I follow Gandalf hesitantly, curious, yet nervous. The shock of what had just occurred has me silent and slightly shaking. What I don't understand is why this person (if it even is a person) couldn't just come out and get me like any other normal person would do. True, I've learned to expect the unexpected in a world like this, but still, why go all mysterious, supernatural on me?
"You have nothing to fear, Evelyn," Gandalf says as if reading my mind. His words are meant to reassure me, but it doesn't really work.
"Where exactly are you taking me?"
"You have been summoned by Lady Galadriel, guardian of Lothlórien and the greatest of the Eldar."
"She sounds pretty important," I state, a bit intimidated. "What does she want with me?"
"I am not quite sure, but, like I said, you have nothing to fear. It is a possibility that she sensed your arrival to Middle-Earth and is merely curious."
"Sensed my arrival? How can she sense my arrival?"
"Lady Galadriel is powerful and has the gift of foresight. I do not doubt she may have seen your presence here before you even came." We stop outside of a large set of double doors made of pale stone, ornate and intricately decorated like the rest of the elven house. "Here is where I leave you. I trust you will be able to find your way back?"
I only nod at the wizard as I try to steady by increased heart rate. Gandalf gives me one last reassuring smile before walking off and leaving me alone to face this 'powerful guardian.' When he is out of sight and after taking a deep breath, I push open the doors and step into another open room. The ceiling-if that's what you want to call it-is incredibly high with the center cut out, revealing the shimmering daylight. A large cauldron of some sorts stands in the middle of the room with stone steps surrounding it. Besides that and the rich green shrubbery lining the walls, I see nothing else in the room. I'm alone, or so I think.
"Your coming here was rather unexpected, Evelyn Wolf." I jump at the sound of a female voice behind me and turn around to face the most beautiful woman I think I've ever laid eyes upon. Her hair is the color of sunlight, soft and wavy, reaching down to her hips. Her face is flawless, almost like she had been photo-shopped in real life, with a radiance that surpasses any actress or singer I thought to be abnormally gorgeous back home. A bright silver headdress adorns her fair head, and a glittering white dress covers her tall, slim figure. She doesn't even seem real.
"Whoa," I breath with eyes wide, but I immediately close my gaping mouth, my cheeks reddening in embarrassment. "Sorry," I cough. "You're just really pretty." Her shell pink lips curl into a smile. I swear, if I wasn't head over heels for Kili (or completely, one hundred percent straight), I would totally be crushing on this woman. "Uhm, you...wanted to see me?"
"Yes," Lady Galadriel breathes. Even her voice is beautiful. "I've waited for your arrival in Rivendell. It appears that, as unexpected as it was, your coming here was meant to be."
"Gandalf said something similar when I first met him. He said something about me coming here for a reason; my destiny."
"You were brought here by a power far greater than anyone on Middle-Earth can understand. I have only seen this happen once before, thousands of years ago when these lands were threatened by a dark force we dare not speak of." This piques my interest.
"You mean, someone like me, from another world, came to Middle-Earth?" Galadriel nods.
"A man, claiming to be from a land called Germany, appeared in the kingdom of Lindon in the Second Age. He had claimed to be human, but his appearance said he was of the elven race."
"And what happened to him?"
"He befriended Gil-galad, High King of the Ñoldor and, eventually, aided him and the king of Gondor in forming the Last Alliance. Such a thing was unknown to us; we had no knowledge of why he had been sent to Middle-Earth, why he came in the form of an elf, nor what his sole purpose was in the Last Alliance. Some say he was the reason Isildur, heir to the throne of Gondor, survived the battle. They also say he had fought to protect the fallen body of Gil-galad. It is all very unclear. Either way, his arrival in Middle-Earth certainly meant something. Without him, things could have gone very differently."
I honestly don't understand half of the terms she's using, but the message is clear; this guy had helped form a battle plan and, indefinitely, changed the history of Middle-Earth. Is that why I was brought here? To change history? The thought suddenly has my heart racing. Me, change history? How the hell could I possibly do that?
"So, what you're saying is that I'm here to change the future?" I'm starting to feel faint. Galadriel doesn't answer, only walks past me with more grace than a ballerina, and stops at the cauldron-y thing in the middle of the room.
"The answer lies in the mirror. I know not of how much will be revealed to you, but I know that it will show you all you need." I'm seriously wigging out at this point. I have a slight inclination as to what she means by 'looking into the mirror,' but the idea of possibly seeing the future is making me incredibly tense. Slowly, cautiously, I approach the stone steps leading to the basin. Crystal clear water is all I see inside, completely still and reflecting my dirty, anxious face. Then, it begins to ripple. My reflection wavers and deflects as the water moves faster and faster. Something strange happens then, my face is no longer seen through the water's surface; no, the picture is changing. Trees and fire, that's all I can make out. Something moves, a person running, sword in hand and a broken branch covering their face. A white warg swiftly meets him, clamping it's jaws around the man's body and I recognize the figure as Thorin. But before I can see anymore, the picture changes again.
