AN: SO! First of all, THANK YOU! To the reviewers, the followers and favoriters! I'm sorry to all my reviewers that I have no responded to personally yet. I promise you I will, because, like, your reviews give me LIFE?!
So this next chapter... Only one left after this one... and I'm not sure you guys will like this one but... What's better than a slow burn chapter? A slow-burn ANGSTY chapter! Because, I'm incapable of pure fluff, apparently. Anyways, don't be MAD!
As always, thank you to the beautiful Moonie, muse ladies of my life. Ninjette Twitch and Revy679.
And on with the show! Please review if you liked it... your comments give me life.
Chapter 9
With midterms fast approaching, Mamoru found that the week that followed that disastrous double date with Usagi passed by in a blur. With the mounting assignment workload and the insurmountable amount of course work that needed to be studied and revised, he had opted to spend several evenings in the silence of his apartment, rather than the arcade.
This was usual for this time of year, and though he generally relished the challenges of school, admittedly, he missed spending time with Usagi. Though, his understanding, yet silly, Usako ensured to send him a detailed account of her days and evenings in the form of several selfies and text messages. Which, he reciprocated of course, though his messages were shorter and much less interesting, as the most exciting part about his days were usually her.
There hadn't been any other mention of Seiya, or their painful double date. Usagi was one of the most confident people he knew, and he never wanted to see her crumpled up broken-heartedly, tears staining her cheeks, as she sobbed with self-doubt, ever again. He'd been torn when she'd fallen into his arms that night. Torn between an immense relief that she was not going to be dating what's-his-face anymore, and rage that he'd dared to reject her and make her feel this way.
Luckily, it seemed to be over, and things were relatively back to normal. He was relieved that it was Friday, as he'd promised Usagi that tonight would be study free and that he would meet her at the arcade, like usual.
Which he planned on doing right after his impromptu meeting with Sensei Saito who had requested to see him with only fifteen minutes left in the school day. He wasn't worried as he strode down the pristinely kept hallways of Moto Azabu high school towards the counselor's office, as he was sure that this meeting had something to do with his interview with Tokyo University.
He raked a hand through his hair, subconsciously straightened his tie before softly rapping his knuckles against the wooden door of his office. There was a muffled greeting from the other side that granted him entrance, and he turned the handle and slowly opened the door.
Sensei Saito was seated behind the desk, his thick horn-rimmed glasses perched on the tip of his nose as his gaze remained firmly fixed on an open document in front of him. "Chiba-san," he greeted, as he cleared his throat and gestured to the chair across from him. "Please, sit," he ordered politely.
Mamoru nodded and stepped over the threshold, the door automatically shut behind him, and the dull click resonated in the silence of the room. It was darker in the small space than usual, as Sensei Saito rarely turned on the light, and the sunshine that usually bathed the surfaces of the room from the lone window was absent as it was overcast and slightly dreary outside today.
The counselor had yet to look up as Mamoru slowly seated himself in the chair that Saito had indicated, and his body sank into the plush green cushion as he patiently waited for The Sensei to speak.
Finally, the counselor lifted his gaze to meet his. His expression was indecipherable as he used an index finger to adjust his glasses on the bridge of his nose.
Mamoru shifted in his seat, as Saito folded wrinkled, well-weathered hands in front of him and cleared his throat. "Chiba-san, I have something for you," he announced suddenly, as he leaned forward, unfolded his hands and carefully pushed a manila envelope across the desk towards him with the tips of his fingers.
Mamoru's' brow furrowed in confusion, as the cryptic gaze and the slow, deliberate manner with which the counselor was acting struck him as unusual. He wearily leaned forward and took the envelope from in front of him. It was hefty, and he lifted an eyebrow in question.
The counselor smiled softly, just the wisp of a curl on his thin lips, that deepened Mamoru's frown, "Open it please, Chiba-san," he demanded with an impatient wave of his hand.
Mamoru was feeling disconcerted at the counselors out of character behavior, but he tore his gaze from his face and fixed it onto the envelope that he carefully pulled open. The envelope made a crinkling noise as he reached in and pulled out the stack of glossy paper contents.
It took a moment to understand what he was looking at, but his eyes widened in confusion as his gaze perused the first paper with Harvard Universities insignia etched onto the top of what appeared to be an acceptance letter.
He shook his head in bewilderment and snapped his gaze back up to the smiling counselor. "I don't understand, Sensei," he blurted, his tone laced with confusion. "I didn't apply to Harvard University," he stated. Surely this was some kind of mistake. The deadline for University applications, even early acceptance, hadn't even closed yet. Not that he would have ever applied to Harvard.
The counselors smile widened, and there was an excited glint in his eyes as he straightened his usually slumped shoulders proudly. "No you did not, Chiba-san," he began, as he leaned back in his chair and peered over the top of his glasses at him. "As I had advised you in a meeting a couple of weeks ago, there is a special international program that is specifically looking for exceptional students overseas."
Mamoru opened his mouth, prepared to interject with a protest, but Saito lifted a hand to silence him. "This is an incredibly rare opportunity, and I was tasked with selecting Moto Azabu's best candidates and submitting them," his tone was steady, serious and there was a stern expression carved into his features as he leaned forward. "Chiba-san, you were one of six students, in all of Tokyo, that was granted an early acceptance, with a full scholarship to this prestigious school," he said, and there was a pleading note in his tone that made Mamoru's stomach churn uneasily.
Mamoru cleared his throat uncomfortably, and slowly shook his head. "Forgive me, Sensei. I don't mean to be disrespectful as I am infinitely grateful for everything that you have done for me," he began, as he tried very hard to ensure that his voice did not falter. This was an incredible opportunity, but he couldn't leave to study overseas. He forced himself to meet his Sensei's stare, which had softened slightly in disappointment. "But, I'm not interested in attending a school overseas," he stated firmly, with a conviction he hoped that he could adequately convey.
Saito didn't say anything as his expression hardened and he carefully regarded him. Mamoru swallowed nervously and shifted under his stare when the counselor finally sighed. "Chiba-san, are you sure that this is what you want? I think it would be foolish for you to turn this opportunity down," he professed with a disbelieving vehemence in his tone that made Mamoru cringe.
Mamoru nodded, even as his fingers flexed around the offending piece of paper that he'd never asked for. "I'm certain that there are equally advantageous opportunities here," he murmured apologetically, as he genuinely did respect the great lengths that the counselor had gone to for him.
Saito inhaled deeply, with a disappointed shake of his head. "Very well, Chiba-san," he murmured as he straightened the papers on his desk, an indication that this appointment was coming to a close. "You have several weeks still, to reconsider. Which I genuinely hope that you do," he stated with finality as he leveraged the desk to wearily pull himself to his feet. Mamoru quickly followed suit. "Take that packet with you, read over it, before you make your decision. In the meantime, your appointment with Tokyo University admissions office is at 9 am tomorrow morning, Chiba-san," he stated firmly as he ambled around the desk, past Mamoru and clasped the door handle.
"I suggest that you do not miss this one," he warned softly as he pulled the door open, and gestured Mamoru forward, effectively dismissing him. "Otherwise, you'll find that the opportunities available to you here in Tokyo will quickly dwindle."
