Chapter 9: Oingo Boingo

Of the world's ancient structures, many had been destroyed in the Third World War, and more still in the chaos following it. Today, only a few buildings still stood that had been around for more than a century or two. One of those artifacts of architecture stood alone out in the wilderness of Russia, with nothing for miles but wilderness and the patrolling robots that surrounded it twenty-four seven. The hereditary home of the Cossack family, currently occupied by Doctor Sergei Cossack and his daughter Kalinka, as well as eight Robot Masters. Along with one recurring guest in particular.

"I have got to talk with the Doc about getting blinds put on this window." Blues groused as the sunrise blazed into his eyes, uncovered only while he dozed in stasis. Sitting up, the eldest son of Light threw on his clothes and replaced the shades, tying off his scarf as a last touch. The guest room he had slept in was by now unofficially "his" permanently, as he made a habit of stopping by for a visit every few months. It was a second home to him by now, and the people who lived there close friends. One of whom made her presence apparent as soon as Blues walked out of the room.

"Good morning, Blues!" Kalinka Cossack, thirteen years old and starting to mature already, was waiting for him with a smile, drinking from a mug as she sat in a hall chair. Dr. Cossack's only daughter, she no longer showed any signs of the nearly fatal conditions she had been kept in five years prior, and was for all apparent purposes a perfectly normal and healthy young woman, blond curls hanging over the identical scarf Blues had given her on one of his visits. Only her eyes, ice blue like her father's, still occasionally showed the horrors that had shattered her childhood. When she looked at Blues, though, there was only happiness in her eyes; he had been the one to rescue her from Wily, and save her father's life as well.

"Oh, morning Kalinka." Blues scratched the back of his head. "Don't tell me you were just sitting out there waiting for me to wake up." Although he enjoyed Kalinka's friendship, Blues worried that she insisted on seeing it as more than that, which would of course be a total impossibility. Every time he decided to bring the subject up with her to settle it permanently, though, something always happened to make him reluctant, and wait until "next time."

"There's not much else to do around here." Kalinka protested mildly, waving a book. "I had this, so here's a good a place as any to read. Why shouldn't I wait for you?"

"I guess I can't really answer that one." Blues admitted. "I give up. You win. Your dad up yet too?"

"Da." Kalinka nodded. "He's still an early riser. The robots and me all tell him he should get more sleep, but he never listens. You should help us and tell him too, Blues."

"Oh no, not me." Blues said, raising his hands. "You can get away with that, since you're family. Me, I'm not commenting on the behavior of anybody who can call themselves 'Master of the castle' and mean it literally."

"Such behavior would indeed be analogous to maintaining health, generally." A flat, emotionless voice heralded the arrival of Pharaoh Man, the most prominent of Cossack's eight Robot Masters and the one most commonly assigned to be Kalinka's bodyguard. Though the scientist's daughter fumed over her constant surveillance, Cossack was still highly paranoid over her safety, with good reason-even five years later. Wily never forgot. "At least, such is the conclusion I draw from the doctor's response to an unusually determined door-to-door salesman one day."

"Oh yes, that idiot." Kalinka covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. "I still can't believe he came all the way out here. Father offered him a much faster way back to Moscow when he answered the door, though."

"Let me guess." Blues cracked a smile of his own. "A catapult."

"Exactly." Kalinka said happily. "For some reason, though, he declined the offer. Just for that, we didn't buy anything. Showed him."

"You will notice the mistress' sense of humor continues to deteriorate." Pharaoh Man told Blues without changing his expression one bit. "It would be impolite to assign the blame for such onto extended interaction with your family, but I have yet to calculate a more likely theory, so I can only request you excuse my rudeness."

"I'll take the blame for that one." Blues admitted easily, starting down the hall. "Some things rub off, I guess. Hate to kill the mood, but priorities first. Any news on the Rebellion?"

"Not when I had awakened." Kalinka closed her book and rose to follow him, along with the other Robot Master. "Pharaoh?"

"Unfortunately, that has changed in the intervening time." Pharaoh Man explained. "Ring Man was monitoring the news channels, and saw the broadcast in Japan. I came here to inform you that Doctor Wily has returned to Tokyo and attacked it once more."

"Damn." Blues snapped, picking up the pace. "He's changing things up. He never hits the same place more than once in the same Rebellion. Until now, anyways. Is he out of there now, at least? And how about the other four Robot Masters? Did they show up yet?"

