UNDYING PIE 2
Undying Pie... That is such a lame title now...
...As is this whole chapter... SO VERY TIRED! D
Oh dear.
Ahem.
(I don't own FF, yadda, yadda, yadda)
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CHAPTER TEN - A SEARCH COMMENCES
Back at the 7th Heaven, everyone was trying to think of a way to reverse the effect of Cloud's crazy mind explosion.
"I KNOW!!" Reeve yelled, waving his arms about. "We can use the new super-improved Cait Sith on it!!"
And then, Cait Sith, with a remarkably scary resemblance to The Terminator, walked in.
"BE. GOOD." He boomed.
"I call him... THE SITH!" Declared Reeve, as Star Wars music began to swell in the background.
"...Oooo...Kay." Everyone blinked.
"OH! OH! OH!" Axel said loudly. "I HAVE IT!!"
"You do!?" Everyone else said hopefully.
"YEAH! Well, there was this one time that Marluxia and Larxene tried to dominate the Organization by using Sora as their puppet to destroy my Roxas here, right!?"
But no one followed, as he went rambling on about the Keyblade and stuff like that...
"Well, what I'm trying to say is, we need something of equal strength and ability to counteract it!"
"Axel, you're a genius!!" Tifa gasped, punching her hand with her fist. "That's EXACTLY what we need to do!"
To this, Kadaj began mumbling random stuff under his breath about Axel and Jenova and Mother and Kaa-San. Yeah, I know three of those things are the same. But do I care? No, no I do not!
"But how do we do that?" Asked Sephiroth. "What is of equal strength and ability to Cloud's effect?"
"What about that fan girl that was running around?" Yazoo suggested. "Maybe if we force her, she can counteract it!"
And so, everyone decided that it was the best idea to try to do exactly that. Even if it seemed like suicide, which it certainly did.
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"Alright, we gotta split into groups again, kiddos." Cid said, taking charge of the gang alluva sudden.
"Oh! Oh! Superior, can I please be with Roxas!?" Axel asked, immediately jumping towards and taking a defensive stance over Roxas, who sweat dropped instantly.
"Um, sure, and you can take Vincent along with you!"
Axel turned to Vincent quickly.
"HEY VINNIE! WAZZUP!?"
"Guns..." Vincent muttered. "I love GUNS..."
And since that was the only interesting thing that happened during the group forming, let's just proceed to AFTER the group forming...
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So, Sephiroth, armed with his bestest of friends (or not), Zack and Yazoo, set off to find the crazy UltraFan and restore the balance of Midgar. Doy. What else would they do? Which is when they passed Hojo's house again. For some reason. They looked up, and saw that Hojo was on the balcony. So, they decided to ask him for information. So, they climbed up the ladder that was at the side of his house (which I assume was for fire escapes from his home lab. Which he probably spent most of his time in now there wasn't one at Shinra anymore), and then saw that Hojo was lying on a sun bed in his Speedos, wearing a random straw sunhat and holding a random drink with a little random paper umbrella in it.
"Um... What are you doing?" Sephiroth asked, when level with the balcony.
Hojo looked out from under his random sunhat.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm trying to get a tan!"
Yazoo looked up at the sky. Which was black. Because of Cloud and UltraFan's doings and such. I'm sure you get the plot by now...
"But... Don't you think it's a little cold?" He asked, then looking at his thermometer that he just happened to carry around with him. It was, like, seven Celsius...
"Okay, fine, I'm testing my new transition lenses." Hojo said.
Yazoo gave him a quizzical look. His glasses were still plain; they hadn't changed into sunglasses yet.
"But it's... Not sunny."
"Then I've simply decided to get a tan."
"But--"
"NO! No buts!" Hojo snapped.
"B--"
"SHUSH!"
"Umm, we were just wondering if you had seen that crazy fan girl around..." Sephiroth pushed into their small argument.
Hojo began to think.
He took a sip of his drink. And thought some more.
"...No." He said sternly.
"Okay, well, thanks anyway."