A face slowly comes into view, scruffy, rugged, handsome; Kili. He's drenched in water, running up stone steps. An orc meets him, Kili quickly pushing the foul creature out of his way. He's running towards a lever, arms outstretched and ready to take hold of it when an arrow enters his right thigh. I watch in horror as he falls to the ground in pain. I want to scream, but no sound escapes me. My eyes are glued to the changing scene with no intention of looking away.
It's Kili again, only he's incredibly pale and thrashing about a small bed while Fili and Oin tend to him. He looks like he's dying. I see a glimpse of the wound on his leg. It's black and bloodied, an intense infection spreading around the festering intrusion. Oh God, Kili.
That's not it, though. The picture changes, once again, slowly coming into view until I'm looking at a battle scene. Bodies are strewn across the blood-stained ground, those who are still alive and fighting stepping onto the dead limbs. Orcs pour into the scene while dwarven warriors meet them head on. I see other warriors, taller than the dwarves. Some are clad in shining armor while others are covered in old, ragged clothing. It's a disgusting sight, terrifying and bloody. I start to wonder why exactly this battle is being shown to me when I my eyes zero in on one of the fallen; Thorin. Blood stains the clothing around his abdomen, gashes and cuts adorning his face and arms. He looks dead, but I can see his eyes moving, which are cast up to the sky. He's not dead yet, but he's close to it. And then I see Kili flanked by his brother, fighting off a fearsome looking orc.
They're protecting Thorin, I realize. It's gut wrenching, watching Thorin slowly die while his nephews fight off whoever nears his body. But nothing prepares me for what I see next. An arrow, long and black, hurtles towards Fili, digging into his chest. He falters ever so slightly, before falling onto his back, dead. The look of rage and anguish on Kili's face is something I never want to witness again. Tears form at the corners of my eyes, burning and stinging as I watch Kili charge towards Fili's killer. He fights bravely, with a powerful force that could only derive from one seeking revenge, revenge for the one they love. But it's not enough. The orc catches Kili off guard and drives his sword deep into Kili's stomach.
No. No, no, no ,no, no. Not Kili. No, he can't die. He can't die!
The next thing I know, I'm falling off of the steps and onto my back with a loud thud. The tears I fought to keep at bay are now pouring down my face. A heart-broken sob escapes past my lips and my head falls into my hands.
"No, no," I sob. "They can't die like that! They just can't! They shouldn't have to!"
"You're right, Evelyn. They shouldn't have to. But that is why you are here." My head snaps up to Galadriel, a look of disbelief and horror on my face.
"You honestly think that I, alone, can save them? That's why I'm here? That's what I'm supposed to change?" Too much, it's too much.
"You would not have been brought here if fate deemed you incapable of the task at hand. Yes, it requires bravery, strength, and a willing heart, but you have all of those qualities, Evelyn Wolf." Galadriel makes her way towards me, her body seeming to glow much like the landscape around her. She bends down, and reaches her hand to me which I shakily take with my own, lifting me up as if I weighed absolutely nothing. "Even the smallest person, can change the course of the future," she says wisely. More tears fall down my red face.
"I don't understand. I'm just me, just Evelyn. I have no great skills to add to this journey. I've done nothing of value to help. How can I possibly save them?"
"That is a question that not even I can answer. Only you can answer it. You were given the opportunity to change the fate of this quest. You cannot turn back now or you risk the lives of the line of Durin." My heart is pounding against my chest and my breathing increases with every word she says to me.
"I-I need...I need...air," I gasp. Before Galadriel can say anymore, I run for the doors and burst out of the room. I don't know where I'm going, nor do I care. I can feel the onset of a panic attack coming on and I need somewhere quiet to just sit. To my complete humiliation, I see the company coming into my line of race-walking. My hand covers my face slightly and I ignore the questioning glances of the dwarves as I walk straight past them.
"Lass, everything okay?"
"Evelyn?" Hearing Kili call my name only makes it worse. I feel him behind me, so I run. I run hard and fast, away from him, away from the dwarves, away from people. Finding my way back will be a nightmare, but I couldn't care less at this point. My feet continue to carry my body down corridors, stairs, and into the damp grass that lay at the feet of the elven house. By the time I stop by what looks to be a maze of hedges, a grey stone bench sitting outside of the entrance, my chest is heaving. Sobs rack my body making my shoulders shake. I gasp for breath and my vision starts to dissipate. I can't see anything, I can't hear anything, I feel like I'm having a heart attack.