Mamoru nodded and bowed respectively. "I understand, Sensei," he replied remorsefully before stepping over the threshold into the hallway.
The door clicked shut loudly behind him, and he quickly shoved the envelope and Harvard stack of papers into his book bag. Admittedly, his mind was racing with the challenge and the opportunities that were presented to him if he were to go Harvard.
He felt his phone vibrate against his hip, and he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder as he pulled the device from his pocket.
It was a text message from Usagi; 'Ughh, Mamo-chan. I'm going to be late. I have detention, which is not my fault! See you at the arcade. Miss you!' Followed by her usual slew of emoticons.
The corners of his lips quirked up into an amused smile, and his heart skipped a beat in his chest, as he quickly decided that the challenges that came with loving Usagi Tsukino were much more appealing.
oOo
Though he'd promised Usagi that this would, in fact, be a study free night, he couldn't help but pull out one of his textbooks to half-heartedly peruse while waiting for her at the Arcade counter after school.
He only briefly noted that the arcade was not nearly as busy as it usually was on a Friday afternoon, as Motoki popped out of the kitchen while he expertly balanced some tall, clean, milkshake glasses on a tray.
The arcade part-timer smiled in greeting as he carefully placed the tray behind the counter and deftly swiveled around to pour freshly brewed coffee into a white ceramic mug. The steam curled into the air above the rim of the cup as he pushed it towards him.
Mamoru only spared a brief glance to his sandy-haired friend before fixing his gaze back onto his book. "Thanks, Motoki. Can you get a strawberry milkshake, too?" he ordered, as he turned the page, and shifted in his seat.
Motoki smiled, as he leaned over and pulled one of the glasses from the tray, his hands expertly crafting the requested beverage. Mamoru did not look up, but he could feel his friends gaze burning into him as he placed the milkshake down beside him with a resounding thud on the scuffed countertop.
He inwardly sighed when Motoki loudly cleared his throat. "So, I haven't seen you in a while," he ventured with a burning curiosity clearly evident in his tone.
Mamoru nodded absentmindedly as he continued to read. "Midterms," he murmured matter of factly, consciously choosing to ignore the question in Motoki's tone.
Motoki nodded, though his gaze narrowed and he impatiently drummed his fingers along the edge of the counter. "So… I heard that your date didn't go so well," he stated, his tone brimming with barely restrained curiosity.
Mamoru did lift his gaze to meet Motoki's at that statement, a frown furrowed on his brow. "Who told you that?" he questioned and grimaced at the thought that he'd been the source of gossip.
Motoki grinned sheepishly with a shrug. "One of the girls," he replied with a chuckle that elicited a scowl from Mamoru who promptly went back to reading his book and purposefully ignoring him.
The blonde leaned forward, his expression indulgently sympathetic as he regarded his raven-haired friend. "Man, you're killing me over here," he exclaimed with a long-suffering sigh that made Mamoru roll his eyes. "You need to tell her. I hate to see you like this," he stated, as he straightened his shoulders, with an imperious shake of his finger.
Mamoru slowly turned the page of his book and, with an elbow perched on the counter, brought the ceramic mug of black coffee to his lips and took a sip. "Mind your own business, Motoki," he murmured nonchalantly.
It was Motoki's turn to scowl, as he lifted his hands in mock surrender. "Look, all I'm saying is that ever since I met Reika -"
Mamoru looked up and interrupted him from behind his raised coffee cup. "Reika, as in the girl you met two weeks ago?" He questioned drily, an amused smirk on his lips.
Motoki's haughty expression melted into a scowl. "Well, it was love at first sight, and I've never been..." he trailed off as he noted, suddenly, that Mamoru was regarding him with raised eyebrows and a smirk he was trying to suppress.
Motoki huffed with irritation. "You know what? Forget it!" He exclaimed and threw his hands up
Into the air with exasperation. "Be miserable! In fact, I think the world would implode if the sullen, enigma that is Chiba Mamoru actually smiled!" He scoffed dramatically, which evoked an amused grin from Mamoru.
Mamoru placed his cup onto the counter and opened his mouth to respond when the air suddenly shifted beside him and a whirlwind, in the form of blonde hair and bubbly energy, plopped down onto the swivel stool beside him.
"What are you talking about?" Usagi exclaimed brightly with a dazzling smile that effectively took his breath away. "Mamo-chan smiles all the time! Best smile in the world!" She exclaimed with an adorable wink and a red tinge across her cheeks.
Mamoru responded with a warm chuckle which produced an eye roll and a groan of disbelieving disgust from Motoki who shook his head and stomped away.
Usagi's brows drew together into a confused frown, even as her lips curled into an amused half-smile. "What's with him?" She questioned, as she leaned towards him and the enticing smell of lavender and vanilla assaulted his senses.
Mamoru shrugged with a lopsided grin. "Who knows? Probably still wrapping his head around being in a serious relationship for a whole week," he joked loudly with mock-seriousness.
There was a muffled groan of frustration from beyond the kitchen threshold. "Two, Chiba!" Motoki cried, and the indignant chords of his voice wafted in from the kitchen.
Usagi shook her head in confusion, though she giggled as she leaned over and pulled Mamoru's coffee cup towards her. She lifted the cup, took a deep breath, as if mentally preparing herself, then brought it to her lips, tilted her head back, and took a big gulp.
She wrinkled her nose in disgust, and Mamoru frowned with amused confusion. Usagi hated coffee. He knew for a fact that she despised the taste of the bitter brew that was an essential staple of his diet.
Usagi was in possession of a vast array of adorable quirks that amused and enchanted him in equal parts, and when they were younger, a girl in her class swore that coffee could make any ride go faster. Which was utterly ridiculous, but still, Usagi only drank coffee when…
"Oh God, the carnival is in town," Mamoru groaned in dismay, already preparing an internal dialogue of protest with reasons why they should not go to the carnival this year.
Usagi's grin widened brightly. "Yes!" She exclaimed as she swiveled around, and leaned forward to reach into her book bag that she'd dropped onto the floor. She almost stumbled, but he automatically reached out and steadied her waist as she rummaged through the contents, clasped something in her hand, and excitedly twisted back around towards him.
He sighed mournfully as she forcefully smacked down a gaudily decorated flyer onto the counter in front of him. "The dead moon circus and carnival, in town, this weekend only!" She squealed excitedly. "We have to go tonight, Mamo-chan!" She professed loudly, as she clasped her hands in front of her in anticipation.
He couldn't suppress the grimace that crossed his face at the prospect. Every year she dragged him to one of these things, and every year ended in disaster. "No way, Usako," he murmured firmly with a curt shake of his head. "I'm not going this year. Can't you go with one of the girls?" He questioned, not exactly proud of the high-pitched plea present in his tone.
Her face fell, and she puckered her lips into a heart-melting pout that was, quite frankly, seriously unfair. "Mamo-chan," she murmured. "I don't want to go with one of the girls. I want to go with you! I've missed you this week," she pleaded, her words tugging at his heartstrings. "Besides! We always have fun!" She exclaimed, and though her excitement was infectious, he couldn't help but shake his head in disbelief.
