I woke up aching. My arms especially hurt, like I'd been straining them. But everywhere had a weird ache, like my neck and my chest and even my junk. I stumbled out of bed, and threw on some underpants in case I ran into Sam, then headed for the bathroom.

I was covered in bruises, all over my chest and stomach. And maybe my neck, but they look like hickeys. What the hell? I tried to think what the hell could have done it, but I couldn't come up with anything. What's the last thing I remember?

Not the bunker. Maybe some motel? Talking with Cas once Sam had gone to bed. The memory's hazy. We must've been on a case. Cas must've been keeping me company while Sam was being boring. Did I get attacked by something?

Someone banged on the bathroom door, and I opened it up to find Sam, fully dressed and staring at my bare, bruised chest.

'Dean?'

'I don't know what happened.' I confessed. Sam snorted.

'Cas is that good in bed?' He smirked, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

'Yeah, funny Sam.'

'Come on, Dean, I don't know why you keep playing coy. You told me last night I wasn't to disturb you and Cas at all. And I didn't, but dude, you two are loud. I could hear you from my room.'

I just stared at him. Cas and me were loud doing what, exactly?

'Well, anyway, I think I finally found something. A case. Rebecca told me about it. I figured we could go check it out, and then maybe I could meet her. She doesn't live that far away-'

'Who's Rebecca?' I interrupted him. He rolled his eyes.

'Great, you still can't remember anything. We need to talk to Cas about this, you must be forgetting stuff with him too.'

I would have argued with him for being such a douchebag, but he had a point. I was struggling to remember anything much. It felt like I was pushing against a fog that wouldn't shift. And I sure as fuck don't remember anything about what Cas and I were talking about in that motel room. I remember laughing, that's all.

'Fine, call him, but let me put some pants on, first.'

'I think he'll like you just fine like that,' Sam snorted, before pulling himself together. 'Cas, wherever you are, can you come to our bunker, please? For Dean.'

We both looked around, and I tried to ignore the implication that Sam was putting out there about Cas and me. Cas didn't show. Of course he didn't, Sam was the one praying. I'm the one with the "profound bond".

'Cas? We need you.'

I didn't think I'd have to say anything else, but he still didn't show.

'Guess he's busy. Look, we'll get ready, we'll go check out the demonic activity that Rebecca's found, and we'll try him again, okay? He won't stay away from you, Dean.'

I didn't argue back with the guy, or chew him out for trying to take charge. Something felt off, and at least Sam was giving me something normal, right? I went back to my room to throw some clothes on and pack for a few days away while Sam did the same. I grabbed my bag, and started piling it with a few shirts, a couple of underpants, and checked my monkey suit was all set in case we needed to Fed up. And then I saw something under my pillow, and I left the packing to check on it. It was pink, and spangled, but I wasn't expecting to pull out a pair of handcuffs covered in pink fuzz. A few condoms were there with them. Just what in the hell?

Sam came in as I looked at the damn things in horror, and I avoided his eye contact. I knew he'd be smirking, and I didn't want to hear it. Just what in the fuck did I do that I now can't remember?

'What are you and Cas into?' I could hear the laugh in his voice. He thinks I used these with Cas?

'Shut up, Sammy. You ready?'

'Yep. Let's go.'

I picked up my bag and tossed the handcuffs onto the bed, following Sam out of the room, grabbing my car keys before he could get his hands on them.

'Do you remember how to drive, Dean?'

'Eat me.'

'I'm not Cas.'

God, Sam's on annoying mode today. I threw my bag in the backseat, and looked at the bad parking job, and the tyre tracks all over the garage floor.

'Dude, did you take Baby out last night?'

'No, that was you. I guess you got too impatient for Cas' ass.'

'Can you shut up on that now?'

'Dean, I told you already, you and Cas weren't quiet last night. I had my music on loud through my headphones, trying to drown you out. And if it's not you after Cas' ass, its-'

'Shut up.' Oh God, could I have taken it from Cas? But my ass didn't hurt. It's like, the one place that wasn't aching. Wait, what was I even thinking? Of course Cas didn't take a trip up the back passage. He's a freaking angel, and he's my friend, and Sam's just being a bitch. I needed to change the subject. Fast.

