A/N: Apologies once again, I wish I could provide any faster updates but as for the moment... doesn't look that way...

Anyway, after playing the Citadel DLC "a few" times I have to admit that Bioware even managed to make me like Kaidan, which, in turn, forces me to now rewrite quite a few parts of the story (see? I can be nice...). I also like Traynor, so I'll have to try and be nice to them from now on (ah, the challenges of writing...).

"Cerberus, Reapers... They'll all pay for this war, one way or another."

.

"We're still in this. The gods of war haven't given up on us yet," Admiral Hackett's voice rang out through the open door of the Comm Room.

A sad smile spread across Liara's face while she waited for Shepard's debriefing with Hackett and Anderson to end; waiting for Admiral Hackett to stop bombarding her bondmate with even more missions just so she could add another mission to the list herself... Ironic, really...

When Shepard had returned from the Citadel – saving a Council that had never seemed willing to help her in any way during their previous run-ins – a quick change of clothes had been all that had been granted to her before Hackett had requested an update on the situation.

Liara knew that Shepard was one of the few people who even had a chance of success in ending this war, and during her first time on the Normandy, Shepard's strength and determination had always fascinated her, but she wasn't a naive archeologist anymore. Spending so much time with the commander, not just as a superior or friend but as a bondmate as well, Liara had quickly started seeing through the mask of the stoic soldier and had found a woman with physical and mental limits just like everyone else. What hurt Liara was the fact that Shepard's determination was still strong enough to force her to overcome those limits day after day, rarely giving in to the exhaustion that no doubt plagued her, and that there was nothing Liara could do about it, because whether she liked it or not, the galaxy needed Shepard, needed her to charge ahead, to be a symbol of strength and success for everyone watching her...

She was jolted out of her musing when she heard footsteps approach the War Room and as she raised her head just in time to see Shepard exiting the Comm Room, rubbing her neck and trying to work out some of the tension there.

Taking a deep breath – forcing the guilty expression from her face – Liara pushed herself off the railing she'd been leaning on and approached the Commander.

"Shepard, do you have a moment?"

Shepard stopped, turning her head to meet Liara's eyes and the asari involuntarily swallowed when she noticed the other woman's tired expression and her struggle to mask it.

Goddess, I am so sorry...

. . .

"Commander, I heard about Cerberus' attempted coup and that assassin... Are you all right? I imagine the fight in the skycar was fairly intense..." Samantha turned away from her console and lightly grazed Shepard's arm, who'd just entered the CIC after her briefing in the Comm Room.

"It was," Shepard nodded, her energetic mask already back in place. "Fortunately, I had Liara with me to take over the steering while I frightened Kai off our skycar..." She smiled at said asari standing next to her, the datapad containing information about the mission from Asari High Command she'd just informed Shepard about still in her hand. "By the way..." Shepard turned to Liara. "There's something-"

"Was that when you lost control over the skycar and crashed?"

Shepard's eyebrows rose and she turned back to the comm specialist. "Pardon?"

Samantha shrugged her shoulders. "I simply heard that your skycar crashed at some point. I guess now I know why..."

Liara's jaw dropped but Shepard quickly placed a soothing hand on her arm and, as a precaution, stepped between the two women. "Well, that certainly wasn't Liara's fault," she hurried to answer, "And we all made it out alive, so I wouldn't necessarily call it a 'crash'..."

"I'm sure you managed to get the skycar down safely as soon as you were back behind the controls..." Samantha gave her a warm smile.

"Yeah..." Shepard forced a smile before turning back to the fuming asari behind her. "There's something else I should probably mention..." she started, nervously rubbing the nape of her neck.

Liara sighed and brushed a hand over her forehead. Could it get any worse?

"I'm home..."

Her eyes widened.

Shepard shot her an apologetic smile before they both turned their heads towards the airlock where a happy Kaidan had just dropped the bag holding his belongings, looking around the CIC with a wide grin on his face...

Oh great...

. . .

"Well...?" Shepard turned to the blue beauty in bed next to her and propped herself on her elbow, smiling when the asari brushed a damp strand of hair out of her lover's face. "Was that convincing enough that I'm not interested in Kaidan?"

Liara shrugged her shoulders in feigned thought. "I don't know..." she mused before turning her head back to Shepard, her expression serious. "Why did you bring him back aboard?"

