Author's Note: This chapter has some mature and darker subject matter; nothing too graphic, just some sexual content and violence. Since it's a fic with Shizuo, I'm sure it's not that surprising.

As tired as he felt, Shizuo just couldn't go to sleep.

He stiffened as Kyoko shifted next to him, her hair tangled and spread out on the pillow; he was worried she might have been cold without pajamas, but he couldn't bring himself to cover her with the blanket.

"I never really got the chance to just look at her when we were-" Even in his thoughts Shizuo wasn't able to outright say it.

That night they had sex; they were each other's firsts and as nervous as Kyoko was, she had smiled and guided him. Shizuo only knew enough of sex to be safe and to avoid hurting her, but it was enough; when he had fumbled, she was patient and when he did something she liked…

Shizuo bit his lip.

He wanted to keep himself under control. He had been so paranoid about hurting her, scared he would get too rough and she would cry and he would never forgive himself.

It took Shizuo a lot of effort to keep control with his emotions running high; when he came inside her, he collapsed and his limbs were trembling slightly from the strain of holding back.

Kyoko had held him close to her and laughed happily. Her fingers running through his hair, her scent, the warmth of her body; it was pure bliss, more than he had ever thought he would feel. She had kissed him and not long after she had fallen asleep.

He was scared still, but now it was for a completely different reason; maybe freaked the fuck out was a better term.

Shizuo had been up hours after Kyoko had fallen asleep. He didn't want to go to sleep and wake up to find her gone. What if this was all a dream, something he made up in his head? What if the moment he fell asleep, she would disappear?

"No, that's just stupid." Shizuo chided himself. "Kyoko would never do something like that."

Besides, that was only part of his growing fear. He had learned something about himself tonight and the revelation made him gawk at his own thoughts.

Shizuo sighed lightly and carefully reached out to trace his fingers on Kyoko's bare stomach. Checking her face for any signs of stirring, Shizuo slowly lowered his ear to her stomach and smiled a bit.

He would never do anything to hurt Kyoko. He'd never do anything without her consent. Even so, it didn't mean he didn't want something she may not have been ready to give him.

In short, he wished he could have gotten her pregnant.

"Would the baby be a boy or a girl?" Shizuo wondered idly; he was kind of leaning towards a girl, one as compassionate and beautiful as her mother. Hopefully any child of theirs wouldn't inherit his power. Shizuo had never heard of anyone else in his family having his…"condition".

Kyoko snored loudly once before her breathing became steady again. Shizuo went back to his side of the bed quickly. Paranoid thoughts raced through his head: Was she awake this whole time? Did she know what he was thinking? How could she?

Shizuo shook his head and laid back down on his side. "One things for sure, I'd be screwed if she could."

Kyoko would surely despise him if he knew the thoughts running through his head.

Shizuo had been careful with her earlier, she took birth control and he used a condom. He made sure she was comfy, that she was wet and ready for him. He didn't move until she said it was okay, and even then he went almost painfully slow until Kyoko's moans and pleading eyes had made him unconsciously speed up.

"So soft."

It had been his first and really only coherent thought; the rest of the time his mind had been clouded, focused only on restraining himself and reveling in Kyoko's warmth and the gentle smile she would give him when he was feeling unsure. She had held onto him the whole time, reassuring him, comforting him, as if she was worried he would be in any pain.

It had been perfect; a bit awkward, a slow process, and they were both tired afterward, but they were happy. They had laughed a little afterward and Shizuo had never remembered being so relaxed.

Kyoko gave his hand a squeeze before falling asleep. "I hope we'll always be together."

"What if we aren't?" Shizuo thought; his eyes were fixed on Kyoko's face. "What if you change your mind?"

The very thought made him tear his pillow in half from frustration, his teeth clenched tightly together to prevent a scream of fury. He looked at her quickly to see if she had heard.

