Edward smiled while helping me out of the car.
"Absolutely breath taking." he whispered stooping low to my ear.
Breath taking couldn't even half way explain him. I couldn't think of a word that could. A million words out together wouldn't do a justice. So why bother. He stuck his head in the car and thanked Alice. I now looked at the restaurant. It was huge; very quaint looking. I understood now why this dress was appropriate. Taking my hand he lead me up the lit up stairs. Just before the doors he stopped us. He pressed his lips to forehead.
"I don't think you understand how utterly beautiful you are, Isabella Marie Swan." he said.
My full name, coming from those lips, I didn't think he knew how utterly beautiful that sounded. I felt my cheeks flush, all I could do is shake my head. He opened the glass door for me and I stepped in cautiously. At the front desk a woman waited for us. She was the definition of hot. She could pass as prettier than Rosalie. Blonde hair, curly, hung just above her butt. She wore uniform black pants that could barely contain her ass. I watched with jealousy as she lead us to our table.
We were seated by the window, where you could see all of Port Angelas. I hadn't noticed before where Alice had brought me. The restaurant looked over everything. It was dark now and the city lights lit up everything. It was almost breath taking, though a small place, bigger than forks, it had many things to offer here, along with it's evergreen beauty. I wouldn't lie, I loved where I lived, I loved my small town and traveling to a small-but-bigger-than-the-last town for fun.
"Beautiful isn't it ? " he asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I turned back to him and smiled. "It is." I said.
"Nothing compared to you of course." he reached across for my hand.
Blushing, I pulled my hand out from underneath the table and placed it in his. He turned to look out the window now.
"It's sad also, don't you think ?" I looked at him in confusion. "That man finds what's causing our own down fall lovely."
I nodded in agreement. Man loved things made by man. I studied Edward's face, that had yet to return to my direction. I often found myself wondering about what he could be thinking, like now. He was gorgeous in deep thought. It was as if he had drifted into a far away place, not even close to here. Reality. I thought about what that place may be. My intent stare one him shook him from his trance. He gave a small smile. Just then our waitress came.
She was short, in her sixties with red hair. It was in tight curls on her head. She looked as if she might have been pretty if the years hadn't warn on her. She was pretty now. Like everyone else she wore black pants and a white shirt. I started to ponder why she may work here. In her early sixties? Isn't that passed retirement these days?
"Hey kiddo's, can I get y'all drink." she asked with a cute southern slang. I already admired her.
She had a loving grandma way about her. It made me miss Gran. It'd been months since I've thought about her, I missed her now. Edward looked at me questioningly.
"I'll have an Italian soda. Raspberry ?" I said.
Edward half smiled. "I'll have the same."
She wrote that down and looked back at us. "Comin' right up."
She went to turn as if she'd leave but stopped. Looking between us, she smiled.
"I know it's probably not my place," she began, "but it's real nice seein' such a lively young couple in here. And again, it's not my place, but girl," she directed this toward me, "I haven't seen a man look at a woman like that since my husband died."
I thought I adored her before, I loved her. She made us chuckle a bit. Edward just looked at me, not ever removing his eyes. It made me blush, a deep scarlet red. He noticed too. With a wink my way she headed to get our drinks. I watched her until she disappeared into the back.
"Bella?" Edwards voice was soft, affectionate.
"Yes, Edward?" I asked looking him in the eye.
"When you and Alice first arrived, you looked as if you had seen a ghost, even a little confused. What were you thinking about" he seemed to think back to it, also confused.
I couldn't look at him, only at my hands now under the table. Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply. It took me a moment but I willed myself to look at him and speak.
"We ran into Rebecca at the store..." I trailed off.
He looked shocked and genuinely concerned. Nothing came out right away but he seemed to try and make light of the situation. His smile seemed forced.
"That's great. How is she? Haven't seen her in forever."
