The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!

Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!

Super Chappy

There are no rules in love, war, chess, and crime fighting. Sometimes, it is best not to concern oneself with the difficulties of one's profession or their overall status in life…particularly when you have a hot date with the very person you despise yet find alluring all at the same time. Even a hero needs time for rest and relaxation, to remind themselves of just who they really are and what they fight for.

A pleasant atmosphere and a comfortable meeting area can open up wonderful possibilities. However, a social outing sometimes concerns not only those attending the outings but also the ones that care for them the most. After all, is it not better to be safe than sorry?

Then again, when your secret observers happen to be an overprotective maid and a clever uncle…chaos ensues.

-Urahara Apartments-

"-UUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Uryu finally glances away from his watch and says, "Five minutes…Impressive." The doctor grinned at his oldest friend as the panic set in and Ichigo began pacing back and forth frantically. "I don't see why didn't figure it out sooner. It was very apparent," Uryu reminded him.

"How can you be so calm about this?!" Ichigo shouted while hyperventilating.

"Breathe, Ichigo. Breathe." The doctor hands his friend a paper sack. "Use this." After a few moments of forced breathing, Ichigo calmed himself and the doctor continued, "I am calm because, in my profession, I am required to keep a cool head…Besides, I wasn't the one who fucked up and became an assassin who has to kill the girl I have the hots for—".

"I do not have the hots for Rukia!"

"Then why'd you ask her out?"

"To spend more time with her!"

Uryu raised an eyebrow and asked, "Then why didn't you just ask her to hang out after class or something?" Ichigo's eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the realization his friend had given him. Meanwhile, Uryu merely scowled and said, "My God, you are that dumb…"

…Yes, taunt the man with power, you've only got a high paying job to lose…

"W-Well, it's not like I didn't think of that!" Ichigo retorted, struggling to regain composure. "I just figured that since she never hung out with anyone else, and the fact that she hates me, that she'd never go for the whole 'let's hang out' thing."

Unfortunately, it was true. Every day, Rukia would zip into school in her limo, fight with him during class, then retreat back to her mansion outside of town to prepare for crime fighting. It was like clockwork that bordered on obsession…mainly because it was. Uryu and Ichigo both knew that the Defender of Justice was scarce outside of midnight escapades.

With that in mind, the doctor finally had to ask, "So why did you ask her out anyway?"

Now it was Ichigo's turn to raise an eyebrow. "What the hell does that mean?" he inquired, glaring.

Uryu shrugged, realizing he had implied more than he had intended. "The reason you got involved with her as The Mystic was to force her to stop being a superheroine, right? Doesn't getting involved with her personally make the situation even more dangerous?"

For the first time since he got his date, Ichigo's scowl returned and took over his features. "I've still got five more days to get her back down from the crime fighting hooker business. After that, I'll be forced to carry out my contract…" His voice trailed off and he fell silent. Only five more days to convince Rukia to stop opposing the Jaegerjaquez Crime Family and have a normal life. A normal life without crazy ice power would be good for her…or so he wanted to believe.

It wasn't true, and he completely understood why. Ichigo had intended just to talk with her as The Mystic that first night they fought…but then he noticed something extraordinary. She was having fun, truly and completely enjoying battling the forces of 'evil'. As herself, Rukia was never that passionate in class or even when she was vigorously fighting with him. But as Chappy, she seemed truly happy when she was in her skin tight bunny suit and raining frozen justice down on the limp bodies of her foes while she laughs at them.

…That sounds a bit R-rated doesn't it…and kinda sexist…Can we put that in there…?

…

…We can? Alright, cool. We got it…the system works…

"You plan to try and convince her as yourself, rather than The Mystic? Is that it?" Uryu asked and Ichigo nodded solemnly, earning a sigh from the doctor. "It might have been faster to persuade her as The Mystic, to gain her trust as a fellow super-powered being…At least it would have, if you hadn't ripped her breast plate off during your first meeting."

"That was an accident!" Ichigo defended, "And I haven't fondled her since."

"With your hands…"

"What is that supposed to me?!"

"It's fairly obvious…You've thought about it. That's why you tenderly snuggle with the breast plate each night pretending it's her."

"Yes—NO! Okay, a little but it wouldn't happen if she didn't dress like the girls from my wet dreams!"

"She is the girl in your wet dreams—".

"You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do. Rukia is the only girl you've ever shown an interest in…ever! Honestly, it has me very relived you're finally attracted to a woman." Uryu firmly responded.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I kinda thought you'd be after me—".

"Why the hell would I be after you?!"

"I'm a tailor?" Uryu held up the remains of the skin tight coat and raised both eyebrows.

