Chapter 8

Beth knocked impatiently on Jane's door. She'd finished dinner, immersing herself in the conversation between the Gardiners and her younger sisters, all the while preoccupied with every question that she needed an answer to. Unfortunately, she hadn't had any further opportunity to talk to Lydia during dinner. Afterwards, Lydia had left before dessert was served because her feet and back were really hurting her, so she'd wanted to go upstairs to bed. That meant Beth had had to bide her time until Jane headed up for bed; yes, she could have just gone upstairs and waited there, but she didn't want to take the chance of running into Darcy on her way out of her room. No, she needed to wait for Jane to leave and then say her goodnights, discreetly following her sister to her room.

For the most part, that is what had happened. Phil and his wife had left early, and Beth had feared that her sisters would follow suit, leaving her along at the table. However, they'd stayed, talking amongst themselves long enough to where Jane had stood to say her goodnights first.

Even though he'd kept his eyes off of her for most of the night (she knew because she hadn't been able to do the same), after dessert she felt his hot gaze warming through her, drawing her to him. She had this feeling like he wanted to approach her, to talk to her, but not when she was surrounded or talking to other people – all the more reason she felt edgy as more and more people began to leave.

She didn't want to talk to him; she was still attracted to him, and more than that, she was completely thrown off by his behavior, not just the cordiality towards other people, but how he had approached her with a respectful reserve – no demands, no questions, no accosting her, preying on her desire for him. Aside from the steamy stares, she would have thought he was completely over her.

She just needed to talk to Jane.

"Oh, hey," Jane said breathlessly, answering the door. "Sorry, I thought you might be Charles so I was trying to find my robe; I told him he couldn't see me any more until the ceremony tomorrow, but I thought he was trying to be sneaky and get one more goodnight kiss." She finished with a smile, her love and excitement for tomorrow painted all over her face.

"Sorry, I don't mean to bother you so late. I just wanted to chat for a few minutes, if that's ok…" Beth asked, knowing that with her pleading tone, Jane wouldn't refuse. She just needed answers… and she needed to stay away from her room until there was no possible way that she would run into Darcy on her way back.

"Of course," Jane assured her, opening the door up wider as Beth walked in. "Does this have to do with what mom said?"

Well, there was that.

"I mean, we can start there," Beth murmured. "What did she mean that your wedding wouldn't be possible without Darcy? I mean, he didn't introduce you, I don't understand."

Jane sighed. "Sometimes, I do understand how you can get so frustrated with mom. She shouldn't have said anything; I should have told her specifically not to say anything, but, of course, I thought she would know better."

"She never knows better," Beth informed her sister, wryly.

"Darcy owns Blue Hill," Jane began, taking a seat on the bed, pausing to watch Beth's reaction.

Of course, he does.

Now, she knew where this was going.

"So, he's not charging us for anything… the space… the food… none of it," Jane finished meekly.

It's fine, Beth. You are fine. It's their wedding, he's just trying to give them a gift.

"And mom and dad weren't upset about not paying for it?" Beth asked, surprised that her mother would want to advertise that they hadn't spent a dime on at least that part of the wedding.

"No. I mean, honestly, I doubt we could have gotten married here otherwise. It's really expensive, plus, the fact that our date was available less than a year out. Even if mom and dad could afford it, without Darcy, I don't think we would have gotten our date; I think he moved another wedding out for us – or had whomever manages Blue Hill to do it."

Wow.

"Well, I mean, Charles is his best friend. I take it this was his wedding present to you guys?"

Jane bit her lip, ducking her head and saying, "Sort of."

Beth closed her eyes, not sure she wanted to know until the words came out of her mouth. "What do you mean sort of?"

"He's also flying us to, and letting us use, his private island in Fiji for our honeymoon." Beth just stared at her sister. "I mean, I'm sure you're right, I'm sure it's because Charles is his oldest friend." Jane winced as her reassurances seemed flat, even to her own ears.

Beth felt slightly lightheaded. Why was he doing so much for them? It was wonderful and generous…and so not Darcy. The only other time he'd done something like this was when he'd secretly helped Lydia. For her.