He raised an eyebrow, "You're kidding, right?" He questioned with an incredulous bark of laughter. "What about the time we went to the carnival, and I got food poisoning? Or the time before that, when that monkey from the show bit me, and I ended up needing a shot? Or the time before that when we got stuck on the Ferris wheel for three hours? Or-"
Usagi waved her hands in surrender to interrupt him. "Okay! So you don't have the greatest track record with carnivals!" She conceded with a wince. "But Mamo-chan," she leaned forward and suddenly wrapped slender fingers around his wrist. She perched herself precariously on the edge of her swivel stool, with her eyes wide and glistening brightly as she peered up at him. "I promise it will be different this time," she breathed softly, and his breath hitched in his throat as he couldn't help but admire the soft contours of her beautiful face, the enticing curl of ample lips, the slender curve of her neck, and the steady rise and fall of her chest. "Please?" She pleaded softly and, damn, it really was unfair.
With a resigned sigh, his lips quirked into an accepting smile. "Fine, Usako," he conceded, and the way her expression lit up made it worth it.
She squealed in delight, slid off of her stool, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She caught him off guard, and he stumbled back a little bit, but she steadied him for a change and buried her head in his chest.
He chuckled, though his brow creased into a small frown of confusion as he twisted his upper body around, as he was still seated on the stool, and returned her embrace.
She tilted her face upwards, glossy blonde curls tickling his face with the movement, and his breath caught in his throat and his heart began to quicken at the unusual look in her eyes. "Mamo-chan…"
She breathed softly, and his confusion deepened as she visibly swallowed. The strange moment passed, and he watched, fascinated, as her blush intensified and she pulled away with a nervous giggle.
His heart skipped a painful beat as she leaned over him, and plucked his coffee cup off the counter. With a deep breath, she plugged her nose, closed her eyes and forcibly drank the rest of the cup's contents.
With a whoop, she slammed the cup down and flashed him a victorious smile. "Now the rides will be really fast!" She exclaimed with a wink, and he rolled his eyes, the corner of his lips quirked into an amused half-smile. "And we'll go soon, after one game of Sailor V!" She declared brightly and twisted around towards the arcade games. "And don't think I didn't notice that you have a book in front of you, Mamo-chan! You're lucky you said yes to the carnival," She exclaimed over her shoulder with a wink, before whirling around and disappearing into the rows of games like a whirling hurricane of light.
He sighed, and turned back towards the counter, feeling slightly bewildered by Usagi's strange behavior.
"Hmmm… interesting."
Mamoru's gaze snapped up to meet Motoki's that had, at one point, re-emerged from the back and was currently wiping down the counter with a look of forced impassiveness on his face. Though Mamoru couldn't help but notice that his eyes were glinting with an amused, knowing look that made him scowl.
He wanted to ignore the part-timer and go back to his book, but admittedly he was curious, too. Which was amplified by the fact that he had not been the only one to notice a difference in Usagi today.
He exhaled with resignation and firmly fixed his eyes on Motoki's face. "What's interesting?" He demanded, his tone a little sharper than he'd intended.
Motoki grinned widely, "Well, looks like you might not be the only one developing feelings if you ask me," he said slowly.
Mamoru's eyes widened, and he couldn't help the hitch in his breath or the way his heart stopped at his words. There was no way. Was there?
He shook his head, his face reddening as he cleared his throat. "Mind your business," he muttered gruffly, as he picked up the discarded coffee cup that Usagi had left on the counter. "Can I get another coffee, please?" He ordered, his words curt and annoyed.
Motoki merely chuckled in response before he happily plucked the coffee pot from the holder and poured the hot brew into Mamoru's cup.
The part-timer was pulled away by another patron, and Mamoru found that there was no way he could concentrate on the words of the opened, yet forgotten book in front of him as he hesitantly turned to scrutinize a bright-eyed, excited Usako from a distance.
She was all silky hair, pink-cheeked brightness with endlessly long legs as she focused on the game in front of her, and he wondered… no, fervently hoped, that Motoki was right.
He wouldn't risk his friendship with her for anything in the world, but if there was a possibility, even a slight one, that she felt the same… he couldn't help the way his heart began to race excitedly, though he couldn't quite manage to finish the thought.
He exhaled slowly and lifted his cup of coffee to his lips. If there were more moments like the one that had just happened, then surely there was a chance...
He sighed, and couldn't help but cringe at the nervous feeling that churned in the pit of his stomach as he turned back towards the counter. He wouldn't know if he didn't say something, and he didn't know if he could handle sitting idly by as she started dating again, like she inevitably would, if he didn't at least tell her how he felt.
But, what if he told her and she… his thoughts trailed off once again as he took a sip of coffee, and his wavering resolve strengthened as he couldn't help but taste her strawberry lip gloss that she'd unknowingly left on the rim of his coffee cup.
oOo
As far as carnivals went, this one wasn't any different than the other carnivals that Usagi had dragged him to. The crowd was thick and a little overwhelming. The thrilled screams of roller coaster riders intermingled loudly with the various chords of music blaring from speakers strategically placed in a variety of different locations. Carnival attendants dressed in striped vests suavely beckoned customers to their games with the promise of cheap, but strangely alluring plushies, or goldfish tied in little plastic bags filled with water.
It was a deafening whirlwind of excited energy that made him feel nauseated. Usako, though, was in her element, and he tried to forget the anxiety-driven into him by his surroundings and focus solely on her flushed cheeks, her wide, awe-filled eyes, and the way her fingers were suddenly interlaced with his as she pulled him through the crowd.
Usagi had been correct in her statement that he did not have the greatest track record with carnivals, and though he'd been dreading coming here, after an hour or so, he did have to admit that he was actually enjoying himself.
Just like always, she knew how to make him forget how uncomfortable he felt in large, loud crowds, as she pulled him towards her favorite rides. She was a silken blonde tornado of light, clumsily twirling from one place to the next with the soft chime of an enticing giggle, a beckoning light glinting in the pools of sapphire blue eyes, and the alluring curl of a sugar-coated smile. The sugars on her lips came from a candy-apple that they'd stopped to buy from a vendor and he'd watched her devour it with the same gusto she afforded everything she loved in life.
Soon, he was laughing with her, and it was like it had always been between them; natural, comfortable, and though he still felt the urge to pull her into his arms and taste the sugared candy still coated on her lips, it would always be more than that with her. He couldn't imagine that he would fit with anyone else as perfectly as he fit with Usagi.
"Oh! Mamo-chan!" Usagi exclaimed breathless with excitement, and he collided into her back as she suddenly halted in her tracks. Undeterred, she whirled around to face him. "Look! A house of mirrors, and there's no line up for that one!"
He glanced up to where she'd animatedly gestured, and he could see why there wasn't a lineup. It was still relatively early, the sun just setting beyond the horizon, so there were still several families out with their children. The makeshift house of mirrors, with its darkened exterior, the chords of strangely eerie music coming from inside, and the large block-lettered sign sporting a picture of a ghoulish demon-like creature did not exactly emanate a kid-friendly vibe.
He raised an eyebrow in surprise, the corners of his lips quirking into a soft, indulgent smile. "Usako, I'm not really sure we should go in there," he murmured with a small shake of his head. "Looks a bit creepy, doesn't it?" he ventured tentatively.
