Chapter 10- Kakashi

When I look in the mirror, I don't see the famous Copy Cat Ninja with the sharingan eye and I don't see a man with much pride. I see a failure. Time after time again I've failed my dad, my comrades, and those who care about me. I push them away because I feel like if they get too close then I'll fail them again or get them killed.

I'm a human though and I still have people that I care about; people that I can't imagine a world without. Sakura is one of them but as I sat next to her in a chair that was pulled up to the bed while she unconsciously healed herself, I feel that I failed her most of all.

I always thoughts my biggest failure was Sasuke when he ran off to get all buddy, buddy with Orochimaru and tried to kill his teammates a handful of times but that changed the day we returned from the very last retrieval mission of the young Uchiha.

We had all agreed that we were done chasing him and that it was futile to try and bring him home when he still had an agenda that had to be completed. I always thought that when the day came that we had to give up on Sasuke that Naruto would be the most depressed since they understood each other on a different level than anyone else couldn't understand.

I didn't expect for Naruto to rush past the gates of the village and run to Ichiraku's for ramen with the biggest, accomplished smile shining in his eyes. I didn't expect for me to feel so unaffected by the huge mess that we had just left behind. I didn't expect for Sakura to walk away from me without a word.

She always says something, awkwardly most of the time since I rarely talk back, but she says some parting words nonetheless. Not this time though. She shuffled her feet slowly across the village as if she was drugged and I was immediately compelled to follow her. I mean, I blame it on the fact that she's my student and I was worried for her health.

I stuck to the rooftops as she sluggishly crossed the village looking but not really seeing; listening but not really hearing. She was like a ghost, drifting around the world while it flew past her.

Over the course of the day, I realized that she had made it to Team Seven's old training grounds. It had been pieced back together from Sakura's iron fist that had utterly destroyed it when the team was reunited years ago.

She slowly walked and sat down in front of the three posts that Naruto once hung upside down from. She pushed her back against the center one and just stayed there. She didn't move, her eyes didn't wander, and even from the short distance that I was at, I could barely see her chest rising and falling.

Quickly deciding that I couldn't just leave her like this, I jumped down from the tree branch that I was perched on, stuffed my hands in my pockets and slouched my way over to her. If she knew I was there previously she didn't make a single move to show it.

I stopped a few feet in front of her and gazed at her expressionless face. "Sakura," I spoke, waiting for her to realize that I was there.

She didn't even flinch but continued to stare at an invisible spot on the ground by her right hand. "Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their friends are worse than trash; they're scum." Sakura said slowly as if convincing herself of something.

I was forced into silence for a while, not knowing what to say to the words that I had said so many times. I did say that, a lot, but now she was putting that with the very hard and unique situation that we were in.

I had to open my mouth and close it at least twice before finding the right words. "Sakura, there is a difference between abandoning friends and letting go those who do not wish to return. If we had pursued Sasuke, we all would have died. I'm not risking the lives of anymore of my team for someone who doesn't want to come back."

She looked at me then, sadness shining in her gem-like eyes. "Once a teammate, always a teammate."

I smiled and offered my hand to her. "Not when they try to kill you. Come on, I'm sure Naruto is waiting for you at Ichiraku's." After a few seconds, her small, soft hand slipped into my large, rough one and I pulled her up, catching her when she stumbled.

We joined with Naruto and Sai at the restaurant, eating enough ramen to fill us up for days and while she didn't act drugged, Sakura was still quiet and she was for days but eventually days turned into weeks and weeks into months. That bright smile began to appear again and after all of that, we were inseparable.

Every morning that we weren't on a mission, Sakura would appear on my doorstep with breakfast and cleaning supplies and we would eat while she shared a few corny jokes that made me smile which I just hid behind my mask. She would water Mr. Ukki and then we'd go and train.

At some point she would demand that I summon my dogs and we would all go to the river in the woods and splash around (or they would and I would just pretend not to watch over the top of Icha Icha). I would make a witty comment about her stealing my ninken away from me and she would respond with something about me being too old to take care of them anyway. Again, I would hide the smile that cracked my face in two.

