Sammii16: You're welcome :D and thank you, I'm happy to hear it. I very much enjoy taking everyone on the journey, it's one of the most satisfying aspects of writing. baratta: And thank you. ^_^

Great chapter

Guest: It might ;) That will be reveled in chapters to come. Thank you as well, I'm glad you like it!

The call is closer and it chills her to the bone. She is ankle deep in river water but she has to cross it, the wraith will catch her otherwise. That water is dark and thrashing, merciless. The deeper she goes the more silted it becomes until she feels as though it is more clay than river. It is so hard to move in sludge so dense and she feels trapped. The screech of the wraith has her fears coming to a head, she doesn't think that she is going to make it. It had been a dreadful mistake to try the river, not that she could have anticipated that it would thicken into mud. She wonders if she has wandered into quicksand. She gets her answer as it pull her under into a deeper dark, a suffocating dark. But she thinks, at least it is better than taking a chance with the wraith. But now she doesn't know how she will ever find that thing, whatever it is, that she is looking for.

She hears her name.

It is called once and then another time.

The voice is pleasant and it almost outweighs the cry of the wraith.

Almost…

Regina had begun to dream more than ever lately. She didn't think it was possible for the soulless to dream. She wondered to herself if she had retained some visage of her soul after all. She dared to hope that she had. She found that, since watching the movie she was prone to boughs of emotion. They weren't particularly positive emotions but she found that she felt them in full and for all of her displeasures she was brought some solace. It came in the form of a more pleasant feeling; reassurance, comfort. She thought that it was the first kind emotion she had felt in ages and she was thankful for it.

Granted she had stepped on more than a few toes that week. The first time she felt searing rage rip through her soul at full force was exhilarating. It was Mother Superior who had flared her temper. The woman had come to check on Emma. "I just want to make sure that the Queen hasn't killed you, or worse." The vexing fairy had said, never mind that Regina was still within ear shot. Such was always how it had been, whispers about her when people thought she wasn't listening. Something about that day was different though, something somehow stung more. It might have been that she hadn't done anything for so long and they still expected her to do something dreadful. That she was literally down a soul and they still saw her as the most horrific threat that the realms have seen. Or maybe it was that that she already had enough of her plate and she could use some sympathy for a change rather than a bubbling slew of resentment.

Or maybe it was that the fairy implied that she would hurt Emma. At her own thought she was conflicted all over again. Didn't she want to hurt Emma? Wasn't that what she was supposed to do? And yet, she wasn't keen on doing so at all.

She had been so quiet and demure for such a long time that her sudden outburst had taken both Emma and Superior aback. She hollered something, something about, "how dare you come into my manor and imply that I'm doing wrong." And, "she wouldn't still be hear if I was skinning her alive." She was proud to note that the image made Mother Superior squirm.

She had expected Emma to take her by the arm and scold her for being…for being how she usually was. But it almost seemed as if the blonde wanted to keep her fury going. Regina had wanted to keep her fury going, it was wonderful to feel something in full. Eventually after a few calm comments from Emma and some more seething ones from Regina, the fairy apologized for her invasiveness and shooed herself away.

And thus Regina began a new reign of terror. One wherein she actively sought out things she knew would make her angry. It was a slow progression starting with something so petty and trivial it was almost embarrassing. She went to Granny's and ordered her usual, this time adding a hint of cinnamon to her hot chocolate knowing very well she hated the flavor. Upon getting it she pitched a fit, calling Ruby incompetent among other things for mixing up her order.

She moved on to another easy target; Grumpy. It was easy to get into a spat with him, he himself was full of petty arguments. The one she chose was a low blow, teasing him for his inability to find love with Nova. The quarrel lasted for at least fifteen minutes before Emma showed up. She hadn't meant to cause the savoir any strife, but she got some grief for, 'not keeping her demon on a tight enough leash.' Her brewed stronger and with it some strange sort of delight.

In that week she had become something of a junkie. The petty fights were no longer rousing her temper to the magnitude she required to feel reassured. So she stomped straight to Mary's loft. She was going to have the fight of her life. Part of her, the darkest part of the Evil Queen, wanted it to be a physical altercation. Maybe it would escalate that far. If Mary said the wrong thing, she would gladly deliver the first punch, she may not be able to get the best of Emma in a hand to hand fight, but she could surly best Mary who was mostly fluff and sugar.

Her fight with Mary was a grand success. It started with the usual; reminding her that she had killed Daniel and ruined her life. She hadn't anticipated Mary snapping and declaring that it was her own fault for stupidly trying to hold such a difficult secret.

She came out of it with a bruised lip and a scrapped arm. Mary didn't look so spiffy by the end either.

She knew that Mary would feel awful, but she didn't think that she would care at all. In fact she was certain that her high would wear off soon and she'd be completely numb again as the soulless were supposed to be. But that night was a dreadful cocktail of emotions that Regina wasn't ready for. Having been so cut off from all over her feelings for so long, they hit her intensely. Bombarding her until she was curled up on the floor, crying and thankful but unhappy all at once, that Emma wasn't there yet.

It was regret and sorrow. No one was going to like her, she wasn't a likable person, and she hadn't made things any better for herself. She supposed that there was always a part of her that wanted to be better. A part of her that didn't want to fight anyone. Perhaps that part was bleeding through.

