Glaceon the Critic
Presents
Tamers Requiem, Book 1: Hazard's Sorrow by Crazyeights
There was a phone on Glaceon's nightstand. Said phone was about to be smashed by iron tail, but he stopped and answered.
"Hello," Glaceon greeted, "Yes Twilight, I finished that stupid last book."
"I've cleared out entire libraries. I can't stand it anymore." the pony said.
"Um, are you okay? I mean, Twilight was, is, and always will be bad." Glaceon began.
"Chagrin." Twilight hissed, "It's kept me up for days. I'm ready to explode at the first person that brings me bad news."
Glaceon said, "Hold it Twilight Psycho — "
"Don't acknowledge that meme in front of me. I'm coming for you," the cray cray one grumbled.
"I'll get the bronies in white suits to pick you up soon," Glaceon said fearfully.
"Welcome to Glaceon the Critic where bad fanfiction burns," Glaceon said, "You're probably wondering what that small… event was. Well, Twilight Sparkle and I had a bet and the loser would have to read the entire Twilight Saga. We both lost. I took my precious time because I knew it would suck. She dived right in and became Twilight Psycho, a Lovecraftian horror story incarnate. Right now, I'm hiding in my apocalypse bunker ready to atone for my sins, er, I mean, review fanfiction."
"GUILMON!"
"I suppose now is a good a time as any to explain what this is about. This is a continuation of Digimon Tamers so you're going to expect tears, horror, and momentai," Glaceon said.
The cry tore out of Takato's throat as he watched the shards of data float away from him. In spite of the pain that ripped through his body, Takato staggered to his feet, reaching out towards the shards as though he could stop them from disappearing. In sheer desperation, Takato lunged after them, but was stopped as a strong arm wrapped itself around him, pulling him back, trying to get him away from the danger that was still there.
"I'm sure he'll show up as an egg in — oh this is Tamers. Wow, a tearjerker and the first paragraph is not over," Glaceon said.
Takato didn't take any notice of it however, and he lunged forward once again, tears streaming down his face, more cries that were little more than bestial roars of anguish erupted from his mouth as he struggled against the arm that held him. He didn't have a chance however, and his feet soon found the absence of ground beneath them as he was hauled up and back, being carried away from the battle as the voice of the enemy, the digimon that broke through the barriers between the real and digital worlds and attacked the Tamers, resounded upon the air, not in laughter, but rather as though it had accomplished what it saw as a simple duty. Cleaning out the trash.
"Wow, this is depressing. I feel like there was an apocalypse scene I just missed," Glaceon said.
"My sensors indicate there is an instance of foreshadowing in the last two sentences," Mechamew2 beeped.
"My sensors indicate I hired you to be a camera, not a Porygon," Glaceon grumbled at the nature of his camera.
Nothing more than a job that had to be done quickly and gotten over with, and then wash its hands clean afterwards. Takato really didn't hear much of it. All he saw was his friend's data, floating towards the sky, drifting apart bit by bit as it rose until finally, the individual pieces were separated entirely from the others and disappeared all together. Gone. Just like that.
"This is still the first paragraph," Glaceon said, "There's nothing wrong with it. It's just a wall of text."
How could this happen? Thought Takato deliriously, desperately hoping that it was all just some bad dream and that he'd wake up. That he'd wake up in bed and see his reptilian partner next to him, and that he'd wake up, sensing Takato's disturbance from his rest and ask him what was up. He might even tell him, and Guilmon would comfort him, and then they'd both laugh about it afterwards, say how dreams couldn't hurt them, and then laugh again at a joke that only they, and perhaps their friend Rika, could only appreciate. Right after she glared at them that is.
"Besides the cliche 'this is a bad dream' thing, it's remarkably detailed," Glaceon said.
It can't be happening! This is just a bad dream! I know it is!
Reality however, continued to say otherwise, and the pain of it settled down brutally, crushing him down under its harsh weight. The image of their enemy in front of him, mocking him, almost providing an ironic joke for everything that Takato and his friends had fought for. It couldn't end like this. It shouldn't have! Takato had promised Guilmon! He had promised him that they'd always…!
"Geez, where's the . ?docid=44609437#gue?"
It was too much. Takato let out another roar of anguish, not trying to hide it, not trying to hold it in, in spite of his own promise to himself that it wouldn't happen again. Not after what had happened the last time he lost control of himself.