Hojo then stood up, and wrapped his lab coat back that was on the back of the sun lounger back around him.
"That's enough sun for today, I think. If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend, so get the HELL OFF OF MY FIRE ESCAPE LADDER AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
"Okay." The three chorused, and then slid down the ladder and continued on their ways.
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Meanwhile, Axel and Roxas and Vincent were searching, too.
"Roxas!" Axel said in a lovey-dovey voice, squeezing Roxas close to him. "Why did you leave the castle? Cloud wouldn't have caught you if you were still there!"
"I needed to get away..." Roxas replied in a distant, free, heroic voice, before switching back to an aggravated teenager-esque mode. "FROM YOU DRUNKEN IDIOTS THAT CALL YOURSELF THE FIRST TWELVE MEMBERS!!!!"
"What do you mean?" He asked.
"I mean that when you all have a LITTLE TOO MUCH to drink, and then Xaldin starts singing about 'his humps, his humps, his lovely lady lumps, in the back and in the front', I NEED TO GET AWAY!!!!!"
"... ...Understandable..." Axel sweat dropped, before turning to Vincent. "Hey, your a vampire, right? Can't you just smell out this fan girl?"
"I am not a vampire. Nor am I a sniffer dog." Vincent replied, somewhere between being stern, and insulted.
"O...kay..." He said.
Suddenly, the PHS rang! And Vincent answered it.
"Yo." Vincent said, trying to be all gangsta-like, innit?
"Hey, Vincent, it's Tifa. Back to the 7th Heaven, we got the fan girl!"
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So, everyone was back at the 7th Heaven.
"How!? How did you find her!?" Zack asked in surprise.
"Red caught her scent!" Tifa said proudly, since she had dubbed herself leader of the team that Red XIII was in.
Axel looked over at Vincent, who shrugged. They were both thinking 'Ironic', probably.
"NOOOOO!" Screamed UltraFan, trying to struggle out of the ropes she was tied up in. "You CAN'T have caught me!!!!!!"
"Well, you've gotta admit, it WAS pretty easy to capture her..." Sephiroth said uneasily. Like she would burst out at any moment.
Which she SUDDENLY DID! EEEEEEEEEEEEK!
But then - just when everyone began to back away - helpless - a spanner headed towards her and hit her right between the eyes! GASP! She was knocked out! YAY!
Which was when everyone turned to see Reeve stood at the door like some kind of heroic figure.
"I can help!" He squealed. "I know all about your plans and stuff! If this fan girl won't listen to you, I can reprogramme her mind so that she will!"
"Really!?" Everyone gasped.
"YES!!" Reeve said happily, swinging her over his shoulder, and taking her off. "SEE Y'ALL REAL SOON!!"
"Wow, well, anyway, now what?" Zack asked.
"We wait for Aeris to wake up." Tifa replied. "Though, her mind is set to that of Cloud's interpretations, still."
Of course, they could have asked Reeve to reprogramme her's, too, but they agreed to wait until UltraFan would switch everything back to normal.
So, that was when we changed scenes to something ALOT more interesting...
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...Hojo's meeting!
...Yay? Is that interesting?
Oh well. I suppose it's going to HAVE to be for now.
"Welcome to the first gathering of our League." Hojo said to the other scientists in the base of 'The League Of Extraordinary Scientists'. If you don't know what it looks like... IMAGINE it! "Alright men. This has gotten out of hand. Our Jenova specimen experiment was a FAILURE. And it's all YOUR fault - Professor Odine!"
Odine waved his arms about randomly.
"HEY! Originally he was YOUR failed Jenova specimen!"
"Ugh, never mind, let's just THINK of something SCIENTIFIC to do whilst the failure goes on controlling Midgar, blah blah blah..." Hojo said, rubbing his forehead.
"Are you alright?" Professor Weetos asked. "Would you like some chocolate?"
"NO - PROFESSOR WEETOS - I AM NOT ON MY PERIOD - I AM STRESSED BECAUSE I..." Hojo boomed through gritted teeth. "URGH, maybe I just spent too long in the sun... ANYWAY, as the Eight Scientist Lords, we must now do SOMETHING..."
