A/N: Here's a loong chapter for you :)

Chapter 10 - You Can't Lock Him Away in a Bubble

"Mum?" said Remus as they sat in the car on the way home from the family visit. It had been an okay weekend, considering that his aunt had kept a distance to him because she was coming down with a cold and didn't want him to catch it. Remus was a little sad about that because his aunt always hugged him and made him feel normal at the family gatherings, unlike most of his other family, who (however caring) behaved as though Remus was made of glass.

"Yes, luv? Are you not feeling well?" Mrs. Lupin asked, suddenly worried. She had been on the verge of taking Remus home again when she learned that her sister was coming down with a cold, but Mr. Lupin had talked her out of it.

"I'm fine," said Remus and looked out the window for a brief moment. "I was just wondering if maybe I could have a cat? Regulus says cats are very clean animals and I'd really like the company. Especially when I'm bedridden. I get really lonely, then…"

"Oh... I don't know, Remus," she said, shifting in her seat. "They clean themselves by licking their privates, and there are certain illnesses that can transmit to humans as well, aren't there?"

"I think that's just old wives' tales, Hope," said Mr. Lupin. "Like the one about cats crawling into cribs to suffocate babies."

Remus looked expectantly at his father, hoping he could help persuade his mother. "Regulus is very fanatic about hygiene, as you know, and he has a cat himself, which I doubt very much he would if it was a health risk. He pets his cat a lot and it even sleeps in his bed, I think." Remus felt like a little child begging like this, but he really wanted a pet. "Please, Mum?"

"He pets the cat? So he does not have a problem with physical contact when it comes to the cat?" she asked, partly from interest, partly to avoid answering Remus' question.

"I guess not," said Remus. "He invited me into his room last time I visited and he sat with his cat on his lap and petted it, so I guess he's okay with contact to animals. Cats, anyway. He hates Sirius' dog because it's rambunctious and slobbers."

"Hm. Very interesting. It would seem that the fear of physical intimacy is worse than the fear of germs... which again makes me question the origin of his issues."

"Do you have to sit there psychoanalysing a boy you don't even know?" said Mr. Lupin with an air of irritation.

"Psychoanalysis died with Freud," said Mrs. Lupin. "No decent modern psychologist believes in that anymore."

Mr. Lupin rolled his eyes. "Okay, whichever word it is that you use nowadays, then. You know what I mean."

Remus turned his attention back to the passing threes outside and sighed. His mother seemed more interested in talking about Regulus' problems than the fact that Remus had asked permission to get a cat. He guessed it was another 'no' then and he wouldn't bother to ask again. He had hoped that if he told her what Regulus had said, she would give in this time.

o0o0o

But Mr. Lupin brought up the topic again when he and his wife had gone to bed that night. "I think we should let Remus have that cat. You can't keep being so overprotective. It isn't fair to Remus. And I have never heard of anyone getting ill because of a cat, have you?"

"Well no," said Mrs. Lupin and sighed. "I just don't want to risk it. Don't you remember last time he went to the hospital? I was sure he wouldn't make it. He was so ill and I sat with him for a week just to make sure he kept breathing." She wiped away a tear with her palm. "I just don't want to risk him getting ill."

"We have been over this so many times. You can't lock him away in a bubble. He deserves to have a life. Let him have that cat. If that can bring him some happiness, I say it's a bloody good thing and a small risk."

Mrs. Lupin bit her lip and looked at her husband. "I guess you're right then. Alright, he can have that cat."

o0o0o

"What's her name?" Regulus asked as he ran a hand over the purring cat.

Remus had, of course, been overjoyed to get his mother's permission. The next day he had picked up a red tabby with a bushy tail at the local RSPCA. Regulus had advised him to get one from a shelter because, as he said, there were so many cats in need of a good home because people threw cats away like garbage. Remus had suggested that Regulus come with him to help choose a cat, but Regulus had declined. Remus had not been surprised. A place like that could impossibly live up to Regulus' extreme standards of cleanliness, and there were also a lot of people coming and going. But Remus was glad when Regulus had agreed to come with him home the day after to meet his new cat.

"Cleo," said Remus and leaned a little forward to stroke the cat's head, careful not to touch Regulus' hand even though he really wanted to.