"No…well, yes, that's part of it, but that's not all of it," Beth said breathlessly, coming to sit next to her sister.

Jane grabbed her hand, not responding, even though Beth could tell there was something more that she could say.

"What is it?" she asked. "You know you're not good at keeping secrets from me."

Jane gasped, "I'm not keeping a secret. I just… oh, Beth. It's just what I said before – Darcy has changed. I could give you specifics – some of which I already have, but it's not my place. There's a lot that I don't know. There's also a lot that you don't know."

"So then why won't you tell me?" Beth asked, astonished that Jane wanted to keep something from her.

"Because, like I said, it's not my place. But, more importantly, I don't know that it would help. If anything, because I don't have all the answers, it could make this whole situation worse, which is sometimes how I feel the advice I gave you before worked out," Jane choked here, tears rising to the surface. "I was the one who told you to go talk to him, to fight to be with him; it was my fault you went there. He hurt you, and then I convinced you to walk directly into your heartbreak." Now, Jane was almost sobbing, Beth stunned by the train of thought coming out of her sister's mouth, trying frantically to calm him. "It's my fault you had to run away. That's why I don't blame you for not talking to me about it, not telling me what happened. Why would you? Look what happened to you the last time I tried to help? That's why I love you and I will listen to you and talk to you, but I don't want to be involved; I don't want to be responsible for any more of your hurt."

Beth enveloped her sister in a hug, shushing her as she tried to scan the room for the tissues. Why hotels always put tissues in the bathroom – far, far away, was beyond her. She quickly stood and grabbed the box by the sink, returning back to Jane's side.

"Jane, please," she begged, "don't do this; it's not your fault. I'm so sorry." Seeing her sister like this on the night before her wedding was torture. She'd had no idea that Jane had thought all…any…of this.

Maybe if you would have just talked to her you would have known.

"I'm sorry, Beth," Jane said with a hiccup, her sobs beginning to subside.

Beth sighed, handing her sister another tissue. "Don't be sorry, Jane," she said sternly, feeling herself start to get choked up. "Don't you be sorry. This is not your fault and I have never blamed you for what happened. Never." She paused, taking a deep, steadying breath, taking her sister's hand. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about what happened, but it had nothing to do with the fact that you told me to go and talk to him. I can't believe you've thought this, this whole time. God, I'm such a jerk."

"No, Beth, you're not," Jane whispered.

"I would never blame you, even in the smallest way, for what happened between Darcy and I. Whatever happened between us, whatever he did, whatever I did… the blame rests squarely on us. I left because of him, and those first few weeks… months… I was angry and depressed and in shock; it's a potent and debilitating combination."

"I know, and I didn't want to push you to talk to me, it's just usually when something is that bad, you do."

Beth took a deep breath. "I guess because it was even worse than that, that I couldn't reach out. Plus, you were planning the wedding and so excited and I didn't want to ruin that – which is not a good excuse, I know. Please, just promise me you won't blame yourself any more for this; it's not your fault at all. Darcy made his choice, and if anything, it was probably the best thing for me to have figured it out as harshly as I did, because otherwise the break would have been even longer and more painfully drawn out, with so many more unknowns."

"I promise. I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner. I don't know, I just never want to bring it up because I know how much it has hurt you already," Jane replied. "I'm not you, I'm not Charles, I don't have all of the information, but from what I do know, from everything that I've observed over the past few months, I would suggest that you try to talk to him, if for no other reason than to get closure on everything that happened; I think you'll find that he might be much more willing to open up."

Beth gave her sister a small, forced smile, knowing that Jane was trying to help, but also know that she and Darcy were so far past the point of trying to get closure.

"I'll think about it, but as different as he seems, all I tried to do for months was get him to open up to me," she admitted painfully. "And that was when he at least had some sort of positive feelings for me, and he couldn't do it then; I don't think I have any more hopes to get up about that type of conversation happening now."

Jane just nodded, even though she looked like she wanted to say something else, to push the conversation further, but she didn't.

Beth looked over her shoulder at the clock; it was almost twelve-thirty. Jane needed to go to bed and it was a pretty safe bet that Darcy had made it up to his room by now that the coast would be clear.

