When I started writing this story, it was supposed to be a simple L story. But now I can't stop writing about Matsuda! No wonder Fay is confused.

Thank you Philosofox for your constant support - it means the world to me.

October 15th

Fay had made a mental note to apologize to Matsuda, but it took a full week before she had a chance to do so.

After all - it was surprisingly difficult to find time for a personal conversation, while engaged into a murder investigation. No wonder Sherlock Holmes never married, Fay thought.

And like that wasn't enough of an obstacle, there was the fact, that Fay now knew L had put surveillance in every hallway. Where was she supposed to talk with Matsuda without being seen or heard? The last thing she wanted, was L eavesdropping on her conversations with Matsu - but there was no way, she would invite him to her rooms again either. That would lead to no good, she knew.

As it was all but impossible to find a way to talk privately with Matsuda, for the next week Fay managed to play Watson to L's Sherlock, and busied herself with doing all the little things that she knew 'helped him think' - like making him tea, bringing him candies and filling his sugar bowl. But those tasks hardly kept her ADHD brain busy, so she took the liberty of following Tokyo stock market (trying to find plummeting companies, that could have been targeted by Yotsuba Kira), going through every single surveillance video they had of Yotsuba office or Misa's party, and chatting with Wedy about the ways she was going to infiltrate Yotsuba security and bug the meeting room before next friday.

That was why she was here, after all. To help L solve this case - not to hook up with yet another guy who was not him.

"Why did you hire Wedy and Aiber?" Fay asked, not turning her eyes off the screen she was looking at.

"Mmmh." L muffled with his mouth full of chocolate chip cookie.

"Take your time."

She glanced at L, as he licked the crumbles off his tall, thin fingers, and a primitive need to feel that tongue on her skin, flashed through her core. She had to look away, to be able to keep her balance.

"We are shorthanded, especially after Aizawa left and Matsuda messed up so, that Mogi had to take his role as Misa's manager." L answered, apparently unaware of Fay's inner torment. "We needed help, and those two are the best at what they do."

"I am a bit offended, you know." Fay said. She lifted her feet to the table and leaned back in her chair.

"Oh." L turned his panda eyes to her. "Why?"

"For you letting that conman pose as Eraldo Coil. You know, that used to be my job."

"Hmm, yes." L stated. "I can see what you mean. But it was not my idea that Aiber would pretend to be Coil. He came up with that by himself."

"Still. You should've sent me to do that job. You know, I used to do those kind of things all the time for you."

"I know. But this is different."

"How come this is different? I never messed up as Coil, did I?"

"It is not that Fay." L said, and frowned. He organized the sugarcubes in the plate into a pyramid. "But you have been out of the business for years. I needed someone who was ready now, someone with experience, someone I have worked with recently."

Everything he said, was true, but still it hurt to heard his words. Especially because Light was listening in to everything they spoke.

Fay glanced at Light Yagami, who was buried in a huge pile of documents, trying to find out what ever he could about the eight Yotsuba suspects. For the thousandth time Fay wondered if anyone could be this good at putting on an act.

"Hey Light." she said.

"Yes?" the young man looked up from his papers. "What is it?"

"If you had to make a guess, who'd you say is the Yotsuba Kira?"

"I don't like guesses. I would much rather wait until tonight's meeting is over. By then we should know a lot more, than we do now."

Fay rolled her eyes.

To be honest, she didn't like Light a bit. He was arrogant, obnoxious and boring. It would've been torture to be handcuffed to him 24/7 - no wonder L seemed depressed these days. Maybe it wasn't the Kira case - maybe it was a Light overdose.

"Well, I bet my ass it's Higuchi." she said.

"How so?" asked L, turning his eyes to Fay.

Damn, his gaze was observant! It always made her feel like he saw right through her.

She tried to look indifferent as she shrugged.

"I dunno. Just look at that dude's face - there's no way he's a good guy."

"There is a difference between not being a good guy, and being a mass murderer." noted Light dryly. "We cannot go judging people based on their face."

"Loosen up, Light. I'm not going to execute him just for his looks. Just call it a hunch."

"Hmm." said L, picking up a sugar cube from his plate, and eating it. "I must say that I'm with Light in this one, Fay."

"Oh, come on." Fay sighed. "There was a time when you trusted my hunches."

"Yes, there was."

Another sugar cube disappeared into his mouth.

Fay followed the movement of his delicate, long fingers as he picked up yet a third one. She waited for him to say something more, but he didn't. The only sound in the room was the crunching of sugar, and Light flipping the pages of his document pile.

Fay had to turn her eyes back to the screen, that was playing video of Misa's fake party from last friday, to not stare at L.

It was in the air, even if he didn't say it.

That he didn't trust her anymore.

That even if he had apologized, even if he had admitted that it had been his fault she had left, her leaving had nevertheless broken something between them.

Or maybe it wasn't the fact, that she had left.

Maybe it was, that she had fallen for him, and with her love ruined everything between them.