Regulus moved his hand away. He was a little startled to suddenly notice that they were sitting so close. They were both sitting on Remus' bed with only the cat between them.

Cleo purred and looked up at Regulus, wondering why he had stopped. Remus just smiled and scratched her behind the ear. He had been aware how close they sat and felt his heart race. Regulus had never let him this close before.

"You once said that you wished you could learn to play the piano. Are you serious or was it just to make conversation?" asked Regulus suddenly.

"I was serious," said Remus. "I always wanted to play but my parents couldn't afford either piano or lessons."

"Well... If you'd like to try, then I don't mind giving you lessons."

"Really?" said Remus, lighting up in a smile. "I'd love that! I haven't played a single note in my life, though, so you would have to have patience." Cleo meowed and crawled up onto Regulus' lap, rubbing her head against his chin. "She really likes you," said Remus and reached over to pet that cat on the head, taking a chance that Regulus wouldn't pull away.

Regulus' instinct was to push Remus away, but something made him supress it. Remus being so close made his heart pound, and not only from the usual anxiety.

Remus kept petting Cleo, enjoying sitting so close to Regulus without being pushed away. Sirius and the others would never believe him if he told them how close they were sitting without Regulus jumping off his seat and running out of the room. He turned his head a little and looked at Regulus, feeling his heart pound in his chest.

Regulus swallowed and looked away, sitting stiff as a board, forcing every fibre in his body to stay put. "I think she wants to go back to you," he said a few seconds later when the proximity was becoming unbearable. He put Cleo in Remus' lap and moved over to sit on a chair instead.

Cleo rolled onto her back and dapped Remus' hand with a paw.

"Well, I think I should be going home," said Regulus a few minutes later. "Our dear parents wants a family dinner tonight." He snorted. "As if forcing your children to eat with you twice a month makes you a family."

"I can walk you some of the way if you want," offered Remus. "It's getting a bit late and dark outside."

"I can look after myself," said Regulus, sounding a bit offended. Then he regretted it, because he actually wouldn't mind spending a bit more time with Remus, and walking was less intense than sitting together in a room. "But okay, if you'd like to come out and stretch your legs..."

Regulus unlocked his bike and walked it so it was in the middle of the sidewalk, between himself and Remus. It was sort of stupid, really, because he would be home faster if he rode it all the way instead of walking some of the way.

Remus rubbed his hands and blew hot air on them. Fall had finally set in for good and it was very cold now the sun had set. "So, when so you want to give me my first lesson?" he smiled and looked at Regulus.

"Whenever suits you. I'm at the house whenever I'm not in school or out running."

"What about the day after tomorrow? I promised Mr. Ollivander to come and work tomorrow so I can't tomorrow but the day after I'm free."

o0o0o

Remus' mother had come home when Remus came back. She stuck her head out from the kitchen as he walked in the door. "Hullo, luv. Where were you?"

"I just walked Regulus a bit down the road," he smiled. "He wanted to see Cleo so he came home with me after school."

"Oh he did, did he?" smiled Mrs. Lupin. "You've been spending a lot of time together lately."

"Yeah," grinned Remus as he went to sit down. "He even let me sit next to him while we petted Cleo. He pulled away after a while but we sat there for a few minutes, so that's a record."

"That's nice, Remus," said Mrs. Lupin and handed Remus a mug of hot tea. "It's obvious that he likes you and feel more comfortable around you than most people. But if he's only interested in you as a friend, could you live with that?" she said, a tone of concern in her voice again.

Remus poured milk in his tea and stirred it. "I guess I could. You know I want to be with him, but if friends is as good as it gets, I'm going to have to live with that."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," she said and took his hand. "I don't want you hurt whenever you're close to him because you know you can never have him."

Remus stared into his tea and bit his lip as he thought about it. The thought of Regulus never wanting to be with him hurt. But what if Regulus actually did fancy him? Today he had allowed Remus so sit close to him on the bed. Remus would regret it forever if he didn't at least try to win him over.

o0o0o

There was trout for dinner that night and Regulus stuck to the potatoes and vegetables.