After fighting over who was going to pay for dinner, I would walk her home and we wouldn't talk. Words weren't needed with Sakura anyways. We both were content with just sitting in each other's presence. I didn't have a relationship like that with anyone else in the world. Never once did she ever try and pry thoughts or words out of me. I could relax around her.

Instead of looking at that happy, cheerful girl, I was now looking at the complete opposite of what she used to be. This Sakura had cuts and bandages all over her. Dark bruises under her closed eyes made the rest of her skin seem even paler than it already was. She looked a mess.

Without thinking about it, I raised my hand to her face and pushed some of the hair that was stuck to her from sweat, away. Despite the lack of color, Sakura's skin burned with fever while her eyes twitched every so often. No doubt she felt pain even now while sleeping.

I was glad that everyone had left to go to their own rooms for the night, leaving me alone with my ex-student. Too many memories were running through my mind to actually pay attention to all of Naruto's attempts to lighten the mood. Surprisingly, Genma decided to wait until tomorrow to go to town and Sai agreed to go with him. Everyone pretty much filed out after that.

All of Tsunade's words bounced around in my head and were practically scorched into my brain. I couldn't stop reliving the conversation; I couldn't stop reliving the fight that Sakura was in. I think this is the closest I've ever come to being in shock over anything.

"I'm sorry," I murmured, brushing my thumb against her forehead. Her eyes squinted together again and my mood plummeted. Of course she's still in pain. Of course me sitting here and brushing the hair off of her face isn't going to do anything. Of course I'm being completely ridiculous and the only reason that I feel even slightly attracted to her beautiful face is because she almost died and I feel the guilt for not saving her sooner.

Yeah, I told myself. It's the guilt that is making me stay here. It's just the guilt… But what if it isn't? What if the pull in my chest is so much more and what if I actually have feelings for her…

I ripped my hand away from her hot skin and just stared at her in alarm. No, I couldn't possibly like her as more than a friend. It can't happen; no, she's my student! Well, ex-student; she is a Jonin just like me but there is such an age difference.

Something in the back of my mind nagged at me for even thinking that. I'm a shinobi of the Hidden Leaf and age shouldn't matter. If I risk my life every day for the sake of others then I should be able to be with the one I love.

I froze, every muscle tensing in my body. Love, love, love. Since when did love have anything to do with this? I don't love anyone; I'm fond of people but I don't love. It's too painful and every time that I do love something, it's always taken away from me. Obito, Rin, Minato-sensei, my father; I loved them all in different ways but all of them were taken away from me. If I fall in love with Sakura, she'll be taken away from me too.

I tried to relax the best I could and slumped back in the cushioned chair. Just like I did the night I stayed in her room, I removed my gloves and put them on the arm rest and sighed deep and long with the intention of relieving the stress that weighed me down but it did nothing.

Sleep would not come for hours; instead, Tsunade's words wound themselves so tightly around me that I felt as if I couldn't move from the despair that they caused. Sakura doesn't deserve someone who will always keep her on her toes; she needs a stable ground to stand on. You're as capable as being someone's rock as you are at expressing how you really feel.

I wanted to barge in the Hokage's room right now and tell her off. I wanted to let my strong emotions go for once and demand that she take back her words. I wanted to prove to her that I can be someone's rock if I needed to be. I could be compassionate, just half the time I chose not to be.

For the thousandth time that night, I released the deep breath that I had been holding and closed my eyes for a few seconds. Nothing was ever as simple as I wanted it to be but that's how life is. It's unpredictable and will always throw you curveballs.

I glanced out of the window one last time to see the sun's rays shining down on the golden sand from the East. Sakura would have wanted to see this. She loves the sunrise. That thought brought me to a whole new memory that I had suppressed without even realizing it.

I was still in the hospital and Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Yamato had just returned from the mission that they had to fight Orochimaru on. I had already seen everyone but the one person I was truly excited to see had only been around for a few minutes. I just figured she was busy doing something with her parents since she just got back after so long.

The moon was full that night, shining brightly across a peaceful Konaha and I had finally been able to lull myself of into sleep. I was tired but not exhausted which was probably why I was so surprised to wake up in the middle of the night and see Sakura sitting in a chair perched right next to the wide window; her back to him.