Usagi was not a fan of anything that was remotely frightening. She avoided anything rooted in the horror genre, and he knew that she hated the dark. It frightened her enough that he knew she still kept her bedside lamp on when she was at home, and he purposefully kept the hallway light on when she slept over. Though, if you asked her, she would adamantly deny it.
Her brow furrowed adorably, and with a dismissive wave of her hand, her chin tilted upwards proudly, she shook her head. "Please? It looks like fun!" She scoffed and leaned over to grasp his hand and tug him towards the house.
He sighed and rolled his eyes in amusement as he allowed her to pull him through a small crowd of congregating girls taking selfies to the rickety wooden steps that led to the open entrance into the darkened interior of the house.
Usagi promptly pulled out two, slightly crumpled, bright orange carnival ride admittance tickets from her pocket and handed them to a tawny-haired, bored attendant that accepted the pieces of paper without bothering to look up from his phone.
He knew the exact instant that Usagi regretted her decision to step into the house. It was as the doors slammed behind them, they were bathed in complete darkness, and he heard the audible hitch in her breath and felt her tense beside him.
He chuckled softly, "Usako," he murmured to the darkened outline of her lithe form that he could barely see. "We can just turn around. Honestly, let's go on the Ferris wheel instead," he comforted and clasped her hand with the intention of pulling her back through the front door.
He was surprised when she yanked her hand out of his and stepped away from him. "I'm not afraid, Mamo-chan!" she exclaimed, "Come on!"
He wasn't sure why she was so determined to wade through the darkened interior of this, quite frankly, poorly crafted house as he followed her darkened outline towards a set of open doorways that led them into a twisting maze of mirrors down a very dimly lit hallway.
It was a little less eerie the further along that they went, though he noted that the strange halloweenish sound effects that they had playing were definitely in poor taste. Usagi skipped along ahead, and he couldn't help but smile as she giggled and paused in front of each mirror to make funny faces at the distorted figures in their blurred reflections.
He was watching her with amusement, a smirk on his face, when she twirled towards him, breathless with excitement, and opened her mouth to say something when the ghoulish monster sound effects that were echoing around them suddenly switched to a new track. Which happened to be the sound effects of a thunderstorm.
It didn't matter that the roaring sound of thunder that rippled through the house was fake; Usagi's eyes widened, and the blood drained from her face. Her lips parted, and she emitted a soundless scream as she clamped her hands over her ears and slumped forward in paralyzed terror.
He cursed angrily, furious with the atrocious choice in background music, and his heart began to race as he sprang into action. He quickly took the two steps to close the gap between them and automatically pulled her into his arms. Her body was as stiff as a board, though he could feel her trembling and hear her hyperventilating, as he protectively wrapped one arm around her waist, and pressed her head against his chest with the other.
He stroked her hair, murmuring nonsensical soothing words, as they waited for the thunder sound effects to stop. He knew that it wouldn't be helpful to tell her that the sounds weren't real, or that it wasn't really storming outside. She knew that already. So he merely held her, just like he'd always done, and waited.
Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, and he smoothed away the soft blonde curls by her temple. "It's almost over, Usa," he comforted, his words whispered soothingly, as his arm tightened firmly around the slender curve of her waist.
In no time, her breathing evened, and he felt the tension leave her body as she melted against him. His only intent in holding her like this was to help alleviate the intensity of her terror. He'd held her like this countless times over the years, and in these moments, any thoughts, other than soothing her, were completely wiped from his mind.
This time though, when her trembling subsided, and she tilted her head upwards to peer into his face, something felt different.
Her lashes were wet with the remnants of terrified tears, but her eyes were wide and filled with something else. A longing that made his breath hitch in his throat, and made him acutely aware of the intimate way that he was currently holding her.
He was sure that her breathing had suddenly quickened by the rapid rise and fall of her chest nestled against his, and, though he wasn't one hundred percent certain, he thought that maybe she'd purposefully propelled herself onto the tips of her toes to get closer to him so that her lips were barely inches away from his.
He swore he could hear the sound of his racing heart roaring with anticipation in his ears as he fixed his gaze onto her lips. He wanted so badly to kiss her, to taste her strawberry lip gloss again, but this time from her lips instead, but was she really leaning into him, though? Did he imagine that?
It seemed like his body had a mind of its own as he lowered his head just a little bit closer. Her breath was warm as it intermingled with his and fanned across his face. He would have given in, forgotten all of his reservations, and finally, after all of these years of longing, bent down tokiss her, if he hadn't taken a moment to note the tears that were still glistening in her eyes as she blinked up at him. Big, saucer-wide eyes filled with a vulnerability she was still recovering from because of her terror-filled phobia that had been triggered by the sound thunder.
His heart sank because he knew that he couldn't kiss her now. Not like this. He couldn't take advantage of the fact that she'd turned to him in a moment of terror, just like he hadn't been able to kiss her after that terrible date when she'd fallen broken-heartedly into his arms.
He cleared his throat and took a small step back to put a little distance in between them, though she remained firmly within the circle of his arms.
Her expression was stricken, filled with confusion, as she innocently blinked up at him.
He smiled reassuringly. "Are you all right, Usako?" He whispered and internally cringed at the painfully hoarse tone of his voice. Her cheeks reddened with a warm, enticing blush as she mutely nodded, and quickly averted her gaze in embarrassment.
"Thank you, Mamo-chan," she whispered softly. "You always make me feel safe," she continued, and the sadness melted away from her expression as she offered him a tentative smile.
He opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted by the shrill cry of excitement from a girl that had pushed her way into the hallway amidst a group of giggling teenagers that were laughing at their own distorted reflections among the row of mirrors. Whatever had been surging with muted intensity in between them faded away with the interruption.
Usagi twirled out of his arms, a warm look etched into her eyes as she quirked her lips into a smile and grasped his hand in hers. "Come on, Mamo-chan," she said sweetly, her tone soft but still shaky and edged with emotion.
He let her pull him through the crowd of girls, that only spared them brief, curious, looks, and back through the house the way they'd come. When they stepped back outside, the sun had completely set, and the whole carnival was bathed in the glow of the carnivals flashing, multicolored lights and blinding white floodlights. They paused for a moment, outside of the house of mirrors, and his mind was racing with the implications and possibilities from what had just transpired between them.
Usagi wrapped slender fingers around his wrist, and his breath hitched as he fixed his gaze onto her. Something was different. He could feel it, and he could see it etched into the soft contours of her face and the bright, inquisitive glint shining from her eyes.
She didn't say anything for a moment, and he knew that he should have said something to break the strange, electrically charged, silence that had settled in between them. He couldn't possibly manage though, because his heart was pounding, the words tangled up in his mouth because all he could feel right now was a nervous excitement.
It was Usagi who finally spoke, her cheeks flushed, her head tilted to the side, shadows dancing across her face as the lights from the tilt 'o whirl ride behind her twisted and twirled in the darkness. "Can… can we go on the roller coaster now, Mamo-chan?" she asked softly, visibly swallowing, a tentative and nervous smile curled onto her lips.
Wordlessly, he nodded, and her smile widened, as she turned away and they silently began to make their way towards the next ride.
She didn't say another word which, under normal circumstances, would have made him nervous. Except that when he risked a sideways glance to surreptitiously study her profile as they walked, he noted the expression on her face, and he was sure that expression was the very same one he always wore when looking at her.