Fay was painfully aware, that L had not answered anything to her last email, the one saying "I don't want him. I want you." Not a word. She knew, it could only mean one thing - her love for him was still unrequited. The silence between them was like a monster eating her alive, cutting through her heart and making her bones ache.

She missed like hell the time when they had been able to talk about everything.

She wished she'd never fallen in love with him.

"Fine." she snapped, and stood up. "But it still is Higuchi - you'll see."

"Where are you going?" asked Light, looking up from his papers.

"To get lunch." Fay stated. "With Misa - at least she thinks I'm fun."

"I think you're fun." said L. "I've always thought so."

But he didn't turn his eyes from the screen he'd been watching, and Fay didn't even glance at his direction when walking out of the room.

Damn, this is pointless!

You were a fool to come here.

After an half an hour walk,Fay felt somewhat better.

First things first, she thought. Catch that damn Kira, get L off those handcuffs - and then you can talk.

She had picked up some fresh, and frankly, quite excellent sushi from a nearby restaurant. It was meant for Misa (they had lunch together most days now), but waiting for the elevator in the lobby, she ran into Matsuda.

For an awkward second or two they just stared at eachother, and Matsuda's cheeks blushed.

Fay blinked a few times, to regain her balance.

Since when did hunting serial killers became this much of a soap opera? Stay focused, damn it! Less guys - more work.

"Lunch?" she asked, showing him the bag she was carrying.

"Huh?" Matsuda seemed confused. "You want to have lunch with me?"

"Yeah. I think we should talk."

"Oh." He ran his fingers through his hair. "And I thought you were avoiding me."

"I have."

"Oh."

"You say that a lot." Fay smiled. "It's sweet."

Matsuda laughed, and somehow the atmosphere seemed to relax. There was something so likable in his smile, that Fay just couldn't help but to feel at home with him.

"Thanks - I guess." he said. "So, what do you got in there?"

"Sushi - Japan's greatest gift to the mankind. We could go to the rooftop - did you know there is a terrace there?"

"A rooftop terrace? Wow, this place really is like a hotel."

"Yes. And we don't even have to pay for it." Fay grinned, and stepped into the elevator.

The weather was perfect for a picnic - still warm, but the unbearable heat of the summer had passed. The view from the rooftop was spectacular, and for a moment Fay and Matsuda just sat silently admiring it.

I wonder if L has surveillance here. A thought flashed through her mind. Or if he's ever even been here. I wonder if he remembers the rooftop in Madrid too, like I do.

She had to shook her head, to drive the memory out.

This was a different rooftop. Another city. And another guy.

She glanced sideways at Matsuda, who was opening his lunch box. The warm wind of Tokyo was in his hair, made it fly around his face, but Fay made no move to tame it.

"Matsu, I asked you here to apologize to you." she said, after the silence had go on for quite long enough.

He seemed surprised, turning to look at her.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I acted like a fool, giving you these mixed signals… I asked you to kiss me, and when you did, I threw you out. That was really rude of me, and I am sorry."

"There's no need to be sorry, Fay." he said, but his cheeks were burning. "If you didn't like it-"

"No, that's just the point. I did like it. A lot. It was a very good kiss."

"Oh? Then why-?"

Fay looked down. Her sushi box was still unopened, and her nervous fingers played with the chopsticks, turning them around and around.

"Because this can't go anywhere, and it would be wrong of me to encourage you to think so."

Matsuda was silent for a while, staring at his sushi.

"Because you love L." he finally said.

"Yeah."

"I can see why. You love him, I mean. He is incredible, he really is. Coming up with a plan to save me like that… and the other stuff too. I know he can catch Kira too. If anyone can do it, it's him."

"He's also a total jerk sometimes."

Matsuda laughed. "True."

"But I can't help it. I've loved him since I was a kid. It's not fair to anyone, for me to kiss other guys while things are like this."

"Yeah… I get it."

"Matsu." Fay said silently after a while. "I am sorry. Please, forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. If you don't feel that way about me, it's fine. I get it. You can't force these things."

He smiled at her, and the smile was so pure and kind, that it cut right through Fay's heart.

"I wish that… I guess I'm trying to say that I wish we could be friends. I really like you."

"Friends?"

"Yes. I totally understand if you don't want to, though." Fay blushed. "I know I've been a bitch."

"Oh. I thought that's what we were."

She blinked a few times. "What? Bitches?"

"No - friends." Matsuda laughed. "I like you too, you know."

"I know." Fay said, and answered his smile. "Could you please pass me that wasabi?"

"Sure."

For a moment Tokyo bathed in golden sunlight, the rays brushing off the clouds that tried to turn the world grey. And Fay felt the same happiness that she had felt with Césaire, when laying on her bed and watching the Arc de Triomphe that was painted with the evening lights - the kind of happiness she could get used to, but that would never really satisfy her.

It was the happiness of a caged bird.

She had spent enough years in that cage, to be lured back into it.