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Rachel's POV

I didn't know if I should go for a run, or practice scales. I'd been stuck between my two passions for a few days, unable to understand which one made me feel more. There was a third passion, one that had just disappeared for the past three days, and one that I think I wanted to fight for.

Santana.

Where was she? The last thing she told me was that I should meet her father, I figured she'd invite me over at least, or maybe she was waiting for me to ask to come over. Maybe she wanted me to show up unexpectedly like I'd done before. I wish I knew.

This was the most confusing relationship I'd ever been in. There was no order to it, no reason for it, and both of us didn't seem to mind. I just wanted to see her again, soon, today even. Maybe I could go over there now. Maybe she was actually avoiding me for a reason.

Did I do something wrong?

I thought about calling Kurt over, I could use a big bucket of ice cream and a sappy movie to take my mind off things. I could also use Santana. Her dark eyes, always exploring me, always curious and never dull.

I sat down on my bed and pondered for a second. Why was I suddenly so indecisive? I think Santana made me this way. I was afraid to overstep my boundaries with her, because I knew that there was something that she was hiding from me. I was proud of myself for telling her that sometimes she just scared me. I don't like mystery, it makes the world seem much larger than it actually is, and it makes me feel helpless.

I heard the doorbell ring downstairs and I got up and rushed downstairs to get the door. I thought it would be Santana, well at least I hoped it would be her. But it was Quinn. She was shy, and I knew that, but the way she was looking at me right now, almost made her look like a child. "Hi." I said trying to give her a smile.

"Hey, can you uh…could you give me a ride to the hospital?" Immediately my eyes scanned her body for injuries. I didn't see anything, but who knows what could've happened to her. I knew that when she was drunk she was a different person, and I also knew that she didn't just drink for fun, she drank to forget.

"Are you okay? Should I call the ambulance?" She gave me a confused stare before frowning.

"Wait, you haven't heard?" Quinn asked with furrowed eyebrows. I thought about taking a step back and letting Quinn in, but I was already grabbing my car keys and pushing her towards my car.

"Heard what?" I questioned hoping she was the type of person who just cut to the chase. She got into the passenger's side of the car and I got into the driver's seat. I began driving even though she hadn't explained anything yet. I was driving faster than I normally did, but I felt like I needed to go now.

"About Santana, she's been in the hospital for three days. She passed out at my place…I don't really know what happened. The doctors have been running tests but today she's being released." Quinn explained.

"I don't…look I don't understand why…I mean why did she pass out?" I asked. Did this have to do with those meds I found in her bathroom? What else did Quinn know about this?

"She…um…well I guess you can ask her if you want." Quinn said. We parked close to the entrance, and I followed Quinn the rest of the way.

"Wait are her parents here?" I asked Quinn. I was still worried about first impressions, especially with her dad.

"No, San didn't want them to pick her up. I was going to ask Puck but…do you mind taking her home?" Of course I didn't mind, I just wanted to know why I was the last to hear about this. "Just to warn you she's going to be kind of lethargic and she won't want to talk about what happened." I nodded, but I always had so many more questions.

"How many times has this happened?" I questioned as we turned around a corner.

"I don't know, I've never counted." That meant that this wasn't just a one time thing. This was something serious. "I thought you were going to save your questions for Santana." I shrugged and watched as Quinn opened the door to a room slowly. She entered and I followed, unsure of what I was going to see.

Santana was putting on her shoes, and her hair was up in a bun. She hadn't looked up since we'd entered but I had this feeling that she knew we were there. "San." Quinn said. Santana finally looked up and her eyes immediately landed on me.

"I thought Puck was picking me up." She said. She looked angry with Quinn, like she'd messed up. "I don't want her seeing me like this." She was trying to say it quietly but I heard, and Quinn's shoulders slumped. I wondered what the big deal was. Santana looked normal, there were dark spots under her eyes but other than that she looked the same.

"Your mom already signed the paper work so we can head home now…but she was upset you know." Quinn said as she went to grab a wheelchair for Santana. I knew what the rules were. Patients had to leave the hospital in a wheelchair, even if they wanted to walk out. Santana starred at the wheelchair and kicked it away with her foot. "I have to wheel you out, they won't let you walk out." Quinn explained.

"I know that." Santana said with a frown.