"Why is it that you don't eat fish?" asked Orion irritably. "I see the arguments about red meat, but fish is supposed to be very healthy. Is it just to be difficult?"

"Fish live in the sea and the sea is polluted. Especially with heavy metals. People in areas where fish and sea mammals are a major part of the diet, such as Greenland and Japan, are at increasing health risk as the amount of heavy metals in the ocean rises. In the fifties in Japan there was a large amount of mercury in the waters of Minemata Bay because a nearby factory dumped it in the bay. People died, got many illnesses, and children were born deformed and with terrible handicaps and neurological disorders, and -"

"Oh, shut up with your lecturing! We don't live around Minemata Bay, do we?"

"No, but the concentration of heavy metals in the water is increasing in general."

"You will sit here until you have eaten some of that fish!" ordered Mrs. Black.

Sirius actually felt like pushing his plate away, having lost his appetite from listening to Regulus' speech. Even though he was close to immune by now, sometimes something did get through to him.

"And you don't think poultry is as unhealthy as fish?" asked Mrs. Black. "I hear that they put all sorts of things in their feed, so why is it that you can eat that?"

"That's why I only eat organic meat!" said Regulus, frustrated over his mother's ignorance. "Because they are only allowed to feed the animals with organic feed. I also only eat organic meat because conventional farming is animal abuse."

"I don't know how we have come to have such an idiot for a son," spat Mrs. Black. "You're nothing but trouble and you will end up alone and miserable because no one will put up with your nonsense!"

"What about that shrink?" asked Orion. "Weren't you supposed to make an appointment for him?"

"I did. We have an appointment next week," said Mrs. Black. "And you better show up!" she continued, pointing threateningly at Regulus.

"Well, let's leave him alone for now," said Orion. "I'm not in a mood for another fight over the damn food. I wanted to talk to you, Sirius. There is an upcoming board meeting and we expect you to participate. You're eighteen now and it's time you start taking a more active part in the company."

Sirius looked over at his father a little taken aback. "But I'm still in school! And frankly I don't see what the rush is. It's not like you're going to kick the bucket anytime soon so I have plenty of time to get into how the company works after I'm done with school."

"Mind your tongue!" warned Mrs. Black, pointing at Sirius with her fork.

"You are not going to be involved in any decision making yet, but we expect you to listen and learn how things are done and what is going on in the business," said Mr. Black.

Sirius mumbled a few words but then nodded. "I guess I'll go, then, if it's that bloody important to you."

o0o0o

Regulus woke up that morning to a shockingly realisation. He had had an erotic dream. About Remus. Well, not very erotic, but kissing and touching, and he remembered getting rather excited. How could touching like that make him excited? And even worse - kissing? The thought alone made him nauseous. Physical contact had always been something he loathed and feared, so how could it have felt good in the dream?"

Sirius eyed his brother who had not said a word since they sat down to eat breakfast. "You didn't sleep well?" he asked and took another piece of toast. "You're usually not this quiet and you haven't even commented on me using too much butter on my bread."

"If you want to clog up your veins then that's your choice. It isn't as though you don't know the consequence by now," mumbled Regulus, not looking up from his food.

"Are you feeling alright, dear?" asked Mrs. Harris and put a glass of milk in front of both boys. Their parents had left early that morning for yet another business trip so the boys were on their own for another week.

"Yes, I'm fine," said Regulus and took a sip of the milk. "Mrs. Harris, will you cut my hair today?"

Regulus would rather let his hair grow to his waist than let a hair dresser touch him, so Mrs. Harris had cut his hair since he was very young. He didn't like it, but it was the best solution and he trusted her to touch as little of his head as possible. He had never had an elaborate haircut because it took time and had to be done often. No, he wore it half-long, only asking Mrs. Harris to cut it when it had reached his shoulders. This way, she only had to do it a few times a year.

"Of course, dear," she smiled and went over to the kitchen counter to clean up after breakfast.

Sirius checked his watch and then quickly stuffed the rest of his toast into his mouth.

"What's the rush?" asked Mrs. Harris and placed her hands on her hips. "Chew your food properly!"

"Sorry," said Sirius. "I just realised I was late. I promised to give Remus a lift since it's raining today."