"That was the reasoning behind the alert." The other Robot Master said. "Following a personal appearance by Doctor Wily, four Robot Masters descended upon separate areas of the city, each with an accompanying army."

"Pizdets..." Kalinka whispered, racing to keep up with Blues. "How many people..."

"Hey, hey. If your dad catches you using that kind of language, he'll probably blame me, and none of us want that." Blues admonished her lightly. "Anyways, my family were there. They must have helped out. Right, Pharaoh?"

"Correct. The Light family were instrumental in evacuating survivors, as was the newcomer, Bass." Pharaoh Man continued to explain. "Casualties are estimated to have been reduced by thirty-five percent due to their efforts, both personally and in contacting Councilor Vinkus, who issued a public evacuation order half an hour before the robots arrived."

"You don't say. I'll have to remember to send ol' Darwin a nice fruit basket for that one. Nice scramble." Blues' grim features belied his admiring tones, but he made sure to keep that fact hidden from Kalinka. "Any of them near my house?"

"Spring Man has invaded the Tokyo Central Shopping Mall." Pharaoh Man reported dutifully. "Your neighborhood was not within his initial radius of robot deployment, but given time his expansion will likely cover it. Thus, it is my hypothesis that Mega Man will most likely decide upon that individual as his first target."

"Bro does tend to be a bit predictable like that." Proto Man admitted. "Still, that's better than sleeping through this sort of thing. Dammitall."

"It's not your fault." Kalinka quickly spoke up for him. "You're still mortal, Blues. You have to go into stasis sometime. There's no way you could have known this was going to happen, so don't beat yourself up."

"Thanks, Kalinka." Blues smiled. "As long as you keep saying that, I can't get too down. All the same, though, it's time I got back to work." Finally reaching his destination, he opened the door into the hangar bay, where the good Doctor kept his flying vehicles-in addition to providing space for his favorite guest's personal ride. The Melee Moth Blues had stolen from Dr. Wily was waiting for him as always, ready to fly once more. "Tell the doc I'm sorry I had to rush off without saying good morning, but he'll understand once he hears the news about Tokyo. If he gets too angry about that, tell him at least it wasn't anywhere near here; that's a low blow, I know, but it'll get him to calm down." Jumping onto the Moth's wings, Blues climbed over to the center of the robot's back and directed it to lift up and away. "Keep doing your job, Pharaoh. Stay safe, Kalinka... I'll take you for a ride again once this is all over with."

"You be careful too, Blues." Kalinka called after him, as the red-and-grey-armored Robot Master soared away into the sunrise, and was gone.

A blue bolt fell from the sky over the Tokyo Central Shopping Mall, resolving into humanoid form as it brushed off the edge of the barrier, onto a third-story catwalk. Looking around the bright pink-and-purple paint job covering the facility, Mega Man shuddered; he had always resisted accompanying Roll here even prior to the invasion, and not because she was an inefficient shopper. The mall complex, an entirely indoor maze, had a design scheme like a children's toy store on a variety of illegal drugs. That, combined with the fact that the residing Robot Master was designed out of springs, was giving Mega Man a decidedly uneasy feeling.

"If this turns out to be another Top Man, I'm retiring." He threatened himself half-heartedly as he began blowing away robots. The fact that many of them were spring-based as well didn't help matters. One look out a plate glass window, however, did wonders for his resolve. The towering office building visible there loomed as silent as ever, showing no traces of the havoc and war that had taken place nearby. But it was still there, regardless, and it was his job to sort that out. Sighing, he glanced at a convenient map of the facility. "Chances are, boss man will be near the center of the shield's radius. So that would be..." Another sigh. "Of course. Where all the toy stores are concentrated. Right off the main plaza, so I should head... this way." Turning into the hall that would lead him towards his goal, the Blue Bomber cursed in surprise as he was suddenly launched into motion. The entire floor had been completely removed, and in its place, a forest of springboards had been installed. Stepping onto them, Mega Man had launched himself down the hall, and now could not halt his own inertia. To make matters worse, the hall turned to the right up ahead.

"Oh, this is so going to suck..." Groaning, Mega braced himself for impact with the far wall and collided with a metallic crunch. "Ow... I knew it." Sliding off, he took a step to the right and set off again, only to see enemies ahead. "I hate this place!" Some were cleared with plasma shots before he arrived, but not all, and Mega's collection of bruises grew, as did his temper. The last straw was when he made another turn to discover that the ceiling was springboarded as well, spinning him completely out of control. Bringing up the Junk Shield, he activated it and sulked quietly as he bounced along, anything in his path being smashed to pieces by the orbiting slag summoned around him. At the least, this caused the unpleasant surprises to cease. Until he reached a hall with an open ceiling, anyways, and heard a familiar voice approaching quickly from above.

