Sat Evening
Victor and I just came back from a meeting w/the heads.
I was allowed to sit in on the debriefing but so was Jean, and sitting so close to her…My eyes were full black and my hair was on end the entire time, I could just barely keep my slaws sheathed because Victor had a hold of both of my hands under the table.
We had to call the debriefing short though because I mentioned Scott and she freaked out…I think she killed him too. This is so unreal.
And now w/out Xavier, my job is pretty much done. I turned my phone back on and tere was a message from Storm telling me what had happened. She said my 'mission' was kind off moot now and that I could come home whenever I wanted, but she didn't know how long the school'd stay open. She sounded really down. She was never my favourite teacher but I know that the school and Xavier were really important to her.
So I mo longer have a job to do. I dropped out of college and moved out of my dorm back into Xavier's and now I have no idea what to do.
-Hang on, Victor's back from talking to Lensherr.
Sun
So, um…I have an interesting choice lying ahead of me.
Last night when Victor came back in he said he'd OK'd my acceptance into the Brotherhood and I could stay w/him if I wanted-which was really quite sweet of him. No ones taken care of me like him for a while, well, no ones taken care of me like him but…
He said he "Kinda liked havin' me around" and that he'd "Kinda gotten used to" me, w/a bunch of macho disclaimers, but I find he's really easy to read between the lines with. I even understand his grunts. But, uh, yeah.
He said there was a lot of crazy shit going down in the outside world-obviously not his words but w/e. He told me about this 'cure' and how they'd made it into a weapon and all this crazy stuff. He said Magneto's looking at it as if his war was imminent. Victor told me he wasn't sure if he agreed w/Lensherr's principles and practices anymore but I could stay w/him while we were w/the Brotherhood and then one thing led to another and we were kissing lying on his extra long cot w/our arms wrapped around each other, locked together.
His lips were so…soft and hard and delicious. Agh! I don't even know how to describe it. And then when we pulled back to breath he kind of sighed/moaned and threw his face down into my hair on his pillow beside my head and said, v. muffled and strangled, that he wanted to leave, go live legit somewhere, and he wanted me to come with him. Eeegh!!
Evidently he has a few houses around the world "Nothin' fancy, we'd have to get 'em cleaned up before we could really move in, but it's a roof, a decent roof wherever you choose…If you want to come with me…"
God he was so adorable! And I guess he has some money saved up from all of his illegitimate jobs and he has some random jobs he's had for years as well as a few companies that he owns and some real estate. Holy crap!
I told him-and this was really hard because I wanted to jump on him and scream 'Marry me!!'-that we should probably really think about it. And plan things out because he was marked as a deceased terrorist and my parents would flip a bitch if they heard I'd dropped out of school to 'live in sin' with some guy I'd just met.
Oh god, he seemed to really not like the whole 'Live in Sin' part but he let that lie and instead told me that wherever we went he'd make sure I had the best education. (!) Ah!
I don't know what to do, I don't want to end up like my divorced parents who don't even talk, who got married on kind of a whim. Of course, they were expecting my brother at the time but the whole baby thing was spontaneous and they didn't want him to be a bastard…
Damnit. If I lived w/Victor it'd only be a matter of time before we had an accident!! Ugh! And I don't really think he's the settling down type. Of course he has surprised me before…
Wed
Logan was here. I could smell him, and Jean-the-bitch-devil was acting strange and Mags was kinda pissed of looking. There is a new tensing in the air and I don't like it. Johnny's being a stupid little boy, looking forward to the fighting w/a stupid gleam in his stupid eye. Ugh. I called Storm and told her I'd stay w/the Brotherhood for a bit longer but I wouldn't hang around for the fighting. She seemed appeased but distracted. No wonder. If Logan was here then she's all alone there, running things by herself…Why didn't Logan come to see me?!
I've decided what I'm going to do.
Last night while I was lying in bed (I've been sleeping next to Victor, but that's it, I'm too scared to take it farther right now) w/Victor's arm around me, fiddling with our entwined hair when I decided that he would be a good mate…if it came to that…I already think of him as my best friend. And…I want more. I want him. If it doesn't work out…yeah that'd suck it'd be horrid, but if I don't try, I'll never know, right?
If it came to us, being together…He would be a good mate for me. We understand and like each other (quite a bit) and he'd be a good provider and protector. And he'd also be a good, strong, loving father to our children. If we had any…
But I've decided. I want him and I'll follow him wherever he decides to take us.