Ichigo narrowed his eyes and replied, "Is that your roundabout way of saying you thought I was gay?"

"Yes…" a deep voice said behind Ichigo, causing a girly screech from the anti-hero to follow. Behind him, Zangetsu glared down at him with a stoic visage. "Why did you think I encouraged you get freaky with this Chappy girl whenever you went to see her?" the uncle continued, "I wanted proof of your straightness."

"And all this time I thought you were just a perverted old man!" Ichigo retorted, standing between the two of them as if in an inquisition.

"I am not my brother," Zangetsu proudly declared, "But I share his desire for you to get some. Seriously, you need it. And this date with Miss Rukia seems to be the perfect opportunity to get into her pan—". He never finished his sentence as Ichigo used his mystic powers to get behind his uncle and kick him in the back.

"You heard all that?" Ichigo demanded while Zangetsu picked himself up with Uryu's help.

"Indeed, I did. I'm proud that you were able to actually speak with Miss Rukia, instead of simply complaining about her 'bitching'. Progress has been made." The uncle said, brushing off his long coat. "Still, I am surprised. I figured it would have taken you much longer to ask her out. Seeing how most of the time you tend to pussy out—".

"Shut up!" Ichigo retorted, "What's it matter if I asked her out? She said 'yes' and that's all that matters!"

"I agree," Zangetsu said with a nod. "As long as you charm her out of her panties I will not be displeased—". A fist made contact with the older man's face and he topped to the ground with a thud. "I certainly hope Miss Rukia likes it rough…" he whispered into the floor as Ichigo flipped him over and grabbed his collar.

"I'm not trying to sleep with her!" Ichigo shouted as he shook his uncle furiously.

"You should be—".

"I just want to talk to her like normal person!" He released his uncle and let him drop to the floor once again. "It's hard to talk to a pretty girl who has the power to freeze me solid and render me speechless with a single glance—I mean, a single punch! Because she hits me…a lot! Do you know what I had go through just to get her to agree to a date?! All the abuse I've suffered until this point!"

"I never figured you for the submissive type but then…Rukia would make a good Dom…" Uryu added with a sly grin.

"God, it's nothing like that! Why the hell is everyone so fixated on this?!" Ichigo seethed as he turned his back to them.

"Because it's the first girl you've ever asked out…and you want to do her…" Uryu offered.

"And because that would be awesome…" Zangetsu concluded.

…

…And because the readers demand Chapter 12!

…

"Enough!" Ichigo shouted, "I'm going out!" He made for his room and pulled up his hood, but a strong hand stopped him. He glanced back to see Zangetsu holding something wrapped in cloth.

"A gift."

Zangetsu handed the wrapped object to his nephew and stepped back. Ichigo raised an eyebrow at the gift and slowly began to unravel it. After the cloth was cleared, the anti-hero stared at a near perfect replica of the mask he'd broken the other night. The only clear difference between them was that the red streaks ran down parallel instead of on the side. Ichigo's eyes widened and he stared at his mentor/uncle.

"How did—?"

"I found the shattered piece of the original in your trash bin. Not the best for hiding place for the shattered remains of your pride." He smiled at his nephew and said, "Be careful with this one. It's ancient."

Ichigo look at it a moment longer and asked, "Where did you get this?" Zangetsu dropped his smile and his eyes turned away to avoid his nephew's glare. "You got this from my Dad, didn't you…?"

"Overnight delivery…I figured you'd need it as soon as possible."

With a groan, Ichigo placed the mask on and fitted it perfectly with his hood. "Does this mean my old man was The Mystic as one time?" he asked, his voice distorting and coving her true tones once again.

Zangetsu nodded, "We took turns. We had two masks but only one coat…I won the initial coin toss. And now you bear both of them…"

Behind the mask, Ichigo smiled and felt proud. Even if his old man was a crazy, perverted freak, Ichigo would never deny the strength that his old man possessed, even at his age. Then again, Zangetsu was just as spry as he always was, taking punches like they were nothing. Ichigo tried to image them in their youth but stopped when the image of his Dad fighting his mother while she was dressed in a bunny girl suit forced its way into his mind! And then ripping off her breast plate off…!

…Ahhh! Just what you want to think about when you're off to see your rival/date, your parents getting freaky—it burns us! It burns us! Back vile images!

Forcing himself to focus on less mind-fucking thoughts, Ichigo said a simple, "Thank you," to his uncle before opening the window and positioning himself to jump. In an odd sort of way, he knew that his family and friends supported him, and that gave him the courage to go through with the date.

