I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK!
Sorry for the delay in updating again. I've been super busy. But here are two more chapters to hold you over for a while!
Chapter 10
"I still don't understand." Kyle folded the letter after reading it a third time and tossed it onto his desk.
"What don't you understand? It's perfectly clear to me what he is trying to say." Stan was frustrated. Kenny had been right. He wasn't even trying to understand.
"I don't get why having sex with me is such a bad thing. Am I not good enough for him or something?"
Stan sighed and shook his head. "He thinks he isn't good enough for you. You need to stop thinking about yourself and think about how he is feeling."
"I'm trying, damn it. I just don't get it."
"That much is obvious." Running his fingers through his hair, Stan sat up straighter on Kyle's bed. "Okay. Let me try to explain. For the last three years, all anyone has wanted from Kenny is his body. He doesn't enjoy it, Kyle. He told me last night that he doesn't even get hard when he's with those men. They use him. Can you even imagine what it would feel like to have people want you for nothing more then a hole they can fuck? To hate doing it with every ounce of your being but knowing that if you stopped you would be living on the streets. I know that if I had to do something like that, I would feel disgusted with myself. I would feel dirty. I don't know if I could ever wash myself enough to feel clean. And he's been doing it for three years. Three years of letting strange men touch him and use him. When you told him that you like him, that you love him, he felt like he had finally found someone that wouldn't use him. And then you practically forced him to have sex with you because you cant understand the fact that he wants a little romance. He wants something special. He wanted to take things slow with you."
"I didn't force him to do anything."
"You did, Kyle. You made him feel like a whore. You made him feel like he was doing something wrong in not wanting to have sex with you yet. What if I stood here and told you I wanted to fuck you? You would say no. What if I then told you that it wasn't fair you wouldn't let me fuck you because you have had sex with Kenny? What's the difference? If you can have sex with him why not with me?"
"I don't love you. And you wouldn't anyways. You aren't into men. It isn't the same."
"Lets pretend for the sake of this argument that I am flaming gay and I want you something fierce." Stan moved across the bed and leaned over Kyle. "You fucked Kenny. So what's wrong with having sex with me?"
Kyle rolled his eyes. "I love Kenny. He says he loves me. I don't understand why he wouldn't touch me. Is that so hard for you to understand?"
"Look at me." Kyle looked at him. Their faces were very close. "He did touch you. He let you fuck him. So why wouldn't you touch me?"
"Because I don't want you."
Stan sighed and sat back. "Yeh, not the same thing. Okay." He chewed on his thumb nail and thought of another way to put it. "Okay. Kenny's body doesn't react when those men touch him. You get that right?"
"That I understand. He doesn't want them to touch him. It doesn't feel good when they do. So his body doesn't react."
"Exactly. Did he react when you touched him?"
Kyle though about it for a moment, then shook his head. "No. I don't think so."
"Right. Why is that?"
"I don't know. It was my first time. I doubt I was very good."
Stan shook his head and pressed his fingers to his eyes. "He didn't react because you had made him feel like a whore. You made him feel like he was with one of those men that use him, Kyle. He wants to take you out on a date. He wants to do normal things that couples do. You wanting sex a week after he told you he loves you made him feel like you think he's easy."
"I don't think he's easy."
"You do, Kyle. When he told you he wanted to wait, what did you say to him? You asked him why he was refusing to touch you when he touches those other men. All he was asking for was time, Kyle. Time to build a relationship before letting it turn sexual. But all you could see was the fact that he let other men fuck him and got angry that he didn't want to have sex with you yet. He has a hard life. He just wanted something normal."
Kyle blinked at Stan. At a complete loss for words. "Oh, God. What did I do?"
"Now he gets it." Stan rolled his eyes and climbed off Kyle's bed. He picked up the letter Kenny had written and handed it to the other boy. "Read it again. See if you understand now."
He read the letter again. By the time he was finished, there were tears in his eyes and his chest was tight with shame. "I really fucked up, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did. But lucky for you, Kenny really loves you. You need to apologize to him. Make sure he knows that you understand now. And for Gods sake, do not ask him for sex. When he is ready for it, he will offer it. I think that may be what he really wants, Kyle. He wants to offer himself to someone."
Kyle nodded. "I can see how important that would be to him."
"Good." Stan put his jacket back on and zipped it up. "Burn that letter. Kenny is afraid someone else will see it. I gotta go."
Kyle nodded again. He was to busy rereading what Kenny had wrote to pay much attention to Stan. When he heard the door close, he folded the letter, tucked it into his pocket, and put on his jacket.