Chapter 9

It was strange, being alone in Alexandria. Well, technically she wasn't actually alone, there were tons of people around but with Daryl gone with Aaron for the first time since they'd found each other again, Michelle couldn't help the loneliness she felt. She knew it was ridiculous to have this sort of reaction, especially since she'd known for a while that this day would come but now that it was here, it felt even more unsettling than she had expected.

She'd seen the two of them off in the morning along with Eric, her fellow crutches user as Aaron liked to call them as they hobbled their way behind Daryl and him. She knew Aaron was a good man, and he had to be able to hold his own out there otherwise Daryl would not have him watching his back but still, the idea of him being outside the walls while she was stuck inside didn't sit right with her. She knew she'd be a liability in her current state but she wanted nothing more than to leave with them. A little voice inside her head kept reminding her of all that could happen to someone out in the world. The injuries. The walkers. The people... All those things could snuff out a life faster than anyone could prevent. And even though having separation anxiety from someone who, in all honestly, despite how important he was to her, she barely knew seemed extreme and at the limit of pathetic, she couldn't help it. She simply couldn't lose one more person she cared about.

With all the willpower she could muster, she was able to resist the urge to ask Daryl to be be careful out there, to come back alive. Instead, she stood the side and she watched her friend getting on the bike he had been working on for so long before driving it out of the gate for its inaugural voyage; the whole time wishing she was riding behind him.

She'd planned to spend the day with Eugene, talking to the scientist would be a good way to keep her mind occupied and distracted from constant worrying. Despite how awkward and a little odd, he could be at times, she enjoyed the mulleted man's company. They had interests in common, similar taste in books and movies and it was nice to have someone understand the many obscure references she sometime slipped into conversations in hope that someone would catch them. She'd been made aware of the fact he had lied about a cure in order to gain and keep Abraham's protection and, even though others found that despicable, she thought it was quite a smart play actually. Plus, the idea that the world wasn't going back to normal any time soon was, somehow, easier for her to handle than the idea of it actually getting fixed, which likely said something rather bad about her. But unfortunately, her distraction plan was short-lived when Aiden all but forced Eugene to tag along on their supply run.

With a sigh and a wish of luck, she watched as he piled into the back of the van along with Tara, Noah and Glenn. Four more people she'd be worrying about until their return. She knew that, except for Eugene, they could handle themselves, and that they'd protect the scientist but as the van pulled away, she once again felt useless. She stood in the street for a moment longer while Maggie and Deanna headed off to do whatever it was they did all day and soon it was just her and Deanna's husband whose name she couldn't quite remember.

"You'd rather be out there, huh?"

Snapping out of her uneasy thoughts, she turned toward the man before nodding. Her expression had to have betrayed her, hopefully though, he'd only seen how worried she was for her comrades and not the unexplainable longing she felt to be on the other side of the wall. That was something better kept hidden, something she couldn't admit to anyone, except for Daryl, who'd likely be the only person who'd understand. No one should want to be out there, when they could be safe in here, but she did regardless.

"If you want, I could say a few words to Deanna about putting you on the run crew... when you're back on your feet, of course," the older man added with a gentle smile that reminded her of her father's. The thought of him tightened her throat, and she found herself unable to speak for a moment.

"Thank you," she replied, in a strangled voice before clearing her throat. "That'd be great."

As the day went on, minutes seemed to stretch on longer and longer with every passing one. She couldn't focus on anything for more than a few moments. No books could hold her attention. There was no inventory to be done, no chores she could help with either. And sleep was simply not an option. So she sat on the steps of the house, a cigarette she'd stolen from Daryl slowly dying between her lips as she watched the front gate, as if trying to will it to open with her only her mind. She just wished they would all just return already. Even though she knew it was unlikely... As soon as the thought had formed in her mind, the gate opened as if by magic... and right away she knew something was wrong. She should know better, by now, than to wish for anything...

Two deads. Noah and Deanna's son. And poor Tara was in a bad way. This was bad and everybody knew it even if no one was saying anything yet. She stood on the porch of the infirmary along with most of Daryl's group. She observed as the group worried and as the Alexandrians walking around in the background whispered between themselves. If it hadn't been clear before that there were two groups living in behind these walls, it was now.

Her eyes moved over the group, taking in how everyone reacted to the situation. Glenn looked like he was about to pull his hair out, running his hands through it over and over as he tried to get a glimpse of what was happening inside. Maggie, of course, stood by his side, speaking hushed words in his ear to try and help calm him or relieve some of the guilt he was, no doubt, feeling. Rosita was holding on to Abraham as if he was a buoy in the middle of the sea, tears running along her pretty face as the tall ginger tried to remain impassible. Michonne was pacing just off the porch while Rick stared stone faced at the door. Sasha was still up in the bell tower, keeping them safe from her perch, Michelle wasn't even sure anyone had told her about what had happened yet... As for Eugene, he was sitting down a bench near her, sobbing quietly with his face in hands. From what she'd overheard Glenn say, he'd all but assured that Tara was back here with them, but despite that uncharacteristic act of bravery, the young woman could still slip away at any moment.

She moved closer to him, in the gap left by Carol who had just taken Carl and the baby back to their house for the night. Carefully, she reached out and placed a hand on the man's shaking shoulder. It wasn't much, but she hoped it might offer some comfort and, in a way, she herself needed comforting even if she'd never come out and say it. She liked Tara, who'd always been nice to her. And Noah had been a sweet, capable young man who deserved better than the horrible death he'd gotten. But, also, she needed comfort whenever her thoughts moved from inside the walls to outside, to where Daryl was, unaware of what had happened here. Clenching her jaws and fighting back a tear that still managed to escape and roll down her cheek, she crossed her fingers that her friend would make it back to them alive and in one piece.