I thought I would only be accompanying these dwarves on their journey, to finally get a feel of what adventure is really like. I had thought I could handle the dangers that could possibly come our way. But this...this is not what I expected. Instead, I have managed to almost die twice, and now I just find out that I'm the one person who can determine the fate of Thorin, Fili, and Kili. Am I really up for this?
You made a promise, Evelyn. Where's that loyalty you had felt so fiercely only days ago?
I shake my head, my crying not letting up. The image of Thorin dying on the battlefield, Fili being shot by the arrow, of Kili being mercilessly skewered, it haunts my mind. How am I ever going to save them? I try to focus on my breathing. It feels as though my airways are closing up on me. I'm still unable to hear or see anything. Everything is muffled and fuzzy. This is, by far, the worst panic attack I have ever dealt with. Not even my own mother's death sparked an attack as bad as this one.
I barely notice the presence in front of me. Large hands grasp my own, gently pulling them from my face. Whoever it is speaks to me, but they're voice is distant and unintelligible, like a television with the volume on low. I allow my eyes to crack open, seeing nothing but fuzzy shapes at first, then, everything slowly comes into focus. A face is in front of mine, dark eyes clouded with concern and alarm, thin lips set in a frown.
Kili. Oh, Kili.
Without a second thought, I fling myself at the dwarf, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. This time, I don't pull back. I need to touch him, feel him, know that he's here, alive and well. If Fili or Thorin were here, I'd probably end up dragging them into the hug too.
Kili is certainly taken aback, slightly, but after a few seconds, I feel his arms wrap around my torso, holding me tightly to him. My sobs have quieted into low whimpers and hiccups and my heart rate has gone down significantly. It's still going pretty fast, but that's only because I'm currently in the arms of an insanely attractive dwarf. Not even my panicked and anxiety induced mind can dull what I feel for Kili. It doesn't help that his hands are rubbing my back soothingly. Good God.
After another few minutes, I gently pull away from his hold and look down as I wipe the remainder of my tears from my eyes. That's when I feel the complete and utter mortification of Kili witnessing my complete mental breakdown. I'm supposed to be tough, brave, a dwarven woman. But right then, I was the complete opposite. How humiliating.
"Evelyn," Kili says. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry," I hiccup, not daring to look up at him. "I, uhm, it was just a panic attack. You know, stress and stuff. I get them from time to time. It's no big deal, really."
"What is stressing you so?" I shrug.
"I don't think I can say. I was talking with someone and they told me some things that just...overwhelmed me, I guess."
"What were these things?"
"I would tell you if I could, Kili, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed too." Finally, I look up at Kili and watch him nod to my absolute relief. "I'm really sorry that you had to see that. God, this is so embarrassing," I say with a humorless laugh. Kili offers me a weak smile.
"Do you get panic attacks often?"
"Not often. This was my first one in years. The last one I had was when my mother died."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he says sincerely. "What happened, if I may ask?" I sit up straighter, tears gone and breathing back to normal.
"Suicide," I answer. "She committed suicide." Kili looks alarmed at what I say. "It happened three years ago. She suffered from depression for the majority of my life. I rarely remember a time when she was actually happy."
"Do you miss her?" he asks quietly. I shrug once again.
"Sometimes. I wasn't really close with her. I wasn't really close with my dad either. She was always distant and sad. My dad loved her more than anything and had tried so hard to make her happy, to make her better. But I guess it wasn't enough. After she died, my dad grew even more distant with me. I look just like her, you know," I say with a smile. "Except for the eyes of course. Both of her eyes were the same shade as my green eye. No one knows where the blue one came from. Anyway, I could tell that seeing me, the spitting image of my mom, broke my dad's heart even more. He started to leave the house a lot and wouldn't come back for days. The sight of me hurt him." I say all of this without sadness. Yes, it hurt at first, but how can you be truly hurt by someone you never really looked up to, someone who was never there for you? I never really knew my parents, they were just there to make sure I was fed, clothed, and taught by the best private teacher they could find. They were nothing but strangers in my eyes.
Kili looks at me with something closely akin to understanding. I silently thank God that it's not pity. I can't handle pity.
"I lost my Da," he tells me. "I don't remember him, but I grew up on the stories my mother would tell me about him." I smile at Kili, happy that he's confiding in me, happy that I was able to confide in him, happy that he's alive and unharmed.
"Thank you, Kili. And, again, I'm sorry you had to see me break down like that."
"Eh," he says with a wave of his hand. "It happens to the best of us." I'm full out grinning now, marveling at his handsomeness. He's too perfect for his own good.