And the day had started off so well too…
"And the story started off so well... NEXT," Glaceon yelled, "This chapter was that short."
The day that had started out so well for Takato Matsuki was one of those fine days in the springtime, approximately three weeks after the train digimon Locomon ran through Shinjuku followed up shortly afterwards by the Parasimon invasion.
"Um, this is where continuity gets confusing. There were two endings, one featuring Locomon in a movie that took place after the series another was in a CD drama. And the fandom still fights over which is canon." Glaceon sighed, "Now let's check the security cameras on Twilight Psycho."
"I'M COMING FOR YOU."
"On second thought, let's keep reviewing. I'm sure the bronies can handle it," Glaceon said scribbling on a piece of paper. It was probably his will given the circumstance.
Takato was sleeping in his bed, completely dead to the world, one hand dangling over the edge of his bed while his partner, the crimson raptor known as Guilmon, snored away, occasionally twitching in his sleep and muttering something that sounded along the lines of Takatomon digivolve and Guilmon bread.
"Okay, that was cute," Glaceon said.
"Didn't Brian Beacock voice the second Agumon. There really is a Takatomon," Mechamew2 blooped.
"Didn't you read the company policy. It specifically states that you're not allowed to bring up his name," Glaceon snapped, "It always causes immaturity."
"I don't exactly have my body or a third of my mind." Mechamew2 beeped.
This latter was usually preceded by sounds of satisfaction and some slight smacking at the mouth. As stated, Takato was unaware of Guilmon's dreams, even when the poor dino occasionally bit his own clawed hand. Fortunately for the boy, Guilmon never woke up from those less than playful nips and both were able to continue sleeping soundly as the faint rays of sunlight drifted through the sliding door that led out to a balcony. All seemed right with the world…
Glaceon!Narrator: One Jump Scare Later
"TAKATO!"
Well, at least for a little while.
Nostalgia Critic: No (Censored) sh(censored)
Takato's eyes snapped open and he sat up, sleep disappearing almost immediately as adrenaline flooded his system. Disoriented, Takato took a look around, half wondering if he and Guilmon were under attack by a crazed digimon. For all he knew he might be. The state that his room was in certainly made him draw that conclusion.
No. Wait. It's always like that…
"Duh," Glaceon said.
Taking another look around, Takato didn't see anything in his vicinity that looked like a threat, and just as he was about to conclude that whatever it was that had startled him out of his rest was all a part of his dream, he heard the thundering sound of footsteps coming up the stairs leading to his room. Fear settled in his brain as he realized with dawning realization as to what it was, Takato tried to get up.
Only to find that his legs were stuck beneath Guilmon.
"I'm no scientist, but Guilmon could probably snap both of your legs, Takato," Glaceon said.
"Aaah! Guilmon!" Said the boy as desperation began to settle on him. Takato shook his partner, trying to get a reaction out of his companion. "C'mon boy! You've got to wake up!"
The red dinosaur cracked one gold colored eye open, looking sleepily at Takato before speaking.
"Morning already?"
Takato just nodded furiously and tried to shove his partner off his legs.
"Yeah. Now come on! You've got to…"
"TAKATO!"
"There should be a dash," Mechamew2 said.
Takato's door slammed open, startling Guilmon into standing up. Takato, with reflexes born from having to deal with wild digimon on an almost constant basis managed to pull his legs out and he swung himself onto the ladder of his bed and jumped down just as soon as his mother entered the room.
Only to have his legs give out a second later. Takato crashed to the floor like a heap of bricks.
"Ouch," said Takato suddenly realizing what had happened. Legs fell asleep…
Mei Matsuki, Takato's mother, just stared at her chaotic son before shaking her head, a small smile on her face as she did so.
"Ah ha! His mother's name is Yoshie Matsuki not Mei!" Glaceon shouted.
"Takato, are you just going to sleep in all day or are you actually going to get up and enjoy some of this sun?"
"Well," said Takato as he rubbed some feeling back into his legs, the harsh tingle of circulation making the boy wince out of discomfort. "That's actually not a bad idea…"
"He's not wrong," Glaceon said.
"Takato!"
The boy sighed and smiled his usual, lopsided grin.
"All right Mom. All right… do you and Dad need any help around the bakery?"
Mei just shook her head.