I thought that I was possibly dreaming but the dull throb in the back of my head proved against it. I sat up and ran my hands through my hair in a quick motion as I squinted at the back of her head. "Sakura, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be home sleeping?"

A shudder ran through her but I didn't know if it was because I surprised her of if she was cold. Her eyes remained trained on the Hokage Mountain in the distance where the sun would rise in mere minutes.

"Have you ever watched the sun rise, Kakashi-sensei?" She asked suddenly, her hands ringing together slowly.

I had thought her question was odd and very out-of-the-blue but I answered her anyway. "Of course I have."

"But have you truly ever watched it? Have you ever sat down and watched every color flicker across the sky and blend together?" she asked, her voice sounding detached.

My eyebrows furrowed together at the tone she was using. This didn't seem like her but I guess with everything that had happened recently, she had a right to be a little sketchy. "No."

The sun rose higher, rays beginning to poke above the stone faces of the Hokages before us. "Sun rises are my favorite part of the day. They give me hope because no matter what happens to us, they still rise and still take my breath away with their beauty."

I didn't have any words for her so instead, I leaned back against my pillows and watched as the sky exploded with a series of pinks and oranges that blended and danced together to create a true image of perfection. I jumped slightly when she spoke again, not really expecting it.

"There will never be another sunrise like that again, Kakashi-sensei. It was original and beautiful and unique in its own way. While there will always be another sunrise, there will never be one quite like that." Sakura stood up and walked out, not even giving me time to answer.

I made a point to watch every sunrise I could after that and she was right of course. There never was a sunrise quite like that one but I found that the one I shared with Sakura was the best of them all.

I was awake the second that I heard her breathing pattern change. Over the course of the night, her breaths were calm and repetitious but now her chest was rising and falling frantically while her hands tightly grasped the white sheets beneath her.

I froze for only a second before my eyes met her beautiful jade ones and I was on my feet. I quickly pressed my right hand on her forehead to still feel it burning with fever and damp with sweat. "Ka-ka-shi," she quietly spoke, her voice raspy. "I need water."

My hands were instantly reaching for the small paper cup on the nightstand and pushing it against her chapped lips. Her hands lifted up to mine that was still pouring the water into the mouth and held them gently.

My heart was soaring and my eyes searched her body; for what, I don't know. I was glad that she was awake, I was glad that she was alive. Most importantly, I was glad that she never took her hands off of mine.

….

I don't know when I fell asleep or for how long I slept but when the darkness began to recede to the back of my mind and my senses came alive, I could hear birds chirping along with the pitter patter of feet all of the building; probably from my own comrades who liked to rise early.

It was rare for me to wake up this late but maybe it's just because we aren't in Konaha. If we were home I would be at the memorial already, talking to Obito and Rin and Minato-sensei; not sitting uncomfortably on a chair with my head tipped to the right side with dogs panting around me.

My eyes snapped open in an instant and a small part of me wondered if I was losing my touch if I couldn't even realize that dogs were crowding the room. I saw all of my ninken; all of them, lying down at Sakura's feet on the bed while a pup that I've never seen before lay under her left arm as Sakura pet her slowly.

I blame it on the fact that I had just woken up that all I could do for several minutes was look between my dogs, the new dog, and my conscious student that was looking at me slightly amused.

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, trying to sort everything that was odd out before any confusing words would have to be spoken. It didn't work.

Not knowing how to even begin getting answers, I asked the first thing that came to mind. "How did I sleep through all of you getting here?" It was well known that I didn't have patience for all of my ninken half the time since all of them aside from Pakkun had a personality as extravagant as Naruto after coffee.

Pakkun sighed from his perch on Sakura's knees and lay his head back down. "Well, I wanted to come alone with Kimi to meet Sakura but the pack insisted on coming along. We expected you to be up when we got here but you were out cold and Sakura was just waking up and she let us stay." He said, sounding incredibly bored but I could see right through the tiny pug. He was happy that the girl was paying them so much attention.

