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Chapter 10 – Awakening

Killian gazed in anticipation at the door of the visitors room when officer Blue stuck her head through the door, shaking her head at him, an apologetic look in her eyes. He rested his elbows on the table with a thump as his hands rubbed his skull back and forth in despair.

It was the fifth day in a row that he came to visit the empty table and he was beginning to lose hope.

If he only knew that his first visit would be the last he wouldn't have held back, he would have told her the real reason he quit his job, he would have told her that the Boston job was not nearly as important as her, that he would still come and visit as much as he can even though it's miles away (after all what planes are for), that once she gets out they can live wherever her heart desires, that she was all that matters and that he was not leaving her and given the chance he never will.

But he didn't say all those things and now he was left with the regret of missing that chance.

...

"Emma" Emma turned her head towards the entrance of the library to the sound of officer Blue's voice calling her name.

"What?" Emma raised her brows in wonder.

"You know what" Blue said as she closed the distance between them "The poor guy" She continued quietly "It's the sixth day in a row, when are you going to cut him some slack? When do you intend to go and see him?"

"I don't" She shrugged "And it won't be long until he stops showing up anyway, just three more days and he's out of here, probably without even looking back"

"He really cares about you" Blue said softly.

"What makes you say that?" Emma asked a bit intrigued.

"I've never seen him this way, not since his wife left him" Blue slightly shook her head and looked at Emma in concern.

"His wife?" Emma's eyes widened in shock.

How come he never told her he had a wife? They talked about almost everything, he told her about his family, his parents, his brother, his life as a child, moving from Ireland to Boston at the age of nine, the struggle of fitting in, losing his parents to a fatal accident just a few years later, living in the foster system for a few years, holding on to his brother all those years, his brother's decision to go back to Ireland almost five years ago, his decision of moving to Phoenix a short while afterwards, his everyday routine of studying and working, and even some of his future plans.

She enjoyed hearing him talk about his personal life, it allowed her to see him as more of a real person instead of just another officer, it was what made them connect, what made her feel more comfortable with opening up to him, and probably part of what made her fall for him.

Then how come he never told her he had a wife? He had more than one chance to do so, he could have told her after she told him about Neal, or after the kiss when she angrily asked him if he was going to tell about this to his wife, then why hadn't he?

Now that she was replaying that moment in her mind she remembered that he glanced down to his left hand before he sighed and shook his head as he looked at her without saying a word about it, apparently because he was too busy pleading her to understand, pleading her to stay.

"You didn't know" Blue apologized "I'm sorry I assumed you were on a friendly basis, with him insisting on visiting you and all"

"Well we're not" Emma spat "We're not on any basis"

"I see" Blue replied softly "Well that's a pity"

"'And I'm sure you're going to tell me why" Emma crossed her arms across her chest and frowned.

"And I'm sure there won't be any novelty in what I'm about to say" Blue inhaled "But I'm going to say it anyway" She continued and Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes "The world is full of people, but those who care about you are rare and should be cherished"

"You have no idea how rare" Emma murmured.

"What?" Blue asked confused.

"Nothing" Emma said and smiled in slight embarrassment.

"So what do I tell him?" Blue asked and Emma shrugged indifferently in reply "Same as yesterday?" She continued and Emma nodded "Which is basically nothing" Blue sighed as Emma began to feel uncomfortable, fidgeting in her standing place "Okay" Blue said as her shoulders dropped a fraction before she turned to leave "Just think of what I said" She said when she stopped in her tracks and turned to face Emma again "Maybe tomorrow you'll have a change of heart?" She half-asked, half-stated, and Emma thought to herself that it was highly unlikely "You never know" Blue added and shrugged before she left.

...

A few minutes later she was sitting in Killian's former office, waiting for her session with Archie, surveying her surroundings, noting the changes in her mind.

The two shelves behind the desk were now free of books, instead there were two small flowerpots with plastic plants, a radio clock and a few dalmatians ceramic dolls on top of them, Killian's black leather jacket that usually hung on the peg by the door was now replaced by a black umbrella with curved wooden handle, the room was a tad darker and the space between the desk and the window, their space, was now occupied with two armchairs and a small round coffee table between them.

She thought to herself that it was just like being a kid and watching your favorite playground being replaced with an office building. But there was nothing that the room was missing more than his scent, that mixture of his light masculine cologne that blended so well with his own sweet personal scent, every time she was in that room she really loved taking in that scent, his scent.

