Leaving the Sand

Happiness is not always measured in smiles.- Unknown

What's so different? Pale blue eyes stared up from the mirror, blank. Gaara traced his image with a finger. He felt empty inside, and a yearning to fill that space continuality pressed against his chest like a real wound.

Moonlight passed through the open window, bringing with it a sense of serenity. Gaara moved from the mirror to look at the sky. The moon glowed softly surrounded by stars, as if it watched over and protected them. Like a mother, and all the stars are her children.

Why don't you call me mother anymore, Gaara? Shukaku laughed from the back of his mind. The demon roamed the depths of his consciousness, waiting for a chance to gain total control as he slept. Why don't you take a nap? A nice nap would do wonders for you!

Gaara sighed. He had stopped listening to the tanuki after fighting Naruto. With an effort he pushed the beast away to a far corner of his mind, where hopefully the raccoon would find something to amuse itself with. The red head leaned out the window, thinking. What was it that made them so different? What caused the others to look the way they did, filled with life?

He raised his hands to the moon, as if in offering. Pale skin reflected the light beautifully. Gaara held the position and didn't care if anyone saw him. He was seeing himself. He was a person. He wasn't the demon, Uzumaki showed him that. It was the blonde's dream to become Hokage. Even if Gaara didn't sleep, couldn't he dream?

My dream. I want to be recognized. I want people to see me. Gaara continued to watch the moon with the ache in his chest growing. Shukaku wanted him to kill again; ambush a random villager to prove his existence. I am not Shukaku. I won't do that.

Gaara retreated from the window, his sand closing the thick glass shutters absently and drawing the curtains. The demon container glanced around his Spartan room. It was absent of a bed, but held a dresser and couch as well as a heavy writing desk. He moved over to the rooms wooden desk as he had for several weeks now. Inside sat a book that was rare outside of the Fire country. It listed all the active duty shinobi for the village of Konoha, complete with age, name, and picture. Normally kept by feudal lords, the books were used by clients should they wish to select specific shinobi for a job. Gaara had taken it off a corpse.

There was still some blood caked on the binding, but luckily it had been Kankuro's kill and the man's pack had been left in tact. It was a fairly recent edition too, the man may have planned to take it to exchange with an older copy to be burned.

The pages flipped open easily to a small section near the back. Konoha's genin were listed, each with their own page. Each had something that Gaara was missing.

"Sakura…Haruno." Gaara read the name as he glanced at her profile. Age, weight, gender, and class stats. It was her eyes that held his attention. The emeralds reflected a strange joy he didn't understand, and a determination that was all too familiar. It was the girl that had been ready to take a hit from his half transformed state head on.

"Shikamaru…Nara." Temari's opponent may have had terrible scores, but his eyes had that same thing. It wasn't near as obvious as the previous page, but he had a quiet contentment in his eyes that Gaara envied.

"Shino…Aburame." Gaara wasn't sure what to think of the genin that nearly defeated his brother. It had taken much nagging from Temari but the puppetmaster had finally caved and described the battle to the wind mistress. The bug-user's concealed eyes annoyed Gaara. Windows to the soul…but I can't see them.

Flipping the page once more Gaara's breath caught. His eyes… It was the same boy whose leg he had crushed. Despite being only paper, pure happiness came out of those orbs. It was as if everything was right with the world, and he had accomplished something great. Gaara wanted that. He wanted to know what it was like to be so happy.

He skipped forward, coming to the last photo that captivated him. It was the boy who would never give up; who fought for his precious people. Those blue eyes sparkled from the page with a mischief, but the smile reflected his belief in himself. Gaara recalled Temari's pause when she caught him looking at it. She couldn't deny that in the picture Naruto had something that was appealing. 'Probably because pictures can't say stupid things.' She said. But he's not stupid.

Gaara snapped the book shut and stored it away. He recalled some jounin mentioning a 'Will of Fire' when he had been eaves dropping during the tournament. Was that what Naruto and his friends had? Gaara went back to the mirror, and watched himself. His eyes still lacked that spark that the Konoha genin had. Even Temari and Kankuro had it.

Gaara's gaze ended up shifting back to the night sky, to the glowing ball that lit the desert. "The moon reflects sunlight."

He glanced at his pale skin, and a random thought courtesy of his resident raccoon drifted in. Pale like the moon! That other boy was darker, tan. You two were total opposites!

Go back to your corner. Gaara snapped at the giggling demon. The thought wouldn't leave. "Could I borrow from the sun, and reflect it?"

Temari yawned as she entered the kitchen; her slippered feet dragging over the rough sandstone. The pleasant smell of coffee drifted from the kitchen, and she couldn't help but follow it. A caffeine boost would be welcome in the morning.

"Kankuro, why don't…Gaara?" Temari felt the small drop of terror-inspired adrenaline banish her tiredness upon seeing her youngest brother. He was wearing a traveling cloak over his red leather, and holding out a mug of warm black nectar.

"We're leaving." It was said with such finality that Temari couldn't help but shiver. She carefully accepted the mug and sipped it, marveling at the taste. Kankuro never made coffee this good.

"Where?" She knew better than to argue. While it was true her brother had been improving, and didn't threaten to kill them every other day, she couldn't forget that he had. It seemed he was in one of those moods.

There was a clacking from the stairwell, a sign of Kankuro dragging his puppet's down. He took care of them most of the time, but Gaara's abrupt decision to leave must have him hurrying. A tuft of reddish hair poked out soon followed by the genin. He glanced irritably at Gaara and nodded at Temari.

Gaara turned to go to his room, "Konoha."

The girl sighed. "Alright. I'll be ready within the hour." She addressed Kankuro who was wrapping his puppets. "Do you know what this is about?"

"No clue. I sent a message to Baki-sensei, but he hasn't replied yet. Gaara didn't seem to care."

She ran a hand through her hair and knocked back the rest of the drink. "I suppose he's been planning this then."

"He?"

"Gaara. You didn't notice how much more relaxed he is out of Suna's borders?"

Kankuro tied a final knot, the end product making Karasu resemble a human body. "What are you talking about? Gaara is Gaara. Same stoic person as ever."

Temari sat the mug on the counter. She started making a mental list of things she would need, before brushing it away. There was no way she could find everything in an hour. "You might want to pack more. Call it women's intuition if you want, but I don't think we're coming back."

Kankuro jumped, startled at the comment. "You mean, Gaara wants to become a missing-nin."

The corner of her mouth tilted up. "Look at it this way," she said sarcastically. "If he wants us to come, he probably isn't inclined to crush you. That, and if we don't go he might kill us so he has more time."

"But I already told Baki-sensei…" Kankuro trailed off.

"Who is immersed in so much paper-work and debates with the village council he won't get it till nightfall, at least. Then again Baki-sensei knows Gaara better than anyone, he won't send a group out to die needlessly."

She hurried up the stairs and started packing. Why the sudden change? Gaara has never shown interest in leaving Suna before. Several changes of clothing, minus Suna desert wear, were stacked in a pack along with her immediate savings and hair brushes and ties.

"Crap!" Kankuro shouted from downstairs. "How the hell do I carry three puppets?"

Temari poked her head out the door. "Take them apart! You can put them back together later!"

END.