Chapter 10

Hermione breathed a heavy sigh as she sat in her office working to finishing some paperwork. She hated working on Sundays, mostly because that's the day Harry had off and her having to work meant they couldn't spend the day together. But another healer had a family emergency to deal with so she was called in. She had just finished when she heard a soft rasp on her door.

"Come in," she called.

The door opened and the unmistakable figure of Luna Lovegood walked dreamily inside. Hermione looked up and smiled. She rose from her desk and walked around to hug her friend.

"Hey Luna, what brings you here today," Hermione asked brightly.

"I just wanted to drop this off personally," she said holding out a large intricately decorated envelope, "It's an invitation to my and Draco's engagement party, I do hope you and Harry can attend. It's next Saturday at my father's house," Luna said in a sweet dreamy voice.

"Oh I'd love to come, and I'm sure Harry would to, I still can't believe that you're actually marrying Draco Malfoy," Hermione said in an amused tone.

Luna just smiled, "I know but nobody knows him like I do, there's a really sweet side to Draco nobody but me gets to see," Luna said beaming.

"I'll take your word for it, so how are the wedding plans coming," Hermione said, settling back into her chair as Luna sat softly in the one opposite her.

"Oh it's coming along quite lovely, I've never been happier, everything's going so well, the music, the decorations, the flowers, I swear Alcott's is the best for magically enhanced flowers, you really should consider using him when your day comes," Luna said with a voice dripping with utter euphoria.

At the mention of her future wedding plans Hermione's smile faded, it was noticed by Luna, "What's wrong Hermione, did I say something wrong, I know I have a bad habit of doing that sometimes."

Hermione shook her head, "No Luna, you didn't say anything wrong," she said through a long sigh.

"Well what is it then," Luna asked, really concerned.

"Its just I don't know how much good a wedding florist will do me, seeing as Harry hasn't asked me yet, and looks as if he's content not to. Every time I even hint at the fact I'd like to get married he's quick to change the subject," Hermione said in a downcast tone.

"Well there must be an explanation, how long have you guys been together now," Luna asked.

"Two years," Hermione said with verve, as if the length were a significant sign as to Harry's objection to marriage.

"Oh ouch, that is a while, and you haven't discussed this," Luna asked.

"No, as I said, he never seems to really want to discuss it, I don't know, I mean its not like he's opposed to marriage, he married Ginny. I just think he's opposed to the idea of marrying me," Hermione said in a tone full of pain and insecurity.

Luna looked her friend square in the eyes as she said, "Hermione, how could you possibly believe that, Harry loves you so much. Anyone who sees how you two are together can see that. I don't think that's it at all. I feel maybe he still has some unresolved issues with what happened to Ginny. If you ask me I'd say he's scared," Luna said, always one to see the painful truths behind things.

Hermione was caught by this, the idea that Harry was scared, "What do you mean," she asked.

"Well think about it, everything that Harry's lost in his life has caused him to feel cursed, and I feel that he's afraid if he lets his life get to perfect that fate will once again take everything he loves away," Luna said in a firm, but still sing songy tone, "but one things for sure, you and he need to discuss this, you can't let something like this fester inside yourself, everybody knows the key to a successful relationship is communication. You need to get to the root of this hesitancy, and it may be hard, for both you and him but ultimately you'll both be stronger for it."

Hermione smiled slightly, she knew Luna was right, she was thankful to have someone as insightful as her to talk about these things with, since Ginny's passing and Luna's return Luna had truly become a treasured friend to Hermione.

"Thank you Luna, your right as well, we do need to talk about this, and you're also right about it not being easy," Hermione said through another long sigh.

"Nothing ever worth doing is, but that's why its worth it, well I think I'll let you get back to your work, I have to meet with the caterer to go over the menu, so can I expect to see you and Harry at the party," Luna asked lightly.

"For sure, and again thanks Luna, thanks for listening," Hermione said with a warm smile.

Luna returned it, "What are friends for, well I'll see you Saturday then, bye," Luna said as she floated out of the office.

