AN: So we just ended the first half of the story, starting the second, there are three and I want to take a second to thank everyone who has Read, Reviewed, Faved and Followed. I appreciate you all so much, and special thanks to those who review/message, your comments help make me a better writer.

IMPORTANT: And to address some-concern. I won't give a long explanation, but I will say this which should rest any uneasiness. (1) I have always been a dark writer who likes to push boundaries especially the older I've gotten-dark, disturbing and angst is my forte, but I've never been 'sick' in my writing. And (2) to paraphrase what Lauren said, "a line in which you cannot come back from", I would NEVER in any story take Bo or Lo to a point in which redemption is unattainable (the title means something). Lastly, this chap is the shortest one of the story, it's transitional and it will feel odd, but it's meant to. Remember this is a POV story, so while events do happen, remember who is looking at them, the POV matters.

Thank you all again so so so so much.

Chapter Nine: Numb (DAY NINE)

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Part Two: Punishment For The Broken

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BO'S POV

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9:18 a.m

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"I um," My words trail, looking at the crowd. Two hundred people staring up at me, all impatient, all hating me. Oh what a cold world it is when the Queen hates you. "I've known Niko for a long time, I guess I should say knew now, have to get used to that. I um, when I saw him I knew immediately he had something special about him. Well, honestly I thought he was an ass when I first saw him. But, the more I got to know him, and boy, that was hard, I saw his heart. He really was an amazing boy when I met him, and recently when I returned I got to see that he had become a man. He lived as a good man and died as a great one. In service of his Queen, his people and his family. I really wish I got to see how he grew, how he became a great man, but I'll never be able to. I hope that as time passes I'll be able to hear all the wonderful stories people have to share about him."

I nod, walking away from the lectern. Head down as I sulk back to my front row seat, right beside Lauren, have to love appearances. I can feel Lauren's eyes on me, burning a hole through me, but my eyes stay on this enlarged picture facing us. This picture of Niko smiling with his arm around Skylar and twenty young men and women behind them, his first class of future guardians.

Believe me, I'm fully aware my speech was shit. Here this man was like a younger brother to me, like a son and I can't even manage to clear my mind long enough to give a proper speech. Abandon him for ten years when he needed me. Can't even do a proper speech.

Yeah, great person I am.

Lauren stands, elegantly walking up to the lectern as if she's floating on a cloud. The entire church bowing their heads-except for me. I'll be damned to bow to her now, they want me to bow, come and make me.

"Niko and myself have never been the closest, and I wish I could say I regret it, but I don't. Some might think that's a cruel thing to say, especially now, but it worked for us. We had a special relationship, we might not ever have spent a lot of time together, but we did share a special connection."

Special connection-just love hearing that.

"I knew that if I ever need someone or something he would be there for me, and not just because I was his Queen, but because that is the type of man he was. He dedicated his life to making himself the best possible man he could be and to making everyone around him that much better. He truly cared for everyone he helped, and there are few people I've met in my long life with a heart that could compare to his."

I wonder how much of this is true-how much is bullshit. Probably all of it-all she does is lie now.

"There are no words to describe the weight this loss holds for me, for my family, and for our people. I personally vow in Niko's name to keep alive his dream. To keep his program going for as long as I reign. His dream meant everything to him, and how we will honor him is to continue it. May his soul eternally rest in peace."

Wow, just pile on the bullshit.

"You have someone write that for ya'?" I whisper as she comes to sit back down next to me.

"Not now."

"Just a question."

"Can we manage to not fight for five minute while we honor Niko?"

"Sure, besides anything you'd say would be a lie anyway."

Seriously, how did I end up here?

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10:48 a.m.

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"Do you need to be such an ass?"

"What?" I look over to Kenz, steps slowing.

"If you need a feeding, something can be arranged."

"You don't think I can handle my own feeding?"

"If it's not about feeding then I don't understand why you're being so difficult."

"You don't understand why I'm being so difficult?" I stop, forcing her to do the same. She looks up at me through narrow eyes, I see now why Lauren hated so much when she was my personal attack dog. "I know we aren't exactly BFF right now, but seriously? You can't understand why I'm being difficult?"

"No, I don't."

"Wow." Unable to keep from laughing, looking to my left where a crowd of people walks toward us and then to my right where the limos await us. "You know what, run back to Lauren's side and leave me to be difficult on my own, okay Kenz?"

"Still the same old Bo."

"Same old Bo?" I whisper to myself, snorting as I look around. Everything inside of myself screaming to let this go, but when I look back towards the limos and my eyes fall on her back I can't help myself. "Same old Bo?!"

"Same old, selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed Bo!" She spins back around.

"You know what, I'm just trying to fit in here!"