"Sorry to keep you waiting" Archie said when he entered the room "I have good news and I just had to go and bring the papers from administration" He continued after he closed the door as he sat down in his chair and smiled kindly at her. Emma looked at him intrigued, what could possibly be considered as good news around here?

It reminded her of a different 'good news' conversation she had with Killian almost five months earlier, a short while after her return from the hospital.

"Good news Swan, it's official, you now work at the library, starting tomorrow" Killian smiled at her, a big toothy smile as he seemed to be very happy and excited for her.

"Really?" She raised her brows in surprise.

"Yeah, I know how much you hate working at the laundry, and I did say I'll do my best to change that for you, I just hope you don't mind me using the latest events as a catalyst to make it happen" He said and grimaced a bit as he was dreading her reaction.

"Seriously?" She asked sarcastically as she chuckled "You pulled out the pity card?"

"You can say that" He blinked and smiled coyly "Do you mind?" He raised his brow at her and drew his bottom lip in between his teeth in anticipation for her reply.

"No, not really, I'm just glad I won't have to work there anymore" She said as they both sighed in relief, she was relieved that she didn't have to go back to the laundry, and he was relieved that she wasn't angry with him for interfering, something she accused him of doing many times before.

So now that she already had the 'job of her dreams' considering the other available jobs they had in that place, what else could possibly be considered as good news?

"Well what is it?" She urged Archie. The calm old man sometimes seemed to be working in a different, much slower pace than the rest of the world.

"Your application for remission was approved" He smiled and nodded before he continued "So you'll be out sooner than expected"

"Seriously?" She asked and narrowed her eyes in suspicion "You're not just messing with me?"

"No, not at all" He replied a bit flustered as he skimmed the papers that were in front of him in search for something in particular "Here" He tapped his finger on the paper "It says you need to complete six months of your sentence" He then opened her file and rifled through the pages "So you only have – "

"Twelve days left?" She asked as she raised her brows in disbelief.

"Yes" He nodded eagerly "Just twelve more days"

"Get out!" Her eyes widened in complete shock.

She couldn't believe her ears, twelve more days and she's out of there, just twelve more days and she will finally be able to go on with her life

"I just can't believe it" She shook her head as she covered her mouth with her hand, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

"Well believe it Emma" He said as he smiled happily at her "You did good" He added as he handed her the notification papers to see for herself.

"I'm in loss of words" She said as she held the paper and stared at the words when a single tear found its way onto the paper "I don't know what to say" She sniffled and handed him back the papers, before she will soak them completely with her tears of joy "You don't know how happy this makes me, you have no idea what this means to me" She shook her head before wiping away the tears from her cheeks with her hand "I don't know how can I ever thank you for this"

"It's not me you need to thank, I didn't do anything, it was all Jones" He said and her heart skipped a beat to the mention of his name "He really pressed this issue, I've seen the emails exchange, I read your statement and I read his report, and I must say he did an excellent job with this one, he was an outstanding officer"

"Yeah" She murmured and gazed at Archie as he continued praising him, talking about how good he was at his job and what a shame it was that he had to leave, but his voice was muffled and her vision a blur as her mind drifted away.

He had done so much for her and here she was being this ungrateful bitch, so what if he had rejected her or didn't want to be with her? He didn't have to want to be with her, in fact he didn't have to do any of the things he had done for her, being by her side at the hospital, arranging for her to work at the library, applying the request for remission, helping her adjust, listening, caring…he didn't have to do any of those things, but he had, and she hadn't shown him any kind of appreciation. She felt like a complete fool, whether he wanted to be with her or not and despite the fact that he was leaving, she could have at least appreciate what he had done for her, he owed her nothing, and he had done plenty, so she could have at least thank him.

"Can I go now?" She suddenly cut Archie off "There's something I got to do" She said and when Archie nodded in reply and murmured 'sure' she was already out the door.

She ran all the way to the visitors room in hope that something had detained him, maybe he stayed to talk with Robin or another friend, she didn't even stop or turn her head towards Regina who shouted 'No running' when she crossed past her down the hall, she just kept running, panting heavily, sweat beading on her forehead, without stopping for a second, not even to think about what she was going to say, but apparently there was no need to, cause after she opened the door of the visitors room in a haste and scanned the room with her eyes for the fourth time she realized he was already gone.

"Something wrong?" Robin asked as he looked at her in concern.

"No" She answered quietly as she slightly shook her head, forcing a smile, but her eyes full of disappointment, and her heart full of regret, regret of being so ungrateful, regret of being so stubborn and unappreciative, so she promised to herself that tomorrow she will repair that, tomorrow she will go and see him, tomorrow she will finally thank him.

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