"Because he begged...?"

"You could have said no..."

Shepard sighed, her hand tracing the outline of Liara's body covered only by a thin blanket. "What do you want me to say? He had these sad puppy eyes, I couldn't just leave him at the Citadel... You had the same ones in that stasis bubble back on Therum..."

Liara gasped indignantly, her accusing eyes boring into Shepard's while she lightly slapped the redhead's arm. "I did not!"

Shepard grinned. "Yes you did... though yours were much more adorable..."

"I sure hope so..." Liara huffed and turned away from the still grinning woman.

It didn't take long until she felt Shepard's lips on her shoulder making their way towards Liara's neck, warm breath hitting the sensitive ridges there as Shepard whispered, "Would it help if I'd let you use your biotics on me again?"

A grin crossing her lips, Liara shrugged innocently. "It would be a start..."

Without waiting for an answer, the asari spun around and in one smooth motion she was straddling Shepard, leaning down to capture her lips with a triumphant grin. Her biotics flared up, covering her entire body in blue tendrils that slowly snaked around her frame, carrying the familiar buzzing feeling to Shepard's body wherever they touched the other's skin.

Shepard inhaled sharply when one of Liara's hands lazily trailed down her chest, her fingers barely touching her skin, and the asari couldn't stop her triumphant grin to widen. With Shepard being a biotic herself, Liara knew how mad it drove the commander not to be in control, but given the circumstances, Liara deemed the punishment only appropriate...

"Erm, Commander?"

Shepard and Liara looked at each other, both sighing inwardly.

"Yes, Joker?" Shepard swallowed when Liara leaned back down, languidly kissing the human's pulse point.

"I'm sorry to interrupt and I swear I wasn't listening in... well, at least not this time..." The pilot cleared his throat. "Anyway, we just got a message in and... I think you should hear this before we leave the Citadel..."

Shepard rolled her eyes, still refusing to move while Liara's biotics hummed around the two of them. "What's it about?"

"I... You should really hear this for yourself... Could you come down to the CIC?"

"Not unless it's very urgent," Shepard answered, dragging her fingernails across one of Liara's thighs.

"It's about Thane... I think you should visit him in Huerta Memorial..."

Shepard's movements immediately stopped and her eyes shot to Liara who simply nodded, climbing off of her without a word to let Shepard hurriedly gather her clothes and rush out of the room.

. . .

"Goodbye Thane. You won't be alone long..."

The doors behind her closed and Shepard stepped out into the hallway, trying to ignore the doctors who already entered the room she'd just left, starting to prepare it for the next, still living, patient. It was brutal, but it was the reality; there was no time to offer space to mourn the lost in here while there were still patients in need, whose lives might still be saved...

Silently, she made her way through the hospital, her distant eyes stoically fixed on the immediate area ahead of her while doctors rushed by and she evaded patients groaning on makeshift beds at her feet like a sleepwalker.

More than once a doctor brushed her arm or shoved past her a bit too roughly, almost making her lose her balance, but those things barely even registered in her mind. All she could focus on right now was the memory of Thane's eyes as they had lost their spark, as life had left his body... She'd seen it many times, mostly in the eyes of her enemies, sometimes her comrades, but this time had been different... It was the second time someone else had had to finish a job she couldn't... First Mordin, now Thane... they both had given their lives to finish a mission she had been tasked with and try as she might, she couldn't see the reason why she was still alive with barely a scratch while her crew had to die one by one for her shortcomings...

She passed the entrance area of Huerta Memorial and stopped when she'd reached the terminal opposite the reception, the nurses and doctors behind it too occupied with the group of aliens asking for status updates on their loved ones to notice her. Shepard's eyes finally blinked and some of the life in them returned when she turned away from the elevator and, on the off-chance that she might get lucky, activated the sales terminal, her fingers slowly browsing through the offered 'Get well soon'-presents which seemed almost bizarre now... One only had to take a look around to realize that a box of sweets wouldn't replace the screaming soldier's leg or help the sobbing asari overcome the loss of her sister... but those things weren't what she was looking for...

Finally, after what felt like an eternity for her, Shepard's finger stopped and a sad smile crossed her lips...

"To you, Thane." Shepard raised the whiskey bottle – it seemed Kaidan would never get his present – and took a large gulp before she tilted it, letting some of the liquor run into the artificial lake before her. May you find peace across the sea...