"Acht!?" Professor German Alien from Lilo and Stitch (yeah, THAT one. I forget his name. Sorry.) said, looking around. "But zer iz only six of uz!"
"I know..." Hojo said, sitting at his place around their table.
He made a gesture towards the empty seat.
"That place is for a member that shall never come..." He said in an angsty tone, before switching right back. "The other is for The Architect. He's busy updating the Matrix."
"So, it's the... SIX Scientist Lords..." Professor Frink said. "FWOY!"
"No, there may be nine, there may be ten, but eight are known to me, WONDERFUL ME!" Hojo rose from his seat. "AS THE LORD OF ALL SCIENTIST LORDS, I DECLARE--"
"Professor Hojo?" Professor (Ross) Gellar squeaked. "Can I use the empty chair as a seat for ChiChi, my dinosaur?"
"...No." Hojo said. "You know what, ANY MORE DINOSAUR CRAP AND I'LL REPLACE YOU WITH A FREAK FROM HALF-LIFE!!!!!"
"Eeeeps!" He whined defensively.
"So, anyhusicles..." Pro-- No, wait, he's not a Professor! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Um... Dist said. Yeah. "Let's just all get in our big smashy robot thingies and GO ON A RAMPAGE!"
"Ah, everyone would expect that..." Weetos said. "Instead, we should go to a cereal factory and make breakfast for everyone around the world!"
"Muahahahaha! YES! BRILLIANT Weetos! We can POISON it!!" Hojo said manically.
"...N-NO!!!" Weetos stuttered.
"Well, it's a WHOLE DEGREE better than sitting around doing nothing here! FWOY!!" Frink said, smartening his bow tie.
So, all the Scientist Lords in the League of Extraordinary Scientists went off to find a cereal factory to make some cereal with. Hojo called his new brand of cereal 'Hoj-Os'. A delicious and nutritious way to start the day, and as Professor Hojo says, it gives your kids 23 percent of their RDA of pure Mako! Soon, they outsold Weetos in this random world that they happened to be in, which really, REALLY pissed Professor Weetos off.
"Mommy!" A little boy said, cutting out the last token from a box of Hoj-Os, and then reading the information on the back. "If I send these tokens, I can get a FREE Professor Hojo doll, made out of the kindness of Professor Hojo's own heart!"
Following which was an asterix, which linked to say 'Dolls made under Professor Hojo's command of long hours of child labour'. Which was in INCREDIBLY small print.
So, they little boy sent the tokens, and then waited, and soon his Hojo doll arrived.
"YAY!" He squealed, ripping the jiffy bag off, revealing the plush Hojo doll. Instantly, he pulled the string with excitement.
"MY PRECIOUS SPECIMEN!!!" It cried.
"YAY!" The little boy squealed again.
Soon, however, he, and many of his friends, and soon pretty much all the children in that world (wherever it was) had become an army of Hojo clones, whilst being addicted to their cereal and dolls.
"KUUUUUUAAA!!!!!!" The children constantly yelled. "KUA! KUA! KUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so, Hojo was taken to court, and everything, and this is where we end this chapter and say...
BASS IT!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! I GOT QUESTIONS!!! Thank you, The Third Demi-God!!!
1. Why did Cloud name his Airship the 'Oprah Winfrey'? Yes, I am totally aware that it has a picture of her on the hull, but why?
ArcBus: Oprah Winfrey helped Cloud with his issues on national television, and therefore he idolises her as his hero. He didn't want to go to Edea. For obvious reasons.
2. Do ANY of the Organization members actually go commando?
ArcBus: Probably all of them, actually. For more on the 13th Order, make sure to read the next chapter!
3. Where did UltraFan go?
ArcBus: She went... Somewhere, before she was caught. I dunno. Probably the Bishounen Store she'd created or something...
Anyway, until next time... I kinda whipped this chapter together quite quickly... Ho well... How about some more questions, eh? (hint, hint)