The hope that unfurled in his chest was almost unbearable, and it cemented the decision he'd been subconsciously toying with all day.
He was going to tell her how he felt about her, and he was going to tell her tonight.
oOo
This felt exactly like the moment when he'd finally admitted to himself that he had somehow fallen in love with his best friend. Internally, it felt like he'd been torn in half as he'd struggled with what he was going to do about it. Now, after all of these years, he'd finally built up the courage to face her and tell her how he felt, but, unsurprisingly, his mouth and the words that kept getting tangled up on his tongue were not cooperating with him.
Luckily, the charged tension after the house of mirrors had melted away, and Usagi was back to being her chattering, bubbly self as they stood in the lineup for some roller coaster called the twisted twizzler. That suited him just fine because the more that she talked and bounced around excitedly on the balls of her feet, the less likely it would be that she would notice how quiet he'd suddenly become.
This was a good idea, right? Surely the several times that he'd caught her staring at him today, with a longing look that lingered, or the multiple times he'd somehow found her lips just inches from his, meant that there was something there for her too, right? Was he losing it? Was all of this just a hopeful product of his imagination?
"Do you think this ride is super fast, Mamo-chan?" she questioned softly. Then propelled herself onto the tips of her toes and craned her neck to peer over the heads of the people in front of them so that she could catch a glimpse of the coaster that he could hear whirring loudly on the tracks in front of a large, makeshift tunnel.
He barely heard her question because he was focused on untangling the web of words of the confession that he was dangerously close to suppressing out of sheer nervousness once
again.
She turned towards him, eyebrows raised, and her expression tinged with confusion because he still hadn't responded to the question she'd just asked him. "Mamo-chan?" she tried again, as the silken, golden streamer of her pigtail tumbled over the slope of her delicate shoulder with the inquisitive tilt of her head. Damn. It didn't help that her beauty took his breath away.
He raked a hand through his hair, exhaled a shaky breath and made a decision. Now. He had to say something now, or he never would. "Usako, I have to tell you something," he began, pleased that his voice didn't sound nearly as nervous as he felt.
Her eyes widened and filled with concern. "What is it, Mamo-chan?" She whispered softly, and he heard the catch in her breath, too.
It wasn't the perfect location, and he was dimly aware that they were standing in the middle of a lineup of a crowded carnival, but he didn't want to wait anymore. He inhaled, the words perched on the tip of his tongue, when they were promptly, and quite annoyingly, interrupted.
"Usagi-chan! Mamoru-san! I thought we might see you tonight!"
Usagi turned away from him, and they both looked up in one simultaneous motion, though Usagi wore a pleasantly surprised expression whereas he found it difficult to suppress the annoyed look on his face. The enthusiastic greeting had come from Makoto who was approaching them with a warm smile on her face. He stifled a groan when he noted that she was accompanied by Minako and a group of her friends.
His mild annoyance only darkened into sour irritation though, when he noted that within the group of friends stood the last person he wanted to see. Seiya. He had hoped that the long-haired, self-proclaimed music artist would not reappear in his life again. That was wishful thinking, apparently, and he was pleased to note that the expression on his face appeared sheepish and nervous, rather than self-righteous with the smug smile he'd sported the last time they'd met.
The second group, much to Mamoru's dismay, joined them in the line, and Minako, with a toss of blonde hair that narrowly missed whipping him in the face, wedged herself in between him and Usagi, as she sidled up beside her and promptly hooked her arm through hers.
"Mina-chan! Mako-chan!" Usagi exclaimed brightly, her tone laced with genuine pleasure to see her friends. "Of course we're here," she giggled, and Mamoru noticed that she shot Seiya a wary glance.
Seiya cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It's nice to see you again, Usagi-san, Mamoru-san." he murmured politely.
Mamoru couldn't help but feel relieved that the tension between Usagi and Seiya was so painfully palpable. Though he instantly felt guilty about that the moment he saw the hurt expression that momentarily crossed over Usagi's face.
Her cheeks reddened, and she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and, with a proud tilt of her chin, she averted her gaze. "Kou-san," she replied with a curt nod.
An uneasy silence followed their strained greeting, and it was only broken by a forced giggle from Minako. "Well, this is awkward! Jeez, guys, you can slice through the tension with a fork," she said airily with another chiming laugh that effectively lightened the mood.
Usagi snorted with amusement, "Or a spoon?" she replied jokingly with an amused tilt of her head.
Makoto, in turn, chuckled as well. "No!" she interjected excitedly, "A spork!"
Both girls began to choke with laughter, and Minako scoffed, as she haughtily tilted her head up and flicked her hair off of her shoulder with an imperious twist of her wrist. There was an impish gleam in her eye that gave her away, though.
Luckily, Seiya melted into his group of friends as they moved ahead of them in the lineup, and he was relieved as the other boy disappeared from his line of sight as Usagi become lost in conversation with Makoto.
He would have been content to quietly trail behind them, but Minako, annoying, nosy Minako, was not in the mood to let things be.
The blonde fashionista gracefully twisted around, her back turned towards Usagi and Makoto, to face him. "What's the matter, Chiba? You're looking a little tense," she practically purred with a suggestive wiggle of perfectly manicured, blonde eyebrows.
He rolled his eyes, jaw clenched tightly shut, as he attempted to ignore her.
She giggled. "You know it's rude not to respond when someone is speaking to you!" She exclaimed lightheartedly. "What's wrong, anyway? Bunny rabbit got your tongue?" She said, her tone annoyingly suggestive
His brows furrowed into a scowl. "I think you mean to say cat, Aino," he forced through gritted teeth.
She snickered, her gaze flicking casually over her shoulder slowly and deliberately towards Usagi, before falling back onto him with a smirk. "Do I, though?" She asked, her tone soft and cryptic as she leaned forward.
His eyes narrowed, and he forcibly bit back a scathing retort, just as the line moved up again, and it was Minako's friends turn to go on the coaster.
The blonde twisted back around with an excited flurry and joined a stiffened-shouldered Seiya and her friends as a stern looking attendant opened a steel entrance gate and held his hand out for tickets.
Their group slipped through the gate, and the attendant stopped when they reached Makoto, Minako, and Usagi.
"There's only room for two more," the attendant stated, his tone serious, an expectant look on his face.
Minako squealed, hooked her arm into Usagi's and pulled her through the gate. Usagi glanced at him over her shoulder as the red-bowed blonde pulled her forward, and offered him an apologetic smile.
He smiled back reassuringly, though his smile melted into a frown as the attendant intercepted the pair of blondes before they could get into the dragon-shaped cart.
"Sorry, this cart is out of order. I have to split you guys up," he ordered and gestured towards the last two empty seats. One of them was beside a boy that was not associated with their group, and the other one was, unfortunately, beside Seiya.
He couldn't help the nervous way his fingers flexed and curled tightly around the top of the steel gate, his knuckles turning white with the pressure, and his jaw was clenched shut so tightly, he thought it might snap.
Please, Minako. He inwardly pleaded and hoped that the annoying blonde would do the right thing for once and sit with Seiya. He was her friend after all.
He knew that wasn't going to happen when the silver-haired boy in the other cart gave Minako a suggestive wink. There was no way Minako was going to pass down a chance to sit with him, and he inwardly cursed as, sure enough, the blonde practically preened under his gaze and, with a practiced swish of her hips, abandoned Usagi to slip into the seat beside him.
