Chapter song: The Funeral- Band of Horses

My hand shook as I adjusted my dress robes in front of the mirror. Swearing I just haphazardly threw it over myself and moved on to the impossible task of flattening my hair. I also gave that up, I didn't know what I was doing, for the short time I knew Sirius he didn't prioritize appearance. All I needed was to be presentable, not immaculate or perfect- presentable. Just the thought of him sent a fresh wave of pain throughout me, roughly I grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey I'd abandoned the night before and took a shot of it, coughing. I then stowed the bottle out of sight, I couldn't be drunk. Instead I reminded myself it was better than all the funerals after the war, the yearly memorial services. While they were taking place I felt so low, we all did me, Ron and Hermione.

Hermione and Ron were going to be there, I wondered how Hermione would react to me. I was fairly sure it "still wasn't time" for her to come back to me. She would probably keep her distance and I would stand alone, then again I probably wouldn't. James was going to come to service, he was the only one of my children that I was allowing to come, seeing as he was partially named after Sirius and was the eldest of my children. James, Teddy and I would be travelling up to Godric's Hollow, where the service would take place, Sirius was to be buried next to my parents just as Remus had with Tonks. Almost all the Marauders reunited, it was nice in a way. I had skipped breakfast that morning, I doubted I could stomach it, or the apologies being spoken to me across the teachers table.

The boys and I flooed to my house from my chambers. Both smiled when we emerged from the fireplace, both had spent a lot of time growing up here. After his parents death he went to his grandmother, Andromeda, but he also spent a lot of time with me. Even though she had her reservations about Tonks being with a werewolf she had grown quite fond of him and didn't want Teddy to forget his father. So he spent a lot of time with his godfather, and in a lot of ways I saw Teddy as one of my own children. James did too, James saw him as an older brother figure that he never had. He was the closest to Teddy out of all my children, when they were little they would always go off together and play what they believed to be "more mature games".

"In a way it's kinda nice to be home" James said appreciatively, looking around.

"I've always liked it here" Teddy agreed in a quieter voice, I knew today would be hard on him. He would be visiting his parents graves while he was here. I clapped his shoulder, we would all be spending extended time at the graveyard. James and I would be visiting James and Lily Sr. We walked out of the house and I locked it on our way out, one of the neighbors waved at me as we exited.

The church was surprisingly full, even though Sirius had been cleared of all charges I had still assumed many people still would have their problems with him. There were many people of his age group, almost all of the order was there and of course all the red-haired Weasley children (Arthur and Molly's) were present. It was with the usual dull ache I acknowledged that Fred was missing. Dean had his arm wrapped around Ginny, which I regarded not as angrily as I would have done before, weirdly enough I almost didn't care. Hermione was sat, banished, away from the Weasleys and next to Mcgonagall, who regarded me with a curt nod and Hermione gave me a small smile.

I had picked out everything for the funeral and it all seemed to fall into place perfectly, it was a quiet, simple service as I knew Sirius definately wasn't one for church. Ron, Hagrid and I took the coffin out, followed by the procession. Hagrid was sobbing loudly as he set down his side of the coffin, shaking it to the point where Ron and I nearly dropped it. As it was lowered into the ground I finally felt the tears clouding my vision and the lump in my throat that had been present since the start of the service became a jagged rock.

Then suddenly I felt a small, warm hand close round mine. I didn't even have to look to know who's hand it was either, her fingers fit in the between my own perfectly. Hermione had come to me, just as Ginny had at Dumbledore's funeral, and held my hand. She had come back to me. The lump seemed to have had it's edges filed down and was now more bearable in my throat. Pain and grief was still swelling round me, but it was more bearable to me now.

I leant my head towards her ear. "Thankyou" I whispered, my voice choking slightly. As the tears started to lessen I was very aware of Ron's eyes on us, his expression unreadable, the traces of tears still evident. He had wanted to stand and sit with me, but I insisted he would be best with his family. The Weasley women were all in tears and Arthur and Bill were silently crying, the remaining Weasley's all looked close to tears but not quite the same- they weren't as close to Sirius. Everyone stepped forward to wave their wands and cast some dirt over the coffin.

