I'm SO sorry! It's been pretty much an entire month since I've updated, and I feel horrid. I could list a bunch of excuses, but I think we all know how reality sometimes just crashes down on us (giant tests… sickness…writer's block….); I don't know to classify this as a filler or what, but it's got Jazz and Alice in it actually speaking; I decided it was time to get on it, considering I got over the first hurdle with Alice losing her parents; here we go! ;-)

I managed to put off school for a total of three weeks.

Jessica had pitied me enough to gather school work for me to do at home, but the school district wasn't going to let me put off the inevitable any longer.

So when I exited my car and received the stares of a hundred eyes, it was no wonder my stomach was feeling sick rather than giddy. Attention usually didn't bother me – I ate it and begged for more – but all those eyes conveyed a single message that had me cringing inside and withering like a dehydrated flower. They wanted to know the details, wanted to know why I wore a black hat over my bald, stitched head, why I had stayed away for so long.

"Hey, Alice." Mike Newton waved as I passed his car, an awkward, unsure smile tilting his face.

Jessica held his hand as she leaned against the back of the car. "How are you feeling?"

I grimaced. The voice that was known to have no stop button was suddenly out of batteries. I couldn't find it in myself to speak.

Angela came up beside me and patted my shoulder, a major feat for the shy girl. "I'm sorry."

Strangely, even Angela's clear sincerity wretched my heart the wrong way. Everyone was too close, and the proximity was beginning to pound the life out of my ribs.

Class wasn't much better. My classmates were like Barbie dolls the way they all had the same planted look of sympathy and pity and tried to smile as if nothing had happened. I was suffocating beneath their waves of stares and meaningless words.

I'm sorry your parents died in that accident.

Everything will be okay.

Do you want to hang out this Saturday?

How are you doing?

Bella was the only one who tried to keep my mind off the incident by bringing me up-to-date on the many English classes I had missed. But even listening to her silky, bell-like voice couldn't come close to soothing my sorrow – quickly deepening into a black depression. And she soon fell quiet and let me alone.

Jessica was uncertain what to say. I wasn't so caught up in my grief that I missed the slight sneers and the way I knew she wanted to tell me to 'get over it', but she always decided against it – probably to avoid a tarnished reputation for appearing so rude.

Her boyfriend Mike made it his personal duty to escort me around the school that day and to make sure I interacted. He was so sweet that it twisted another thorn into Jessica's irritation, though for the most part she hid it well as she tagged along. Mike was practically ignoring her, however.

I sat with my normal group at lunch, despite my intense longing to be alone. I wasn't quite ready to try and act normal – everything felt too numb in my brain – but the Forks student body had a million other things on their minds, the least of which was giving me space.

"All the Cullens are staring at you now," Jessica staged whispered. She snorted with annoyance when all I could manage was shrug.

"Of course they are." Mike rubbed the top of my right shoulder in an attempt to offer comfort. "They're all adopted, so I'm sure at least one of them knows what its like to loose a parent."

I sighed quietly, pushing food around with a plastic fork, as I lifted my eyes just a hair to peek over at them – a habit I hadn't let go of. But I could only catch glimpses of liquid eyes and pale skin as the sea of students tried to encircle me closer with their unruly presence.

"Do you want some water or an apple?" Mike asked, poised on his seat to fetch at command.

I shook my head. "No, thank you." There was a succession of wincing and grimaces at the sound of my cracked, dry, and hollow voice.

Mike walked me to Biology when the bell rang. He tried to keep up a light banter of conversation, but even in the shadows of the hovering clouds, I could tell his efforts were wearing thin. He was frowning by the time we walked into the classroom.

If I had been normal, I would have tried to talk to Edward about one thing or another, and he would have ignored me after a flat hello.

But of course, not even the stoic protégé himself could keep his mouth shut from greeting me this particular day.

"Good afternoon, Alice." His voice still harbored a touch of loftiness, but I could hear the way he was grounding down to speak with me.

"Hey."

"You don't sound too good; are you sick?" Edward genuinely sounded worried.

