It's been two weeks since Sophie's accident...she's improving, only with her injuries, her head refuses to remember, but Im glad she's better. However she doesn't let us go with her to the counselling sessions or to the recovery, saying that it is something she has to do on her own, an as much as I hate it I know she is right. Maybe it is just the stupid me feeling jealous because they are able to help her and I am not...i don't know.
For me...I came back to Uni and I am doing pretty well, I always liked it anyway and it helps to keep my head occupied as I've never been Einstein and I have to study a lot. I've found a job at the Rovers and I moved in with Tina. My first idea was moving with Rosie and Jason but the last thing I need is see every day a couple all loved up. Despite the row I had with Tina about Sophie we made up and everything is better than ever between us. I must admit that I was a prick with her, she was only looking for Sophie and I let my anger lead me and take it out on Tina.
Flashback
I've just talked with Sophie and I know I am such a drama queen but she ripped my heart out of my chest. I'm broken, so I am running out of the hospital. I feel claustrophobic in here, like the walls are falling down, getting closer and closer to me, squashing me. I rushed to the door and when I was passing the cafeteria, seeing the door I bumped onto someone. I couldn't be bothered to talk, let alone apologise so I just kept moving, but then this someone griped my wrist and turning me around. Its Tina.
"Stop feeling sorry for yourself will ya?" she snapped at me all of a sudden." What?" I asked confused "what do you want me to do exactly Tina? Throw a party, sing on the top of my lungs? Just let me know" I replied sarcastically
"No, Sian, just stop being such a selfish cow and start thinking about how empty Sophie is feeling right now, how confused and lost she is and how messed up is her life. You are not the only one getting hurt for this I am her friend too, but all this tears and negativity wont do her any good."
"So I lost my girlfriend, my best friend, the love of my life and you expect me to go on as if nothing had happened? She is everything to me Tina!" I replied angrily" Without her I got nothing" I brought out the end of the sentence trying to stop the tears from falling.
"So we are nothing for you now?I am nothing for you? You know that Katy is as worried about you as about Sophie? She knows you and she doesn't want to push ya but I am fed up of you attitude Sian I am not gonna lie to ya but take a moment and think about how awful is everything for us, but most of all for Sophie."she said pointing back. I frowned looking at the floor as she continued" If something had happened and you are guilty about it stop feeling self-pity and be the friend she needs" Tina said with anger evident in her eyes. She doesn't know how the fuck I am feeling, in how many pieces my heart had broken.
"I don't need you to tell me what to do! Just fuck off and leave me alone! "I said crying again, this time of rage and I left the hospital
However Tina was waiting with Jason at the house that night, even though we weren't in good terms she was there for me, as always. When I came back with Rosie she got me sorted ,literally, as I was soaking and shivering. Plus I was exhausted, physically and mentally, I couldn't even make words. I entered the house and collapsed on Tina's arms. Despite her behaviour of 'I don't care' she is such a great friend and she always stood by me when I needed her, she is a real caring person. So, Rosie told her the conversation I had with Sophie and was well pissed, yet neither of us wanted to make a big deal out of it, Sophie made her decision, I made mine and we are coping with the consequences. Anyway Tina stayed with me that night, wrapping her arms around me trying to comfort me. I didn't get any sleep, neither I cried. I had had enough pain, but I had Tina, and Rosie and Jason, even Sally and Katy, well Katy and I were kind of avoiding each other to be honest. We both know we are weaker than Tina, as she can bury a subject deep down on the back of her mind and don't show any pain or hurt, but Katy and I are the opposite and if I talked with her of this I would end up breaking down as I did the day Sophie told me, and as Tina and Rosie said I have to be strong. However since the day Tina slept with me (don't be dirty-minded you pervs) I've spent most of this two weeks between uni, rovers and Tina, as I packed all my belongings and moved in with her the they after. Nonetheless I have to say I'm not in the mood to face Kevin, I have enough seeing his grumpy face at the rovers. He always looks at me as if I were the devil or something, and I don't get why since he has supported Sophie and I since the very beginning.
So besides Kevin wanting to kill me this 2 weeks went quiet, without any arguments or troubles. They are releasing Sophie in 3 days, but she has to keep going to recovery and the sessions with the counselling.