"Bullshit! Why don't you just run back away Bo, it's all you know to do. Oh and by the way, that was a beautiful speech today. Really heart felt."

"Bite me!"

She waves me off, my eyes catching Sean and Lauren standing by a heavily guarded limo waiting for her.

Oh, look at the perfect family-how sweet.

Guess they forgot I was one of the founding members-though with the way things are going, can't say I really want to be included.

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1:02 p.m.

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"Can you control yourself?" Lauren glares me down, walking up to me.

"Look at the great Queen out and about, greeting us little people out here in the common area."

"You cannot behave like this."

"Oh on the contrary my lovely wife," I glare up at her from the bench. "I can behave however I want."

"Once again, you have no concern for anyone other than yourself."

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard me Bo, you aren't the only one hurting."

"Please spare me the bullshit for five minutes. Just leave me alone."

"Your son is hurting. Your sister is hurting. Your-."

"Wife?" I snort. "What a joke."

"Funny, that's what I thought of our marriage for the past ten years."

She walks away without another word-that's fine.

Bye.

Leave me alone, I'm beginning to get used to it.

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5:04 p.m.

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"Don't walk away from me." I know I'm yelling, I know I should be more considerate considering recent events, but I can't. The way he walks away dismissing me, just like everyone else seems to be doing. "Get back here."

"Ma'am-." He turns around to face me.

"Stop calling me ma'am. Stop smiling politely at me as if I don't know what you're really thinking. I want answers."

"You are not entitled to them."

"Excuse me?" I snort. "Now I have know-nothing doctors telling me what I am and am not entitled to?"

"The Queen left very specific-."

"Fuck the Queen." I snap, and the whole place comes to a halt. All the doctors and nurses and whoever the hell else this place has walking around. Think they'd up security, but nope. "Oh chill out, I'm married to her remember. I've said worse."

"I cannot speak to you any further." He walks away, the world slowly starting to move again. Had a nurse not caught my eye I would have followed him.

"Are you alright?" She asks as slightly stumble, hand going to my head. This day is not-not okay.

"I'm so far from alright, it's not even in my vocabulary anymore."

"You should get checked out." She hangs a chart back on the door, trying to move past me.

"Do I know you?"

"No Ma'am."

"If one more person calls me ma'am, I'm gonna scream." I pause, she's avoiding my stare. "Who are you?"

"I'm a nurse."

"Why do you keep looking at me?"

"I don't."

"You have, ever since I walked in to talk to that useless-."

"He won't tell you anything."

"I'm getting that." My eyes dance over her face, she's worried. "But you will."

"I liked your daughter, as much as someone can like a homicidal, delusional maniac."

"You're Shonda, her nurse. I saw your name in when I was going through her file."

"I'm surprised." She steps past me, heading down the hall.

"That I can read? Yeah, I get that a lot."

"I'm surprised your wife allowed you to see any files from here."

"What's that mean?" She keeps walking, and it's not until I grab her arm I realize how she's led us down a narrow, private hall. "I'm sorry, I haven't been feeling well." Quickly I pull my hand back.

"Look, I like my job. I've been a nurse here for over thirty years. I am loyal to my Queen, and until a few years ago I loved her."

"I can make sure-."

"No offense but you can't make sure of shit, okay? You're an honorary ambassador, running around here like a chicken with its head cut off. You're causing too much noise. Everybody just wants things to go back to normal, you're not letting it. You causing a scene at a funeral and a park and now here asking questions. The second you walked in here someone was already calling to notify the Queen."

"Thanks for the pointers, but I can handle-Lauren."

"No, you can't."

"I'm not understanding, did something happen?" I glance down the long hall, noticing some doctor slowly passing by, way too interested in us rather the folder in his hand. "Please, right or wrong I left and things were-one way. I come home and things are so-I need to understand what happened."

"Not with this, let this be done."

"I can't." This odd all-consuming pain spreads through my chest and I think this is the first time I've actually felt anything today-in days.

"When your daughter got here, it didn't matter what your wife did, it was over and everyone was back in line to please her. A team was assembled, the brightest minds with the intention of curing Dani. As time went it wasn't about curing her, it became about bringing her to some resemblance of normal. And despite some hiccups, there was certain progress."

"Then what happened?"

"She hit a wall. It was like a switch just flipped once day and she started getting worse. Her fascination with her mother changed. Her hate for her brother changed. She spiraled. We thought she had hit bottom but then she started to," She trails off, this pained look written over her face. "Become you."

"Become me?"

"She started talking and acting like you, or at least what we knew of you. She started to believe the only way to get her mother's attention and love was to be someone else. To be you. We lost her for a while, team members were swapped, but then X-Ninety-One happened."