By the time Emma got home she was retreating back into numbness again. As with any drug, the high never lasted. And she felt emptier than ever. She considered for the first time, in doing such awful things, that she might be losing the part of her soul she had just found again…or at the very least blackening it to the point where she might as well not have it. She decided that it must be the first of her theories, because she felt herself feeling so much colder than she had started out.

She didn't hear the door open.

It took her a moment too long to realize that she was still curled up on the floor. For the first time in her life, she hoped that Emma hadn't brought Henry along to visit.

Apparently it took Emma a few minutes too long to notice too. The first thing out of her mouth wasn't an inquiry as to why Regina was on the floor, it was a simple, "why did you do it?" A question Regina didn't need any elaboration for. She knew very well that Emma always stopped by Mary on her way home from the sheriff's office.

"I just want to feel again." Regina muttered, feeling a fresh round of unpleasant emotions. "And this is the only way that I can."

"There are other emotions besides anger and sadness, you know." Emma almost laughed. "You can pick any one of them."

She must have looked so pitiful. With teary eyes and a cracking voice she replied, "that's just it Emma." She paused looking somewhat distant. "I can't. I try to feel them but I can only seem to arouse anger. And it's effective because my anger always comes with sadness too." And then she confessed something that she didn't quite mean to. "It makes me feel human. It reminds me that I might be able to feel other things." She rubbed her hands over her face. She was truly at a loss. Before she had a rather clear path, a clear path for change. She would use Henry as a sort of guide, as a motivation to be better. But these days she had no idea how to help herself. So, for the first time she stated it bluntly, "help me, Emma."

She heard Emma mutter a soft 'oh, God' before stooping down to scoop her into her arms and cradle her there. "I'm trying." Emma replied. "I'm really trying."

.oOo.

Emma felt her rage rise to a height that would probably scare even Regina. How could Gold put her though something so horrible? How could everyone else let him get away as they condemn Regina for lesser evils?

She was storming down the streets of Storybrooke with her hands balled into fists. She didn't have a plan but she wanted to raise hell.

She was torn, knowing that she had just lectured Regina on not letting her fury get the best of her. Knowing that she should probably lead by example. But all the same, she can't fathom letting Gold get away with yet another deeply dark deed.

She gritted her teeth as Gold's shop came into view. She had one part of a plan in mind and that was to dramatically kick in the shop door. The night was cold, she got the sense that this fall was going to be a chilly one. The wind whipped at her hair with a temper to match her own.

She had her foot ready.

She didn't realize that Regina had been following her until she felt the woman's hand grasp her by the wrist. "Emma, don't."

Her voice was unusually soft and so was the look in her eyes.

"Don't, what?" She didn't mean to snap at her, but she supposed that it didn't matter because Regina looked wholly unfazed.

"Don't do whatever you're about to do."

Emma was just about asked her where she had any room to preach but decided instead to ask a simple, "why shouldn't I?" Quickly she added, "he deserves it at least ten times over."

Regina nodded in agreement. In understanding. "I don't want you to get hurt, you and Henry are the only people I have." Her voice drops lower and she could detect a melancholy edge to it. "I don't want someone else I care about to die because of me."

Any rage Emma had died right then. "Oh, Regina." She ran her fingers through her hairline. "You know Mary didn't mean that, right?"

"But she's right." Regina mumbled. "Come home with me?" It rested somewhere between a request and a demand.

"But he…" Emma motioned to the door. She can't really fathom why Regina cared or when she began to…

No that wasn't entirely true. She imagined that it was in return for the care she'd been given. Apparently, the former mayor didn't just believe in vengeance. Emma was beginning to gather that the woman operated on a you get what you give level. Her perception of certain things she'd been given were simply misplace and/or skewed. "He can't get away with it." She finished.

"But he will, he always does." Regina argued rather flatly. "So don't make it harder than it needs to be."

Emma considered. With a sigh she decided that maybe she should at least wait until she had a plan. Her mind was made up for her when the 'open' sign suddenly turned to read 'closed'. Gold stepped out of his shop, sparing her a simple sideways glance. "To what do I owe the pleasure, dearie." And then to Regina, "how are you feeling."

"I'm not." Her hands went to her pockets.

Emma resented him for the snide remark, the one that should have provoked a reaction in Regina. The one that had no effect on her at all.

"Just the way you wanted it." She added.

Emma found herself inching closer to Regina, for what reason she doesn't really know. The need to protect, maybe. Or to give support. It was possible that she was seeking protection.

"It's getting cold out here." Regina noted, her eyes are downcast.

"Yeah, you're right." Emma agreed. She spared Gold one last glare and turned to Regina. She longed to make things right for her, but she didn't know how. She thought that she had come so close. And she still does. She could see the difference between the woman she'd first found in her cell and the woman standing next to her…

.oOo.

Regina had a lot to think about on the way home. She had lied to Gold, she did feel something. Soft, practically unreachable prickles of emotion. But they were there. Neither of them talked as they made their way down the road but Regina didn't particularly need conversation. No one had ever fought someone on her behalf before. No one save for Daniel.

She tried so very hard to conjure feelings of gratitude and happiness and coax them into reaching distance but it doesn't quite work as well as summoning despair. Fear and ambivalence are easy to come by though. They are present aplenty.

There are things that she was afraid to admit.

Things that she knew now. Things that she was afraid to vocalize because she couldn't find the words.

Things she was afraid to vocalize because she didn't know if they would amount to anything anyways.