"Ok, I'm going to go; you need to get some rest before tomorrow," she said, hugging her sister.

"Ok. I'm sorry, Beth."

"I told you, there's nothing to be sorry for," she said giving Jane a reassuring smile.

"Ok, I'll see you in the morning. Hair and make-up starts at eleven in here," Jane reminded her.

"I will be there. Goodnight, Jane. Love you," Beth replied, heading toward the door.

"Night, love you."

Beth shut the door quietly behind her, knowing that her mother could hear drama from a mile away, which meant that she would definitely hear doors opening and closing just a few feet down from her room.

She tried to walk as quietly as she could down the hallway, figuring that most of her family was sound asleep by now in preparation for the big day tomorrow. Her feet picked up their pace as she got closer to her room, trying to make it back without running into anyone – or anyone in particular.

After all this time, she should just assume that she will always have the worst luck when it comes to Darcy.

She rounded the last corner of the hallway with a glance over her shoulder to make sure that no one was behind her – for no reason, especially since it caused her to run straight into the hard chest of the specific man whom she was running from.

Beth grunted as her hands came up out of instinct to rest on the hot wall of male that she was pressed up against. Surprisingly, she felt no urgency, no further instinct to extricate herself from him, even though she'd just been talking with Jane about how much he had hurt her. Her eyes closed for a split second, just breathing in the moment; she would hate her body later for craving the familiar fire of his embrace.

With a sigh, she looked up to meet his gaze, finding those molten chocolate eyes that she'd lost herself in staring back at her.

"We have to stop meeting like this," he said hoarsely with a smirk.

Beth couldn't help herself, she started to giggle. Not just because he – Darcy, of all people – had made a joke, but mostly because the ridiculousness of this situation finally broke the dam of emotions within her; hurt, pain, anxiety, confusion, humor, comfort, love – they all came bursting out, first in a giggle that just escalated into full-blown laughter.

Her fingers curled into his shirt as she ducked her head, the laughs coming uncontrollably from inside of her. All day, she'd tried her best to stay away from one singular person. All day. What are the chances that walking back to her room at almost one in the morning would put him directly in her path? She laughed, not caring that Darcy was looking at her with an expression mixed with confusion and the desire to join in. At the point where she felt tears collecting in her eyes, she felt his chest rumble a few times against hers.

"Beth, are you ok?" he finally asked.

At first, all she could do was nod, trying to calm the humor that was wracking her body. At the laughter finally died down, she managed to say, "Yes, I'm fine. Sorry." The apology bringing another chuckle out of her.

This was ridiculous.

Her gaze met his again, and she bit her lip trying to forcibly stop the shudders going through her body. His eyebrows raised at her, questioning the validity of her statement. Whether it was the wine, or the time, or the emotional stress of the day, Beth wasn't sure, but it was that moment when she truly realized where she was – in the hallway, alone with Darcy; her body pressed flush up against his, his hands a firm presence on her waist, initially to steady her, now… Every breath she took, she felt her sensitive breasts gently rubbing against his chest, and that familiar urgent ache between her thighs only overshadowed by the hard pressure of his erection pressing against her.

She sucked in a breath, feeling like the air in the room was disappearing. His eyes flared, and she knew that breathing had been a mistake. Beth watched in slow, yet inevitable motion as his head dropped, his lips touching hers. The first contact was surprising gentle, his lips softly pressing against hers, almost as if he were waiting for her to pull back. In that moment, she wanted to forget everything that had happened; she wanted to forget everything that would happen after this moment. In that moment, all she wanted was to feel him.

All she wanted was to know that she could feel against.

Her hands gripped his pressed shirt harder, pulling him against her as her mouth parted, her tongue tracing the line of his lips. Whatever restraint he'd been practicing vanished with her provocation. His mouth opened and devoured her, tasting every recess of her mouth like it was the first time.

They kissed like they'd been trapped in the desert the past four months and were now just given their first drink of spring water.

The dormant fire of desire erupted inside of her, burning through her veins into every cell of her body.

This is what she wanted to feel.