Once she was gone Hermione sat back down and began to ponder what she had said, her and Harry did need to talk, now she just needed to think of the best way to go about it.

Hermione pondered this for the following week, but she never was able to find what she thought a good time to bring this up. Saturday rolled around and she and Harry happily prepared themselves for Luna and Draco's engagement party.

Harry had picked up on a sift in Hermione's mood during the past week. He felt as if there were something she wanted, no needed to get off her chest, and while he had his suspicions as to what was troubling her he still wasn't sure. And he was hesitant to go into certain dark areas, not wanting to bring old wounds up to the surface. But he also hated Hermione saddened by carrying something deep inside herself.

It probably wasn't the best time to bring it up but Harry did anyway. He walked into their bedroom as Hermione was doing her hair and started, "Jeanie there's something I've been wondering about," Harry said softly sitting on the bed as she sat in her chair in front of the large mirror that was mounded on her dresser.

"What's that love," Hermione said light, applying mascara carefully to each long beautiful lash.

"Well it seems like you've had something you've wanted to get off your chest, I was just wondering what that something was," Harry said looking straight into the mirror, letting her see his eyes in the reflection.

She froze, stopping what she was doing, she hadn't expected this. She thought she had been doing a good job hiding the fact that she had something she wanted to unburden herself with, but she could see now that wasn't the case.

She looked hesitantly at him, not knowing if she really want to bring it up now, "No Harry, I'm fine," she said, turning back to face the mirror once again.

"Jeanie please don't lie to me, your not very good at it, please baby, tell me what's wrong,' he asked gently.

Hermione huffed and let out an exacerbated sigh, "Well it's just that you know with all this hoopla over Luna's wedding I've just been thinking about us, you know you and me," she started but Harry finished her sentence.

"And when are we going to get married," Harry said through a sigh of his own. He had worried that this was the issue.

"Well honestly yes Harry, I mean I couldn't be happier about just being with you, I'd just like to know what's in store for us down the road. What our future holds," She said, turning to face him once again.

"I thought you always hated divination" Harry said through a smirk, one Hermione didn't return.

"Harry I'm being serious, I mean it's not like we're rushing anything, we have been together two years and a girl does like to think theres a light at the end of the tunnel," She said, her voice rising now.

"Why, why is marriage like a finish line women seem to be running for, only considering their relationships to be victories once they cross it. Aren't you happy just being with me, you know I love you and you love me why do we need anything else, why do we need a piece of parchment and a ceremony to prove that to ourselves" Harry said, his voice going up on decibel or two as well.

"It's not the paper or the ceremony, it's what those things represent, that you really and truly want to spend the rest of your life with me," she said rising to her feet now.

"Don't you believe that I do, do I really have to prove it to you," he said rising as well.

"Well it would make me feel more secure, make me feel that your," she began but cut herself off before she finished.

"What, feel that I'm what," he said nearly yelling now. The sound of it made Hermione's ire rise greatly and she blurted the last part of her statement.

"That your no longer married to a ghost," she said, herself screaming fully now.

Harry felt as if he'd been slapped hard across the face, of all the things she could have said this was one the cut him the most deeply. He suddenly felt himself going red hot with anger, and something deeper. It was a deep hurt, what she had said really hurt him. He didn't know if what she said was true, but he hated making her feel like she were in constant competition with the memories of Ginny. She didn't understand, but maybe it was time she did, "That's not it at all, it's not that I felt more for her than I do for you, I can't believe you'd actually feel like that."

"Well then what is it, you seemed to have no problem marrying her," Hermione huffed.

"I'm scared alright, you want to hear the truth I'm afraid. So afraid of losing you, or us or what we have. Every time and I mean every time I let my guard down, thinking life perfect and feeling perfectly content that's when it strikes. That's when the powers at be swoop down and rain misery on me, taking everything I love away. You know more than once I wished I would have never married Ginny, than she would be alive and happy with someone else, and who knows maybe Ron wouldn't have turned into a sorry drunken bastard and you two could have been married and have been happy a long time ago, seeing that being married is the only way you can be happy," Harry said tearing his gaze away from her, a single painful tear running down his cheek, "it wasn't that I loved her more, how can you compare something like that. If you want to be real and know the truth than the truth is I've loved you much longer, so long I really don't know when it started."