"Oh, man, I recognize that! Look out!" Bass' voice heralded the black-armored Robot Master's arrival at similar velocity to Mega Man's, bouncing unceremoniously off of the Junk Shield and then continuing along beside him. Growling and snarling from behind indicated that Treble had bought a ticket for the ride as well and was similarly regretting it. "Damn, that hurt! Does this kind of shit happen often?"

"What, you mean a warped sense of redecorating disabling our control of inertia and forcing us to scramble helplessly as we're flung through the enemy stronghold?" Mega Man replied dryly. "Oh yeah, this kind of shit happens all the time. Just part of the job, I'm afraid. At least once per Rebellion, there'll be at least one Robot Master who'll pull some crazy crap that'd piss off a saint. And they're all dead. Nothing to do but deal with it, and make sure the guy behind it pays when we catch up to him in the end."

"That, I can testify to." Bass swore ominously, wincing as a flying 'bot rebounded off his cranium. "Ow, again! At least we're almost to the main plaza, if my sense of direction hasn't been completely fried by all this. He can't have springboarded that out, can he?"

"You just had to say it, didn't you." Mega groaned, slapping himself. "Remind me to tell you about Murphy's Law when we have the time. Here it comes." Flying out of the tunnel like a trio of missiles, the three robots fell into the plaza, a vast open expanse with five floors of catwalks, each and every one of which had been springboarded just as efficiently as the tunnels. Using walls to halt their forward inertia, Mega Man and Bass began scanning the rows of shops surrounding them on every side. None of them held a trace of a metal shutter.

"Let me guess. We'll have to do this the hard way." Bass groaned. "Look through each and every one of these for the perp."

"You're learning." Mega complimented him as he moved towards a tool shop. "You hit the ones on the other side." Kicking the door in, he wiped out a lurking robot without even looking, and checked the back rooms as well, with no luck. Sighing, he moved on, continuing for several more establishments until he came to a robotic parts supply outlet. This, unlike other stores, had been completely ravaged, half of its contents incorporated into the army. Idly examining the remaining stock, Mega's eyes fell upon a crate with a Cuban stamp on it. "I wonder..." Opening it up, he smiled; the crate was full of specially modified Bolts. "Auto's going to be glad to see these, I'll bet. I'll have to remember to drag this thing outside when I'm done here and tell him to come pick it up."

"Hey! I think I've got something!" Bass' voice called from an upper level. Running outside, Mega looked up to the fifth floor, where his ally was emerging from a toy store. "Yeah, this is it, all right! Metal shutter and everything!"

"I can't believe I didn't think of checking that first." Mega groaned as he began bouncing his way up to meet Bass. "I must be getting old after all."

"Good thing I'm in training camp, then." Bass noted. "When you turn gray and need a wheelchair, I'll be ready to take over."

"You're about as funny as a toilet in reverse." The Blue Bomber growled, reaching the toy store. "All right, in we go-the hell?" As soon as he walked in, his gaze was transfixed by an entire shelf full of deactivated Metools, painted blue and pink. The blue ones had red bands around their helmets, and the pink ones were topped with bows. "This is just wrong. And a flagrant violation of Lighttech's copyright on Mets, too. Wait until Auto hears about this one. He'll blow a circuit."

"Your home city's being ravaged by murderous robots, and you're worried about copyrights. Yeah, I came along just in time." Bass snorted, leading the way towards the metal shutter in the back. "Look at it this way. At least Spring Man didn't reprogram those to try and kill us. Looks like he's got some standards."

"That is true." Mega admitted, walking through. "Doesn't mean he's getting off easy, though. Hey, Slinky! Enough playing around, huh?"

"Oh, I wouldn't go that far." A jovial voice preceded the arrival of Spring Man from a hatch in the roof. Bouncing a good ten feet into the air with every step, he bounded back and forth, waving cheekily. "We'll just be playing rough, is all. I'm sure you know how to do that by now."

"You could say that." Mega replied dryly. "Same as usual, Bass."

"Yeah, yeah." Bass leaned against a wall casually, arms folded behind his head, and glanced at the confused Spring Man. "Just ignore me."

