A/N: It all begins to kick off for Bobby. All errors are my own and not intentional.

Fear:

He felt as though he was living in some horrible parallel universe. He stood and listened to the engines of the police boats as they scanned the river, the powerful beams of their spotlights directed at the water. Above him, helicopters whirred. He shivered. This couldn't be happening to him, he couldn't lose her, not when she was expecting their baby. He turned his head and watched a CSU pick up the knife that Nicole had held to her throat and drop it into a clear evidence bag. Jennifer had reacted to save their baby and it had probably cost her her life. A part of him hoped that Nicole was dead because if she wasn't, then he'd hunt her down and kill her himself.

"Bobby" he turned his head at Eames's voice. She held an evidence bag. Inside was a gold detective shield and the leather wallet that held her credentials. He took them from her and stared at them. Her MCS identification pass, which they had to wear at all times at 1PP, was also in there. The pictures weren't flattering; he had yet to meet anyone in the squad with a flattering shot. He handed the bag back to her.

"Forensics found those and also her gun which had been fired" she informed him. He nodded, his expression far away. She watched him turn back to look across the river. The sound of the activity down below was deafening. She moved closer to him and touched the sleeve of his jacket. He didn't respond.

"Let's get you home Bobby, you're exhausted" he seemed to come back then.

"I can't…I have to stay here in case…in case…"

"You shouldn't be here" she took his arm and tugged it gently.

He was aware that all eyes were on him as they slowly walked back to Eames's SUV. He knew what they were all thinking, they felt sorry for him because they thought that his wife was dead. Well that would keep the gossip mills going for the next couple of weeks at least. Crazy Goren had a wife, what were the odds of him finding someone who loved him enough to marry him? He swallowed against the bitterness and avoided eye contact.

Eames wasn't surprised when he gave her Jennifer's address instead of going to his own place. The sun was beginning to rise as they climbed the stairs of the building and she waited as Bobby unlocked the door before going in.

He stood in the middle of the living room and looked around. Usually at this time of the morning he was leaving her, creeping back to his own apartment so nobody knew that they had a relationship never mind that they were married. It didn't matter anymore. She was going to be back and when she was, he was going to tell her to wear her wedding ring because he sure as hell was going to wear his. If it meant him being transferred back to Narcotics then it would be worth it. He inhaled deeply, ignoring the burning behind his eyes.

"It's nice here" Eames commented and Bobby started at her voice, he'd almost forgotten that she was here. He looked at her.

"It is"

He changed out of his suit and into jeans and a t-shirt. It was such a departure from the usually impeccable Robert Goren that it made Eames blink. She had made some strong coffee for him. Checking through the cupboards she had noticed that there was no alcohol here, which was a pity because he looked as though he could do with a belt of something stronger in his coffee. She watched him lower himself onto a sofa and she noticed immediately that he now wore a wedding ring, a narrow band of gold that suited his long fingers. The sense of unreality deepened. She went towards him and handed him the mug. He took it from her and watched her sit down beside him.

"I know you won't sleep…til you know…one way or the other…"

"Whether she survived the fall? She's a strong swimmer, it's just a question of where and when she'll show up" he replied and took a sip of his coffee. Eames regarded him sympathetically.

"An Olympic trained swimmer couldn't survive that Bobby. You saw how far she fell, in the dark and fully clothed. If she didn't drown…then the chemicals… and the sludge in there will do the job just as well" she knew she was being brutal, she knew that, but she figured that he'd want her to be honest with him.

"Don't forget the tide. The strong tides could have also swept her away" he replied bitterly and Eames briefly closed her eyes.

"Bobby…"

"No…you don't need to apologise. You're being honest with me, I wouldn't expect anything less from you" she touched his arm.

"You must realise…" he looked at her again.

"I do. I do realise. But I have to have a little…hope" his voice cracked. He took another mouthful of coffee. Eames sat back as all of a sudden Bobby got to his feet and walked out of the room.

The Captain watched him. The searches had shown up nothing. More than likely she'd have been carried out to sea. Hopefully the ocean would be gracious and return her back to the shore, and then at least Bobby would have some closure. Alex had told him of their conversation, of how he hoped that his wife would be found alive by some sort of a miracle. God, he felt sorry for the guy. He'd heard Nicole mention a baby too and that would explain Copeland's funny turn in the squad room a couple of weeks ago. It was all such a sorry mess. He'd spent the best part of the previous day comforting John Penny's grieving widow and with Copeland was gone, presumed dead he now had a grieving detective on his hands. It made him sick to his stomach;sick with anger that he'd lost two good detectives in his squad and also for the suffering of those they had left behind. He saw how still Goren was, how lost in his thoughts he had become. He hadn't cried, or shown any kind of emotion, not a thing. Goren wasn't the type of man to show any kind of emotion but this detachment was…well it was unusual to say the least. The tiny living room was filled with fellow detectives from MC, all waiting, like Bobby for news of any kind of their colleague. Goren himself hadn't uttered a word to any of them.

The Captain's cell phone began to ring and instantly the room fell silent. All heads turned his way as he answered it. The conversation was brief. Once it was over, he walked towards Bobby and watched the man get to his feet. Deakins looked at him. He was suddenly aware of just how tall, of just how intimidating this guy could be all because of his height. He watched as his partner slowly rose and stood almost protectively beside him.

"Tell me," he requested in a deceptively calm voice. Deakins took a deep breath.

"The body of a woman was recovered not long ago, a mile down river from the Thompson Dock Buildings. Judging by the general description given, it sounds like…like it could be Jennifer," he explained gently. He watched him and he had to give him credit, he took the blow like a true champ, he barely flinched.

"Then we need to go to the ME's office for a positive ID" Bobby replied. Deakins nodded and watched Eames inch closer to her partner.

"We'll take my car," she told them both and Bobby nodded

tbc...