"I'll wheel you out of here." I offered. Santana looked up at me and smiled for the first time since we'd gotten here. "If that's okay."

"Yeah…of course." Santana got into the wheelchair willingly and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her body and never let go. She looked fragile, like the wrong words could break her. I wanted to talk to her alone, but with Quinn here that could prove to be impossible.

"Hey, I need to pee, I'll be back in a sec." Quinn said as if she'd heard my internal thoughts. Santana and I waited in silence for a few moments before she finally spoke up.

"I bet you have a lot of questions." She said with a sigh.

"Yes, but I just want to know what happened, and if you are okay." I cared more about her wellbeing than anything else. We could talk specifics later.

"Chloe was at Quinn's place…I was just so upset with her, I was so tired of her bullshit, and…I…I just passed out I guess. Too much stress or something." Santana explained. She was lying and I could tell and she knew I could tell. "I don't want to go back home right now, could I maybe crash at your place. Just for a few hours."

"Yeah, but only if it's okay with your parents. I don't want them to worry." I told her.

"Sure I'll call them first."

…

Santana's POV

I enjoyed being alone with Rachel but I wondered how much she even trusted me at this point. I'd lied to her, more than once and I wondered how much she could take. We weren't dating, so there was no real obligation, but I wanted something with her. I wanted her friendship and I wanted her.

I was sitting in her kitchen as she prepared some pasta for me. I didn't ask her to do it, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching her do it.

"So why was your ex at Quinn's trailer?" Rachel asked. I had been waiting for this question for the past two hours. I knew she'd want to know. A part of her was jealous, a part of her wanted to protect herself from me. But most of her had to make sure that I wasn't playing with her heart.

"She was telling me how her crew was going to back off me. She said that they were just trying to scare me. She told me that she'd protect me, and some other gracious bullshit." I said taking a drink of water.

"I only saw her once and it was dark, how pretty is she?" Yeah, Rachel was definitely jealous. I smirked and walked over so that we were standing side by side. She was putting the noodles on and grating cheese.

"Why do you sound jealous?" I questioned.

"Look you and I are unlabeled, and your ex was just hanging around with you. Sorry if I'm inferring something else."

"It's not like that. Chloe and I…it's been over for awhile. Why do you think I'm here with you?" I asked her.

"Why do you keep lying to me? I know you didn't pass out because of some anxiety attack or something. I saw all those medications in your medicine cabinet." Rachel was spewing out facts like an encyclopedia. I didn't know how I should react. I didn't know how much she really wanted to know. I didn't know how deep into the past she wanted to go.

"Can I listen to you sing?" I don't know why I said it. I wasn't even trying to change the subject, I just wanted to hear her. I'd seen her dance, but this would be different. I took her hand and intertwined our fingers. "If you let me hear you then I'll tell you everything."

"Okay let's go upstairs-." I stopped her before she could move away.

"No, just sing right now." I stood behind her, pressing my hands down on the counter on either side of her. I was mimicking our earlier actions at my house.

"Now?" She asked.

"Yeah, just sing me something, I don't care if it's a chorus, a hook, or whatever. I'm just desperate to hear your voice." I told her.

"Okay, I'll just sing my current favorite." She said. I could feel the energy in her voice. The nervous excitement.

Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I'll lift my shirt up
Stand up straight at the foot of your love
I'll lift my shirt up

I kissed her neck and I had no idea why. Her voice was beautiful, but I had expected that, what surprised me was the tenderness of her voice. I was so attracted to her that I found myself lost in the melody, not the words.

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees
I never married but Ohio don't remember me

I felt my hands against her hips. Lifting her shirt up, kissing her collarbone, touching her bra clad breasts. "W-what are you doing?" Rachel asked.

"Is this okay?" I asked as I lifted her shirt over her head.

"You keep lying to me. You're doing this so I'll forget about what you said. But I won't forget." She pushed me back and pulled her shirt back on. "The hospital, tell me why you were there?"

"Rachel, please…give me time to-."

"No, I deserve to know. I can't move forward with you if I know nothing about you." She said holding onto my bicep.

"I spent most of my childhood in the hospital. It's where I learned how to play the drums, it's where I learned everything. It's why there's such a huge distance between me and my father. He was gone and so was I. There's more but I don't want to talk about it. Can we just…watch a movie? Could we maybe just relax?"

