I don't think so," Hermione said.

"I'm hoping the two of you had a good holiday," Yarbrough said.

"It was… rough," Hermione said.

"Oh?"

Hermione dove straight into everything. She spent longer than ever explaining all the reasons Miss Ford and Ron seemed suspicious to her. She told him about the suggestion to prepare for the worst. She talked of the incident with Rose at her school and how terrified that had made her, not to mention the tense Christmas Eve that ensued. He listened to all of it, including how she had figured out how wrong she was and the conversation she had with Ron.

"He says he doesn't know how much more he can take," Hermione said. "And he didn't come today."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Awful," Hermione said, shaking her head. "I've failed. I just… I failed."

Yarbrough leaned back, placing an elbow on either side of his chair, his hands folded in the center. "What's your worst case scenario at this point?"

"Losing them," Hermione said. "Losing Rose and Hugo."

"And Ron?"

Hermione shook herself out of it. "Of course, yes, losing Ron."

"You know, people can have a healthy relationship only as parents and not actually be with one another," Yarbrough said. "Is that something you want?"

"No, of course not," Hermione said incredulously. "I love Ron."

"Does he know that?" Yarbrough asked. Hermione sat, speechless. "The way you speak of your lives together, it's obvious you value him as a father, but in all of that, you haven't mentioned the sort of things that indicate a desire for a partner. Not a partner in parenting or a partner in a household. An actual partner. Someone to share your deepest desires and fears with. Someone that you're willing to be weak around. Someone, for lack of a better phrase, that completes you. Is that something you want?"

Hermione felt herself choking up at the assessment. The words weren't ones she would have found for herself, but as he said them, they rung true. "Yes," Hermione said.

"Do you think Ron is that person?" Yarbrough asked.

"I know he is," Hermione said. "Or that… that he can be. I don't know that he feels the same anymore."

Yarbrough nodded. "Sometimes we make decisions stemming from our current emotions. We might make them because we're happy or excited or anxious. When we let fear rule our decision making, we tend to create a series of self fulfilling prophecies. What's your greatest fear in regards to Ron?"

Hermione thought, searching for an answer. "I don't… I don't have one…"

"There's no right answer here," Yarbrough said. "There's probably no easy one either. But this cycle you have yourself in—trying to make things work, then finding reasons to be reserved, then lashing out in hurtful ways... It's not coming from any kind of spite on your part. Let me assure you, you are not a terrible person. You're not a sociopath getting off on hurting someone you love. I've seen that, this is not it. But it will continue until you figure out just what you fear. Just what is making you feel the need to start throwing up your walls."

"What if Ron doesn't want to try anymore?" Hermione asked.

"I don't think that's the core fear," Yarbrough said, not answering her question. "That's just the latest prophesy. It's up to you whether or not it becomes reality."

Ron sat through the support group meeting, unintentionally tuning out most of what was said. There was a new bloke there. A mousy, twitchy sort of man. He talked for a good portion of it. Ron wished he had something to say to help, but he couldn't even concentrate well enough to know what the problem was. The meeting was dismissed and he just sat back in his chair, everyone else moving towards the refreshments.

He went back and forth for days about the session with Hermione. When he woke that morning, he realized he couldn't go in there just to argue with her. The reason he had gotten his own flat was because of the fighting and in the months since, the fight was out of him. He didn't even know why he even came that night. The inevitable seemed to be facing him—inches from his nose—and he was waiting it out, seeing if it would go away. Maybe one day he would wake up and Hermione would want him again. Maybe she would tug for his arms around her like she did a decade ago. Maybe she would fret to him about silly things that he could smile and tease her about, instead of hurling horrible accusations and acidic insults. Maybe.

"Hey there, Ron," Calvin said, sitting in the vacant seat beside him. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Ron said.

"You seemed to have something on your mind tonight," Calvin said. "Did you need to talk about something you didn't want to share with the whole group?"

Ron let out a long heavy breath, thinking for a minute. "Hermione wants me to start going to therapy with her again."

"Well, isn't that good?" Calvin said.

"A month ago it would have been," Ron said. "She thought I was cheating all this time. She thought I was seeing someone. She wouldn't even believe me when I said there wasn't anything going on."

"How did you tell her?" Calvin asked.

"What do you mean? I told her she was being batty and that I wasn't seeing anyone," Ron said. Calvin gave him a knowing grin and Ron groaned. "Okay, I get it, but we were already having at it about other things and she told me she'd seen me with some woman."

Calvin gave a hum and nodded, but didn't move.

"She didn't talk to me practically all month," Ron said. "Then I found she had contact information for a divorce attorney."

"Has she made that official?"

"No," Ron admitted. "But if I know Hermione she's got everything lined up."

"But she asked you to resume counseling, right? That opens another possibility, doesn't it?"

"Sort of." Ron didn't know how to explain how cornered he felt. Everything else seemed to finally be going his way. Work was excellent. George and him made a better team than he could have ever imagined. Rose had bounced back from the ministry debacle seemingly well and both Rose and Hugo liked their new room at his flat and (though Ron didn't love this fact) seemed to have accepted their parents living apart as a normalcy in their lives. "It's just… it's not like you talk about with Athena. I get it's not perfect for you two all the time, but there's at least an understanding of where you're both headed."

"Yeah, but we learned that after we both were divorced," Calvin said. Ron turned to him.

"Athena's not your first wife?" he asked.

"No," Calvin said. "I started coming to this group when my last marriage was failing. We kept having problems. One after another. And I finally just stopped caring. Then lawyers got involved and it ended. Athena had her own story like that. When we got engaged, we decided we had to fight for what we thought we wanted. Through better, through worse, we would fight for each other."

"So the moral of the story is to just get to that second marriage?" Ron asked.

"If that's what you want," Calvin said. "And yeah, I'm happy with Athena. But you know, in the end, I was the one that gave up on the marriage. She wanted to try again. And if we both decided to fight for it, it might actually have worked. That's the moral of the story: if Hermione is what you want in this life, then keep fighting."

"Fighting is what got us here."

"Wrong kind of fighting, mate," Calvin said. "Fight out of love, not anger."

"Easy to say when it's not anger being thrown at you."

"You have more control than you think," Calvin replied. "She can be angry all she wants. When you choose to give her the benefit of the doubt instead of exploding back, you might be surprised how things turn around for you."

Ron took this in. "Thanks," he said.

Calvin gave him a smile and nod and stood. "Ralph, I wanted a minute!"

Ron continued to sit, thinking through everything Calvin just said. Fighting without anger. What a novel concept.