Author's Notes: hey guys! i'm really excited, the glee christmas songs leaked and i'm in love with them. i can't wait until i can write the christmas episode chapter.. i already have so many ideas! december needs to hurry up and get here! lol also, what did you guys think of never been kissed? pretty crazy right? finally, i hope that everyone is taking time to think of the veterns and are all having a good remembrance/veterns day :) ps, i may have added a certain quote from lea's twitter.. ;)

It was Sunday night. Jesse hadn't been able to make himself go out trick or treating with his friends. Instead he stayed home, spending the day lying in bed and listening to depressing music. Jesse's stay at Mercedes' house had been cut short after Rachel rejected him. He ended up leaving seconds after she did.

He was crushed. His heart was breaking all over again. Jesse didn't know what to do with himself. Last year during his break up with Rachel he had tried to become frozen again. Now that his feelings were back he didn't know if he'd be able to do that again. He dreaded the thought of attending glee club tomorrow. He couldn't go. He couldn't face her. It would be too hard.

Maybe he could skip tomorrow? Pretend to be sick? Of course that would work better if he had parents around to write his teacher a note explaining why he had been absent from school.

His phone buzzed. Jesse's eyes stayed on the ceiling, he blindly grabbed at the cell phone on his bedside table. The light from the phone was a shock to his eyes, he had been in the dark all day, oh he felt pathetic.

His eyes slowly adjusted so he read the text message.

Are you okay?

It was from Quinn.

Why wouldn't I be? It's not like my heart's been ripped out of my chest and stomped on.. Again..

A few minutes passed before he received her reply.

Do you want to talk about it?

Jesse's fingers brushed against his iPhone's keypad, No.

Quinn was quick. This time it was a phone call.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Jesse muttered into the phone.

"Since when do I do what you say? I hate following your orders.. Or should I say lies?"

"I'm really not in the mood for this."

"Neither am I, I hate seeing my best friend being all broody and miserable."

"I'm in love with her Quinn." He sounded defeated.

"I know.." Quinn said softly.

Jesse sighed, "I thought we were getting back together but then after Finn came back she said that she was too caught up in the moment.." He paused, "She chose him."

"She'll come around."

"What if she doesn't? Maybe I should just give up!" He said dramatically.

"If the situation were reversed would you want her to give up on you?"

"She wouldn't have to. If I was forced to choose, it would always be her."

With much pleading from Quinn, Jesse showed up at McKinley High on Monday morning. She escorted him to each of his classes, she said that she was just trying to help (which he knew she was) however he also knew that she was doing this to make sure that he didn't try to skip. On the way to one of his classes Jesse saw her. Clearly, Karofsky and his friend had slushied another innocent victim. The victim was someone Jesse recognized, he couldn't place the name but he knew the face because the boy was in his biology class. Slushie dripped from his hair as he tried to wipe it away from his glasses. His books were scattered on the floor, until Rachel picked them up. She smiled at him, telling him that he needed to wash his clothes immediately before they stained. She then told him what stain remover to use, obviously experienced, and after handing him his books she walked away in the direction of her own class. The slushied boy and Jesse both watched her walk away. When she disappeared down the hall Jesse sighed and walked on with Quinn. He didn't notice that the other boy was still staring in her direction.

It was time for her free period. Rachel didn't know where to go. Right away she knew that going to the auditorium was a definite no. She couldn't bring herself to go see Jesse. She hated herself for rejecting him. She hated that she was still in love with him. She hated him for making her feel this way.

Rachel was beginning to lose count over how many times she had forgiven Finn because she was too scared to lose him. She continued to forgive him even if he wasn't deserving of her forgiveness. She stayed with him because he made her feel secure. Rachel's acting abilities weren't good enough to cover up the insecurities that she tried to hide. Those insecurities about herself stayed when she was with Finn however when she was dating him she did feel better about the whole high school experience. Dating Finn gave her someone who cared about her, gave people a reason to respect her and it stopped some of the torment she had been forced to endure.

Rachel wanted to go back to Jesse but she was too scared of the consequences. Glee club was all she had. If her and Finn were to split up again the glee club would naturally take his side. The glee clubbers found her ambitious ways to be annoying. Everyone liked Finn more than her, he was the popular yet lovable jock.

However, she knew that she'd be lying to herself if she tried to pretend that, that was the only reason she rejected Jesse. She was scared to get close to him again. The last time they dated she trusted him. She didn't think she'd be able to survive if she gave him her heart again only to result in more heartbreak. How was she supposed to trust him after what happened last time? Their whole relationship had been part of a plot to get her to meet Shelby which worked out so well considering Shelby chose Beth over her.

Rachel could feel her eyes filling with water but she refused to cry. Not here, not now.

She ended up spending her free period outside, sitting at one of the picnic tables. The air was getting colder with the fall weather but it gave her a chance to clear her head and to prepare herself for facing Jesse if he chose to show up to glee club.

Mr. Schuester was revisiting one of his old lesson plans, boys versus girls. Jesse hadn't been a part of it last year but from what he had heard both groups did really well. He would've been much more thrilled with the idea if he wasn't so down in the dumps because of Rachel. When they split up into two teams he listened quietly as all of the other boys started to discuss ideas. Jesse and Kurt shared a look, neither of them looked happy. No one else noticed.

"The boys beat us the last time we competed against them and we've gotta bring the noise hard this time." Mercedes stated.

"To be fair they didn't officially beat us. We got busted for vitamin D posession before the vote." Quinn pointed out.