Usagi's smile was tight, the contours of her face hardened as she peered at the empty seat beside Seiya with hesitation. For a moment he thought she might turn around and come back, but he watched as she sighed and stiffly sat beside the long-haired jerk instead.
Her gaze met his, and she must have seen the concern written there because she shrugged with resignation and offered him a reassuring smile.
The only comfort that he could pull from this was the fact that Seiya looked just as uncomfortable as she did, as they both purposefully leaned as far away from each other as possible to avoid touching.
He felt the urge to kick the stupid steel gate as the roller coaster moved forward and disappeared into the darkened tunnel with a loud screech and the nearly deafening sounds of mechanical clicking.
Well, this wasn't the worst thing to have happened to him at the carnival, but he couldn't help the nervous twinge that was unfurling in his chest when he thought about Usagi, who he'd almost just confessed that he was in love with, pressed up beside Seiya that he knew damn well still wanted to date her. He had too. Usagi was pure perfection. How he could have rejected her was beyond him. It was inexplicable, and that thought alone made him want to growl out loud in frustration.
He didn't realize that his scowling gaze was still locked onto the place that the coaster had disappeared, or that both of his hands were clenched tightly around the steel railing of the gate now until he felt the slightest touch on the top of his hand.
He turned his head to the side, his brow furrowed in confusion, as he peered down into wide, sympathetic emerald green eyes.
"Hey, Mamoru-san. You don't have to worry. The coaster is only like 6 minutes tops. They'll be back soon," Makoto consoled quietly, her tone soft and comforting.
He exhaled deeply, a breath he hadn't realized that he'd been holding, and nodded at the brunette. "I know," he murmured under his breath, before the corners of his mouth quirked up into a small, grateful smile. "Thank you," he added, almost as an apologetic afterthought.
Makoto shrugged nonchalantly in response as she leaned forward over the gate, and a comfortable silence settled between them.
He'd always felt a bit separated from Usagi's friends. It was mostly his fault as Usagi had so many friends, and he had never been able to find a way to comfortably interact with them. He knew that her friends probably didn't understand why Usagi spent so much time with him, they were complete opposites after all, but they mostly tolerated his presence.
Which was why he was surprised that the bright-eyed brunette was offering him comfort as if she knew how he felt.
He sighed miserably as he turned back to stare at the tracks with anticipation. Of course, she knew. It would seem like they all knew because he was so patently obvious about it.
The lineup was starting to build, and the group of people behind them were getting restless when he noted, as he furtively glanced down at his wristwatch, that more than ten minutes had passed.
He raked a hand through his hair and crossed his arms with an impatient huff when the attendants stern, slightly shaky voice resonated above the restless chatter of the people waiting.
"Hey! Sorry folks, but this ride is currently out or order! Please come back later!"
There was a cacophony of irate and dismayed boos as the waiting patrons began to disperse and meander over to the other rides.
He shared a panicked look with Makoto as he twisted around and leaned over the gated barrier to wave over the black-haired, acne-faced, attendant.
"Hey!" He spat as the boy slowly approached. "What about the people already on the coaster?" He demanded harshly and nearly throttled the boy when he responded with a shrug.
"Coaster is stuck on the track. They're working on it," he replied and turned to go once again.
Mamoru's heart was hammering angrily against his rib cage, and he let loose a harshly whispered expletive as he leaned over the steel barrier and firmly clasped the attendant's arm.
"My friend is on that coaster," he snapped, but the attendant yanked his arm away and scowled.
"Your friend is fine. They're just stuck, man," he defended, brow furrowed and hands raised in surrender. "They're working on it," he finished lamely and took a tentative step backward.
Mamoru wanted to leap over the gate and throttle him. Instead, he gritted his teeth and curtly shook his head. "Look, isn't there- "
Makoto interrupted him. "Mamoru-san, I'm sure that everyone is fine," she reassured calmly. "Look, why don't we go wait by the exit? There was a cotton candy vendor right there. You can buy some for when Usagi-chan gets off the roller coaster," Makoto reasoned.
Though he understood her logic, he couldn't help but feel panicked, and it had less to do with concerns for her safety than he'd like to admit. Makoto was right though, and so, despite his trepidation, he nodded and wordlessly followed the brunette to where the others would exit.
He liked to think that he was a patient person, but he couldn't help but pace back-and-forth as he waited with bated breath for Usagi to exit the ride that had broken down.
Makoto had given up trying to comfort him as she'd silently perched herself onto the edge of a low stone bearing wall, legs crossed, and eyes glinting with amusement as she plucked at the fluffy threads of the cotton candy that she'd purchased.
He was nearing the breaking point, drowning in his panicked-ridden thoughts as they reached the one hour mark. Finally, he recognized some of Minako's friends as they began to file down the sloped rickety wooden ramp as they exited the darkened tunnel of the roller coaster ride.
He felt the tension release from his shoulders and exhaled deeply with relief when Usagi's golden streamers of hair twisted in the breeze as she exited the tunnel behind the others and stepped into view. The relief was short-lived, though, and it was like the wind had been knocked out of him with the painful realization that she was walking next to Seiya.
Gone was the tension between them, and the stiff, uncomfortable posture she'd held when she'd hesitantly sat down beside Seiya. Their arms were practically touching, as her bright blue sapphire eyes peered up at him. In place of the strained, hurt expression he'd counted on, that had been carved onto the delicate features of her face, was the soft, smiling expression that he knew very well.
Admittedly, he was not only confused by her shift in moods towards the long-haired boy that was annoyingly staring down at her like she was some kind of moon goddess. He also wondered what could have possibly happened in the hour that she'd been stuck with him to make her forget how he'd dared to hurt her.
His heart stopped when she finally caught sight of him. Her eyes brightened, and her face lit up with one of her dazzling, heart-breaking smiles.
"Mamo-chan! Oh gosh," she chimed excitedly as she skipped the final three steps and closed the gap in between them. "Can you believe how crazy it is that we got stuck like that?" She questioned, face tilted upwards, a pink blush tinged across the smooth skin of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. "At least you didn't get stuck this time though, right Mamo-chan?" She giggled and leaned in towards him.
He felt the tension uncoil slightly from the taut muscles of his neck as his lips involuntary quirked into a small half-smile. He opened his mouth with the intention of responding when Seiya interrupted him.
"Hey, Usagi-chan, are you coming?"
It was one of the most painful things that he'd ever heard, but not nearly as painful as the smile that curled onto her lips as she peered back at him over her shoulder. "Just a minute!" She exclaimed.
His stomach churned with bitter disappointment, and all of the hope and anticipation that he'd been building up in his head and his heart all day came crashing down with a brutal vengeance. He'd imagined it. All of it. Usagi would never see him as anything but her best friend, and the realization, after coming so close to confessing, tore him up into pieces.
He'd already taken a step back when she turned back towards him. "Hey! So, Seiya-san invited us to go see his band play, so I told him I would ask you first but-"
He could hardly stand to hear another word. "Yeah, I think I'll pass, Usa," he spat, and inwardly cringed at the painful venom laced into his words. "I'm not really interested in being a third wheel on an impromptu date," he scoffed, and he couldn't help the accusation in his tone.
