Chapter 10

When we arrive back at Dauntless headquarters I search for Christina to help me chose some clothes to wear. I find her in the cafeteria with Will. When she sees me she waves and I slide down opposite her.

"So I was thinking that you might want to come clothes shopping with me?" I suggest.

Her eyes open wide with excitement. "Yes!" She shovels a bite of her pancake in her mouth quickly, holding her index finger up at me. She swallows. "let me just finish this though."

"I will look after it and give it to you later." Will says smugly.

Christina scowls, "I can't trust you with my pancakes." And with that she eats the last piece, stands up and brushes her hands over the plate.

We walk to the clothes shop where Christina makes me try on all types of clothes, new dresses, t-shirts, shorts, and jeans.

I come out with a handful of items and we walk back down to the Pit, and pass through it.

It was about this time when we were initiates when Eric made Christina hang over the Chasm. I look over at it as we pass by. When we get to out corridor I hear a familiar, the voice echoing. It is Peter. I take in a deep breath and round the corner. He is talking to a girl I don't know but when he sees me he stops.

"Tris, I need to talk to you." Peter says sheepishly, he grabs my wrist gently, his eyes pleading.

"Okay, but I am busy right now. Maybe in a few days I will try to find you." He nods, as if he was not expecting that answer, and neither was I.

I hang my clothes in my room whilst Christina fixes her hair in the mirror. I change my jeans to a pair of black leggings, made especially for fighting and running, along with a t-shirt that hugs the body. I would have never picked these out in my wildest dreams. I tie my hair up in a ponytail.

I hear a gasp and turn round wondering what is wrong, but Christina claps her hands. "You look great Tris. Tonight you can wear that and just a black fleece."

I almost forgot tonight is the paintball fight, I wonder whose team I will be on and if we will win.

"Good idea." I smile. "I am going to find Tobias, want to come?"

Christina shakes her head. "I am going to go for a run."

I walk towards the training room and find Tobias escorting an injured boy. They must have been fighting. Something in my stomach twists at the thought of seeing people beat each other up.

Tobias sees me and flashes a grin.

"Do you need any help with training Four?" I say looking at the boy. He has a broken nose by the looks of it, and is holding his side.

"No, I have it under control." I nod and turn around.

I walk to the Chasm and watch the water hitting the rocks repeatedly, feeling the sound of the crashes through my chest.

There is a lot I can do, but nothing I particularly want to do, so I just walk around for a while.

I stop. I have a choice between going back to my room and resting for a few hours tonight, or going up the stairs to the fear landscape.

I go up the stair. When I get to the outside of the simulation room I realise I need the injection. I look around. It is basically an empty hallway apart from the door to watch on the tvs. I turn around before realising I missed a door. To the far right is a metal door with a tiny window. I go inside. A dim light switches on automatically and I see a few cupboards and fridges. I open a wooden cupboard and see packets of syringes, I grab one. I then open one of the fridges. It is full entirely of small bottles with orange liquid inside, on each one they are labelled 'Simulation Serum'. I take one and place it on the counter, I then take the needle from the packaging before inserting it into the bottle and drawing the liquid out of it. Once emptied I find a small plastic bin shoved in the corner of the room and chuck the bottle in it, it clinks against what I presume is the other serums. I hold the injection and walk out of the room and wait outside the simulation, I then inject it into my neck and put the discarded syringe in a metal bin that is used for this purpose.

I step inside the simulation room and the lights flicker on. I falter towards the middle of the room, and the lights shut down.

I am standing in a field, there is no wind but I hear wind. I know this simulation, it is the crows. I take in a deep breath, and close my eyes. I grit my teeth in preparation. The unquestionable noise gets louder with the squawks and screeching. I remember this time there was no bird at the beginning, no warning. At that thought the birds are around me. I cover my hands to shield my face from their wings. The pecking starts, just one at first but it soon turns into hundreds. Jabbing at my skin. I peer through a finger and see nothing but black. I need to breathe, I have done this many times now I know what to do. Relax. A raven screeches in my ear and I jolt my body away, but trip over birds that are circling me, and land on the ground. I need to get up, or it is just another way for them to peck at me. When I push up with my hand from the floor a crows head appears from the ground, slowly wriggling itself out from the dirt that surrounds its small but powerful body. I push myself up quickly before it has time to nip my hands. I try and breathe through my nose but there is no air. I try again, nothing. It feels like the birds have created some sort of vacuumed. I grit my teeth and open my lips so suck in some, nothing. A rush of panic streaks through my body.

This is just a simulation. I am in the fear landscape room and this is a simulation. When I breathe through my nose again there is air, but not much of it. I claw at the birds to get off, but it just makes them peck harder and harder. Breathe in and out I remind myself.

The pecking stops.

Next is the tank scene, but this time my mother and Caleb are watching also, and after that is the ocean, followed by almost being burnt at the streak, and the fists banging on my old window. Then is the fear of my family dying, but my dad isn't in the room and I am sitting in his seat. Caleb is pointing the gun at me and my mother. Jeanine Mathews is behinds resting her delicate hand on his shoulder, her smile is wicked. I head a click and turn to look at my brother. The boy that would help me do my homework if I was stuck when I was little, the boy that held my hand at the hospital, and that I had saved his life for was now pointing the gun barrel at my head. I swallow hard. In the other position my family was saying it was okay if I shot them, so that I could live, but sitting tied up in the chair, I don't want to die, or my mother to die. I can't look at Caleb.

"Fire!" Jeanine screams.

But he doesn't.

I think of a knife, and the next moment a cold metal object appears in my right hand, using my left I feel it, it is a knife. I cut the rope tying me to the chair, and it falls to my lap, I stand and let it fall to my feet. Holding the long knife in one hand I run at Jeanine, but it seems to take forever to reach her, like everything is in slow motion. When I do though she covers her face and neck, and I launch the object into her stomach and twist it on the way in, maximising the impact. I stumble back a few paces in shock. Tobias looks at me with open mouth.

The lighting resets.

I am in the Dauntless compound, in the centre of the Pit. I see Christina talking to Tori and walk over to them. They don't acknowledge me but they look at me. I wait for them to say something but they don't. I walk towards the cafeteria and everyone stops to stares at me, any conversations that were happening have stopped. I feel awkward and nervous. I see Tobias and head towards his table, he is sitting with Zake. I smile, but they both have a disgusted look on their face. My heart pounds. What is wrong with me? How do I get out of this simulation? I run out of the cafeteria and go back to my room. I run straight to the mirror. I am not me. I am Eric. I panic. What is happening? I look down at my body, it looks like mine to me but in the mirror it isn't me. My skin has scars, and tattoos, I have short hair, and pierced ears. I look down at my hands, they are covered in blood. This fear must be that I will become Eric, killing innocent people. Like I almost killed Will, and if I forgave Al, maybe him too. My stomach twists. I curl up in a ball, closing my eyes, feeling only my body and breathe. After I feel my panic subside.

The light turn on and the room turns back to normal. I collapse on the floor but drag myself to a wall. After what seems like only a few seconds, but realistically is probably about half an hour I get up and stumble out of the Fear Landscape, and walk slowly to my room, feeling to drained to talk let alone look at anyone on the way back.