He just prayed he wouldn't run into Chappy tonight…

"Have fun on your date tomorrow, Ichigo. I have some errands to run so I'll be gone when you get up but feel free to help yourself to my secret stash." Ichigo grimaced as he recalled his uncle's massive cabinet with every type of cologne, breath freshener, and strawberry flavored condoms he constantly forced on his nephew. The young man would rather die than deal with all that crap, all he needed was his natural good looks and a hot shower…maybe a comb.

"I honestly hope it goes well." The uncle smiled gently at his nephew, radiating a soothing warmth between them. The anti-hero turned back and gave a thumbs up before jumping out the window and gliding into the night.

The moment he was gone, Uryu approached Zangetsu and said, "You're going to follow him, aren't you?"

"I can't leave this up to fate; it tends to screw us over…"

The Next Morning…

-Urahara Apartments-

For once, fortune was on Ichigo's side. He hadn't seen a trace of Chappy the entire night but in the end, he was not surprise. No drug deals, or arms shipments were scheduled for that night and it seemed that his new friend – God - didn't allow bank robbers to operate either. In the back of his mind, he was disappointed he could not pay her back for stealing his shirt but he had other things to deal with.

"Dammit…Stay down."

Combing his hair for the tenth time didn't stop the spiky orange locks from blasting outward like a deranged porcupine. Ichigo had fussed over his appearance for nearly an hour before noticing it was time. Using both hands, he held down his hair firmly and slowly let go…only for it to explode out again.

"Fuck it…" He groaned as he grabbed his coat and headed off toward the cake shop near campus. "Why did it have to be there?" he said as he locked the apartment, not seeing the pair of dark eyes watching him from afar.

-Kuchiki Manor-

Rukia smiled at herself as Shirayuki helped wrap a yellow scarf around her neck. It went well with her bright red, long-sleeved shirt and dark blue skirt. She hadn't applied much make-up, no more than usual and her faithful maid had combed her hair perfectly, as she did every morning. Rukia glanced at her image in her mirror and felt great…mostly.

"If only we weren't going there…" she mutter to herself.

"Did you say something, Lady Rukia?" Shirayuki asked as they approached the front door. Snapping back to reality, the young superheroine shook her head but said nothing.

It was her first real date. She had completed her patrol extra early last night, gone to bed long before her usual time but then laid awake for hours out of anticipation. However, after waking up and washing and dressing…the full ramifications of her choice entered her mind. This was a date; a formal outing with a young man, time to spend alone with a disturbingly hot guy…why was it that she only realized that now?!

…Ironically, it took her longer than Ichigo to realize the obvious…Seriously, it's a match made in fucking heaven…with an M-rating…oh yeah, it's going down…

Nervousness hadn't set in until only a moment ago and the butterflies in her stomach began warring. Rukia tried her best to stifle her nerves with excitement, because it was in there somewhere, but all she managed was an expressionless visage.

However, Shirayuki instantly noticed her charge losing faith and said, "It isn't too late to back down, My Lady. I can be called upon to deal with the boy instead—".

"T-That's not necessary." Rukia forced out, imagining her maid using her advanced techniques to ruin Ichigo's life…and then kill him. She took a deep breath and pushed her fears away as they reached the front door. "You had them bring the car around?" she asked as Shirayuki opened the door.

"Of course. Your driver will drop you off at the University and pick you back up there at precisely 5 PM, unless you call." The maid's eyes flashed as she continued, "And remember that if you are in need of my services, simply dial 666 on your phone and I will arrive in moments…" Her determination made Rukia raise an eyebrow and glare at her.

"Tell me, how are you to get to me within moments…all the way from the mansion?" Rukia's tone was icy and hard. "You promised to remain here and not interfere…or will you go back on your oath to serve me in any way I see fit."

…HOT! That needed to said…the urge was too great to hold in…it's better now.

The faithful maid was not deterred by this question and bowed deeply in response. "It was a figure of speech, Lady Rukia. I promised you that I would remain here and remain I shall." Shirayuki lifted her head and smiled. "Have I ever been dishonest toward you?"

"Yes…"

"Lately?"

"Need I bring up the stun bomb lunch?"

"Are you still bitter about that, My Lady?"

"Are you still bitter toward all men because you lost your purity?"

…Ouch…Low blow…

Shirayuki tried to smile sweetly but the corners of her mouth twitched, causing the superheroine to grin. "That's what I thought." Rukia declared her victory as she pulled out the stun rod her maid had given to her. "As promised, I'm taking this and I will use it if need be. So please…behave for a while."

The maid in white smiled genuinely as she bowed to her mistress and replied, "If that is your wish, I will comply." Arms suddenly wrapped around Shirayuki and she returned the embrace, letting the door shut.