Oh, how I remembered our childhood days. Alice, Jacob, Rebecca, Rachel, and me. I always thought Rachel and Edward would end up together, before he left. They always seemed the closest. Though only 1 minute apart in birth, Rachel and Rebecca are so different. Rachel was the rebellious type. Didn't like to do anything Billy said. Billy like there hair long, I remember being down at the rez, Rachel and Billy were screaming at each other about the tribes traditions, girls kept there hair long. Billy threatened that she wasn't a true tribe member. She stomped her way to the kitchen grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting. By the time she was done her hair was no longer than her law line. Edward liked her boldness. And I envied that.
"Bella?" Edward's voice bounced along my memory lane.
"Oh, uh, Rebecca is having a baby." I said it like a zombie.
"Oh? Wow. Is she here to visit Billy?" He asked.
"Sue Clearwater is throwing her a baby shower. We were invited."
He thought for a moment. "Did you want to go, love?"
I thought now. Could I handle going down there. I could barely see Rebecca without like a whole had been punched through my chest. It could also be what I needed to move on. If I brought Edward, I could do it, right? If I got uncomfortable, I could always leave.
"I...don't know. It's just like...I'm climbing a mountain and somehow I loose my footing and slip right back into Jake's empty hands." I shook my head, trying to keep away tears. Edward came around the table and sat next to me. He took me in his arms. Everything felt better here. I wasn't going to cry tonight. This was supposed to be special. I put my face in his neck and sighed. I could die like this.
"Thank you." I whispered gingerly placing my lips right on his jugular. I could feel his pulse rhythmically beating against them. I didn't have to see to know he was grinning widely.
" No need to thank me, Bella." he said looking down at me. I just wanted to live in his grass green eyes. Everything seemed content there. He kept one arm around my shoulder and mine were around his waist. Slowly he lowered his lips to mine. His breath brushed them lightly and I shivered in pleasure. Just then our waitress came with our drinks.
"Okay, here ya' go kiddos," she said setting them down, once she took in our position she began to stutter "A-are ya' ready to order?"
Edward only sat up, not seeming bothered. I hadn't really looked at food. Edward looked at my quizzically. I shrugged.
"Can we both have the mushroom ravioli?" Edward asked. She jotted that down.
"Is that all?" she looked up.
"Yes. That is all." he answered.
"Kay. We'll have that out in a jiff." with that she disappeared again.
As soon as she turned her back Edward returned to his previous position. Just before kissing me, he smiled at my gasp. His lips moved cautiously against mine. PDA wasn't ever much of my thing, but with Edward, there was just to much going on. But like a gentleman he didn't let it get out of hands, he pulled away resting his forehead on mine.
"It's still so mind blowing, knowing I can do that." he whispered, eyes closed. "God, I want to do so much more than that."
I shuddered at the thought of more than that. Want to...so much more than that...that I can do more that...that I can do that. It kept echoing over and over in my head. Could he do so much more than that? I was only for months, the deadline could be soon. The worst has already happen. All that thought was getting overwhelming, I pulled away quickly. Edward didn't seem surprised or hurt. More like relieved.
In time our food came, and Edward returned to his seat opposite of me. Leaving me feeling cold. We laughed about childhood memories. It probably seemed normal to the outside world, a really happy couple. Good thing nobody every tired to look deeper because just beyond our fragile surface was our slow closing cracks. Now they were barely visible, even to me. They opened and closed a lot these days. Just as I thought they were mostly closed things had to change for the worse. After it had started to grow silent waiting for desert that I was mouth watering for Edward pulled a envelope from his jacket pocket and laid it in front of me.
Picking it up I asked, "What's this?"
"It's an acceptance letter for Alaska state." He smiled.
I looked at him in shock, my first reaction was to congratulate him than everything hit me. Is that what this dinner was about, was he telling me he was leaving in the fall, leaving me, leaving here, leaving everything? The cracks were now gaping holes. Edward took in my expression and just about panicked.
"Bella? Bella, are you alright?" he was at my side again.
"What's this m-mean for us?" I managed.
He looked at me and I saw hope there. "I was hoping you would come with me in the fall."
All I could do was stare. This was a lot to be happening. So much stress on the baby lately. My smart little one kick then, and I took that as comfort.
"Carlisle and Esme lived there once, they have a home down there near the college as well. It would be a house to ourselves." he said excited, "I also have relatives down there. They would give me a job."