"Sure!" Shaking it off with a wobbling head, Spring Man turned back to Mega. "Let's have some fun, then!" At the height of his next jump, he suddenly launched said head into the ceiling, anchoring himself and causing Mega's first shot to miss.

"That's a new one." The Blue Bomber commented, adjusting his aim. "Makes you a sitting duck, though."

"This is the best defense!" Twisting his body, Spring Man began spinning wildly, then threw out a fist. Extending over the entire span of the room, it swept across and slammed into Mega's side, sending him flying.

"A good offense. I get it." Mega scrambled up just in time to be hit again by the second fist. "Dammit."

"Wheeee!" Fortunately, the spinning had loosened Spring Man's head to the point that he fell down after two punches.

"Gotcha now." Switching weapons, Mega tossed off a Danger Wrap.
"Ooooh! Bubbles!" Smirking, Spring Man simply extended his extremities, easily stretching the chemical past its breaking point. As he fell, however, Mega easily nailed him with a charged shot, preventing him from dodging the explosive. Frowning, the bouncy Robot Master braced himself on the floor, holding still for once, and threw both arms straight out. "You're not the only one with cool weapons, you know!" Matter generators in his palms activated, forming a pair of springs with spiked caps on both ends. Inertia caused them to bounce around wildly as Spring Man himself began jumping again. "Dodge these and me, tough guy! I dare ya!"

"Sucker bet. No thanks." Mega threw up the Junk Shield instead and watched the springs get ground up by the rotating debris.

"No fair!" Unfortunately, Spring Man himself was less affected; landing next to Mega, he slammed both arms through the barrier with a slight wince and wrapped them around the hero like a straitjacket. Bounding straight up, he slammed both himself and Mega into the ceiling, then back down into the floor with even more force. "They call this a piledriver, you know. I've never known why. There aren't any piles involved, are there?"

"I hate this type." Muttering more to himself than anybody else, Mega pried himself out and blasted Spring Man again.

"Fine! Don't answer!" Harrumphing, Spring Man jumped up and anchored his head in the ceiling again.

"If you insist." This time, however, a couple of quick slides on Mega's part allowed him to slip under the punches. A test of the Freeze Cracker proved only slightly effective, but the enemy's stationary position allowed for more plasma shots to hit home as well. Swapping out for the last weapons currently in his possession, Mega tried the Thunder Bolt as Spring Man dropped once again.

"Wow!" Absorbing the electricity, Spring Man's body began glowing, and all three other Robots suddenly found themselves being pulled towards him. "Cool!"

"Way to go, tough guy!" Bass barked, with Treble snarling in agreement. "Three weapons don't do shit, and the last one makes him into a magnet!"

"Everybody's a critic!" Mega yelled back, going with the momentum instead of against it like them. Rushing past the arms extended to grab him again, he threw subtlety to the wind and decked Spring Man with a right hook, releasing the charged shot into his enemy's face right afterwards.

"You just don't quit!" Howling, Spring Man tried to rise again, but fell pitifully short, arms and legs bending uselessly and flopping around. "Huh? What's happening? Why can't I move?"

"Your body's giving out." Mega Man explained, watching his enemy's eyes start to dim. "Play around too much, and you lose track of what's happening to you. Game over, buddy." Turning away, he smiled at Bass. "And there's today's lesson. Master weapons are nice, but just plain wearing them down works too."

"I hear and obey, oh teacher." Bass saluted sarcastically. "Especially since I don't have a Master Weapons system. You going to get his?"

"Yeah, yeah." Digging through Spring Man's corpse, Mega pulled out the chip. "Right then, now I just need to commit a little minor larceny. Up for helping out?"

"What's a criminal record between friends?" Bass rolled his eyes. "Oh, all right. Lead the way, boss."

"All right, I'm going to do some work now." Dr. Light called to his youngest son as he walked into his secondary, private laboratory off the side of the house. "You go do the same, Auto, but please refrain from asking the neighbors to borrow a cup of copper wiring." Closing the door behind him, he locked it three times before flipping on the lights. The egg-shaped room he stood in was mostly filled with file cabinets, each one secured just as strenuously as the entryway. For this, his magnum opus, Dr. Light was taking no chances. Such detailed safeguards were normally unlike Dr. Light, especially in his home, where the only ones to protect his information from were his own family. Every time he locked himself away from them, Light still felt a bit of regret over the necessity of hiding this project from them. But necessity it was, all the same. To tell one of them would be to tell them all, and while three of his children would probably be able to cope, Rock's mental state was damaged enough already. Knowledge of what the future held in store for his kind would have to wait, until the day the Rebellions were just a bad memory and the Blue Bomber had had time to heal his fractured psyche. Reaching over to a tape recorder, he picked it up and activated it.