"You're giving Remus a lift?" said Regulus, sounding more interested than he wanted to.

"Yeah," said Sirius and got up from his seat. "He texted me this morning, asking if I would mind terribly to swing by his house so he didn't have to ride his bike to school. His parents had to leave for work early so they couldn't drive him and he doesn't feel like risking getting ill from the rain."

"Yes, I suppose that's good reasoning." Regulus considered for a second asking if he could ride along, but he always either walked or rode his bike to school except for in extreme weather, and it wasn't extreme enough for Sirius to not get suspicious of his motives, so he finished his breakfast and found his waterproofs.

"Do you want a ride? It's only me and Remus in the car so you don't have to be crammed up with James and Peter too."

Regulus just shook his head and put on his raincoat.

"Well if you're sure. You can always ride with me back home unless you get sent home early again," he winked and went out to the car.

o0o0o

Regulus had been wondering what Remus would think of his hair when it was cut shorter. In fact, he was quite excited about it and eager to get it done before seeing him again, so he made sure not to run into him at school that day and as soon as he got home he asked Mrs. Harris to cut it.

"Why are you so eager?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "You use to hate it."

"I do. But it's become really long and I thought it's about time, so I just want it over with."

"You're a strange little lad," she smiled, shaking her head, and pulled out a chair for him to sit on. "I'll start now, okay?" she said when Regulus had sat down with a towel around his shoulders.

"Yes," said Regulus. "Just be quick about it. But not so quick it isn't done properly," he added. He opened a book and tried to concentrate on reading to distract himself from what Mrs. Harris was doing.

Mrs. Harris gently took a few locks of hair between her fingers and started cutting, making sure not to touch Regulus' head more than she had to. "You seem a lot happier lately, dear," she smiled. "Anything special happen?"

"What? No, not really. I don't know..."

"Well it's good to see you smile more often," she said, "so whatever is going on, it's good for you."

So he was happier than usual? Maybe he was. It had to be Remus, of course. Regulus wondered if Remus fancied him. Just because someone was gay it didn't mean they fancied all blokes. But he had said that Regulus was handsome and had drawn him in secret. That meant that he had been looking at him a lot. And he had been very consistent from the start in talking to him and trying to become his friend. Yes, it was quite likely that Remus did fancy him. A part of Regulus wished he could be his boyfriend, but that had to remain a fantasy. Remus would want to kiss and touch, as boyfriends did, and Regulus could never do that, so he supposed friends was as good as it got.

After about ten minutes, Mrs. Harris put the scissors away and smiled. "There you go, dear. Now you look smashing." She found a small mirror and handed it to him, waiting for the verdict. "Do you want more off or is it good enough?"

"No, it's good. I don't want it to be too short. Don't you think it looks best like this?"

"You look very handsome, luv," she smiled.

o0o0o

Remus came over for his first piano lesson the next day. When he saw Regulus, he reached into his bag and pulled out a book on astronomy. "We just got this at the bookstore and I thought that maybe you'd like to read it. I know you fancy astronomy, so..."

"Oh," said Regulus, looking at the book with interest. "Is... is it new?" He knew Ollivander's had both new and second-hand books.

"Yes, it's new," smiled Remus and held out the book for Regulus. "Ollivander gave me a discount. I thought that perhaps you hadn't read it because it's new, and I wanted to bring you something as a thanks for teaching me to play."

"Thank you," said Regulus, taking the book. Had it been second-hand he would not have touched it. "So it's a gift? Or you're just lending it to me?"

"It's for you," smiled Remus and scratched his neck. "I hope you like it." Remus had been so excited to give the book to Regulus that he had barely been able to sleep that night.

"Thank you. I like this author. He has some very unusual theories. This one must be his newest - I haven't seen it before," said Regulus, flipping the book over to read on its back.

Remus beamed as he saw Regulus looking at the book with great interest. He knew that he had made a good choice. "Sirius mentioned that astronomy was your favourite subject."

"It is," said Regulus, his eyes still on the book. "It is a very fascinating science." Then he looked up. I'll just put this in my room and then we can start the lesson, yeah?"