"Not at the moment Takato, thanks for the offer though. We might need you later in the afternoon, but thanks to your sleeping in you missed out on the morning rush. As usual."
"Well, it is the weekend…" Takato muttered as he scratched the back of his head.
"I heard that. At any rate, I'd like you to be back around one to man the cash register."
Takato smiled.
"Sure Mom."
"But first," said Guilmon gleefully from atop Takato's bed. "Some food!"
Mei just smirked at the dino.
"After nearly clearing the bakery, Takato gets dressed, exposition, Glaceon listed.
Guilmon waited for Takato downstairs while the boy dressed. Tugging on his blue hoody shirt Takato took a look around and quickly found his goggles where he had left them on his desk. Picking them up and strapping them on, Takato took a brief moment to take a look outside before returning his gaze to his desk, smiling at the picture of Guilmon that he had been working on yesterday and at a picture of him and two of his friends Rika and Henry from that time he visited his cousin Kai for a week and had that huge battle with Gulfmon. A pretty interesting time to be sure, helped by the fact that he hadn't had to hide Guilmon from Kai (even though it had started out with that intention) and fun too. At least when they weren't having to deal with rogue digimon. And of course there was the fact that the battle had brought in Omnimon. At least according to Rika and Henry, since he had to transport them, being forbidden to interfere directly in the real world. Which Takato found sort of strange but he supposed that the mighty Mega digimon had his reasons for it. Takato took one last look at the picture, smiling at it before he turned and left the room, faintly wondering how Rika had been able to explain away her sudden absence from Shinjuku when everything went down.
Shrugging it off, Takato closed the door behind him, a bright and cheerful smile on his face and he headed downstairs to join his partner so that together, they could join the world in another one of its daily cycles. As he passed the door leading to the bakery's kitchen, Takato's thoughts were characteristically optimistic.
"Um, plot please," Glaceon yawned.
Today's going to be a good day.
Takato and Guilmon easily made their way to Shinjuku Park without any sense of worry about having to keep the red dinosaur hidden. The people around his home area were long used to the sight of Guilmon, having become the official mascot of the Matsuki bakery that was selling the now highly famous (at least in Shinjuku) Guilmon Bread. Takato smiled as he remembered the reactions of his two friends, Kazu and Kenta when they heard about how popular it was becoming. Kazu at least, had all but demanded a cut of the profits for having come up with the name, or at least make it so that he got the credit for it.
"Um, Plot?"
It was sort of amusing watching Kazu get frustrated like that. He always had a way of jumping on anything that got him attention and enabled him to inflate his already massive ego, though usually it revolved around saving the city from rampaging digimon or doing something that impressed Ryo when he was around.
Next to him, Guilmon nuzzled the bag of day old bread that Takato had packed, sniffing at it cautiously before making an attempt to plunge his face into it to get at the delicious delicacies that lay within.
"Ahhh!" Exclaimed Takato as he pulled the bag away from his partner, a couple loafs of bread tumbling out. Guilmon snagged one of them out of mid air and scarfed it down and immediately grabbed the other one that lay on the dirt ground. "Guilmon!"
"What?" Asked the red dino in between mouthfuls of bread. Takato looked at his partner with an exasperated expression, though the smile on his face told Guilmon that he really wasn't upset with him.
"Guilmon, this bag is supposed to hold you over until lunchtime. You can't go scarfing this stuff down whenever you feel like it; especially with the way you eat. And what have I told you about asking first before you go doing things like that?"
Guilmon's wing like ears drooped slightly.
"Sorry Takato. It's just that whenever I see food my brain goes all funny on me."
"Plot, are you still home?"
Guilmon's wing like ears drooped slightly.
"Sorry Takato. It's just that whenever I see food my brain goes all funny on me."
"I honestly thought that Guilmon would learn by now. Momentai I guess," Glaceon said.
Takato laughed lightly and rubbed his partners head with one hand.
"Yeah, don't I know it boy? C'mon. Let's go by your old place. I'm pretty sure that we'll find some of the others there."