"Sian" I lost my train of thought when Rosie approached the bar." Sophie wants to party the day she's released"she said nonchalantly while sipping from her beer."She what?" I asked frowning" She said she is 18 and she wants a proper party" She said as she sited down crossing her legs. 'This girl is just stupid' I though. I looked at her in disbelief and replied "Rosie, let me fill you, she is taking pills, she got her leg broken, as well as her ribcage, she cant drink, she cant dance, she cant even walk properly!" 'Why am I even surprised about her lack of brain?' "But why Sian? I wanted her to have fun thats all" she said pouting as a baby"actually, I thought about this hot club in town-" she started as the pout on her face was quickly replaced with a grin"Rosie!"I cut her" I said no! All we could do is something here, but nothing special or big, I am warning you. If something as Sophie's birthday happens again you can forget me" I warned her, with a smirk tugging on my lips at the memory. She took another sip of her drink as I left her to attend the clients waiting to be served. After 5 minutes Rosie came chasing after me with a excited look on her face, and a new beer. "I have an idea!"she said squealing "Why I don't like the sound of that...shoot it." She clapped her hands grinning as I served the last drinks and gave the clients the change." We can do a video with all the pics and stuff of this 2 years so she maybe remember! OMG Sian I am such a genius aint I?" I sighed closing my eyes."Mmmh Rosie...stop thinking, stop having ideas, and stop talking you idiot. She would just collapse with all the information threw at her!" Holding on to my side of the bar I thought about it for a sec, it was a great idea, but not in this situation, not just after being released. However, don't ask me how but Rosie managed to convince me yet with one condition: I was gonna talk to the counsellor and ask her if she was ok with it. After a long work night I went home and spent most of the night thinking about it.
I called the hospital first thing in the morning to arrange a meeting with Sophie's counsellor and she was really glad that I was going to see her so she made it for us to meet. But along the morning you can guess how it went. I was driving myself crazy, I don't think that I was this nervous about asking her her opinion of the idea, it is that I was afraid of what she could tell me. Anyway I attended 2 classes at uni, not that I was paying attention but I had to go, and came back as nervous as I left. I shouldn't be this worried or hyper but I cant help myself, is Sophie, my Sophie.
Catching the bus to the hospital my mind drifted away somewhere it shouldn't, I was thinking about the doctor, was she pretty?, did Sophie have something with her? Is that the reason why Sophie doesn't let me see her? No, I don't think so, doctors are old and weird. Am I just rambling to myself? I am the one that should be seeing the counsellor.
I arrived at the hospital and found the office I was looking for. After the longest 5 minutes of my life I was greeted by a middle-aged woman who led me to her fancy office. I sat down on the chair opposite to her, looking around the grey and black coloured room. "I am Dr Martirn, Mary, I suppose you are Sian. Soophie is talking about you all the time." She smiled politely. "I hope all I am so glad to meet you at last" I said crossing my legs." I came to talk to you about an idea that Sophie's sister had, she wanted to throw a party for Sophie and I wasn't sure if it was convenient or not."I explained fidetting with my hands.
"I think a little party would cheer her up, she needs to see some familiar faces and get used to everything all over again, so yes, it would be good for , I am guessing it was not the real reason why you are here" She said looking at me with her hands entwined." Actually Sian, I wanted to talk to you about something...about why I dindt meet you earlier" I sat forward on the chair waiting for the doctor to keep on" This 2 weeks have been eventful to say it someway, I reached some conclusions but I am not sure about it, all I can say by now is that she has blocked some of her memories and we have to find about since when exactly, so we could know how to help her work out to set her brain free. However by now its unlikely for her to remember anything. I am so sorry."I closed my eyes letting the storm wash over my heart all over again. At least this time I was ready for the pain. "She didn't want to tell you, but we still hold on to some hope, we have to get to the memory that is blocking out the rest and then work from there." I looked at her composing my self "However I thought that we could see the doctor that is helping sophie with the recovery wait I'll call them" the doctor called him and said he was busy, actually talking to Kevin, so I just told her I needn't see the other doctor and left.
The couple of days before Sophie came back to the street I spent my time trying to be alone, I didn't want to tell anyone, as Sophie was the one who had to do it, at her own time. I busied myself with uni stuff and hid on the library. However the day arrived and I was as nervous as ever. We prepared a little party but Sophie will love it.