The service moved on to the wake which was to be held at my house, which I'd been visiting throughout the week preceding the funeral to prepare. A lot of the time was mingling and reminiscing the better times with Sirius, before the death of my parents. I was complimented by various old friends of my parents on the rebuild of the house, and every time I redirected them to Molly Weasley as she was of course head of the rebuild wedding present. Finally, I extracted myself from Mungdungus who was wailing about not meaning to take all his heirlooms from the house, and went to give a speech- by standing on the chair in my living room.

"Shut it you lot!" George shouted, in his usual polite manner.

I couldn't help but give a small smile. "Thanks George" I acknowledged. "Right, I'm not great at speeches, I've never been that guy really but I'll do my best-"
A few people gave some encouraging chuckles.

"-Sirius wasn't in my life for as long as I wanted. I only had about two years with him all together, and spent even less with him. He was like a father, brother, best friend all rolled into one. Some might say he wasn't the best role model he smoked too much and drank too much-"

More fond chuckles as people clearly remembered that about him.

"-but he loved me, as a family member, and I'd never truly had that until him. Whenever I was worried about something, which with the circumstances I always was, he was a letter away and I knew even though he was on the run he would drop everything if he smelt any trouble. Sirius lost 13 years in prison rotting for a crime he didn't commit, part of me regrets the amount of time I wasted believing he was to blame. But the man who did it, Peter Pettigrew, his final act was one of sacrifice and redemption, I'm not sure if my parents, or Sirius, or Remus could ever forgive him for what he did, but maybe they did. A whole group of friends wiped out, before they even hit their 40s, it seems unfair- unjust. War is cruel, I'm fairly sure many of the room have suffered the casualties of it as well-"

I raised my glass to George, who had his arm wrapped around a tearful Angelina, and he too welled up slightly and raised it back.

"-Now we've had our sadness- let's remember Sirius for who he was. Impulsive, brave and fun, forever young. To Sirius!"

When I jumped down from the chair I was met by a tearful Hermione who smiled at me, and that was enough. More than enough.

xoxoxoxox

I had thrown off my dress robes a long time ago and changed into scruffy tracksuit bottoms and a grey tshirt. Now the truly low feeling set in, now I was alone, I had been uplifted slightly by Lily running up to me as I re-entered Hogwarts and grappling me in a tight hug. Hermione coming back to me had also helped, but now that I was trapped in my thoughts, alone, I couldn't help but run everything from the day through my mind over and over again. Sirius's coffin. My parents grave. Teddy struggling to stand as he sobbed over his own parents grave. James helping him back to the house. Leaving Sirius behind.

Raking a hand through my hair I went into my kitchen area and dug through the cupboards until I found another bottle of firewhiskey, then popped off the bottle top with my wand. I was simply pacing and drinking the events of the day flowing through my mind and poisoning it.

My door opened suddenly and I was faced by the one person who could make this okay. Hermione stood slightly breathless, still in her dress robes and looking radiant with her curls cascading over her shoulders and her cheeks red from the cold. She had clearly only just gone back. My heart lifted slightly as it was obvious I was the first person she came to.

"Oh Harry" she sighed, taking in my forlorn appearance, my slumped shoulders, my sad eyes.

"You came back" I said simply, her chocolate eyes meeting mine.

Hermione smiled. "I had to, you needed me"

Shaking my head I strode forward and wrapped her in a hug, smelling her sweet scent. "Do we wade through the shit now?"

"You aren't ready to yet" her answer was into my ear, her breath tickling me. "Besides, you were right. I always run and I'm tired of it. When I got back here all I knew was you were the first person I wanted to see, and I decided that was reason enough"

I tipped her chin up to look her in the eyes, I felt my heart racing and beating like a drum. Not even a drum, more like when there's a storm and the rain batters the window, I could hardly believe she couldn't hear it. Hermione bit her lip, closed her eyes, I could practically hear the clogs in her brain whirring. Then she shook her head, as though to block them out, and suddenly brought her head forward and let her lips meet mine. I gasped slightly then reciprocated, this kiss was better than the last. I held her tight and let our lips work of their own accord, in a heavenly way. Hermione had the softest lips I'd ever felt, Ginny had always worn lipgloss so her kisses were sticky and Cho of course sobbed through my first kiss so that wasn't much to go by. She just felt right against me, her body seemed to fit mine so well. It seemed insane I'd never realised these things about her.

There was a large banging knock at my door. "HARRY! HERMIONE! OPEN UP! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!" came the voice of Ronald Weasley.