"I hope so…" said Guilmon wistfully. He always enjoyed these visits to his old home. He had stopped living there after Takato's parents had learned about Guilmon's existence and the general populace had gotten used to seeing him as the Bakery's mascot made it less important to keep the reptile hidden (the only exception being when he was traveling somewhere where his presence wasn't as well known). Sometimes Takato wondered if Guilmon missed living in his old concrete hut, though he couldn't really understand why. Well, maybe he could. It was after all the first place that he had called his home, and he had spent quite a lot of time there. So far Guilmon hadn't shown much desire to go back, but that might have been because he didn't want to be parted from Takato now that they were able to hang out at the Matsuki Bakery. Despite the change in residence, it didn't stop Takato, Guilmon, or any of the other Tamers from hanging out there whenever the fancy took them, which was often in their case. It had been their meeting place when they first started working together as a group, and it would no doubt remain so until some digimon showed up and turned it into rubble.
"I'm still waiting for the plot," Glaceon said.
Soon enough, the pair of friends arrived at the stairs that would take them up to the stone hut and they began their ascent, smiles on both of their faces. No worries shadowed their hearts, and thoughts of any wild digimon were far from their minds.
As they passed over the last few steps that led to the concrete shack Takato was proven right for a change. Most of the other Tamers were there. Rika, Henry, Kazu, Kenta, Jeri, and even Suzie were there with their partner digimon. Rika and Henry were currently engaged in a Digimon card battle while Kazu and Kenta looked on, interrupting every so often with a bad joke or some comment about a specific play that was being made, earning them several glares from the red headed Tamer that sat across from Henry, who took it all with a small smile. Next to Rika, Jeri giggled as she raised her hand with the sock puppet and woofed at the boys, telling them that they had best watch themselves around Rika. Takato looked at his partner and together they approached the group.
"Hey guys," said Takato as he set down his bag and sat down next to Jeri.
"Well, look who finally decided to show up," said Rika sarcastically. "What took you so long, Gogglehead? Did you go into a coma or something?"
Takato rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
"Sorry. I overslept. My Mom had to bang on my door to get me to wake up…"
"The way you sleep I'm surprised that she was successful," muttered a certain long eared digimon.
"Terriermon…" began Henry as he fixed his rabbit like partner with a warning glare.
"Momentai Henry," said Terriermon. "You've got to admit though, Takato does sleep like the dead."
"Sqee, hehem, Sorry about that. Momentai." Glaceon said.
"Not as much as Kazu and Kenta I'll bet," said Rika as she returned her attention to her cards. "As I recall, they slept through the Jagamon stampede when we were in the digital world." "Hey!" Cried the two boys indignantly. "Well it's true." Takato leaned back, remembering their first day in the digital world, and the Meramon who had met his fate at the hands of the Jagamon. He didn't like that that had happened, but he guessed that it was to be expected since Meramon had started attacking them.
"Well Duh, If you attack someone, just a little, EXPECT TO BE HIT BACK YOU TERRIBLE PERSON,"Glaceon screamed for all the heavens (and Twilight Psycho) to hear.
It sure wasn't how the digital world was depicted in the TV show, thought Takato. He found it a little bit strange that the show and the card game had gotten every other detail right except for that one. Takato found it a little disturbing, but he supposed that there would have been some kind of public outcry from parents, especially in America, had the real version of the digital world been shown on TV. Maybe the idea of the digital world as such a harsh place wasn't appealing for a kids show. But then they still showed digimon attacking just about everything that moved, and having the Digidestined actually kill some of those digimon was a kind of strange irony.
"Let's see all the things that aren't appropriate for kids, Digimon Tamers, the fourth season of Teen Titans, some parts of Power Rangers RPM, and Disney's Descendants. How that stupid movie was greenlit is anyone's guess," Glaceon ranted.
"Haven't you been using your eyes, Takatomon?" Asked Terriermon. "There's a game going on here. Henry's actually been giving the Digimon Queen a challenge for once. Sure, she still has the lead over him but I think that he might actually be able to beat her…"
"You're going to eat your words in 3... 2... 1"
Suddenly Rika laid down a Sakuyamon card over her Taomon with a triumphant smirk. Terriermon's face fell at the sight of it.
"… Or not."
Within the time space of a few seconds, Rika had wrapped up her match with Henry and collected her cards. Shuffling them Rika looked around at the group, not once losing her smirk.
Narrator: The Following is a Construction Montage
"So," the red headed Tamer began, her voice taking on a rather superior sound to it. "Who's next?"
Takato smiled as he looked at his friends, a sense of contentment filling his heart as the day truly began.