It was unfair, and damn, it wasn't her fault, but it hurt. It hurt really bad, and he couldn't help it.
Her eyes widened in horrified confusion, and she vehemently shook her head. "What? Mamo-chan, don't be ridiculous. It's not like that. Actually, it's really funny. I want to talk to you about-"
He didn't trust himself not to say something irreparable. So he shook his head and interjected once again. "Look, Usako," he began, and he was proud at the steady way he held his tone. "Just go. I want to go home, anyways. I'm not feeling well," he said, and he knew the excuse was lame, just barely believable, but he couldn't manage a more complex lie at the moment.
He turned to leave, to get out of this painful situation so that he could go back to his apartment and mourn what had been a second of hope when she grasped his wrist to stop him. "Mamo-chan, what's wrong?" She demanded, her tone tinged with worry. "I'll come with you if you're not feeling well. I can make you soup or something," she offered, eyes wide and imploring.
He gently extracted his arm out of hers, because he refused to misread their friendship again. "No," he snapped, and it was a bit harsher than he intended. "I want to be alone," he demanded, though his hardened demeanor softened at the stricken expression on her face. "Have fun, Usako," he said softly and forcibly offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile before he turned around, strode past a Makoto who was sporting a horrified expression on her face, and through the crowd of people towards the park entrance.
It took every ounce of strength that he possessed not to pause and look back at her.
oOo
He didn't think that the walk home could get any more bleak, as he forcibly put one foot in front of the other. Usagi's feelings for him wasn't the only thing that he'd been wrong about, though, and he couldn't help but let loose a bark of disbelieving laughter as the first droplets of water hit his face, and the sky opened up, and it began to rain in earnest.
He was in a veritably miserable mood when he finally pushed his apartment door open, kicked off his shoes in the genkan before trudging into the living room and falling onto the couch with a soft sigh of resigned exhaustion and defeat.
This whole thing was his fault. He'd built something up in his head that wasn't there, and although it would take him a couple of days, he was determined to let this awful feeling of bitter disappointment fade so that they could go back to the way things had been before. Honestly, he would rather have Usagi in his life as his friend than not have her in his life at all. Which was the whole reason he hadn't confessed his love for her in the first place.
He steeled his determination, miserably peeled himself off of the couch and, with shoulders slumped in defeat, he made his way to the bathroom to take a hot shower.
It was only later as he settled himself back onto the couch, comfortably dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, with his books strewn out in front of him on the coffee table, that he allowed his mind to wander back to Usagi. Was she at band practice with Seiya, right now?
He exhaled despondently, raked his hand across his face with a pitiful groan of frustration as he leaned back, and settled his head onto the top of the couch headrest. He narrowed his eyes, and sadly fixed his gaze onto the ceiling. It looked like his track record with carnivals was never going to change, though this one was admittedly his worst one yet.
The rain began to pick up in intensity outside, and the droplets smashed against the window pane with a pitter-pattering thud that was consistently starting to increase in volume, so be almost missed the sound of the knock on his door.
Before he had time to get up and answer it, he heard the distinct sound of a key being inserted into the lock, as it twisted and clicked open. The door flew open and scraped loudly across the linoleum of the genkan floor, to reveal a shivering Usagi who burst over the threshold.
The door automatically shut behind her with a resounding thud, and she swiveled around to face him. She was definitely a sight for sore eyes, her hair and clothes damp from the rain, her arms crossed over her midsection as she attempted to rub some warmth into her arms, and her lips tinged a blue as she trembled from the cold.
He instinctively wanted to envelop her in his arms, but he fought the urge because he suddenly couldn't control the anger that surged through him at the sight of her.
Logically, he knew this wasn't her fault. The anger was only the resulting remnants of the crushing disappointment he was still trying to get over, but still. He was angry because he wanted to pull her into his arms, kiss her and hold her tightly against him, but he also wanted her to leave him alone to wallow for a while. Which was damn confusing.
As it stood, she slipped out of her soggy shoes and gingerly stepped into the living room. Her smile was confused and tentative as her gaze swept over his figure splayed out on the couch.
"Mamo-chan," she murmured. "Are you feeling better? I was worried about you," she said softly, and he did have to admit that her tone was laced with a concern that he instantly felt guilty about.
His lips were pressed into a harsh, grim line, as he cleared his throat and regained control of his erratic emotions. "I'm fine, Usa," he involuntarily snapped and inwardly cursed the harsh edge of his voice as her eyes went round, filled with confusion and hurt that he had not intended. "Did you have fun with Seiya?" He'd meant to inject an impassive, soft tone into the question, but he was apparently not capable of disguising anything at the moment, because she inhaled sharply with a stricken expression.
"Mamo-chan, I don't understand," she whispered softly. "Are you mad at me?"
Of course, he was mad, but it wasn't with her. Not really. He was more angry with himself. For allowing his feelings for her to almost ruin the most important thing in his life; their friendship. He was mad because he wasn't sure if things would ever be easy between them again. How was he ever going to be able to handle watching her be with someone else with a fake, best-friend, smile plastered onto his face?
And it was going to happen. Even if it wasn't Seiya. One day he would have to watch another guy kiss her, and be with her in all of the ways that he wanted to, but couldn't, because she would never look at him in that way.
He should have asked her if she would leave, come up with some kind of plausible excuse, but instead, he let the simmering pain boil over when he spoke.
"Yeah, Usa. I'm mad," he snapped furiously, and even though he hated the confused pain that contorted onto her delicate facial features, he couldn't help himself. "Not only did you drag me to a damn carnival, that I didn't want to go to by the way, but then you decide to take off with the stupid jerk that broke your heart?" He seethed, as he pulled himself off of the couch into a standing position.
Her face paled, and her eyes widened as she shook her head and lifted her palms in supplication. "Mamo-chan, please. It's not like that!" She pleaded, "That whole thing with Seiya was actually a big misunderstanding," she whispered, effectively twisting the knife plunged into his heart.
He snorted loudly. "So making you feel like you were worthless and driving you into inconsolable tears was a misunderstanding?" He sneered, "I seriously doubt that Usako," he scoffed.
He was being an insufferable jerk. He knew he was. He could see it written plainly in the beautiful contours of her face. He was hurting her with his words, but he was so angry, he couldn't seem to manage any other reaction.
She visibly winced and wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. "Mamo-chan," she breathed, and the hitch in her breath managed to catch him off guard. "Seiya said that the only reason he didn't want to see me again was that he was certain… well, he seemed to think that…" she trailed off, and nervously chewed her bottom lip as a pink blush colored her pale cheeks.
His anger dissolved at the sight of her like that, and he wished more than anything, that things were easy between them again. "What did he think, Usako?" He asked quietly because he was truly curious to know what excuse he'd come up with.
She seemed to calm, her eyes wide and pleading as she lifted her face to peer at him. "He said that he was sure that you had feelings for me, and he didn't want to get in the way," she said, and he froze at her unexpected words. "That's crazy, though… isn't it Mamo-chan?" She asked, and it felt like the sound had been sucked from the room.
He was frozen under the wide, blue stare of her pleading prodding gaze that was waiting for him to respond. He could admit it now. Seiya, of all people, had given him an opening.