I looked at the baby Shikoku Inu that I assumed to be Kimi and was actually pleased to see her practically growling at me with displeasure. I raised my eyebrow at the female dog that seemed to be guarding a dazed Sakura. "Am I doing something wrong?" I asked her.

The new ninken growled first before snuggling closer into the girl's side and answering. "If you hurt her, I'll attack you."

I guess she'd been threatening my ninken all morning long because instead of jumping to my defense, half of them rolled their eyes while the rest straight up ignored us. The puppy was already protective of Sakura and they hadn't even signed a contract yet. She was perfect.

"Kimi," Sakura whispered, "Kakashi is a good guy. You don't have to worry about him. He treats his ninken great."

The dog brown and black dog looked thoroughly offended when she turned her head around to look at the pinkette. "I am not his!"

"She's yours," I cut in before Kimi got too worked up.

Sakura just stared at me after that and I stared back, unable to pull my eyes away from hers. They were swimming with emotions and despite her trying to hide it from me, I didn't miss the wince of pain that she gave every few seconds when she let out the air from her lungs.

Kimi noticed too and growled lowly. That seemed to snap Sakura out of whatever daze she was in and she looked down at her hand that was twisted in Kimi's fur. "What do you mean 'she's mine'?"

I smiled a little even though she couldn't see it. "I figured that you would want someone to keep you company. Pakkun found her for me and I thought that she would be better with you. As you can see, she doesn't really like anyone else very much but she does seem to have taken a liking to you."

Sakura looked down at the puppy again and scratched behind her ears. "Thank you," she said quietly, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips.

Pakkun seemed to overcome a battle that had been raging in his own head and he stood up on Sakura's leg and walked to her unoccupied side, plopping down with his head resting on his paws. His brown eyes tilted up in her direction and I swear he sniffled on purpose.

Sakura understood immediately what he wanted and put her free hand on his head to rub behind his ears too. I was taken aback by how he was acting. Pakkun never got sentimental or cuddly around me but around Sakura, he was like a little wuss.

I truly tried to ignore my pack that had gone utterly soft on me overnight and focused on the main reason that we were even here in the first place. "When did you wake up?"

"Only a little while after you went to sleep." Her cheeks cutely flushed with a tint of red. "I kind of pushed a little chakra into your temples to let you sleep better."

My head rolled back slightly as understanding consumed me. "So that's why these menaces didn't wake me up. They always do."

Kimi growled but Sakura smoothed out some fur on her back to comfort her. "They aren't that bad. A little loud at first by my little girl over here put them in their place." Kimi smiled and wagged her tail slightly at the appraisement. Pakkun lowered his head further.

One question that had been bouncing in my head for a while seemed inevitable now so I decided to just ask and get it out of the way. "How are you feeling?"

Sakura closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm fine, Kakashi."

I knew she would do this but it didn't stop the hope from rising in my chest that she would just admit to being in pain. Of course she didn't make it easy. "Sakura."

"We're in Suna, I take it. I heard Naruto challenging Gaara to a spar just a little while ago."

One thing about Sakura; she was absolutely, positively, amazing at attempting to divert conversations. So far, she once convinced Naruto to take her to Ichiraku's on her sixteenth birthday instead of throwing her a party that Ino was supposed to be the decorator for. That's just about it.

"I know you're still in pain. Has a nurse come to give you more medicine?"

"I'm really thankful for Kimi; she's amazing and really…" I couldn't even bear to hear her finish her sentence.

"Sakura!" Someone yelled from the doorway, grabbing her attention while I just about glared a hole through her head.

"Shishou, what are you doing out of Konaha?" Sakura asked her teacher, sounding completely bewildered. I guess it was surprising since it was rare to see Tsunade even out of her office.

The blonde Hokage stepped into the room, leaving the black suitcase that she had been holding by the door. "I just came to sew your ass back together but I have to leave soon so I thought to come and see if you were awake." She raised an eyebrow at all of the dogs crowding around her. "I see that you have some company."

"Yes, I do."

Tsunade propped her hands on her hips. "Well since you seem to be thinking and talking just fine, why don't you go ahead and explain to me what the hell you were thinking when you FOUGHT A FUCKING AKATSUKI MEMBER?!"