Some things never change…
Takato flopped down on his back with a groan, taking a moment to look up at the sky as he felt the weight of defeat settle on his shoulders like a heavy chain and dragging him down. It was something that he was used to though, so he didn't really think about it that much.
"You guys aren't much of a challenge," said Rika in false disdain. Takato had just been her latest victim in her long string of victories for the day, starting with Kazu and Kenta, then going to Henry and Jeri, then back to Kazu, and at present ending with Takato. The only one of them so far who had really given the Digimon Queen any serious trouble besides Henry was Jeri. Kazu had once accused Rika of going easy on Jeri but his accusation didn't really bear any fruit. Mostly because he never said it to Rika's face.
"No sane person would say it to Rika's face."
"Well, this is more of your game than ours," said Henry.
"This from the guy who's a Tamer," joked Terriermon as he climbed up onto his partner's shoulder.
"Gotta admit, Rabbitmon's got a point there."
"Oh great," muttered Terriermon. "Isn't that a sign of the Apocalypse or something?"
"Does Apocalymon count?"
"It wouldn't be the first time," quipped Henry with a laugh.
After this was said, Jeri Katou stood up.
"Well, I'd better be going," she said.
Takato sat up and raised an eyebrow.
"Going? Going where?"
"My Father said that he was going to need my help at the restaurant today, so I couldn't stay out for very long. I told him that I'd be back before lunch."
Takato's face fell a little bit. He had been hoping to see more of Jeri today, especially since he only just got here. But there was no use fighting the inevitable, at least in this case. Gathering up his cards, Takato stood up.
"Hey Jeri?"
Jeri looked at Takato with a soft smile.
"Yeah?"
Feeling some slight amount of heat crawl across his face, Takato rubbed the back of his head nervously and mentally crossed his fingers. Here was hoping that he didn't suddenly lose his nerve.
"Uh… I was just wondering if I could... um… walk you there?"
Behind him, Takato could hear Kazu, Kenta and… was that Terriermon?… snickering, and the heat on his face increased two-fold. Well… here was one more reason to hope that Jeri said yes.
Takato's faith was rewarded with a nod from the brown haired girl, and Takato mentally cheered while at the same time his heart, which seemed to have forgotten to do its job for a minute, thumped hard in his chest.
"Jurato forever." Glaceon partied, "Um, I'm sorry for that outburst. I need to be neutral to all ships here."
Henry watched Takato and Jeri go with a smile on his face before looking over at Kazu and Kenta trying desperately to hold in their laughter (it was hard to tell which of them was making the greater effort. The difference was so fine you could probably split hairs on it). Takato had promised that he'd be back once he saw Jeri safely to her family's restaurant (though he didn't exactly say it that way, the others got what he meant). It was kind of nice to see Takato show so much care for one person.
"Awww…" began Terriermon. "Isn't that sweet? Takatomon's walking his girlfriend home…"
Glaceon!Terriermon: Momentai.
With a laugh, Henry raised his hand and rapped his partner on his head.
"Terriermon…"
"What? C'mon Henry! You see it! I see it! The dope twins over there see it…"
"Let's see HE CONFESSED HIS FEELING FOR HER ON A TRAIN. Although I have to use that dope twins insult."
"HEY!" Once more a cry of indignation from Kazu and Kenta. They were starting to sound like a broken record, and even Rika had described them as such. Terriermon continued with his point.
"… Heck, even Rika sees it! And if she can see it than it must be obvious."
Rika snorted but didn't really say or do anything else beyond that for a response.
"The only two people who don't seem to see it just left this area. Sometimes I wish that they'd confess and get it over with."
"Well... if you want to get technical, he did confess to a D-Reaper Clone."
"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Asked Kazu. "It's fun watching chumley get all flustered over Jeri. Man, I don't know what he sees in her."
"Still, it is kind of nice," said Henry. "What do you think Rika?"
Rika was quiet for a moment as she thought it over.
"Yeah, it's nice. But don't expect me to get all touchy-feely about it."
Henry chuckled.
"Don't worry…"
The sun shone brightly over the city of Shinjuku. On this fine day in the springtime, one wouldn't have thought that anything could disturb the tranquility that the populace felt. Not even the Tamers who stood on guard to protect the fair city from danger.
"There's the end of chapter two. When is the exposition and rising action going to kick in?" Glaceon asked, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to check on the Lovecraftian horror incarnate."
We'll be right back