"Wait, something's definitely wrong. Why isn't Rachel talking?" Santana questioned.

"Yeah, she should totally be bossing us around right now." Brittany added.

Rachel was sitting behind them, carefully sewing something for their costumes. Through out the whole meeting she had kept quiet. Honestly, she couldn't bring herself to deal with their incompetence. She didn't have it in her to order them around in an attempt to make them be better. "The idea of the assignment was to do the opposite of what we normally do. I'm just trying to stick to the lesson plan which is proving nearly impossible since you're gluing those sequins on backwards.." She lied smoothly. "SPIES!"

Rachel was thankful when Puck and Artie came into the room. It took the previous attention away from her. She fell silent once more, looking at the needle and fabric in her hands. She couldn't wait until this week was over.

"Start me up! We're half way there, whoa-oh, livin' on a prayer."

During the girls' mash up of Start Me Up/Livin' On a Prayer Jesse tried to keep his eyes on Quinn, Santana or Brittany. Basically anyone but Rachel. Keeping his eyes off of Rachel was incredibly hard for Jesse. She looked insanely sexy in her leather outfit and her voice was amazing, as usual, but watching her reminded him of what he couldn't have.

Jesse knew that his mash up with the boys of Stop! In The Name Of Love/Free Your Mind won but not for reasons he approved of. It was obvious that they had won because of the fact that the song was used for an apology. Jesse completely believed that Coach Beiste deserved an apology after what the other idiots in the glee club had done but he disliked that he was classified in the same way as them when he didn't participate in the cruel/disturbing behavior. At first his reaction was full of amusement, all he could think of was that he was proud that he didn't need to find ways to 'cool off' although the more he thought about it the more he realized how much it would hurt their coach if she found out. This was proven true when she tried to quit. In the end Jesse was happy that they had changed her mind on that. He just wished that the other boys, and Tina, wouldn't have came up with that idea in the first place.

After a week of avoiding Rachel, Jesse found himself going to a McKinley High victory party. He hated the idea of celebrating Finn Hudson and his accomplishments however Sam and Mike had suggested that he should stop by for a while. Quinn didn't completely agree with the boys. She understood that Jesse needed to have some fun but she didn't like the idea of him going out to get drunk which she knew would happen because that's how those parties always went.

Jesse and Mike walked in with Sam whose arm was wrapped around Quinn, who was just there to make an appearance considering she was head cheerleader again. Mike and Sam were greeted by their fellow teammates and a few Cheerios flocked around Quinn. Jesse shoved his hands into his pockets while he scanned the room. Loud music was blarring from speakers set up around the house. A large football player walked over to him, Dave Karofsky.

"What are you doing here glee loser?" Karofsky snarled over the music.

"I came with them." Jesse motioned to Mike, Sam and Quinn, "I'm just here to have a good time."

Karofsky glared at Jesse, he took in his appearance automatically knowing that he could beat up the boy if he wanted. He also noticed that Jesse seemed unafraid of him. Karofsky thought to himself for a moment before speaking again, "A good time huh? Do you want a beer?"

"Sure." Jesse replied with a nod.

Quinn glanced over to see Jesse follow Karofsky into the kitchen. "I'm worried about him." She whispered to Sam.

"He'll be fine. Jesse's a big boy." Sam told her with a reassuring smile.

Quinn tried to believe Sam but he didn't know Jesse like she did. Sam didn't know how torn up over Rachel he was.

The first beer felt refreshing. The house was hot enough to give a desert a run for it's money so his throat gladly welcomed the cold liquid. The next beer tasted just as great. The one after that, Jesse barely noticed.

Jesse grimaced when Karofsky, his new drinking buddy, belched loudly. How uncivilized.

"St. James, what are you doing here?" Santana came over to the two boys.

"What does it look like?" He brought the beer bottle back up to his lips for another swig.

Jesse's rude tone didn't phase her. She grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a long drink. "You need to loosen up." She said seductively.

"You can loosen me up baby." Karofsky grabbed her ass.

Santana ignored it. She slipped her hand into Jesse's and dragged him away from Karofsky.

As Santana led Jesse upstairs he heard Karofsky call out, "Atta boy!"

Santana brought Jesse into one of the bedrooms. As soon as they entered the room she pushed him up against the door, locking it while she attacked his neck with kisses. Jesse took another drink of his beer while the Latina grinded up against him. His eyes closed when her lips continued to crash against his neck. A small moan of pleasure escaped from his mouth.

"Someone's feeling better.." She smirked between kisses after he moaned. Her hands wandered his body finding their way to his belt.

It was at that moment when he was brought back to reality. "Santana." He said sternly, "Enough."

She began to fumble with the belt, ignoring his comment. She undid the belt and was ready to unbutton his pants when he tried again, "I said stop!" He was louder this time. He pushed her away slightly so he could get out of her grip.

"God, what's your problem?" She seemed hurt that he rejected her.

"My problem?" Jesse repeated, "You need to gain some self respect!"

"Why should I? No one else gives me any! No guy at least." She shouted angrily.

"Maybe you shouldn't be looking for a guy." Jesse yelled back, "I know for a fact that there's a pretty blonde Cheerio downstairs who thinks the world of you."

Santana looked away from him, completely flustered she stormed out of the room.

Jesse sighed before finishing his beer. He set the empty bottle down on a dresser before exiting the room. He made his way downstairs, Quinn and Sam went over to him. "I'm leaving." By the sound of his voice neither friend tried to disagree. Sam quickly found Mike and then Quinn, being the only one who didn't drink, drove them home.