Okay, I lied. One (I'll try to keep it to one but if needed there might be a second) chapter after this one. Either way I have to finish this before Sunday, so the most you'll have to wait for the (liek omg!!111) EXCITING conclusion of this embarrassment to the English language is two days.

Still not in the owning-ness of any characters except Nightwish and I don't even own his name. You still should not be reading this if you're still in training panties or otherwise object to loads of gay innuendo with the graphic descriptions getting worse as the next two chapters go along. Now complete typing the chapter I will.

Soundtrack: Smack My Bitch Up- Prodigy

Chapter 10: Sephiroth and the Badass Chase Scene

Garth stands along on the screen with a winged monkey on his shoulder.

"Good news! It's a demon!"

The monkey pokes him in the ear.

"OW! Yeah, I'm doing it. Anyway, here's the rest of the story."

Garth and the monkey walk off and the action resumes.

……………………………….

Tseng stood looking straight ahead of him with his right arm pointed out to the side, still holding the gun. Against the wall next to the window, a body slid slowly down the wall, leaving a trail of blood that mixed with his long, silver hair. Two mako green eyes stared out at his shooter's unmoving form.

"Out of all the fucking places I choose to resurrect myself", Sephiroth growled as he fell into a sitting position, a trickle of blood running down his face from the gaping hole in his forehead. "So this is the thanks I get for stopping by? You're not still upset about that little joke my brothers played, are you?"

"Damnit, Sephiroth. You've just been shot through the head and you don't even have the decency to die?", Tseng said bitterly, ice daggers shooting from his mouth. The arm with the gun dropped to his side and Sephiroth brushed away the incoming icicles with a single gloved hand.

"Nah, sorry. It hurts like a motherfucker, but give me ten minutes or so and I'll be good."

"That wasn't fucking funny. Those bastards encased me in ice in the fucking Northern Crater for three whole days and put ZZTop CDs on repeat for hours on end!"

Tseng lunged over, grabbing Sephiroth by the shoulders and shaking him for emphasis. The silver haired warrior merely grinned and with lightning quick reflexes pulled Tseng in for a kiss. The Turk first held onto his anger, pressing his lips closed against the other man's roaming tongue, but eventually gave in as the familiar heat of his long dead lover's body softened his resolve. He moaned in contentment as Sephiroth caressed his lips and tongue so gently, yet so insistently at the same time. Sephiroth purred in satisfaction.

"And now that I have you back, my love", the one winged angel thought to himself.

"We shall fulfill Mother's wishes. Together."

………………………

"Summon Plot Device 2!", Reno shouted, stretching his arm out in front of him.

A glowing mass materialized in the center of the group, taking the form of a teenage boy with a bright red trenchcoat, white gloves with arcane symbols on them and a blonde braid passing his shoulders.

"The hell?! I thought that was a Charizard!", Reno screamed, stomping the ground and crossing his arms like a toddler deprived of his candy.

"I should ask the same thing!", the boy blanched, little black lines appearing at the sides of his head to indicate surprise.

"But enough small talk. Where is it?!", the demanded, pulling Reno down to his height by his collar.

"Where is what, pipsqueak?"

"The Philosopher's Stone! The…"

"Guy in the lab coat with the glasses and the greasy hair told you it was here?", Vincent interrupted.

"Yeah. How did you…"

"Know? He did the same thing to me and Harry here."

"Uh, great. Now could you please stop…"

"Completing your sentences? With pleasure."

"This is fucking insane! Why the hell would Hojo want the stone so badly and WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IS IT DOING UP CLOUD STRIFE'S ASS?!", Cid yelled, jamming his spear into the ground. After going through Harry's broom of course.

"It's the Philosopher's Stone! It can transmute things and create a potion that gives the drinker eternal life for as long as they keep drinking it every so often", Harry said.

"It allows alchemists to ignore the Law of Equivalent Exchange! And it's the only way that my brother and I can get our bodies back and bring our mother back to life!", Ed added, releasing Reno's collar. "I'm not giving it to Hojo though. I was just using that guy's info to find the stone", he said proudly, holding his head high and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Bullshit. You were just after Cloud's ass too", Kadaj spat.

The alchemist hung his head.

"That too."

"And as for why it's up Cloud's ass, I'm sure there's some sickly amusing anecdote behind it, but we don't have time for another gratuitous flashblack sequence. We have to retrieve the stone before midnight", Yazoo said, impatiently eyeing the road toward Seventh Heaven where Cloud would most likely be staying.

"Why?"

"Some prophecy thing…Mother wouldn't tell me because she said it would make Loz's brain overload."

"Oh come on! He gets bored in the middle of pleasuring himself! EVERYTHING overloads his brain!", Kadaj whined.

"Well, it's sunset now. The bar where he stays is just down the road. If we're all after the same thing, then we might as well go together", Vincent said.

"Yeah, but just walking? That seems kind of anticlimactic", Reno added hesitantly.

"Then we'll have a classic Advent Children style chase scene, duh", Yazoo stated as the chase music came slowly out of the woodwork.

Smack my BITCH up!

At these words, Ed clapped his hands, put them to the ground and created a motorcycle out of metals from the ground. Chaos took over Vincent's from and flew away below the Highwind that Cid had started almost instantaneously. Yazoo and Kadaj rode their chocobos and Harry his broomstick. Reno was the only one left without a ride. Using every explicative in the dictionary to express his dismay, he ran down the road after them.

………………….

Panting heavily, yet using any spare breath he had to keep up the swearing streak, Reno collapsed just outside of Tifa's bar. The various rides of his compatriots were parked next to him and by the sounds of it, their owners had already found their way inside.

………………………..

End of Chapter 10. Please eject and flip over.