"Thank you for understanding…" Rukia whispered as she tightened her grip on her mother figure.

"You are most welcome, Lady Rukia." The women stayed like this for a second longer before they broke apart and Shirayuki opened the door once again. "Have fun…I mean it." The bright and warm smile on her maid's face was all the encouragement Rukia needed to skip out the door and into the waiting limousine. Shirayuki watched as the black vehicle left the gates and headed for the city.

"My Lady is so beautiful and caring and strong…" the maid mused as she closed the door and began making for the stair. "And so incredibly naïve!"

Shirayuki pulled up her kimono and sped up the stairs to her room. Flinging the doors open, she quickly untied her sash and threw off her servant clothes. On the bed sat all she would need for her mission. She pulled on her baggy jeans, which she bought solely for this mission, and tugged her black long-sleeved shirt over her head, tucking it in. She balled up her long white hair and tied it in a bun behind her head, fitting a red beret over it.

Next, she rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and tied a leather case onto her arms, each holding several kunai that hung loosely enough to be used quickly. Shirayuki pulled the sleeves over her arms and flung them out to the sides, a kunai blade slipping into each hand.

"Perfect…" she whispered as she reset the weaponry. She clenched her fist and thrust it into the air and proclaimed, "Even at the risk of angering My Lady, I will not allow her to see a man without my expert supervision. My pride as a man hater/destroyer demands that I act, and swiftly! The time for judgment has come!" All at once, she giggled and retracted her arm. "How many years has it been since I said that?"

The maid glanced into the mirror and nodded approvingly at her appearance before slipping on a pair of red sunglasses.

"Alright…Let's do this shit."

-Outside Tokyo University-

From far across the street, Ichigo could be seen patiently awaiting the arrival of his date, scowling all the while, never knowing he was being watched.

Zangetsu had said 'errands'. He meant, time to properly disguise himself and plot out all the best hiding spots to observe his nephew on his first date. He did feel kind of bad about sneaking around like this but it was in his nature. After all, he had made the habit of following others on dates since he was young. Even when Isshin was dating Masaki, the protective older brother was nearby, grinning happily as love blossomed between lovers.

…Wow, he takes the level of creeper to 'awesome' and 'call the police' effortlessly…How is this man not in jail?…Oh, right…He's Zangetsu! His cooking is a like a nuclear bomb…how is this man not dead?...

Anyway, the plan was flawless. He had mapped out all the best hiding spots three miles out from the cake shop and hit supplies in each of them. The supplies consisted of; condoms for his nephew, in a variety of sized and flavors, followed by construction signs to block their path and direct the couple to the nearest love hotel, three in this area alone, and finally a first aid kit…because it's always useful, regardless.

Zangetsu also had the perfect disguise. The crazy uncle had slicked his hair back to flow down his back and a bright orange beanie atop his head. He also included a pair of dark sunglasses to hide his face. He wore his traditional long black coat, even though it was risky since Ichigo could easily identify it, but added an accessory to ensure his incognito status. Pulled over the coat was a tight fitting, hot pink shirt with the words 'Nice Vibe' printed on the front.

He had found the shirt buried deep within his closet from his youthful days and thought it would make him look more hip and trendy. Sure, the tightness was cutting off blood circulation for his arms and they swung awkwardly as he walked but for the purpose or remaining anonymous, it had to be done! Admittedly, he did kind of regretted not going with the chef hat and 'Uncle Kickass' apron, which was his first choice. But that would have been much more subtle.

…Because a pink shirt over a black coat is so freaking sly…He should be in jail…

Just then, the secondary target arrived. A long black limo stopped next to Ichigo and out stepped a petite, raven haired girl that Zangetsu guessed was his nephew's obsession—err—fuck bud—uh—love interest! He watched as Ichigo's scowl faded when she walked up to him and knew his nephew was smiling on the inside. Just as Zangetsu had done whenever he met up with his own love interest so many years ago. Odd how Ichigo inherited his scowl from his uncle…but that was beside the point! Zangetsu watched as they set out for their date and began to follow. "Let the games begin…" he whispered to himself as he moved out from the alley he had been hiding in.

He nonchalantly advanced down the street after the couple, never noticing the shorter woman in a red beret walking beside him…

To Be Continued…

I know I'm later than I wanted to be but I fell very ill last week and fell behind all over. To make up for it, I posted two chapters this week! The date has begun and the pursuers are on the trail…anyone excited yet?

Thanks for all the support and the reviews, they brighten my day so thank each and every one of you for being so awesome and supporting my work. It means a lot.

Keep on smiling you beautiful readers!