It broke her heart to see the tear and she tried to make him face her again, her expression changed, going softer now, She placed her small soft hand on his cheek and gently touched his face, letting the warm tear run down her finger.

"Why didn't you ever tell me," she said softly.

"I don't know, there were many reasons, you seemed to have a connection with Ron, and you were both my best friends and I didn't want to be a road bock to your guys happiness. I didn't think you could ever see me that way. Not to mention there was always some stupid ass scheme cooked up by Voldemort or his cronies that kept us pretty busy. So I suppressed those feelings, and I fell for Ginny, and then she was taken from me and I didn't think I'd ever love again. And then we found each other, and it's been so perfect and so wonderful, I'm just so afraid of losing that."

Hermione just gazed at him, how much time is lost in fear she wondered. How much time do we lose by being afraid of being ourselves, afraid of listening to our hearts and following what they tell us. She knew herself to be just as guilty of this as Harry, she to had been afraid for many years of reveling her heart to him.

"I felt the same you know, during our time at school, I always felt what I feel now for you, but like you I was afraid of your rejection. Who knows how our lives would have been different if we could have just been honest with ourselves and each other," she said softly.

Harry just looked at her, he loved her so much, and the thought of holding himself back out of fear made him hate himself. He needed to walk and clear his mind, he needed to think clearly.

"I need to think, I'm going to walk around a bit while you finish up here," he said walking to their bedroom door.

She watched him go, wanting to stop him but not doing so. If he needed time to sort his mind and heart out she'd give it to him.

Harry walked to the front door of their cottage and opened it. He knew at once something was horribly wrong, he could sense what was there before he saw it. It emerged before him, a large rectangular cloud. Over seven feet tall and four feet wide. It was smoky and kept sifting between deep reds, rich lavenders and eerie blues. At once the cloud rushed forward and passed straight through him. Knocking him off his feet. Once it had past completely through it vanished.

Hermione heard the sound of the cloud made, a violent whishing sound, and a strange and loud sharp buzzing. She looked from the front of her bedroom as the cloud took Harry and knocked him off his feet. Once it vanished she rushed to his side.

Harry began to shake and convulse violently. Foam began seeping from his mouth as blood began to pour from his eyes, nose and ears. Fear and utter panic began taken hold of Hermione, but through it she thought she knew what the cloud had been, having read about something similar in an ancient medical text during her time at the academy, only she would be through enough to read every single book in the schools medical library, and if it were what she suspected then she knew Harry was violently hemorrhaging internally. She pulled out her wand and went straight to work on him. She was shaking so bad with fear she couldn't hold him steady. She needed help and she knew it, she put her arm around his neck and with great effort lifted him up and apparated them both through the ward to St. Mungo's. She apparated them right into the trauma room and immediately placed him on the stretcher inside.

"CODE BLUE," she cried at the top of her lungs.

At once the room began filling with healers and assistants, all running diagnostic tests.

An older male healer, who was Hermione's boss, was running his wand over Harry, "His bleeding internally, his vitals are failing, we're losing him."

"No damn it we are not losing him, Marcy," she cried to an assistant to her left, who looked up at once, "Run to my office, in the bottom right hand drawer there's my medical bag, in the bottom there's a small blue bottle that's filled with grey smoke, bring it here, fast," Hermione screamed in haste, praying that she were right.

She looked into Harry's eyes as he looked into hers. Then he gave a violent thrust and his eyes began to roll back and his breathing began to slow, she could feel his heartbeat begin to fade, "Damn it Harry you are not leaving me, not like this, fight damn it fight," she screamed both inside and out, praying, praying that it wouldn't end like this.