'So, tell me about Rebecca.'

I pulled out of the garage, and onto the road, and Sam launched into Rebecca 101.

'We've only been talking for a few days, since that bad date I had with Camille.'

Who the fuck is Camille? Sam saw my expression, and sighed.

'Don't worry about Camille. That whole story … anyway, so I went on a dating site, because actually, you and Cas make me really want someone, and I started talking to Rebecca. And she's cool, Dean. She hasn't hunted herself, but she's known hunters. She was even married to one for a hot minute. She said it didn't work out, they wanted different things.'

'She was married to a hunter?' I laughed.

'Yeah, she helped her husband with a case. Just one. I think something happened and he freaked out, got worried for her safety. I mean, she didn't say that, but it makes sense.'

'Which hunter?'

'She didn't say. I can't think of any hunter who's been married for five minutes. You either settle down or stay single, right?'

I didn't answer. Is he … is he stupid? Like, I know I'm the one struggling to remember anything recently, but I definitely remember Sam being married before, a stupid Vegas wedding. He got it annulled, obviously. So how comes it's okay for him and not for anyone else? And anyway, if someone's tried to keep her out of this life, why would he want to drag her back in? It all sounded off to me.

'Sam, you're not meeting her.'

'What?' he laughed. 'Of course I am, Dean. She's … she's something else. She's smart, she worked out about the demons we're hunting, and she sent me the news articles, and she's spot on. And she knows about so many other things, she's … she's amazing.'

'Have you actually talked to her?' I asked him, which was the better question than what the fuck is wrong with you? Like I wanted to scream out.

'Yes, Dean, we spent all of yesterday talking.'

'Face-to-face, or on the phone, or video talk. Anything?'

'No, because she's nervous doing it. Especially knowing I'm a hunter, I think the life scares her, but we've got great chemistry, it's hard to keep away.'

He's got it bad, really quickly. This can only end as badly as all his other relationships.

Sam talked about Rebecca for the entire ten hour drive. I had to bite my tongue the whole time, and I found myself really missing Cas, beyond Sam's obnoxious digs. Cas normally saves me from conversations like this. Maybe I should pray to the guy, see if he'd come hang out?

I was pissed off when we got to the area Sam said we needed to investigate. I couldn't take any more Rebecca talk. I climbed out of the car in silence and looked around, sniffing the air, scuffing my toes in the dirt, moving slowly across the field we were in as I did. I got halfway there, and turned to Sam, who wasn't that far away.

'No signs man, what the hell?'

'I don't know. I saw the articles, everything pointed to it being demons.'

'You ever think this is some half-baked plan to get us here? Huh? This could be a God damn trap! What if Rebecca's possessed? You know better than this, Sam!' I couldn't help it, I had to blame him for this. It was a long, ten-hour drive, and there was nothing to show for it.

'Maybe-' Sam stopped talking, staring over my shoulder. If there's a fucking demon behind me … I turned, and found Cas, standing close by, squinting up at me.

'Hey, you okay Cas?' I snapped. I didn't mean to, but I was so pissed off with how this day was turning out. Cas just stared at me, then ran a finger down my arm, and I jumped backwards, freaked out. What the hell? 'Dude!'

Cas blinked at me a couple of times, like he couldn't make something make sense. I was really aware of Sam coming closer.

'Dean? Is everything okay?'

He's the one making a move on me, and I'm the one who needs checking on? But then Sam came over, and opened his big mouth.

'Dean's memory is messed up, Cas. Worse than before-'

'I'm right here, Sam!' I reminded him. Sam just looked at Cas like I wasn't even there.

'I don't think he remembers stuff for a couple of weeks. He thinks I'm joking about the two of you.'

Oh for God's … is he still on that? Cas is going to tell him where to shove it, right after I do.

'That's not funny, Sam. It stopped being funny about five seconds after you started it.'

I might as well not be here.

'At first, I thought you'd fallen out, and then he kept reacting like this. But his memory lately has been bad, and I figured maybe it was just getting worse. I just wish I knew what was causing it.'

I looked at Cas, who was staring off into the distance, like he was paying attention to what Sam was saying, taking it seriously. That's not funny, at all.

