Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine. Its characters aren't mine. The millions of dollars that come with them and their merchandising rights sure as hell aren't mine. I do, however, own several pairs of toe socks so… that's something'.

EPOV

There are many things in life (or un-life) that are best avoided: Combining orange juice and milk. Licking the drinking fountain during flu season. The restrooms of any establishment hosting a burrito eating contest. Cheap vodka followed by indiscriminant text messaging. Dark alleys in a town infested with vampires…you get the idea. But when considering these unpleasant scenarios, know this: they are each preferable to a one-on-one conversation with a pissed off Rosalie Hale- Rose to her, er, friends.

So the idea of letting her talk with Bella was unappealing, to say the least. Especially since I sensed she meant "kill" instead of "talk."

"Rose, Emmett, so very nice to see you, please, do come in," I said sarcastically, gesturing to the foyer.

"I'm pretty sure I already told you to shut the hell up," Rose snipped, again focusing her attention on Bella.

Emmett shrugged apologetically. "Sorry, I maybe kind of let it slip that you had a human holed up in your house," he thought at me. Fuckin' Emmett. This I why I don't associate with others. You want to do one little thing like abduct a person and keep her locked away from the world for God knows how long and suddenly they're all up in your business.

"Um…hi?" Bella said, finally finding her voice in all of this.

Rose glared at her disapprovingly, as though she was some unpleasant road kill dirtying up the landscape.

"I always thought you were a weird little fuck Edward, but this," Rose said, gesturing to Bella "is a new low."

"Rose," Emmett began, trying to defuse the situation.

"No, no Emmett, please let her talk," I fumed. "Because throughout this whole, fucked up little ordeal I have only been able to wish I could hear the sage and dulcet words of your mate, the bitch queen of the whole damn universe. And now, finally, that dream can be realized."

"Okay, someone want to tell me what's going on here?" Bella asked, obviously confused by the hostility between me and my "friends."

"What's going on here, is that most of us have the good sense not to play with our food. But obviously Dickward here doesn't have the same…"

"Rose!" Emmett interjected while I eyed the room for the nearest blunt object that could be hurled in her direction.

"Let's all just take it back down a notch, okay?" Emmett plead. Bella seemed intent on trying to make herself invisible while this all played out and Rose sent another icy stare in my direction.

"There. Are. Rules." Rose said.

"Rules? What is she talking about? What rules?" Bella asked looking at me.

"Yes, Edward, please," said Rose ,"tell your little Lunchable here about the Volturi, and how she will die a slow and painful death the minute they catch wind of your little arrangement. Oh, and don't forget the thing about how we all go down in flames too for knowing about this shit; That's my favorite part."

"Can you please shut her the fuck up?" I growled at Emmett.

"Look man, she's gotta point," Emmett began.

"Edward? Is it true?" Bella asked, looking pained. Great. Perfect. She's probably going to make that "I'm going to cry" face again now. Fucking Rose.

"Look, what was I supposed to do, Rose?" I asked, ignoring Bella's question. "She was attacked by some psycho in a dark alley and when the guy took a shot at me she took the bullet, trying to save my life. Should I have just left her to that man and let him rape and murder her? Or should I have just let her bleed out because of a bullet meant for me? You tell me, Rose, what was the right damn thing to do?"

Rose's sneer faltered, and I smiled internally. Having died because of a similar attack I knew she'd have some scrap of empathy for Bella. Rose never missed an opportunity to kill a man attacking a woman. She was cold about a lot of things, but there's was no denying her soft spot for a damsel in distress.

"You still can't keep her here," Rose said quietly before turning to Bella. "Look, pudding pop, I'm sorry about what happened to you. Believe me, I am. But I'm not willing to die for you and I'm sure as hell not willing to let Emmett get killed for you."

"I-I never… I don't…" Bella stuttered, unsure of how to finish.

"Rose…" I warned. I would not have her in my home upsetting Bella.

"Look, I understand why it might be difficult for you to… deal with this. So why don't you just let me take care of it. I'll make it fast and painless," Rose said, speaking too quickly for Bella to understand her. Fury ballooned inside of me as I jumped protectively in front of Bella. "You stay the hell away from her or I'll rip that blond head of yours right off your body." I threatened. Emmett growled but I didn't care- no one was hurting Bella.

Emmett assumed a protective stance in front of Rose while I began trying to decide the best way to defend Bella against the two of them, but Rose only stood there, analyzing me. Suddenly she held her hands in front of her as a sign of surrender. "Well I'll be damned. First time that little fucker has given half a shit about anyone and it's some stupid human…" I heard Rose think before she caught herself and began mentally reciting an article from Popular Mechanics. But her face softened, and a sense of understanding flowed between us.

"Alright Eddy," Rose said, knowing how much I hated that nickname. "Tell us how we can help."

"Okay, seriously. What the hell is happening here?" Bella chimed in, terrified. "Are you killing me, are you not killing me? 'Cause I'm totally not in favor of getting killed…"

"Relax, Snackpack," Rose answered. "Apparently, we're on your side."

"Awesome," Emmett laughed. "I always wanted a pet."

"You do realize I'm not a hamster…" Bella said.

I finally relaxed my stance, meeting Bella's questioning gaze. "Are you okay?" I asked her.

"You tell me," she answered. "And what the hell are the… what was that word? Something like vultures…"

"Volturi," I corrected.

"Yeah them. No, wait, let me guess; They want to eat me."

"No, string cheese, they'll want to obliterate you," Rose corrected. "And Eddy boy here just signed us all up for the ride."

A/N: Reviewers were out in force last chapter! Thanks thanks and thanks. But I'm a greedy lil' thing so I want more. Show some love people, even though this was a short chapter. And thanks again for reading. I'm glad other people seem to be liking this because I'm having fun writing it.