"A Robot Master's ability to appear human stems from its ability to add to its own behavioral response protocols." Dr. Light murmured to the recorder as he began taking out sketches and notes, diagrams and memos. "Normal robots can only respond in ways directly programmed into them, and cannot deviate from the absolute letter of the law. Robot Masters, however, can emulate any human behavior that they witness, and cross-reference sections of programming to mix and match. Thus, a suitably matured Robot Master would be behaviorally indistinguishable from a human. Those Robot Masters termed 'Advanced' are those with a strange glitch in their programming that allows them to replicate behavior at a far faster rate than normal Robot Masters. Or so I always assumed..." Spreading out the paperwork on a table, he began adding to a diagram on the computerized brain of a Robot Master, far different from the flesh and bone filling the human skull.

"Albert disagreed with me, in those final months between the construction of the six Lighttech models along with Rock and Roll, and his fall into madness. Noting the difference between the twins and the other six, and comparing the two to Blues as well, he was of the belief that the glitch eliminated the stimulus-response protocol partially, thus leaving them able to sometimes act independently, without any outside source dictating their actions. Over the past decade, interaction with five who possess this 'glitch' has led me to believe that he was correct. If I were thus able to pinpoint the glitch, and amplify its effect upon the robot brain, I would have a robot who could form all of its thoughts and actions with complete independence." He paused for a moment, as he did every time he spoke of the end result aloud; even now, it still shook him to contemplate. "This robot would be, for all intents and purposes, a mechanical human." Another pause, this one longer, closing his eyes and remembering the ghosts of those who were no longer with him. Albert, would you approve of this? Would you, X? Ced, Don? Simdorn, you old maniac, what would it mean to you? Vanessa... what would you say to me about this, if you were still here with me, today?

"The impact this would have on the world must not be underestimated. Doctor Wily's Robot Rebellions have generated a great deal of hostility, resulting in what can only be termed 'speciesm' in humans worldwide. This is, of course, in addition to the prejudices and hatreds which would already exist. In particular, those hard-line religious faiths that still operate generally view Robot Masters as abominations. A robot that would call itself human, and act as such, could only expect to be treated with even greater amounts." While speaking, he began writing out notes, making calculations and describing systems easily without distraction. "I could not in good faith bring this robot into the world as it is. While I hope that the Robot Rebellions will be brought to an end, further time beyond that must be allowed for people to forget the atrocities, and accept Robot Masters into society fully, or at least an approximation thereof. This gap of time shall fulfill another function as well..." Switching his pencil for a red-inked marker, he colored in a portion of the computerized brain diagram. The module containing the Three Laws, and the failsafes associated.

"If I am to create a robot with free will, then I am also obligated as much as society. The risk is incalculable, but all the same, I cannot in good conscience construct any inhibitors to modify his behavior. The Three Laws of Robotics will not be a part of this robot. Once he has been completed, then, he will be subjected to decades of extensive testing to make absolutely sure there are no errors in his mind; this will be essential, since he will be capable of harming and killing humans of his own will. Should the testing prove successful, I can then only hope that he chooses to never do so, and educates others of his kind to follow his example." This time, the pause was involuntary; a brief coughing fit, passing quickly. Switching off the recorder for the moment, Dr. Light let it pass, then frowned. "Odd... I haven't caught a weather-borne illness in years, and it's certainly not an allergic reaction. Not a good sign, old boy..." Flicking the recorder back on, he continued his work and his dictation both without a change in pace.

"Unfortunately, I am pursuing this project in the twilight of my life. Although I consider myself in moderate health for my age, multiple decades are beyond my scope of expectation. I foresee ten, perhaps twelve more years if I am fortunate... the incubation period, needless to say, will exceed that. I will not be present when my final son opens his eyes for the first time." He glanced towards the locked door. "Fortunately, I have four other children who I trust in this duty. At the moment, they are unaware of their youngest sibling's creation, but in the future I will reveal this to them. However long the testing process takes, they will remain in this world. And when their youngest sibling awakens, they will be there to show him happiness." Dr. Light smiled, as he always did when thinking of the future, of what he could finally give to the robots he had created.

"At last, then, humans and robots will find happiness together. That alone makes everything I have done worthwhile."