"Yeah, and Santana…" I looked over at her and she was smiling back. "Next time when you feel like getting handsy, at least make sure we're in a bedroom or something."

"Can do Rachel."

…

I picked up my bottle of pills and tossed it on my bed. How many was I supposed to take anyway? I felt like shit. I always felt like this after I had one of my episodes. Maybe I should just take every single one of those pills at once, end it once and for all. I heard my door open and in came Rey and Lela.

Maybe not.

"Can you munchkins go somewhere else? I'm tired and I want to be alone." Just by saying I wanted to be alone, it automatically made then want to stay. They both rushed over to my bed and sat down side by side.

"Mama said that we should keep you company. She's been worried since you came home from the hospital." Lela said as she curled up by my pillow. "If you want to talk to someone we're here for ya." She added as she reached for a book that was resting on my nightstand and examined the back of it.

"Good to hear." I muttered as I laid down on my stomach and played with Rey's hair. "What's up little man?"

"I was scared when you were at the hospital." Rey said quietly. "I didn't sleep very much."

"Were you having nightmares?" I asked. I lifted him up and wrapped my arms around him. All he did was nod his head. I thought of tell him that I would protect him. I'd always told him that, but I knew when it came down to it, I was useless.

"Oh such a Kodak moment." We all looked towards my bedroom door. None of us were prepared for the visit, we weren't expecting him to be home today, maybe in a week, but not today.

"Andres!" Lela and Rey screamed running over and hugging our older brother. He lifted them both up in his arms, kissing their foreheads and laughing. I smiled, but stayed put on the bed.

"Hey you two go downstairs and help mama en la cocina. Come on, giddy-up." Lela and Rey were happy to listen and they ran downstairs to the kitchen. Andres slowly walked over to my bed, his eyes focused on me and I thought that maybe he was going to cry, or maybe I was.

"Hey." I said before my arms latched onto him, holding onto him. I didn't realize how much I missed him until this very moment. He was the one to pull away first, but his hands were still on my shoulders.

"What happened a few days ago? Mom called me crying hysterically. I thought that…" He looked down at the ground and then wrapped his arms around me again. "What happened? You haven't had an episode like that in a long time I thought. What triggered it?" He questioned.

"Chloe." I said running my fingers through my hair. Andres crossed his arms over his chest.

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with her."

"I may have started something with those rojo pricks, but Chloe said she'd make sure nothing happened." I explained to him. "You didn't have to come home, you have a job to do."

"I also have a family, and an idiotic sister." He said nudging me. "Plus I missed mama's food. How are things with you and dad?" I just shrugged in response. "Well he told me about the community service."

"To be fair all I did was run." I said in my own defense.

"You ran?" He exclaimed.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." I told him truthfully.

"I want you to be more careful." He commanded.

"Sorry, is that an order?" Andres grabbed my shoulder and frowned at me. "What?" I asked pushing his arm away and sitting back down on my bed. He was just watching me, reading me. "Stop it."

"You first. Why are you acting like this isn't serious?" He questioned. "Too many people care about you for you to be this careless with your life." He sat down on the bed next to me. "What this new girl's name?" I looked at him, I was astonished, how could he even know. "You're afraid that she's special, and you're afraid that you'll have to be truthful with her about everything. Are you trying to protect her?"

"Of course I am. Do you think I want her to know about how I can't even run without feeling like I'm going to die? I told her about how I stayed in the hospital as a kid, but I didn't tell her about every other detail."

"What's her name?" He asked.

"Rachel." I told him. "And she's a Lima girl not from the Heights." I explained.

"Oh you're so in for it. When do I get to meet her?" He asked.

"Try never." I replied. He grinned and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "She's cute though right?"

"Beyond cute. She's a dancer and a singer too." I said proudly. "Too bad you're too much of a loser to get a girl like that." I joked.

"Take that back!" Andres said pushing my shoulder. I just laughed and pushed him back.

"Make me Andrea." I challenged. He was in the midst of lifting me over his shoulder when my father appeared in the doorway.

"Dinner's ready." He said. "Oh and try not to kill your baby sister."

Santana's working on trying to open up to Rachel, but hopefully her brother will help. Next chapter, I'm thinking of a family gathering, including Puck's family, Quinn's family, and Rachel. I might even have Chloe show up again.

By the way the song is Bloodbuzz Ohio by The National.