Every dog whimpered and lowered their heads at the screaming woman who turned bright red in the face. Surprisingly, Sakura didn't flinch and I momentarily wondered how many drunken rages she had been witness to.

"I wasn't going to let him turn around and kill Naruto or Sai." Then after a slight hesitation, Sakura turned her big emerald eyes to me. "They are safe, right?" A nervous edge made her voice waver. Tsunade's eyed her suspiciously and studied her face like she was a lab rat.

"They're fine. You know those two; they are too hard-headed to die. Just like you."

The young kunoichi's chest deflated with a relieved sigh but it hitched at the last second and Tsunade's eyes instantly narrowed into angry slits again. The Hokage lurched forward and with glowing hands, pressed hard into Sakura's abdomen.

I don't think I'll ever get the sound of her scream out of my head. It pierced my ears and my heart, constricting my chest with fear and worry; something I always tried to hide from. Why was she bringing out so many emotions me?

Kimi growled and snapped ferociously but the grip that Sakura had on her fur kept her planted on the mattress, unable to move. I hadn't a single clue what was going on and apparently, neither did the two nurses that ran into the room. I saw a flash of a clear bottle and a syringe and my blood ran cold.

"Give her the whole bottle!" Tsunade yelled out, forcing her hands down harder on the tortured girl. "She's going to need it."

One nurse's eyes widened dramatically but complied without complaint. I was losing my focus, allowing everything to blur into one.

A syringe diving deep into the bulging veins of Sakura's arm; blood staining the white sheets underneath her; someone screaming out to flush 'it' out of her system; Naruto's panicked face appearing in the doorway; Sakura looking at me with wide, pleading eyes.

The worst part of it was when the screaming stopped and the begging started. "Please, please stop. You're hurting me Shishou!" Tears glistened on her pale cheeks. "Kakashi, Naruto, please help me, please!"

A series of frantic beeping filled the room and Tsunade's glowing hands grew even brighter. "Her heart rate is too high; give her more morphine!"

Another tear slides down her face and her wide, emerald eyes meet my single, exposed one. Her left hand left Kimi's fur and twitched in my direction. My chest heaved with a foreign feeling.

"She's bleeding out! Prepare for a blood transfer now!" Tsunade's voice trembled and I couldn't tell if it was because of her excessive fear of blood or the fear of her student dying right under her hands.

Naruto slid down the wall opposite of the bed and stared at his comrade with a tear-soaked face. "Sakura…"

The beeping sped up.

I felt my knees buckle and I collapsed into the chair behind me, my eyes unable to leave the emerald ones that were glued to me. The scent of iron surrounded me; suffocated me.

There was a strangled gasp.

"I need oxygen in here NOW!"

The girl was falling apart right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it. If there was any chance of her surviving this, it was in Tsunade's hands. Blood dripped on the carpeted floors as I momentarily forgot that we weren't even in a hospital room; we were in one of the rooms of the Kazekage's residence.

Speaking of the Kazekage, Gaara appeared next in the doorway with an outraged expression that quickly deflated into fear. He was scared out Sakura dying and I realized moments later that I was too. I was scared. I was terrified.

Another plop of the blood in the growing puddle on the ground; Sakura's mouth and nose were soon covered in a breathing mask, a smudge of red on the tube that led to the oxygen tank next to the bed.

"Ka-ka-shi…"

I could barely hear her over the frantic actions of the nurses. The beeping sped on.

"I NEED MORE BLOOD!" Tsunade screamed.

My eyes never left Sakura's and hers never left mine. Sweat glistened on her forehead and her hand twitched towards me. I could only stare; I didn't know what to think or do. I was useless.

The emerald orbs seemed to soften with understanding but after a second glance I realized that they had softened with acceptance.

My heart exploded into a racing pace in my chest.

Time slowed as her eyes slowly shut, hiding the beautiful blue-green color from my sight.

The beeping stopped completely and so did the noise from the rest of the room, leaving the low buzz from the heart monitor to blare loudly in my ears.

Sakura's heart stopped beating.