'I don't know what's causing it, Sam, but maybe I could get something back.'

Sam looked happy about that, but I was pissed. Okay, so Sam and me, we accepted that my memory was going nuts and that fog hasn't lifted, but me and Cas? Why are they both acting like that's a thing?

'I don't need help! I'm fine, Cas!' I spat out. He finally turned to look at me, but I couldn't read his eyes the way I normally do.

'What's the last thing you remember?'

I strained, but all I could see was that moment with Cas.

'I don't know, we were laughing about something in a motel room. Sam was asleep already.'

I thought Cas would smile at that, tell me about the thing, just be my friend. But no, he's still playing along with Sam. We have an unspoken agreement that he picks me over my brother. I'm pissed. He just stood there, chewing on his lip, staring at Sam's feet like they would have some answers.

'Were we talking about salad?' Cas asked eventually.

'Why would we talk about salad? Except-' That does ring a bell. We were laughing because of the way Cas had described salad. I think he was only laughing because I was laughing, but whatever. It was a good conversation. And I definitely can't remember anything else past that. I looked at Sam a second, in case he thought we were bitching about him - which okay, we kind of were - and after seeing his bitchface move in, I looked back at Cas. Safe ground. 'Yeah, that makes sense.'

Cas came closer. He's not going to feel me up again, is he? He got right up in my face, squinting up at me, his eyes flickering back and forth between mine like he was trying to read something there. I really wish he'd back off and give me my personal space.

'Dean, you've lost weeks. I'm going to try to get them back, okay?'

And then he reached two fingers up and pressed them to my forehead, even as I opened my mouth to ask him to back off, just a little.

Everything's hazy, like I'm scanning through pictures and videos as I look through mesh drapes. The images flicker quickly past my eyes, but there's some things that stand out. Falling onto a bed, holding someone with their legs around my waist. A flower in a vase. Sitting in a bar for douchebags. And then they stop flickering, and land on an awkward conversation between Cas and me. Talking about dating. Talking about us dating. And I agreed, even though I wasn't sure. It's Cas, one of the most important people in my life. But even though I'm not sure, I go with it.

More memories come, and linger. All of them similar, a slew of motel rooms, with Sam asleep and snoring in the bed, and Cas and me sitting opposite each other at the table in the room, leaning close, talking about dating some more. Like, my entire history, things we could do, what we would do if there were no limitations on things like money. Him staring at my mouth, me watching his expression, feeling the first hints of anticipation.

And then there was more flickering, which was disorienting. More glimpses, which I didn't catch properly. Something in a hut in the woods? A hunt maybe? A cafe and pancakes. Looking up from the front seat in the Impala, seeing my shirt on the steering wheel. A carnival? And then Cas, standing near me, looking at me apprehensively while my mind was stuck on 'suck my dick'. I didn't mean it as an insult either, the desperate need to be physical with him was overwhelming. I dragged him out to the movies to try to get my mind off it, but that didn't work, so I dragged him back home, intent on fucking him senseless. And then he brought out the sex toys.

I lingered on those memories. Of Cas, so unsure but still so in command, the way he worked my body, the way he was confident and shy, all at once. The way I couldn't hold back, as hard as I tried, because I wanted him so much.

I want Cas. Just as much as he wants me. Was he going to hold it against me, that I've resisted him today? Where's he been? I fell asleep to him being dorkily romantic, and he only showed up after the world's longest drive. I don't know whether to slap him or shove my tongue down his throat. I'll probably do both.

The first thing I was aware of was the feel of Castiel's fingers pressing against my forehead. I blinked my eyes open, and searched for his face. He smiled weakly at me, like he wasn't sure what was going to happen. So he must know on some level that I want to hit him for ditching me this morning.

'Where'd you go?' I asked him quietly. He frowned, tilting his head in that way he does when he doesn't understand something.

'I've been right here, Dean.'

'This morning. I woke up without you.' I thought for a second. 'Where'd you stash everything?'

Cas gave me a really small smile, and Sam completely cut into the conversation. I forgot he was there. That could have been embarrassing, I don't want to talk about cock rings and fetish gear in front of Sam. It's bad enough he found the handcuffs.

