My hands gripped the steering wheel in a death-like hold. My fingers were as white as snow, as if all the blood had drained from them. Embry reached over and placed his warm hand over top of mine. I relaxed my grip only slightly and looked over at the boy.
"You should let me drive," Embry stated. I knew he was right. We had been sitting in my car for the past twenty minutes as I worked up the courage to drive the short distance to the Clearwater household. At first I had wanted to walk; exercise might have helped to eliminate the nervous feeling coursing through my body. But Embry took one look at me and knew my jelly-legs wouldn't take me much further than the end of his driveway.
"Probably," I whispered but made no move to switch seats. Embry sighed and jumped out of the car. Before I knew it, he was lifting me from the driver's seat and plopping me down into the passenger seat. Embry had the car started before I could put my seatbelt on.
My stomach was doing backflips as I thought about what was going to happen. I had to talk to Seth about the imprint. I had to let him know I knew and admit to him, and myself, that I felt the effects of the imprint. That I felt secure and calm when I was with him. But I also had to let him know I couldn't be with him the way Emily was with Sam. Avery was my sister and I couldn't just replace her in his life.
I looked over at Embry. I would also have to let Seth know about my feelings for Embry. How I couldn't help but break into a smile when he entered a room. How he made me feel on top of the world and how he made my heart skip a beat. But I didn't want to hurt Seth with my admission. I cared about Seth more than I'd like to admit.
We pulled into Seth's driveway. I could feel my heart speed up more as the moment of reckoning appeared at hand. Embry turned off my car and put his hands on either side of my face.
"Breath Haze. In and out," Embry joked, his lips twitching as he tried to smile. He was nervous too, I could tell. I felt a little bad that he had to be dragged through this mess. And I felt horrible because he told me he loved me and I didn't say it back. I felt nauseous when I thought about that. Embry loved me, me. But how did I feel about him? I stared back into his brown eyes and opened my mouth to say the three words he deserved to hear. I closed it seconds later when I couldn't find the words.
"I should probably do this alone," I said instead. As much as I wanted Embry's steady presence by my side, I had to do this alone. Embry nodded but didn't let go of my head.
"I can't imagine what's going through your head Larsen. Just know I'm always here, no matter what." I almost started to cry again and knew it would be inevitable if stared at this wonderful boy for much longer. I shook my head to get out of his grip before opening up the car door. I gave a weak smile as I glanced at Embry through the window before marching up to the Clearwater house.
I didn't knock on the door right away. What was I supposed to say? Hey Seth, um, so wolf magic makes you love me. But, um, you were my sister's boyfriend. So friends?
I grit my teeth and knocked quickly on the door.
Leah Clearwater opened the door after what felt like eons. She was dressed in a thin white tank top and cutoff jeans. He black hair was wrapped up in a towel. She raised an eyebrow when she saw me standing there.
"Hi Leah. Uh, this is weird, but is Seth home?" I had no clue how much Leah knew about the wolf/imprint/messed up state her brother and I were in. The girl looked down at me silently, as if she was trying to assess the situation at hand.
"Come on in kiddo. Seth's not home, but we have some stuff to talk about," Leah said with a smirk on her face. She stood with her back against the front door and gestured for me to enter the house.
It seemed that Leah was home alone; Sue was probably at work and Seth was "not home." Leah followed me into the living room and plopped down on the one Lazy Boy recliner; I awkwardly sat down on the couch. What on earth did Leah Clearwater have to talk to me about? I had only met her once or twice and neither of those situations prompted a conversation. Sure, if Avery had married Seth we'd kind of be sisters. We could still become sisters, I thought and shuddered.
Leah stretched out on the chair as she stared at me. It was as if she was waiting for me to initiate the conversation. I looked away from her gaze and picked at my fingernails.
"So how much of this," Leah gestured wildly with her hands, "do you know about? Seth told you the big things, I know. Wolves and imprints and blah, blah, blah. But like what do you know? My brother is a bone head, so I'm assuming he said 'hey we turn into wolves and imprint' and left it there. I know for a fact you are probably going crazy with curiosity about everything." So Leah did know about her brother turning into a wolf, and by her question I assumed she knew a lot. And I knew nothing. She was right, Seth had told me that his tribe's legends were real. And nothing else. I put two and two together and figured out that the Italians from a couple years prior were vampires and my dead sister told me about imprinting. I didn't even know how big this pack was or if I was going to be bitten and wake up as a giant literal bitch. I had been too tied up with the imprinting issue to stop and ask for more information.