"If she had my baby, she'd have to stay with me." Shizuo thought involuntarily. He imagined Kyoko with a round belly and; he would wait on her and get her food for cravings, and hold her hair back when she got sick, and massage her back when it ached from carrying their child. The thoughts brought a smile to his face, yet, it was as if those they were coming from someone else's mind. "She'd need me, wouldn't she? We'd be connected, the baby would be part of both of us."

They had grown closer tonight, but it just wasn't enough to make him worry free.

It wouldn't be hard to do. Just a tiny rip in the condom, just a prick from a needle maybe. It'd look like an accident and she'd never know…

"I'm fucking despicable."

Shizuo rolled over slowly and scooted closer to Kyoko, wishing he could wake her up and be comforted with kind words and praise to make him believe he was as good a person as she believed him to be, and nothing would ever come between them.

It's not like he would actually go through with it, but the thought was there and faintly tempting, and Shizuo was left disgusted.

"I can't think like this. Kyoko, I promise I won't betray you. I love you too much to pull some shit like that."

Shizuo reached out and played with a bit of her hair; was it really so wrong though? He just wanted to be with her. If they did end up having a kid, he would be there. He hoped he would be the kind of father his kids would be proud of.

And Kyoko wanted kids someday. Shizuo knew this, and was happy, even if he'd have to wait. He just wished he could get rid of the violent thoughts he had been having.

When she was moaning and whimpering for him, was she thinking about someone else? Of course not. Shizuo didn't know what he'd do if it was some how true.

Would she ever get tired of him? Would she stop loving him? Would there be a day when she couldn't deal with the violence and decided the best thing was for them to separate?

Shizuo didn't know what he'd do in that case either. He didn't want to think about it, the measures he would go to make sure she wouldn't leave, to make sure no one would ever come between them.

There sure were a lot of messed up couples in Ikebukuro. Even Celty was somehow in love with Shinra; how they let a guy like him walk the streets was a mystery to Shizuo. Then there was that guy and his girlfriend, who he barely knew shit about. They thought she had Celty's head or something, but Shizuo was more pissed about him not knowing anything about the girl he supposedly loved. Yeah, there was a lot of fucked up people in this city, now that Shizuo really thought about it.

He supposed he couldn't say anything though, with how he was thinking. He just couldn't stand the idea of Kyoko being taken away from him. Was that really so wrong? He just loved her, so it was normal, right?

Shizuo began gently tracing his fingers over Kyoko's exposed hip; his smile was a mixture of childish glee and pure viciousness.

"So help me god I will smash their fucking skull into the nearest wall."

Shizuo admired the softness of her skin; so soft and pretty and warm under his touch. He could hardly believe it, his first woman and she loved him.

"I should rip both of their hands off for good measure. Rip, burn, mutilate, crush, kill, kill, kill, kill, rip, tear, crush, kill! That will teach them to touch her. Just to show I'm not an unreasonable guy, I might let them keep their dick. "

Shizuo looked at Kyoko's face, making sure she was truly asleep. His fingers went between her slightly parted legs and he carefully moved them around, watching her face closely as he slipped one inside. She was still a bit wet; he could feel himself grow hard as he gently pumped his finger in and out of her.

"No one else but me." Shizuo whispered.

Kyoko let out a tiny gasp, so quiet Shizuo had to strain his ears to hear.

It was nearly morning, and even with no sleep for the last 30 hours, Shizuo was wide awake.

"S-Shizuo?"

"Shit." Shizuo could feel his blood run cold, but he didn't move his hand.

Kyoko was still only half awake. "Shizuo? What's going on?"

"Good morning." Shizuo leaned in and kissed her chastely.

"Did you sleep at all?" Kyoko asked; she looked down and blushed lightly.

"Yeah…"

"Are you going to be waking me up like this every morning?" Kyoko's expression turned from sleepy to a coy. Shizuo felt her getting wetter around his fingers.

Shizuo couldn't help a smirking a bit. "If you don't mind."

Kyoko pulled him down on top of her with an adoring smile. "Okay then." she gently bit his ear. "Love you Shizuo."

He would do anything to make things stay the way they were.

"Love you too." Shizuo grunted as he slipped inside her.

Anything.