She leaned forward on the railing and watched the two liquids mingle until the whiskey had entirely vanished, the lake returning to its artificial, almost frozen, state – the perfect illusion, just like the Citadel itself... Sometimes she had to fight the urge to simply let her biotics flare up and destroy the almost mocking tranquility all around her, to shout at everyone nearby to finally wake up, but she didn't need Liara's calm personality to know it was futile...

The Cerberus coup may have shaken up a few residents, but even with the destruction from the attack, the fires still burning here and there, the Citadel managed to exude the feeling of safety. The entire place seemed to struggle with the task of making its inhabitants feel safe again, even with the destruction and war that was still going on all around it and Shepard suspected most of the people here would sooner or later choose to believe the lie, to feel safe on this station once more.

Her grip involuntarily tightened on the whiskey bottle. Nobody was safe anymore...

With a sigh, she raised the bottle to her lips once more and after a few gulps, she closed her eyes and murmured, "And to you, Mordin." She repeated her previous action and disturbed the lake's even surface once more with the added liquid. May your sacrifice never be forgotten...

A sacrifice the salarian shouldn't have been forced to make... It had been her job to cure the genophage, it should be her pieces scattered all around the destroyed Shroud tower... Just as it should have been her flesh Kai Leng's sword had torn apart...

"Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong..."

Mordin's last words rang through Shepard's head and she took another large gulp from the whiskey until the burning sensation in her throat almost made her cough it all up again.

When would the galaxy finally see that she wasn't the hero everyone made of her? They wanted her as a vanguard, the one to secure the path to their future, but she still had to rely on others to do that... Another gulp. And it was her job to make sure those giving their life so that she could charge on would not be forgotten.

Shepard's head lazily turned to the half-empty bottle in her right hand and she suddenly couldn't bare taking another sip from the liquor. Her lips pressed together tightly at the sudden nausea rising inside her at her next thought... To be honest, she wasn't even sure she wanted to come out of this whole war alive just to see the whole galaxy return to its former state of ignorance...

But... Shepard sighed, there was no time dwelling on it now. The war was far from over and she still had a job to do...

So, with just a small hint of satisfaction, Shepard carelessly tossed the whiskey bottle into the lake – silently satisfied with the disarray she had caused – and turned away.

"Commander, there's still a message marked 'urgent' from Admiral Hackett at your private terminal..."

Shepard kept her head low as she rushed through the CIC and towards the elevator, past the comm specialist.

Whatever it was, it could wait...

"Not now, Traynor!"

. . .

The elevator doors opened and Liara shot out and into Engineering, her head shooting from side to side while she tried to decide which room to enter first in her search, biting her lower lip in worry.

When Shepard hadn't shown up in her office after her return from the Citadel, it hadn't taken the Shadow Broker long to find reports from Huerta Memorial that documented the death of a drell named Tannor Nuana... It hadn't even taken her network to make the connection and a sad sigh had escaped her at the note. Oh no...

She had been aboard the Normandy SR-2 just once while it had still been under Cerberus control and during that visit she had met Shepard's entire new crew, including the calm drell assassin.

It hadn't seemed relevant at the time, but the more she thought about it now, the clearer it became that there had been a certain atmosphere between him and Shepard. She still couldn't decide whether it had been just a deep respect towards one another or if there had been more, but Thane's presence always seemed to have a calming effect on the normally energetic commander. Liara had known about Thane's illness and seeing the wound Kai Leng had caused on the Citadel, it had been very obvious the drell wouldn't make it much longer, but when did the certainty of death make the parting any easier?

And Shepard's absence was a clear sign that she was suffering, probably hiding somewhere aboard the ship to deal with the pain alone, which was exactly why Liara had spent the last fifteen minutes rushing from room to room and from floor to floor in search for the commander.

She was about to approach Javik's room when some movement down in the Cargo Bay caught her eye. Stepping closer to the window overlooking the Bay, Liara exhaled in relief when she noticed the familiar figure standing prominently in the middle of the room. Her breath caught in her throat, however, when she caught sight of James storming towards Shepard and knocking her to the ground with a forceful right hook to the woman's chin.