So finishing the last touches to the pub, setting the drinks and cleaning the booths, which feels for the 100th time, I decided to go get ready, as I was the only one left at the pub. I needed to stop the pacing, I am not a silly girl anymore, I am eighteen am not the girl that run away from Sophie when she first kissed me. I arrived at the flat as Tina was doing her hair, while shouting at me to get ready as it was just half an hour until the Websters was going to pick up Sophie from the hospital, after signing and revising everything.
"Get your little ass in the shower before I pull you along by your hair Powers!" My lovely flatmate yelled through the hallway still straightening her hair so just her head popped out of the door of the bathroom. See, she is such a charmer. Anyway sick of the demanding brunette I gathered my clothes and rushed to the bathroom.
After I finished with the shower and the make up, Tina was already dressed up so she helped me with my hair into a bun letting my fringe fell around my face, framing it. I was wearing a black and white strapless dress with a golden and black belt bordering the two parts of the dress, showing off my tan. It showed my legs, but enough to be smart and not make me look like a hooker. However the top side was tight while the bare one, from my waist was hugging my figure more loosely, matching my black high heels.
So here I am, getting ready, willing to settle things with Sophie and to embrace the beginning of our new life, together and separated at the same time, but able to have each other. At least that's what I convinced myself of, whatsoever my desires, or needs, are, they have to be subjugated to the currently situation, leaving me to deal with the emotions rising inside of me, which of course I cant control. Nonetheless that is the thing that scares me the most, not being able to control the wave of hatred, jealousy, love, desire, arousal, whatever my body and my heart decides to punish me with. See we left and we are already at the pub and I didn't notice...i'm such a zombie nowadays...what happened to the funny Sian who was always joking and lighting the mood? Oh yes, she grew up, faster than she should, and learning how to survive on this jungle we call world by the harder way.
Everybody from the street is filling the pub, as Rosie texted me saying she will last 15 minutes as they have to sing a few papers still. Everything is perfect, decoration, drinks, people and all I can think about is the last perfect person this party needs. Unable to get away from my own head Tina kept me company as I she didn't let me clean, or tidy up, or do anything for that matter. Truth is that I was hyper and she was just trying to help, on her own way, you already know Tina.
However, surviving the wait, don't ask me how, we managed to surprise the party girl, and I must say, her face was priceless. Despite that she asked for a party, she didn't expect it at all. Rosie texted me again just 5 minutes after they arrived and I made everyone sit as if it was another day hanging around after work. She entered the room full of known faces holding onto Rosie, and I know it is a cliché but we locked eyes what felt like forever, even though It lasted way too short for my liking. I went through the crowds to get a hug, the hug I needed for a while now, a hug from my best friend and I felt it, I wasn't lonely anymore. I left the brunette beauty to catch up with everyone and went to the bar, which was plenty of cocktails to choose.
Acting as my new self I searched for any task I could occupy myself with, and not the lazy Sian I used to be, but Tina came to remember that tonight of all nights I need a rest, to have fun, and she was well right, I just didn't want her to be. She stayed by my side as the great friend she is, knowing full well how uneasy it was for me to stand at the bar, awkwardly, avoiding the person I wanted to be, where we spend tons of times just fooling around, drinking and having fun with our friends.
However I have to tell you something, you maybe will laugh at me, maybe you wont even believe me, but I know Sophie inside out, and the way she is being looking at Tina and I since the very first minute she arrive, that she thinks we are together. Crazy I know, but Sophie is that kind of person, always seeing subtle where it wasn't, yet I find it hilarious sometimes.
As the time passed, alcohol flood and halfway through the third round of shots, all Tina's idea, I was on the other side of the bar, while Sophie was talking to Rita, and a boy I hadn't seen in my life approached me. I tried my best to just invite people Sophie knew before whatever happened, you know what I mean, people who she does remember. 'Maybe the alcohol is making his move' don't be paranoid Sian.
"Can you give me something?" a heard a male voice asked me, as I didn't even take away my sight from the stuff I was gathering to make myself a mojito. "Sure, what do you want?"