She returned his fire; her fingers coming up threading themselves through his hair, pressing him even closer to her. His arms moved further, locking around her back, ensuring that there was no part of their bodies that weren't touching. Beth moaned into his mouth, the ache inside her begging him to ease it. She felt the hardness of his erections crushed into her stomach, craving the same release that she was. Their tongues dueled, each trying to pull more from the kiss that they'd been starved of for so long.

For once in the past however many months, her mind was blissfully blank, absorbed completely in the pleasure of his kiss, the magic of his embrace. She melted completely against him, her body ironically finally feeling like it could lean on someone else for support. Her desire for him, peacefully sedated inside her in Boston, had been shocked back to life by his presence, flaring even stronger than before, if that was possible.

Beth felt her body completely relax against him, against the familiar fire that was consuming her. She moaned again with the relief of knowing that she was home.

He was home.

The thought jarred her – and he knew felt it. Beth pulled back, stepping out of his embrace, her hand coming up to cover her mouth, shocked at how easily she'd fallen right back into his spell.

"Beth," he groaned her name, his hand running roughly through his hair. "God, I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened at the words. An apology? She couldn't process this, she needed to get away from him. Her feet began to inch towards the door to her room.

The look in his eyes was tortured regret. "Please, don't... Fuck, I'm sorry. I just couldn't stop myself." He huffed, knowing how poor of an excuse that sounded like. "I'm so sorry, Beth. I shouldn't have kissed you like that."

She nodded her head, trying to shuffle around him, forcing herself to do so calmly. "It's fine. I just… I should go. Goodnight, Darcy."

His jaw clenched, anger bubbling to the surface of his face where she could see that her words were not what he wanted to hear. "Beth, I need to talk to you. Please."

An apology. A please.

This couldn't be happening; this couldn't be real.

She couldn't fall for this again.

Her head began to shake frantically. "No… no, I can't. I can't, Darcy," she mumbled hysterically. "Not again, I can't. This… everything… it's always on your terms. I have to go."

She couldn't – not now; it was all too much.

Beth turned to bolt for her door, suffocated by the emotions fighting for control in his presence.

"Beth, wait, please," Darcy pleaded as his hand came out to grab her arm. She came to a halt, the déjà vu crashing over her – his hand on her arm at the Gala, wanting to explain his 'barely tolerable' comment. Who could have known this is where that had her end up?

She looked down at where his hand was on her, except this time, it wasn't Darcy who took his hand back, it was she who pulled her arm out of his grasp, tears now running down her cheeks.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" she asked softly, her voice filled with pain; her words were almost an exact recording of those that he'd said to her outside her father's office.

Darcy looked like she'd struck him, his arm dropping to his side, as his head gave her a brief nod, agonizing regret written all over his face.

"I'm sorry, Beth. Goodnight." The deep tenor of his voice rumbled through her, the sadness in it reverberating throughout the hall.

Beth turned and unlocked her door, escaping to the haven of her room. She collapsed onto her bed, letting the tears fall freely. Her phone buzzed and startled her, for a brief second her heart sped up wondering if it was Darcy reaching out.

It was Colin.

- Hope this doesn't wake you, but I can't wait to see you… Just finished packing my dancing shoes ;)

Beth smiled slightly through her teary eyes and then, holding her phone, punched the pillow next to her in frustration when all the anticipation pulsing through her came to a screeching halt as soon as the stupid pile of broken hopes inside her chest realized it wasn't Darcy. Beth groaned, the tears coming in droves now. Her breathing became labored as exhaustion amplified her distress – all thoughts of Col or responding to him suffocated from her mind at the memory of the kiss she'd just shared with the man she shouldn't want.

Why had she let it happen? How could she?

They were dumb questions to ask, because she knew exactly why. She missed Darcy and she still wanted him.

Which was why she needed to stay away from him.

It didn't matter what he had to say or that Jane thought she should talk to him; she would only end up with her heart broken, again.

Everything was always on his terms.

First, he wanted to kiss her, then he wanted to talk to her. Every situation, every choice, was always on his terms – just like before.

And if she let it continue, she'd be right back where she was – hanging onto his every careless word, hoping they'll, at some point, turn sweet again – ignoring the truth that that point never comes.