*5 years ago, 9:31 Dragon*
Alissa looked down at her hand, watching her fingers stroking her swollen belly. The shape of the bump distorted as the child pushed out in response to her touch. It wouldn't be long now before he or she came into this world. For the moment she settled on calling it a 'he'. Something just felt more masculine when she thought about it.
The bitter sweetness was nauseating. Of course she did spend quite a lot of time feeling that way lately, it was not a new sensation. She wondered what it would be like when he finally came, to be happy and sad at the same time. She was alone and it was so easy to cry even without the hormones raging through her body. She gave in and let the tears come. The rest of her was puffy, why not her eyes as well?
Her body ached, and just as much so did her heart. She had been carrying the extra weight on both parts of her. For the rest of her life she would hold with her a part of the man who left them. There would be in front of her this part of him, the physical proof that she would always love him. And if the babe looked like him, she would be reminded of him each and every day as she was forced to look upon his face. It was overwhelming and almost more than she could bear. She hurt, and she would likely hurt forever.
*The Present, 9:36 Dragon*
Four days. That's how long it would take to get to Highever. If they were fast enough. Four days of agony, four days of wondering and anticipation. Alistair wondered how he would make it without jumping out of his skin. At least it gave him a lot of time to think. And that was all he could do. Think.
Alissa was in disbelief at the scene before her. It was like being transported in time, back to when she traveled so long ago alongside Alistair during the Blight. So very surreal, almost like being in a dream.
She watched him. They hadn't said much of anything since setting off. "Alistair, are you alright?"
He rode to her right, looking off and thinking perhaps. He looked very brooding. He snapped from his daze and looked at her. "Hmm? Oh I just…just having a ponder."
It was so unreal. They were just a few hours into their small journey, on their way to see their son. He finally knew he had a son. "You're worrying me," she confessed.
He was being very quiet and very sullen. She wondered what could be going through his mind. She supposed in the quiet, listening to the sounds of birds above them and the horses' hooves under their feet, he was finally given a chance to process it all. Alistair gripped the reigns of his mount tight, taking out his frustrations on its leather. This was already taking too long for his liking.
He shrugged, "I'm just wondering what I'll do when I see him," he said dreamily. "What I'll say."
She breathed in, the air escaping from her chest soon after as a heavy sigh. "Just do what feels right. You'll know when you see him."
He was scared, she could see it on his face as clearly as she could see his rather large but still very handsome nose. "What if I don't know," he fretted. "How do I do this? I don't know how to be a father."
The word sounded so foreign to him. Not only had he never been a father before, he never even had one himself. How did they act? What did they really do? What were they good for? It seemed Alissa and Duncan had gotten along just fine without him so far.
Alissa didn't have an answer. She played mother and father for the last 5 years, but that was different. How could you really explain? Being a parent wasn't a way that you did things, it was how you felt. It was just something you were. You could feel it with every breath you took, in every decision you made. It was like an extension of your own body. It made you feel whole when you didn't know that you weren't before. And she took that from him for far too long.
"No one knows. You just…do it."
If only he knew how many times she had questioned herself. How many times she felt like she wasn't enough for Duncan. And really she wasn't. He needed his father.
"I don't know Alissa. I'm…afraid."
She couldn't blame him really. Most men found out they would be a father months before they became one. He only had a few days. At least he cared enough to be afraid.
"We have a few days, let's not spend the whole time worrying. I have no doubt you will be great Alistair. You only have to love him."
He grinned. "And I do. It's strange really. I barely know him, but I know that I love him. When I finally get to look at him and know that he's mine, I can't even imagine what that'll feel like. I've watched him, you know. Playing in the courtyard. I don't know how I never saw it."
"He looks so much like you Alistair. He has from the start."
Alistair's eyes dropped as he thought of her 5 years ago. She must have looked beautiful with her belly swollen. He would never get to see her that way or feel a life move inside of her that he helped create. The weight on his heart hung heavy thinking of the baby he never got to hold or smell or kiss. What would it have been like to cradle a small little life you knew you made? And the pain she went through to bring him into the world, he missed being able to comfort her through that too. "Alissa…I'm so sorry you had to do it alone. If I could go back…"
"I know," she said curtly. "I don't want to dwell on it."
Alistair tugged at his mount to slow him, reaching out toward Alissa's to stop hers as well. He needed to touch her, they had been too far apart for too long riding on their steeds. "Of course," he said leaning over desperate to kiss her. Their lips connected and he could feel the smile forming on her lips. It was a gesture she appreciated, that he would stop in the middle of anything just to kiss her and make sure she felt loved.
Looking around as they trotted forward again, Alissa wondered the hour. By now the sun was already setting. She supposed they would have to think about setting up camp or finding an inn soon. Thankfully the road they traveled to Highever was well patrolled and the danger was at a minimum, but after the sky went dark it was anyone's guess how safe the roads would really be. Not that they couldn't handle a bit of danger. They were together again, they could handle anything.