His heart raced, and his stomach churned as he faced her questioning eyes. If he told her the truth, he would never be able to salvage their friendship, and he loved her. He loved her so much that the thought of losing her forever knocked the wind out of him.
He swallowed around the lump of emotion in his throat, and slowly shook his head. "Usako," he whispered raspily. "That's crazy. You're - you're my best friend," he stammered, his tone hoarse and suitably disbelieving.
Her face fell, and her eyes welled with tears as she quickly turned away. "I'm sorry that I made you mad," she whispered and flew back into the genkan. "I didn't mean to make you do something you didn't want to do," the broken tone in her voice confused him and pulled at his heartstrings in equal parts.
Her hand was on the door handle when the storm outside escalated and the sky outside rumbled with thunder. He heard her sharp intake of breath and watched her freeze in paralyzed terror.
In two long strides, he was standing behind her. "Usako, it's storming outside," his voice shook quietly with emotion. He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, and her muscles were stiff and taut beneath his fingers.
She exhaled a shaky breath, "I'm a big girl, I can handle it alone," she said, but it was uttered with an unconvincing whimper that broke his heart.
Another bang of thunder resonated around them, and she cried out and crumpled forward against the door.
He didn't hesitate this time, as he gripped her waist, twisted her around and crushed her against his chest. She melted into him, whimpering miserably into his shirt. "Usako, don't be ridiculous," he whispered. "I want you to stay here." And god, it was true. Despite everything, he wanted her to stay with him.
Wordlessly, she nodded in agreement, and he gently coaxed her away from the door where she was rooted in place, and carefully guided her through the hall to his bedroom.
He barely slept at all, as he held her trembling form throughout the night, just like he had for every storm since the little golden-curled four-year-old had plucked him from a bleak existence in the hospital so long ago. It would be easier if he really did believe that she was just his best friend. Then he could guarantee that she would stay in his life like this forever. He realized with a sinking feeling, though, that somewhere along the line, he was going to have to tell her how he felt and risk losing her forever, or, to keep her in his life, he was going to have to let her go.
oOo
The raw intensity of disappointment had dulled and faded into the emotionally repressed part of his mind when he woke up the next morning. He felt like he was in suitable control of his raging emotions as, bleary-eyed, he twisted onto his side and blinked into the brightness of his bedroom. He was alone in his bed, which provided him the ability to quickly gather his thoughts and strengthen his resolve to fix things between him and Usagi. So, that it could be like it was before she'd gone on that first date. Before he'd let things get weird between them.
He sighed as he, with great difficulty, pulled himself into a sitting position on his bed. He stretched an uncomfortable kink out of his neck as he stood, and padded out of the bedroom and into the living room. He was relieved to find that Usagi hadn't left, but was sitting on the sofa, her legs curled up beneath her, a throw blanket draped across her lap as she peered down at the screen of her phone.
Her shirt, the same one she'd worn the day before was wrinkled, her hair had fallen out of her perfectly crafted buns, and endless locks of hair fell loosely across her shoulders, and cascaded down the length of her body to fan along the sofa cushions. She was so beautiful, it was almost painful to look at her.
She must have heard him approach because she tilted her face upwards, and her eyes met his.
The smile that curled onto her lips was shaky and tentative, and it instantly elicited a flash of guilt that coursed through him.
He sighed and cleared his throat. "Hey, Usako," he began softly, as he shifted nervously and raked a hand through his hair. "Look, Usa, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean-"
Usagi promptly interrupted him. "Mamo-chan, it's okay," she replied with a soft, understanding lilt in her voice. "You don't need to apologize. I know you were mad, but you made it very clear that we'll always be friends last night," she said with a small, almost sad half-smile. "Would it be okay if we just forgot about yesterday?" She asked tentatively, before placing one hand over her heart and lifting the other one into the air. "I solemnly vow to never drag you to a dastardly, cursed carnival of doom again!" She vowed with a mock-serious expression on her face and a muted twinkle of amusement in her eyes.
He exhaled slowly, the corners of his lips curling into a reciprocating smile. This was what he wanted, too. "Of course, Usako," he replied with relief.
She smiled brightly and nodded in response. "Hey, I need to go home and change. Do you want to come with? See mom and dad? We can stop at Mont Thabor bakery for coffee on the way?" She asked hopefully, leaning forward with the dazzling brightness of her energy and smile.
He nearly nodded, when he suddenly remembered that his appointment with Tokyo University was this morning. He inhaled sharply, panic coursing through him, as he hurriedly lifted his wrist to check the time on his watch.
He exhaled with relief that it was still only 630am, and he still had plenty of time to make his appointment.
"I'm sorry, Usako," he apologized. "I can't go this morning. Do you want to meet up at the arcade this afternoon?" He questioned, then frowned as he watched the pink tinge across her cheeks as she quickly averted her gaze.
She cleared her throat, her slender fingers fiddling nervously with the blanket on her lap. "I can't, Mamo-chan. I texted Seiya this morning, and we have plans this afternoon," she murmured, furtively risking a glance back at him from beneath long black lashes.
The statement was painful, like another blow that quickly deflated him. Though it wasn't as painful as yesterday, it was still another crushing disappointment.
She grimaced at the look that must have crossed his face. "Are you mad, Mamo-chan?" She questioned, " I mean. I'm not sure why you hate Seiya. I thought… well, I just don't want you to be mad," She faltered and finished her statement with a sorrow-filled look and misery laced into her words.
He smiled sadly. "I'm not mad, Usako," he responded honestly. He wasn't mad, he was heartbroken because he had a sinking feeling that he knew what he had to do now. First, he needed to be sure. "Are you planning on dating him again?" He asked, swallowing around the lump of misery and pain lodged in his throat.
She nodded slowly, her eyes fixed firmly onto his, as she gauged his reaction. "I think so. I don't know what to do, Mamo-chan," she pleaded, her voice shaking with emotion. "I just…" She trailed off, and her lower lip quivered, and her eyes welled with tears. "Promise me that you'll at least be my friend forever Mamo-chan?" She pleaded brokenly, wrapping her arms around her midsection and slumping forward miserably.
He hated to see her like this, and he hated that she thought, for even a second, that he wouldn't be her friend because of his own stupid, uncontrollable feelings for her.
He forced a reassuring smile on his face and moved to sit down on the couch beside her. Wordlessly, he held out his arm, and she smiled through her tears as she scrambled to her knees and shuffled her body to settle down beside him.
He wrapped his arm around her waist as she nestled her head on his shoulder. "Usako, I promise you that you will always be my best friend. No matter what," he vowed quietly, his lips pressed against the silken hair at the crown of her head.
There was only one way that he could keep that promise without hurting her. It was time to let her go.
"Hey, let me walk you home. We can get some lemon tarts, the super sweet ones that you like, from Mont Thabor on the way," he offered, as he tried desperately to mask the pain ripping through him.
She leaned back and tilted her chin to stare up at him with a frown. "I thought you couldn't because you had plans this morning?" She inquired with confused curiosity.
He shrugged and plastered a smile onto his face. "No, I can. It doesn't really matter now, anyway," he responded vaguely.
It didn't matter, because he knew, without a doubt, that he would no longer be going to Tokyo University.
oOo