Remus looked around the room as he stood there waiting. There were a few paintings on the walls and one in particular caught his eye. It was a family portrait. The parents were standing at the back and Regulus and Sirius sitting in front. They didn't smile as would be normal on a family portrait. Mr. and Mrs. Black were staring ahead with emotionless expressions, Sirius looked bored out of his mind and Regulus looked like he wanted to run and hide somewhere. It must have been unbearable for him to sit there for so long while the painting was done, Remus mused. The boys were much younger on the painting than now, so maybe Regulus' condition was less severe back then. Remus however thought not. The eyes showed discomfort and so did the positioning of his body on the painting. He was sitting stiff and leaning a bit to the side, away from his brother. Yes, his condition was bad already back then.

Regulus came back down and led the way into the piano lounge. "So..." he said, finding some papers with very easy tunes on. "These should do."

As Regulus looked down at the papers in his hand, Remus noticed that his hair was shorter than usually and when he looked up again it was much easier to see. Remus thought it suited him perfectly, although the old length had made him look just as handsome. "Your hair looks great."

"Oh," said Regulus, trying to supress a smile and a blush. "Well, I usually wear it like this. It had just gotten a bit long so I had it cut." He walked over to the piano. "You don't have to learn notes right now. But you need to learn the keys. They go from A to G and then it starts over. Here's an A," he said tapping one of the keys. "And then B, C, D, E, F, G," he continued, pushing one key after the other.

"What about the black keys?"

"They are sort of halves. For instance, this one - A sharp - is the note between A and B. But forget them for now. We'll worry about them later and concentrate on the whites."

"Okay," smiled Remus and followed Regulus with his eyes. He hoped that maybe he would feel comfortable enough to sit down beside him and show him how to play, but it was probably wishful thinking.

"We will pick a very simple melody to start out with. Like Itsy Bitsie Spider. Everybody knows that one." Standing up, Regulus played it a few times with his right hand, and then motioned for Remus to sit. "Go ahead - give it a try."

Remus sat down and did his best to copy what Regulus had done. "Could you show me again? I can't seem to get the last part right," he said, looking up.

Regulus hesitated. "Yes. Just..."

Remus got the hint and scooted a little to the side on the bench so Regulus could reach the keys without getting too close. Regulus played it again and Remus tried to copy.

"No, you shouldn't move your hand," instructed Regulus. "You just have to stretch your pinkie, then you can reach."

Remus tried but his fingers felt like they were cramping up.

"Your technique isn't quite right," said Regulus. "You curl your fingers too much." Remus tried again but Regulus interrupted. "No, now they're too flat. Let me show you..." Regulus reached down to model Remus' hand but stopped a few inches away, hesitating. You can touch his hand for a few seconds. It isn't going to burn you, he scolded himself, feeling his hand tremble.

Remus stared as Regulus finally reached down and touched his hand, trying to model his fingers into the right position. Remus gulped and felt his heart skip several beats. Regulus' fingers sent shivers through Remus' hand, all the way up to his arm. He had been wondering for so long now how Regulus' skin would feel against his own, and now he knew. Careful not to startle him, he looked up at him, noticing just how close they were. Quickly he looked back down, trying to focus on how to play the piano and not Regulus' touch.

Regulus could barely focus on the task at hand. It felt strange. Nice, in fact, but after a few seconds he couldn't tolerate it any longer. "Okay. Try again"

Remus nodded, having to collect himself for a moment. He did as Regulus had shown him and finally it was there. He beamed up at Regulus. "How was that?"

"Good," said Regulus, although he hadn't really been listening. "Do it again until it comes smoothly."

Remus tried again and again, feeling more and more comfortable with the piano. He couldn't believe he was actually able to play a song even if it was just a simple children's song. In a way he wished he needed more help, so that perhaps Regulus would touch him again.

"Well, I think that should be enough for today," said Regulus. "You can practise the next time you come." Then he added, "You can stay for dinner if you like."

"I'd like that," smiled Remus.

"Hey, Remus!" said James, popping his head through the door. "Are you going to spend some time with us or are you going to let Regulus hog you all day?"

Remus turned his head, a little startled. "N-no, we're done now, so I'll join you lads." He reluctantly got up from his seat and sent Regulus a grateful smile. "Thank you for the lesson. I really enjoyed it."