"Oi, what're you two doing?" Both Kili and I look over to see Nori, Bofur, Bombur, and Fili walking towards us.
"Just having a friendly chat," I say to them.
"Well," Fili starts, a smirk on his face, "we we're just going for a friendly stroll. Care to join? Or were you two having a moment?" My face flushes and Kili only smirks along with his brother while the others laugh. Oin and Bilbo's words from earlier echo in my head. Is it really that obvious to everyone?
"Shut up, Fili," I mutter as I push him playfully. "So, are we gonna go on a 'friendly stroll' or what?" We spend the whole rest of the day exploring the grounds of Rivendell, laughing, joking, and having a wonderful time. Nori even teaches me how to pickpocket, a skill that he said, "I'm a natural at." I'm not sure if I should be proud or not, really.
"Remember," he whispers to me, "Don't spend too much time at his side or he'll know what you're up to. Swift and quick." I nod before readying myself into action. I start to walk fast, making my way towards an unsuspecting Fili. Just as I reach him, I allow my right side to bump into his left, my hand darting into his open pocket and swiping the first thing my fingers touched. Fili steadies me with a hearty laugh, completely oblivious to my actions.
"Watch yourself there, Evelyn, " he says. "You're supposed to be falling for my brother, not me." I hear Kili bark with laughter, the ass. How is he taking his brother's banter so lightly? My smile twists into a scowl as he winks and I abruptly turn myself around, effectively whipping him in the face with my hair.
"Did you get it?" Nori asks. I grin excitedly and show him what I was able to grab from Fili's pocket; a small smoking pipe. Nori silently cheers with Bofur, the latter patting me on the back.
"What I tell you? She's a born theif!" Nori cries proudly while Bombur only rolls his eyes letting out, "not another one."
Just call me Evelyn Twist, everyone.
When we get back to our sleeping area, I go to find somewhere to bathe and change out of my stained sweater. My shoulder still stings a lot, but it's nothing I can't handle. I come back feeling clean and refreshed, my hair up and out of my face and the travel clothes I had bought back in Bree covering my freshly washed body. A fire is going in the middle of the room, a pan of sausage links frying up over the flames. I see Thorin walking over to the company as well and the image of him dying flashes in my mind, once again.
"Get some rest, all of you," he says. "We leave at first light." He weaves his way through the dwarves and walks past me, offering a slight nod in my direction.
"Thorin," I call before I can stop myself. He stops and turns to me, eyebrows raised. I realize, then, how kingly he looks. The way he holds himself, the way he watches over the company, is nothing short of regal. And there it is, that loyalty I've been waiting for today; only now, it's loyalty to Thorin, to my king. "I wanted to thank you, for helping me earlier today. I know I haven't really proven myself yet, but I'm trying and I will prove myself useful. I...just wanted you to know." Thorin stands there, staring and assessing, an expression I can't name on his face. It's not doubt, thankfully. No, it's something else. But before I can think anything more, the expression is gone.
"Rest, Evelyn. We still have a long ways ahead of us." I nod at him respectfully and make my way into the circle of dwarves, settling beside Kili and Fili. A yawn escapes me as I sit. I hear Kili chuckle beside me.
"What? I'm tired," I defend with a smile.
"Get some sleep then. Here's a blanket," he says, handing me the same thick blanket that he had placed on me a few days ago.
"Thanks." My cheeks flush as he stares at me, a crooked smile at his lips. I look away quickly. "Uh, goodnight," I cough out awkwardly.
"Goodnight, Evelyn." It takes me a while to fall asleep as I keep getting the flashes of the three dwarves dying. As scared and frightened as I am, I know I had already made my decision the moment Kili had held me after my panic attack. Hell, I made the decision the night I first met all of the dwarves. I was chosen for this task, it would be selfish and cowardly for me to turn it down. There's no going back. I will find a way, I must.
As I'm drifting off, I feel, for the second time, a finger trail down my cheek, and a hand caress my hair soothingly. I know it's Kili and I wonder if he truly does see me the way I see him. There's no denying that I'm falling for him, hard. Moments before I slip away, I hear Fili curse.
"Where's my pipe?"
Alright, next one up. I'm trying my hardest to characterize all the dwarves and give Evelyn some time to get to know each one. Also, I'm not sure if I'm really happy with the way I've been characterizing Kili so far. I've tried to keep his good-natured self true to text, but idk I'm conflicted. I feel like there's more to him that I'm missing... Let me know what you guys think!
Thanks for reading (:
Also, if you haven't noticed, I've been trying to name each chapter after a famous work of literature or well-known movie (am I clever er what? (;) or at least, play off of the names, but I've been finding it a little harder to think of novels, poems, or movies to use so if you have any suggestions that would be lovely!