'So? Do you remember everything now?'

'Everything important,' I winked up at Cas, expecting him to smile back, like it was our little secret, but he looked away instead. What's the problem?

'Good. I vote we go talk to Rebecca, find out what's going on. Her articles were solid, I don't understand …'

'Yeah, fine, we'll do that. Can I just have a minute with Cas?'

Sam sighed, and stomped over to the car. I tried to sit up, but Cas put a hand out, pushing me back gently.

'Don't rush it. How are you feeling?'

'Fine, Cas. Hey, what's up? Are you pissed I forgot about us?'

'No, Dean. You couldn't help that. I just wanted to help.'

'I know. So why do you look like I killed your puppy?'

He looked confused.

'I don't have a puppy.'

'Cas-'

'It's nothing, Dean. I'm just worn out from trying to look through your mind. I was trying to avoid invading your privacy.'

'Did you see what I saw?'

He nodded.

'But not your thoughts, nor your emotions. Just the images. Which was difficult when you were blindfolded.'

He finally smiled, and I sat up to press our mouths together. He let me sit up this time, sliding his fingers around my neck and clinging on, and I found myself leaning against the ground, one hand resting on his hip, my finger slipping into the belt loop on his slacks.

It was nice, just sitting there, kissing him, knowing it wasn't going to lead anywhere. Not this time. Instead it was just us, enjoying our time together. At least, until I got him alone that night. We don't have any of his stuff, but I'm sure we can improvise.

'Dean, Sam's watching us,' Cas murmured against my lips.

'Pervert.'

'I think he wants us to go. Who is this Rebecca?'

'His girlfriend. He met her online. He got this case from her. I think she's possessed. Or worse.'

Cas sighed, and gave me one last kiss.

'We should go. He looks upset.' He rested his forehead against mine.

'Stop checking out my brother.' I teased him.

'I would never. We should take him to Rebecca. We're more likely to get time to ourselves that way.'

I can't argue with him. I went to stand up, and saw his coat in a pile on the floor.

'Hey, your jacket. Why's it there?'

'I was protecting your head from the ground.'

He snatched it up and stood, helping me up afterwards. I kept hold of his hand, falling into step with him as we got to the car, which Sam was leaning against, his eyebrow cocked as he watched us approach. I spoke up before he could be a dick about it.

'Cas has shot gun.'

'Oh, come on, Dean!'

I shrugged, and squeezed Cas' fingers before climbing into the car. I heard him start to talk to Sam, telling him that he could ride up front with me instead. Why does he have to be so damn noble? But Sam backed off before I could chew them out.

'It's fine, Cas. He's probably shaken about the whole memory thing. And I could do with some shut-eye before we get to Rebecca's place. It's about an hour away.'

They climbed in, Sam lying across the backseat, and Cas sitting in Sam's ass groove. He's too far away. He clicked on the radio as I put the car in gear and moved out of the field, aiming for the address Sam had taped to the steering wheel before we started the journey.

It was a quiet drive, at first, apart from the music. Sam was trying to sleep, and Cas was in his own world, and I felt strangely lonely. Would it be weird to just ask Cas to come closer? I can drive okay with one arm around him.

'Is Sam asleep?' I muttered. He looked around at the backseat.

'It appears so.'

'Come here,' I held my arm out, and he cuddled close, dropping a hand on my thigh. It felt weird, but natural to be so couple-y with him when we'd only been together a couple of days. Or do I count it from the moment I agreed to date him? I don't know, but it feels right to be like this with him. Does he ever sit there wondering which one of the relationship models we would fit into, the ones that he came up with? Or is he just accepting that we're writing our own rules for this?

He kissed the underside of my chin, which made me smile, and then he tried to kiss my mouth. And God, I wanted make out with him, but that's so dangerous. I moved my head and tried to focus on the road.

'Come on, Cas. I need to be able to see the road.'

'Your mouth is so kissable.'

'So's yours, but come on, you were the one who said to get to Rebecca's place, and then we'd have us-time quicker.'

'So no kissing?'

'No kissing, not while I'm driving.'

'But other things?'

Other things? What does he mean by other things?