"Yeah, alright," mumbled Regulus and left the room, sending James an irritated look.

James looked after him, shaking his head. "I don't understand what you see in that tosser."

"I guess you don't have to understand everything," said Remus and picked up his bag.

"So?" asked Sirius when Remus and James came into his room. "How did it go?" He sat on the bed with a lazy dog halfway across his lap.

"It went really well," smiled Remus and sat down in a chair. He gently let a finger run over the back of his hand where Regulus had touched him.

All three gave a start when a loud yelp reached them from somewhere in the corridor. A moment later, a teary-eyed Peter came in, clutching his bleeding nose.

"What happened?" asked James, although he already knew the answer.

"I passed him on my way from the toilet and he punched me! I only brushed his shoulder!" snuffled Peter.

Sirius got up from his seat, pushing Padfoot off. "You know not to touch him," he sighed but felt he had to go have a talk with his brother, so he marched off towards his room, hammering at the door as he reached it. "Regulus!" he called angrily. "Open up!"

"Go away!" sounded the voice from the other side. "It's his own bloody fault! That wanker needs to get some manners and not just push people out of his way!"

"That doesn't give you the right to ram a fist in his face!" yelled Sirius and banged on the door again. "You could just have told him off instead of assaulting him! This is how you get in trouble at school as well and what lands you so many detentions with McGonagall! "

"I don't care! And I'm not apologizing if that's what you think!"

Sirius gave the door a kick and walked off, cursing.

Remus had made Peter lie down on his back so he could take a look at his nose.

"Is it broken?" asked James

"No, I don't think do," said Remus and carefully examined the bloody nose. "I'll just go get some paper towels for your nose to stop the bleeding."

"Incredible Remus hasn't been hit yet, with so much time he's spending with him," said James.

"Well, he's careful not to touch him," said Sirius. "You should know better too, Pete."

"I barely touched him!" insisted Peter. "He's mental! I don't get why he hasn't been put him in some institution long ago."

Sirius narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger at Peter. "Don't even joke about that! My brother is not going to be locked up in some cuckoo house!"

Remus came back and noticed Sirius and Peter looking very tense. "I got you the paper towels," he said and handed them to Peter.

"Well," said Sirius and sank into his chair. "Just stay away from him if you want your face to remain intact. Best advice I can give you, mate."

Peter declined staying for dinner when he saw that Regulus was intending to eat with them. Sirius was surprised. Normally Regulus kept to himself for the rest of the day after having had a fall-out with someone, but here he was, sitting down at the table as if he and Sirius hadn't been yelling at each other through his door just an hour ago.

The mood at the table was a little tense. Sirius was still a little angry with his brother for hitting Peter. Remus had taken a chance and sat down on the chair next to Regulus but keeping a little distance. He wasn't keen on getting the same treatment as Peter.

"So, Regulus," said James, sounding amused, "Got a sore fist, do you?"

Regulus sent him a glare. "It isn't as though I rammed it into something hard. It was rather soft, actually. That head of his."

Sirius couldn't help but chuckle a little but then cleared his throat. "That's my friend you're talking about. Try not to hit any more of my friends will you? I'd like to have them over for dinner once in a while and you scared Peter off," Sirius said and stuffed his mouth with mashed potatoes.

"He should show some manners, then," said Regulus, ladling a large spoonful of peas onto his plate. "Perhaps he will remember now."

"Manners?" said James incredulously. "Look who's talking! In what country is it good manners to punch guests in the face just because they happen to brush against you?"

"He wasn't my guest," snapped Regulus.

"No but he was a guest of the house and if you ever manage to get some guests of your own I am pretty sure you wouldn't want me punching them either!" snapped Sirius.

Regulus pursed his lips and stood up. "I can tell when I'm not wanted, so I'll leave you to it." He left the dining room without another word, although he would have liked to at least have said goodbye to Remus.

Sirius made an angry hand gesture. "He drives me mad sometimes," he muttered to his friends.

A/N: To see Zayhad's illustration to the chapter go to deviantart dot com and look up Zayhad. She has a folder in her gallery with the story's name on it.