"Is that supposed to mean something?"

"It's drug, it showed results unlike anyone has seen before. It was miraculous, I saw several patience that I never thought could be fixed just have a turnaround in months. It was a long shot, but they were desperate. And it worked. Dani went under, every time. She opened up and was genuine. For weeks there was progress, that's how we found out that her obsession wasn't sexual, at least not then. We found out she never learned to control her urges. There was plans, and there was hope. We'd never be able to fix her, it was too late for that, but she could get-better."

"I don't understand, the girl who was running around here was not better. She was worse."

"One night, we were setting up for a therapy session when Skylar and Niko came in. At first we thought they were there as the Queen's guard, she never came with many when she did. But they were, they destroyed everything. Every file, every ounce of the drug, and every piece of information we had gathered. They took Dani back to isolation and within the hour we were transferred, all the way from the security to the doctors. The only reason I was allowed back is that Dani refused to eat until I returned. She took a liking to me. Said Fuzzy and Wuzzy-her slippers, had liked me, I was the only one they didn't hate."

"Shonda, can I speak to you." A cold voice from the end of the hall pulls our attention. Doctor Snoopy and two very large orderlies. "Now."

"Come with me, I'll make sure nothing happens."

"Its fine," She shakes her head. "I never forgot what Dani was believe me, but I cared for her. I hope this was worth it." She starts toward the hall, and this little voice in the back of my head says to do something, but I don't move. She turns back to me, and I see the two men take a step forward. "For what it's worth, she loved you once."

"Lauren?"

"Dani." She smiles softly. "I was there for almost every session. One of the first questions was to share one of your happiest memories, we needed to see if there was still a person inside of her, underneath everything else."

"Shonda, now." His voice raises.

"She told us of this time you and her aunt Kenzi had taken her to the pool. She couldn't swim and was so scared. Her mother had been off with Sean doing something she couldn't remember. She remembered sitting in her aunt's lap before jumping off into the water. She remember how terrified she was, but you caught her. She said that was the safest she ever felt." She starts stepping backward, towards them. "So for what it's worth, she really did love you once. She was just a very weak girl."

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7:06 p.m.

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"Look at you assholes." I snort, sliding down the wall to the floor with a painful thud.

My eyes run over their names. Since when did Lauren allow them to be moved in here, the great family tombs? Dyson. Hale. Markus. Niko. Eric. Sonya. Vex.

Lucky assholes, you're all free and here I am.

Here I am.

I feel that unfamiliar pain in my chest, and that warm dampness trickling down my cheeks.

"I'm-so mad at you. At all of you. You were supposed to be here! You were supposed to be with us! With me!" I hear my voice break, sniffling back tears. "I won't cry for you, not any one of you. We were a team. We were family. And you all abandon us. Do you see this? Do you see what's happened? Are you watching and just laughing at how bad we've all fucked up? I hope you're watching, I hope you hear this because-fuck you all. I won't cry for you."

I bring my knees up to my chest, resting my head against the wall. Small, deep breaths trying to keep from crying.

"You were all liars, we're better off without you. I'm better off. I don't need you. I don't. I should have stayed away. I should have just stayed gone. Like all of you."

My eyes focusing on Niko's name.

"And the biggest fuck you of all to you. I'm glad I left you too. Lying to me. What were you into with Lauren, huh? Just another one of her followers. You didn't even care I was gone."

My hands running through my hair, struggling to breathe as the tears fall without mercy.

"I needed you-I needed you because I can't do this alone. I needed you all. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I just can't. I feel like this isn't over and I just don't have it in me anymore. I don't want this anymore. I don't want this life. And I'm not strong enough. I just can't. I just can't do this alone. I don't have enough strength left anymore and I'm just so mad."

I gasp for air.

"I'm so mad! You hear me, I'm mad! I'm mad at all of you. I'm mad because I'm lonely. I'm mad because I lost my daughter. I'm mad because I've lost my family. I'm mad because I've lost me. I'm mad because I don't know what's right anymore. I'm mad because I can't see the path anymore. I'm mad because so many people died and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I'm mad because I miss my family. I'm mad because I need you and you aren't here. I'm mad because I'm hurt-I'm so hurt I have to remind myself to breathe. I'm mad because I think I've already lost my son. I'm mad because I don't know what's real anymore."

My hands cover my face, the pain ripping through my chest more painful than any wound I've sustained and I can't breathe. I know I'm sobbing so hard I know I'll pass out any second, but I can't stop it.

All of their voices running through my head talking over each other and I can't make out a single one, but the memory of their voice alone enough to break me.

'She loved you once.' Shonda's voice cutting through all the rest.

I'm not mad-I'm broken.