"What do Carlisle and Esme think?" I asked.
This was all so crazy, move away from Forks? I've lived here pretty much my whole life.
"They thought it would be a great idea." he paused, "I understand that this all has been difficult for you, but, Bella, It doesn't mean you shouldn't live your life. And this would be a big transaction in only 2 months, all I am asking is that you think about it. I don't have to go if you don't feel comfortable."
I nodded. Apparently, I had a lot of thinking to do soon. Almost to much on my shoulders right now. I caressed my beach ball stomach. We had a lot of thinking to do. I wanted to do what's right for my little one, and maybe this could be it. I had neglected it these first months. So selfish on my own pain. Did I need an ultra sound thingy before the first 5 months. And if I did, It mustn't been important because Carlisle, the doctor, didn't say anything. I looked up then. Edward was staring at me adoringly.
"Have you thought of names?" he asked.
"I have thought of a girls one." I blushed a deep red.
He noticed my obvious embarrassment and asked, "What?"
"I was thinking," pause "Edward and Bella combined...like Ella" I said looking down, red faced.
But when all I heard was silence, I looked up in surprise. His reaction wasn't expected. He almost looked sad. Mostly confused.
"What is it ?" I asked, cautious.
He waited a while to answer. Trying to look for a way not to upset me. I'm sure.
"Don't you think the child should know about..." pause "Jacob?"
I couldn't help my reaction. For once his name didn't cause me pain. Only anger. I waited a moment to compose myself.
"It'll know about the dog. The baby will know that he isn't here, and that you are. And if this child takes it upon his or her free will to find it's father, than that is it's choice. I would support them in every step of the way but will not contribute in the findings."
I found myself breathing hard after this. I was also left wondering if that last part was true. My brain told me it was but my heart defied me. Could I handle it if my baby did find him ? I could remain with Edward, happy, right ? I mean here he was, after all of this, still sitting across from me, while I pondered my life. Not knowing if I am actually capable of moving on. I was so afraid of hurt now. I felt like all these last couple of months have been based on is fear.
"Bella," he said, reaching across and putting a gentle hand on my cheek "I didn't mean to upset you. Whatever you wish, love."
His voice was so soothing and I was back to my gaga mood. Our waitress returned then with our check. I didn't dare reach for it. The thought of how much this all could have cost was enough to make me nauseous. Edward quickly glanced it and reach for his wallet. While opening it, before taking out the money, he glanced up at me.
"Do you need to use the restroom before we go?" He cocked an eyebrow.
He knew how all this money crap bugged me and was kindly asking me to leave. I nodded and waddled out of my chair. Before I was to far, I felt a cold hand grasp my wrist. I turned and Edward was standing. He half smiled and kissed me on the cheek before letting go. When I was out of his site, my hand came to rest at the still tingling spot on my cheek. I didn't quite know where the bathroom was but I also was very concerned at the moment.
The bathroom was eventually found. Edward eventually found me. We pulled out of the restaurant in the next 5 minutes. Since my pregnancy, Edward calmed his driving a bit. Only because it caused stress, he said, other wise, he was the best driver in the world. I smiled at the thought. Watching out the window as Port Angles passed us by, I sighed.
My sigh was caught in my throat when we passed the theater. A memory invaded my sight. Jacob and I sat outside after a movie, his large arms were wrapped around me. I bared my face his chest, taking in his husky smell. It was a cold night as he sway our bodies back and forth. I sighed as his lips came to my ear. He was so warm.
"Your perfect."he whispered. From there his voice morphed into Edward's, echoing in my ears.
I was back in the car again and being spoken to. I looked at Edward as a tear fell from my cheek.
"Bella, your crying. What's wrong?" he asked surprised.
I wiped my tears away quickly, "Nothing." I smiled. "Did you say something?"
He cocked and eyebrow for a moment. Clearly not convinced. He continued anyways.
"Should we stop by for a visit at Charlie's? Maybe invite him to an ultra sound?" He asked.
I pondered that for a moment. Sighing, I laid my head on the rest and looked out the window.
"Let's go see Charlie." I said.
AN
Sorry this took so long :/ Won't have to wait as long for the next one. Review.