I looked up at him, puzzlement clearly displayed for him to read. "You don't know?" It was absurd to wonder. Carlisle – the doctor who had treated me – was his adopted father. He and his four siblings were ones I figured had known about the accident a measly hour after the fact. Not to mention the card.

Edward nodded, lips drawn tight. "I know. It's hard not to when you live in a small town like this."

I leaned forward onto the tabletop and laid my head in my arms. "I noticed."

"But are you sick?" He pressed gently.

"What's it to you?"

Edward blinked, staring at the white board Mr. Banner was writing on as students filed in and a warning bell rag. "Bella told me some things at lunch."

"I'm sure she did…." I exhaled a wavy breath, trying to hold back the burning behind my eyes.

Either he didn't care, or Edward was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice my struggle with emotion. "She knows how you feel, Alice. She… lost her parents a few years ago."

I rubbed a hand over my face. "She… did? How?"

Edward half-frowned. "I'll let her tell you that."

Rolling my eyes, I turned my head to the front of the class. And Edward fell into his customary silence, for which I became grateful.

Jasper was standing by Mr. Banner, listening as he received instructions. He nodded slowly, a look of nervousness bathing his prefect face. His lips moved with a subtle grace as he gave his affirmative and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Beside me, Edward stiffened.

Jasper caught my gaze, a trickle of empathy touching his dark, golden eyes. He lifted one hand out of his pocket to motion with a long finger to come to him.

"Alice, I'm going to have Jasper take you to the back of the class to catch you up on some of the curriculum you missed," Mr. Banner explained as I got to my feet and gathered my things.

Jasper led me to a circular table in the back of the room. It was far enough away that Mr. Banner's lecture was muffled in my ears but close enough that he could keep an eye on us. We settled in the two available chairs, Jasper across from me, and retrieved our respective tools.

He placed a Biology textbook in front of him, while I gripped my pencil and smoothed out my notebook paper. I wasn't exactly in the mood for a crash course of all that I'd missed, but the sooner I got it over with, the sooner I could push it all away.

"Relax." Jasper's honey voice drifted over me like air freshener. "We're not gonna start immediately."

"We're not?"

He shook his head, the waves of his blonde hair quivering against his alabaster skin. "I don't think I could make you learn all this if the world depended on it. You're too stressed."

"Is it that obvious?" I slumped again.

Jasper offered half a smile. "It's understandable."

There was a moment of silence, and my fingers moved self consciously to the brim of the hat I wore. In the back of my mind, I wondered how long it would take to go and buy a couple of wigs, if only to feel semi normal again.

Jasper seemed frozen the way he stared at the biology textbook, mulling at whatever thoughts were pulling at his attention. I panicked suddenly: Did I look that funny? Was I somehow unbearable to look at?

Cool, honey eyes glanced up at me, sculpted brows furrowing as the gaze became penetrating. "What is it?"

"What is what?"

We stared for a moment. I could feel the confusion spilling over my face, the emotions bubbling within me ready to burst.

Was it possible to sue the school for psychological trauma received during campus hours? Because, in the instant, I knew without a doubt I was far from ready to be attending school.

And then, like the breath of anesthetics, I felt numb.

A wall shot up between me and the clawing tears that had nearly reached their way to the water line of my eyes. They were there – I could feel the pressure like a dam. But I no longer felt the need to cry. The numbness was gauze pulled tight over the sprain, and I could breathe through the knot in my throat as if it didn't exist.

"You left off on the middle chapter in the Ecology section?" Though his voice said plainly it was a question, Jasper already had the appropriate worksheets fanned out in front of me and was opening the textbook to the proper page.

For the hour left in class, Jasper coaxed me along my makeup work. The tenor tone shot much needed medicine in my taut muscles and throbbing head (an unfortunate consequence of water pressure unreleased). And I managed to finish five homework sheets and a study guide for the Ecology section. When the bell rang, a tiny pinch of satisfaction wormed its way past the numb wall, releasing a small trail of burden with it.

As far as updating goes, it's hard to say; I have the worst luck in that I may say I'd update once week or so, but then something bad would happen and you wouldn't see me for another month; I may just write a ton of chapters (or finish the book) before updating more; depends on how it all goes

There's a motivation button down there (it starts with an 'R' :-D)