"Okay, from your expression I'm assuming he told you nothing at all. This is the problem with boys. So I will start from the beginning. There are technically two wolf packs, Sam's and Jake's. Sam and like eight other boys are what we call the 'Uley Pack.' But they don't matter. Jake split from Sam around the same time Seth met Avery. Me and my brother joined Jake and later Embry and Quil followed us over. We have some little underlings I personally like bossing around, and I guess they are cool enough." Leah stopped to take a breath and decide what to tell me next. I took the opportunity to voice my surprise.
"You're a wolf too?" I said and scooted further off the couch. Leah's smile was smug.
"The only girl too. So we aren't technically werewolves because we don't change with the moon. We control our shifts and do not become savage beasts. Vampires are our enemies, we technically don't age. Um. Super healing, super hearing, super strength. We are pretty much superheroes but without capes. Oh and we can hear each other's thoughts in wolf form," Leah went on and held up one hand as she listed off some of their skills. Of all the things to surprise me, it was the last thing she said.
"You can hear each other's thoughts?" I asked and gulped. Not to seem vain, but I assumed Embry thought about me. And if our first kiss affected him the same way it affected me… What did Seth think?
"Oh and it is the worst. Hearing the younger boys' thoughts is the absolute worst, but Embry's thoughts about you come in second," Leah shook her head and started to laugh when she noticed how hot my face became.
"Does, um, does Seth hate Embry?" I whispered and went back to picking at my nails. I prayed that I wasn't causing a rift between the boys who were literally in a wolf pack together. Was I causing an apocalypse in their euphoria? Leah raised an eyebrow.
"As far as I know, Seth likes Embry more. My brother, he's still pretty broken about Avery. This," Leah gestured wildly with her hands again, "has never happened before. Usually someone imprints and its forever. We don't really know what to expect. But Seth, he loved your sister. Even without the imprint, I still think they would've ended up together. And then she died and he hasn't been the same since. And although he has you now, you aren't the same as Avery. He's connected to you, sure, and he cares a hell of a lot about you. And you make him feel whole and all the rest of that imprint crap, but he doesn't want you like 'that.'" Leah shrugged and I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding in. If what his sister was saying was true, then I wasn't destined to marry Seth and carry his kids. I closed my eyes and fell back onto the couch.
"We don't know what to expect in the future though. Sometimes a wolf imprints on a little kid and just waits around until she's of age. Then they become like every other imprinted couple. I know the elders always say 'the wolf will be exactly what the imprint needs,' but I've never heard of a situation where they don't end up together. But then again, a wolf has never had two imprints." Leah shrugged and I bit my bottom lip. I personally knew that Seth did make me feel full and calm. I wondered if one day in the future my feelings for him would grow and we'd fall in love. I could almost imagine it, but then I'd remember my Skype calls with Avery and Seth and I knew I couldn't ruin that. Even if she was dead, I could never take my sister's place.
And Embry. He was currently sitting in my parked car, waiting for me to talk to the boy I'm supposed to end up with. And he loved me. Of course, we weren't even dating so thinking about forever with Embry was silly. But could I imagine it? Of course I could. Embry was sweet and made me happy. He was the type of boy I imagined myself ending up with; Avery in male form. But could I love him; did I love him?
"I'm not going to be bitten or anything, right?" I asked with my eyes closed. I already knew the answer but I wanted to distract myself from the plethora of emotions and thoughts coursing through my brain. Leah's laugh practically shook the house.
"You wish, kiddo. But this is fully genetic," I opened my eyes to see Leah shaking her hands in the air. I felt my lips turn up in an involuntary smile before I started to join Leah's free laughter.
Someone cleared their voice behind me after Leah and I calmed down from our laughing fit. I knew it was Seth before I turned around on the couch.
Seth was standing directly behind me, his arms plastered to his sides. I opened my mouth to greet him, but couldn't find my voice. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I needed to say. But all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and cry. I wanted to cry for Avery. I wanted to cry for Seth. I wanted to cry for Embry. I wanted to cry for me. I just wanted to cry for everything we all could have been but never would be. Seth took two steps forward and dropped to his knees so we were eye level with only the back of the couch between us. It took me no time to drop my head onto his shoulder and let all my sorrows fly free.
Author's Note: I AM SO SORRY. I could apologize a zillion times for this long awaited update and it wouldn't be enough. I've had a hard/busy/emotional month and a bit. When I had the time to write, I had no motivation to do it. But alas, I still go a chapter out. I thought it was going to turn out horribly, but wow I'm impressed with myself.
Leah might seem a little out of character, but we have to remember this is a few years after Breaking Dawn. And I like to think that she would be a very pleasant person to anyone her brother was to imprint on.
Once again, I'm sorry about the long break. I promise to try to have the next chapter out sooner