"Whiskey, and your number" he said whereas I rouse my eyebrow and rolled my eyes, still without looking at him. It was not worth it to even lift my head. "You don't talk now? Thats a shame, cause you have such a pretty voice" he asked me getting closer. I let a whimper leave my mouth as I didn't want to answer him, I just wanted him to leave me alone. "You don't take the hint do you?" I replied with a look of disgust on my face. I didn't mean to be rude or anything it is just that I couldn't be bothered. Besides it was a great party we were all having fun and I didn't want some random bloke to annoy me. I looked around the room looking for Soph and I saw her on the booth with Katy and Ches, and I also saw Kevin watching me from the corner of the pub where he was sitting with Sally. Seeing the look of despair on my face Sophie approached us as the guy kept talking to me. To be honest I wasn't paying attention at all. The moment I laid my eyes on Sophie my ears shut and the rest of the world became a blur when the only figure I could see clearly was her. "You ok Powers?" Sophie asked me placing herself on the bar beside the guy. She was wearing black skinny jeans, which delineated perfectly the outline of her boot, and an aquamarine blouse, that enhanced her eyes, that hung around her body loosely, but showing off her cleavage. As gorgeous as always. "Yeah, yeah Soph don't worry" I smiled at her as the guy kept talking. I was so lost in her eyes. But suddenly she broke eye contact and turned to face the guy" Dude, not her type, leave her alone." She hissed. Kevin approached us seeing as his daughter was getting upset. "Soph Sian can talk with whoever she wants, let her be."Kevin told Sophie softly."Yes, dad, but clearly she is not enjoying the company!" sophie replied pointing at him."Well, you don't know that. She can flirt with whoever as I said Soph, meet people, have a boyfriend."
"Oh dad leave it will ya? Don't try and interfere! I know her, she wasn't 'flirting' with this"
"And what are you her voice or something" They boy snapped at Sophie as I frowned and she laughed sarcastically. "I am actually since she lost her voice moaning my name last night" she said with that cocky style of hers that I always loved. I stood wide eyed looking at her. I cant believe she just said that! My best friend, ex girlfriend, the one who I am in love with. Oh fuck and now I am imagining it and blushing from head to toe ,I bet my face look all flustered...oh fuck...The guy ignoring Sophie's comment focused his attention on me again as Sophie's smirk brushed off when she saw the look of confusion on my and her father also is open mouthed. Awkward. "I bet she is lying, nevertheless, If you want some real sex, here is my number. Im Josh by the way" he wrote down his number on a napkin."It would be good to see that dress on the floor of my room" he said openly looking at my cleavage. It was making me physically sick so I turned away from him tiding up the bar. Meanwhile Sophie grabbed him by the arm "Leave. Now"
"Or what crutchy girl ?" he replied pushing her into the bar forcefully. I don't know what I did exactly. All I remember is that all of a sudden a leant up on the bar grabbing Josh by the collar of his shirt and placing the knife I was using just moments ago on his temper took the better of me again. Sophie came as quickly as she could to my side of the bar placing herself behind me and holding onto my hips. I leaned into the contact without releasing my grip on the boy. "Touch her again and you will be dead in less than 5 seconds. Now leave" The pub remained silent as Josh left, everybody looking at Soph and I when I dropped the knife and hugged buried her head on the crook of my neck and I kissed her head, as her dad was still staring at us, as well as the rest of the pub of course, but there was something wrong on Kevin's expression. Anyway still holing on Sophie's neck we hugged tight for a couple of minutes more, I love Sophie's long hugs you see, and when we parted I kept her in place with my hands resting on her shoulders "Im so sorry Soph I didn't mean to be all wet blanket. We did all this and then-" I started rambling" Is ok Sian, promise. We are having fun aren't we?" she smiled" at last we can have a proper chat ay, lets take a seat"she continued" So, you and Tina"
"Well I moved in with her, she is being so nice, I don't know what did you say to her but seem that you made her a proper softy" I laughed"Anyway Soph she stood by us since the beginning she's been such a great friend." I said truthfully as Sophie's look was kind of funny."Oh no. You think that we are together don't you? She is not my type, besides she is as straight as I pole!" we both burst laughing again. "Not your type either Powers? Tall, brunette, killer smile?"she said smirking
"Nope sorry Webster im more into blue eyes " I said with my half smile. "anyway" she continued now with a serious smile" what about you dad and your mom,still nothing about them?"
"I don't want them in my life anymore Soph, all the family I need is in this pub. Besides I don't want another confrontation with Vinnie. Janet just left, but him...i don't trust him since the last time." I said as she frowned" but Im ok don't worry"
"Wait" she said still frowning, deep in thought" I remember your dad! He is my physiotherapist!"OH FUCK