Liara's biotics immediately flared up, covering her entire body in angry flames at the scene taking place below her, but before she could rush back into the elevator (or simply smash the glass in front of her to pounce on the man who dared hurting her love) Shepard was already crawling back to her feet, shaking her head quickly before she charged at James, knocking him off his feet and landing on top of him, punching the side of his face once before she rolled herself off of him and remained lying on her back, panting heavily.

Liara's biotics cooled down and finally vanished when realization dawned on her. She placed a hand on the glass in front of her and settled her sad eyes on the woman lying on the ground underneath her.

She may not like it, but while she herself could bring Shepard some sort of peace at times, the commander sometimes needed a completely different sort of relief. She needed to work out, to exhaust herself until every muscle in her body burned with pain, dulling her mental pain in the process.

A sad smile played around Liara's lips as she watched the two figures still lying on their backs. She hadn't liked the marine at first – and that had nothing to do with the fact that he had pointed a gun at her during their first meeting on Mars, even though she'd killed people for less... He was always too loud, to full of himself for Liara's taste, but he still seemed to have a certain sensitivity when it came to Shepard's moods, and seeing Shepard's relaxed posture even from her elevated position, it seemed Liara would have to accept the fact that James could help the commander in a way she couldn't – and definitely never would! Goddess, just the thought of hurting Shepard's soft skin sent a cold shiver down Liara's spine...

Liara let her eyes linger on Shepard for a few more seconds before she pushed herself off the window and activated the elevator controls to take her back to her office.

It wasn't long after she'd shut down her terminal and lain down in bed that she heard the door to her office open and someone approach the bed in the dark with soft footsteps. With a tired sigh, Shepard sank into Liara's arms and buried her face in the asari's neck without a word.

Smiling, Liara ran a hand through Shepard's hair and closed her eyes. It was her turn to bring Shepard the peace she needed and she would gladly do so, even if it just meant lying next to her and holding the limp body in her arms while silent tears ran down the woman's cheeks...

Next up: The Citadel DLC Part 1

And following, another Music Shuffle thingie. This one especially for James... :) I totally blame the sentence: "A guy like you should wear a warning" for this idea, so say what you want but I liked him when all we had of his character were pictures... aaaand his tattoos aren't too bad either... :)

"Toxic" A Static Lullaby

.

Making her way through the Shuttle Bay, Shepard suddenly froze, her eyes zeroing in on the scene taking place in front of her.

Without blinking, her eyes ran over strong arms, the muscles underneath the tanned, shining skin tensing with every pull-up, a light sheen of sweat reflecting the bay's light every time the muscles relaxed before tensing again for another pull-up.

A single droplet of sweat ran slowly down a tattooed neck until it soaked the tight shirt covering a heaving chest. Her tongue involuntarily darted out, running over her lower lip as Shepard's eyes slowly raked over the shirt until they stopped once again, caught by the sight of the shirt lifting ever so slightly every time the body lowered, allowing a short glimpse at the perfectly sculpted abs hidden underneath.

Shepard inhaled sharply as her eyes remained fixed on the spectacle of tensing and relaxing muscles rippling underneath the smooth, glistening skin. She swallowed hard, transfixed for a few seconds longer before moving on...

With an almost inaudible sigh, the commander's eyes wandered down over a slightly protruding hip bone to dark uniform pants gently hugging a nice-

A dull pain suddenly shooting through the back of her head broke her out of her transfixed state and brought her back to reality. Blinking a few times in confusion, she turned around just in time to see Liara lowering her helmet.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there..." the asari said, not the slightest hint of regret in her voice. "Am I interrupting something?" She smiled sweetly at Shepard as she shoved past the commander, tugging the helmet under her arm while holstering the submachine gun she'd just grabbed from the weapon bench with her other free hand.

Shepard's hand left the bruised spot where the helmet had (absolutely accidentally, she was sure) hit the back of her head and instead started rubbing the nape of her neck while she followed the asari to the shuttle. "No... not at all. I was just..." She nervously cleared her throat under Liara's watchful eyes and quickly entered the shuttle, not daring to shoot a last glance over her shoulder. "Let's go."

"M-hm..." Liara shot the oblivious marine who remained on his spot in the bay behind them an angry glare before she followed Shepard into the shuttle, its door closing behind her with a hiss, ready to take them to their next (hopefully distracting enough) mission.