Sorry it took me a bit longer then I said to update. I just read Twist and Shout for the first time so I was a little too busy dying inside to write. A lot of people reviewed saying that they were confused by which time line was which so I will label them from now on. Thank you to everyone who reviewed/followed/favoriteted (is that a word?) you guys are the best.

Enjoy!

1997

Sam stumbled backwards, heart thudding painfully against his ribs and one hand combing anxiously through his hair. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…. I didn't mean to tell you like that. I'm sorry…."

He pivoted on his heel and had one hand on the doorknob when Dean's voice stopped him. "Sam." Something in his brother's voice made him turn around but Dean seemed to have nothing more to say, staring up at his little brother with a sort of horrified awe.

"Sam." And thank God for his father because for once in his life Sam was more than willing to let John take over, to let him call the shots. What do they do now? What could they do? Was there even a right way to move forwards in a situation like this? Sam doubted it. He doubted there had ever been another situation like this one.

"Sam." John repeated, motioning him over to them. Sam obeyed without really meaning to, the cold metal of the doorknob slipping smoothly through his limp fingers. He sat on one of the beds and his father and brother sank slowly onto the other one, facing him. "You need to tell us son." His father's gaze pinned him, draining the last of his resolve. He was going to tell them. Of course he was.

"How much?" His voice was rough from yelling so he cleared his throat and tried again. "How much?"

"All of it Sammy."

"But I -" He couldn't tell them everything. It wasn't safe. What if them knowing affected the outcome? What if it changed the future? Sure there were thing Sam would do anything to change but was the trade-off worth it? All those people they had saved, they could die.

"Sammy, please." Dean pleaded, leaning forward. "We can deal with the consequences later. Whatever it is we can handle it. But we need to understand."

Sam sighed. Okay so he was going to tell them. Where was he supposed to start? With Jess. Start with Jess. "I guess really it starts four years from now when I was 18. I couldn't deal with this life anymore. The moving around, the constant danger, never being able to feel safe. So I started applying to colleges and before too long I heard back from one. Stanford, full ride. So I left."

John opened his mouth but Sam raised a hand to silence him. "Please. Just let me tell it okay? We can talk after but I don't want this to take all night." Amazingly enough John nodded for him to continue.

"I regret leaving. Well, no, I don't. But I regret not trying to contact you guys. But I couldn't because a month into term I met a girl, a beautiful, brilliant, sweet girl. Her name was Jessica and I knew the minute I saw her that she was something special. She was tall with golden hair, just truly and honestly gorgeous you know? But she was more than that. And I couldn't let you guys into her life because she was safe and she made me feel safe and I wanted to marry her. I actually had a ring and everything, three months paychecks just like they say and I was all ready to put up my white picket fence when Dean showed up. Well I say you showed up but actually you crept into our apartment in the middle of the night like a crazy murderer. You told me that Dad had been missing for a few days so I agreed to help you find him, as long as I was back by Monday. I had a law school interview and it was my whole future on a plate." Sam smiled bitterly, the familiar words tasting stale on his tongue. He glanced up to check on his family. They stared right back at him, apprehension plain on both faces. Maybe they were wondering where Jess was. More likely they were wondering why he wasn't a lawyer, happily married with two point five kids and hosting neighbourhood barbecues when he wasn't busy driving around in his mom van. Sam sighed and continued with the story.

"We didn't find you Dad, not then anyways. Dean dropped me back off at my place and when I went inside the whole place smelled like those chocolate chip cookies Jess used to make when we studied, the ones with the cinnamon in them. There was a plate of them in the kitchen and I could hear the shower running so I lay down on the bed. And there she was. On the ceiling right above me, stomach slashed open, blood staining the silk nighty she got from her sister the previous Christmas. She looked down at me and she was terrified. She was still alive and she was so scared. And then she burst into flames. I wanted to save her and I would have tried, would have burned to death right beside her if Dean hadn't pulled me out. I still have no idea where he came from, maybe it was instinct I don't know. But she was gone and we were back on the road. We had work to do."

"Sam…" Dean didn't seem to know what to say. That was okay. He had never needed Dean to say anything and it was so long ago.

"Just like with Mary." John breathed sadly. "Just like with my Mary. Sam I am so sorry. I would have done anything to save you from that."

Sam shook his head, he didn't need apologies. It was never his Dad's fault. "It's okay Dad, really it is. You don't have to apologize."

"What happened next?" Dean asked.

"We hunted for a while. We kept looking for Dad but it turned out he didn't want to be found so we travelled the country, hunting what he could find and saving as many people as we could. But then I started having these nightmares."

"Nightmares?"

"Yeah. I'd have these nightmares and sometimes they'd come true."

Thanks for reading! What did you think? Please please review I really need to read something happy after Twist and Shout. Also if any of you want to message me and talk about Twist and Shout I don't have anyone in real life to talk to who's read it so I'd really like that.