It always made Alissa nervous walking into an inn like this no matter how many times she had been on the road. You never knew what type of people would be staying at a random inn at any given time. Their travel during the blight had taught her to be wary. In those days there was always danger wherever you went. Some places, such as dark dirty old inns, could still prove to be just as risky as they once were. Just hopefully not this one. At least there was a gallant night at her side this time. Alistair didn't look quite so worried. She guessed he was just ready to rest for the night and get back on the road as soon as possible.
Alistair went to the innkeeper to arrange their quarters for the night. Alissa couldn't help but keep herself very aware of their surroundings as she followed behind him. She found herself taking note of how many people were sitting in the inn's tavern, which ones were looking at them, and which ones were drunk enough not to have to worry about. Most of these people were probably not locals. Locals always gave you a suspicious eye and the majority of the room barely glanced up before they went back to their drinks.
The innkeeper had just come from kitchens and was wiping his hands on his ragged and stained apron. "What can I do for you fine folk," he asked as Alissa slid beside Alistair where he leaned against the bar top.
"Any vacancy?" Alistair asked.
"You be needin one room or two?" the Innkeeper said as he eyed Alissa.
"Just the one will suffice," Alistair replied smirking over at her.
A drunken patron stumbled from behind taking a seat at a stool in the middle of the tavern counter. "The pretty one looks familiar George."
The Innkeeper squinted his eyes studying her face. "You know I think I do recognize you. You've been in here before?" the Innkeeper asked.
"I don't think so," Alissa replied shaking her head and looking away timidly.
"No," the drunk answered. "She's that Hero lass. Hero of Fereldan ain't ya? One of them Wardens that killed the archdemon," he slurred enthusiastically.
Alissa stiffened and turned a shade of pink. She knew the closer they got to Highever, the more people might recognize her. It was easy to stay anonymous in Denerim. She had forgotten she was well known for her deeds elsewhere. She swallowed. "I ah…I don't get that very often," she smiled weakly. "Most people call the other fellow that, the one who died."
Alistair shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the counter he leaned on. Even out here, away from Denerim he's still have to hear of Loghain and his so called brave sacrifice.
"You two both Grey Wardens then?" the Inn Keeper asked curiously.
Alissa glanced behind them cautiously, aware that a few patrons' ears had perked at the mention of Grey Wardens. Some people still blamed them for the devastation that the Blight caused. Especially those loyal to the Queen. Hopefully they wouldn't cause trouble.
"We used to be," Alistair said looking back up, his voice hinting at some annoyance.
The drunk spoke again. "Nah, this one still is. I seen her at Amaranthine last month. My brother in law has a weapons stand up there. I make his deliveries every few weeks. She was walkin round the keep with their Commander wearin that blue armor they all wear. Whole place was buzzin bout the Hero bein there."
Alissa's lips parted slightly. "You must have me mistaken for someone else," she said nervously with a shrug.
Alistair titled his head toward her, a furrow to his brow. There was a question in his eyes, but for now he didn't ask it. "Right. About that room?"
The Innkeeper nodded. "Oh that's right. We got one for you if you got the coin."
"We have it," Alissa said pulling out a small purse and tossing it at the Innkeeper. "Should be enough for some bread and stew as well if you have it." She lowered her voice. "And enough to keep quiet about two Grey Wardens boarding for the night."
The Innkeeper grabbed the bag, sticking his thumbs in the opening to pull it and glanced at the coin. "Seems about right."
When the door closed behind them an awkward silence hung in the air as they stripped of their gear. Alissa watched Alistair, wondering if he really suspected anything. He knew she had been sneaking around Denerim. Would he connect the two? She still didn't know how he would feel about her going back to the Wardens.
Alistair sat at a rickety chair near the door pulling off his boots. "What was that about?" he finally questioned looking at her suspiciously.
She considered answering him truthfully, but the timing didn't seem right. "Like I said, they must have mistaken me for someone else."
"If you say so," he said not entirely convinced. He decided he wouldn't press. Not tonight.
He stood and grinned at her as she pulled away her armor and sat it carefully on the table. She was down to just a tunic and trousers now. He grabbed her by the waist and went in for a kiss. With a growl he scooped her up and threw her to bed and tackled her, eliciting a squeal from her throat.
"Wonder what they'll think when they hear two Grey Warden's going at it?" he laughed, trailing kisses down her neck and tugging at her trousers.
Alissa giggled as he settled himself between her legs. "Do you plan on being that loud?"
"As a matter of fact I do," he rasped with deviance in his eyes as he ran his hand over the outside of her bare thigh and pressed his lips to the inside of it just above her bent knee. "Got to get it out of our system before we have to worry about a little boy in the next room."
Alissa ran her fingers over his cheek and through his hair, beaming at him as she looked at his honey eyes. "I love you," she whispered.
His pressed his lips to hers. "I love you too."
She raised her eyebrows. "Show me," she challenged with a grin.
He pressed his nose in her hair and put his mouth to her ear. "I'm going to make you scream," he said with a sultry breath hot on her neck.