'So long as I can still drive.'

'So this is fine?' He squeezed my leg.

'Mmm-hmmm.'

'And this?' He kissed my neck again.

'Yeah, you can do that.'

He ran his other hand up my shirt, massaging my stomach. He didn't even bother checking that time. I made myself focus on the road, even as his hand slid down, and started working on the button of my jeans.

'Cas-'

'Shhhhh. Stay quiet.'

He pulled the zipper down, and slid his hand in, and stroked my junk through my pants. He nibbled on my jaw lightly, and I forced myself to look straight ahead.

'We don't want to wake up Sam, right?' he muttered against my neck. I really want to just pull over and let him do what he's doing, but that would wake Sam up. And there's something hot about this, about how in control Cas is, and the fact we shouldn't be doing this, not when I'm driving a car, not when my brother's in the back. I nodded, swallowing around a lump in my throat, trying to keep quiet. This was another power play, and I'm happy to let him take charge. He can do whatever he wants with me.

He worked along my pants, pulling the waistband down, freeing my dick, rubbing his hand along it. I groaned involuntarily. His fingers felt so good.

'Shhhhh!' He reminded me, kissing down my chest and along my stomach, and I tried to shift on the bench, giving him some more room, but without taking Baby off the asphalt. I knew where this was going, and I wanted it so badly. I bit my lip, trying to stay quiet as he started licking me, trying to bite down all the noises I wanted to make. Doesn't he want to know I approve of this, that I like it? That I could spend the rest of my life with his mouth wrapped around my dick?

He put his mouth fully over me, and I jumped involuntarily, grabbing the steering wheel with both hands and pushing the car forward as my foot came down on the accelerator. I was so glad we were still in the middle of nowhere, the only car on the road.

'Cas,' I breathed out. He didn't shush me, but raised a hand to shake a finger in my face. I wonder if there's a punishment if I'm not quiet? Besides however Sam would react to waking up and finding Cas going down on me. Is it weird that I want him to punish me? This is so damn good. I groaned again, as he worked me over with his hands and his mouth, and then gritted my teeth and forced myself to concentrate when a truck appeared coming the other way. I know the driver's going to see exactly what's going on here, but hey, you hear about truckers doing shit like this all the time. I forced myself to look dead ahead, keep the car straight, keep my foot steady on the clutch, even as Cas upped his game, sucking hard, his fingertips rubbing the bit of skin between my balls and my ass. How does he even know this stuff?

I came, pressing my lips together, biting down hard, trying not to react, and failing anyway, but between my lips it came out like a whine. He pulled off me slowly, dragging it out, and I tried not to deflate into the seat. It took a lot of effort to concentrate on the road, but I think we both heard it when something shifted in the back. Cas quickly looked over the back of the bench, and put me away hurriedly, kissing my jaw again. I slung my arm back around him, as Sam sat up, yawning and stretching. Shit, that was close.

'Are we nearly there?' He asked sleepily.

'About five minutes from the town.'

'Okay.' He started flicking through some papers he had in the back, and I saw Cas wipe his mouth with his finger, like something had leaked out. I risked a quick kiss in his hair, before concentrating on the road again as we got to the town, and wound our way through the suburbs. Suburbs are completely alien to me, they're so uniform and full of fake people and fresh mown lawns. Who would live like that?

'That's her house,' Sam pointed, his hand waving above Cas' head. I pulled up, and Cas sat up, while Sam took a deep breath in the back seat.

'You okay, man?' I looked back. Sam ran his hands through his hair.

'Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. You're coming too, right? Both of you?'

I knew Cas wouldn't be bothered either way, but I felt like I owed Sam. He didn't know about Cas sucking my dick, but it was on my conscience.

'Sure. Lets go.' I climbed out of the car, and waited for both of them to come out. Then we walked up the pathway through the manicured lawn, and up the porch steps. Sam smoothed his hair again, and rang the doorbell as Cas stood close beside me, our arms barely touching each other. It took a few moments for the door to creak open, and out stepped the last person I thought I'd ever see again. I watched Sam's face as the realisation set in, as his eyebrows went down and his mouth pulled and Bitchface set in.

'B-Becky?'