Sorry for the delay, but this whole thing of having an amazing beta (THANK YOU so much .stanathan) means it takes more days to make sure what I write is presentable… And I mean, you guys saw the first chapters… I really need the beta! Thanks for sticking with the story, hope you like it. Reviews are truly appreciated and so far, they've been really useful, so if you have a moment, keep them coming!

Hour 21

I can't believe I've been allowed to kiss Beckett, and hug her and grab her from behind for the last 20 hours. Four more, and we'll be celebrating our one day anniversary.

Four years ago, this wouldn't have happened. If she had allowed me to take her to my bed right after that first case, it would have been an amazing night but nothing else. Maybe page 105 would have been better, but my life would still be that of a souless playboy raising a mother and with a daughter raising him. And I can't avoid loving us all that much better because Kate said no back then. We had a long way to go until we could get here. We survived many fights, arguments, disagreements, and even each of us dating other people. My deep fried Twinkie was as bad as her motorcycle boy.

"Hey, I have a question for you…" I begin.

"Shoot."

"Promise not to hurt me or hide under some irrelevant answer."

"I can do that, as long as you don't ask for my number."

"Uhm, I don't think we're quite there yet. But, I've always wondered about two of your guys…"

"Let me guess, Demming and Josh?"

"Yeah… When and why did you break up with them?"

"Uhm, I broke up with Demming before your going-away-for-the-summer-and-I-might-never-come-back farewell party. And you where the reason behind that break up. I was about to tell you I wanted to go to the Hamptons with you when Gina came in the picture."

"Please tell me that's not true!"

"Why would I lie to you about this? Besides, no more lies and no more non-gift related secrets remember?"

"But Kate! Why didn't you stop me? Or call me back or something! Even then, I knew it was you who I wanted!"

"But still, you spent 5 or 6 months with your ex-wife!"

"Because I didn't dare dream you were single again! And when I found out you were, I didn't dare dream you'd be interested in me. And I preferred dating Gina than keep on hoping you'd open your eyes and see that I was right there."

"Don't blame this on me Castle! We were both at fault! Me for not opening up and you for not gathering enough courage to face me!"

"I know Kate! I do. It just hurts to know we wasted so much time!"

"I don't see it as wasted time Castle. We weren't really ready for it then. I was insecure and still had a lot of things to fix about myself. I mean, look at Josh: he was so good in so many ways. But I choose him because dating him allowed me to keep one foot out the door. You wouldn't have allowed me that space. And I'm ready for a fully committed relationship now, but I wasn't a year ago. I mean I wasn't ready six months ago. And you had some growing up to do, too. I mean, two years ago you talked about Deep Fried Twinkies and sharing grief with that actress to the boys regardless of my presence. So, in a way, you were hoping for me to see you while you were actually hiding from me."

"Hump. I never saw it that way"

"Either way, what's done is done. And just to get this over with, I broke up with Josh that day at the hospital, right after I told you to leave and wait for my call. I couldn't stand the idea of kissing him, knowing just how much that would hurt you. I knew my silence would make you think I with him, but hoping I'd get the chance to one day tell you I hadn't done anything with Josh from the minute I knew for sure that you loved me was comforting in a way. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, it does. But I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to be there so badly. Every day that went by without a call from you, was a painful preview of what my life was going to be if I never saw you again. And everything was so sad Kate. Following you around allowed me to see what living life really meant. Everything I had before I met you, everything that made me happy during the pre-Beckett era was suddenly so grey without you. Going to the Hamptons knowing I'd never share that with you was depressing. Even driving the Ferrari, after seeing you behind the wheel seemed so trivial. I wanted to drive to your place and stalk you until I could plan an apparently random meeting. The only reason I ever went out was when I was feeling lucky, because it allowed me to dream of running into you. I knew nothing about you, no one did…" I need a hug. And we're suddenly so in sync that she senses it. She drops the knife – yeah, we finally got to my kitchen to work with the chicken breast (which doesn't mean I didn't get a chance to play with hers for a few minutes while we were on the couch) – makes me turn around and hugs me. It's so tender and full of love that for a minute I lose track of time.

"It doesn't matter how many times I apologize for doing that to you Castle. You'll be able to forgive me but I'll never be able to erase this feeling of abandonment you had. I can make you a promise though: I'll never run from you again. There will be times when I need space, and I'll ask for it. Then I'll come running back to you and I'll talk to you about whatever it was that made you run, actually that's not accurate. I just said I wasn't going run. What I meant was I'll come back and talk to you about why I needed that space in the first place. And maybe ten or fifteen years from now, it won't matter so much. It'll be nothing more than a bad memory, for both of us. Ok?"

"Yeah, ok," I tighten our hug once more and then I let her go back to her chicken. "Hey! Did YOU just propose?"

"Well, if you expect for us to spend just 10 or 15 years as a married couple, then you better restrain from actually asking the question. One and done means forever!"

"You're killing me Kate!"

"Rick, I think we both know that's where we're headed, we don't need our swing set and defining our path to know that…"

"Are you sure we can't drop the whole cooking thing and go to bed? I really need to make love to you right now Beckett!"

"Just hugging you reminds me of how sore I am. You saw my bruises this morning Castle. Will you really be able to stay inside of me if that made me whimper? Even if you consciously knew it wasn't your doing? Wouldn't that make you restrain yourself?"

"Yeah… it would." I sigh. "But you can't blame me for not being able to stand to you or hear you hurt…"

"And I'm not. I'm just saying, I really don't want for our first time to be with the two of us mindful of my bruises. Maddox doesn't deserve to rob us of the amazingness of that moment."

"Amazingness?"

"You get the meaning…"

We stand in front of each other for a few minutes, deep blues lost in deep greens. No other words are needed. And it feels so good. Knowing that we have that communication back. Someone at the precinct once referred to it as eye sex. I kind of get it now. Though I'd like to think it's more like eye love. Please don't say that out loud.

"OK, did the message get through?" She asks me.

"Huh?"

"Hum, I guess we're not as good at talking with the eyes as I thought we were…"

"And what was the message if I might ask?"

"I really, really love you. And I can't wait for these bruises to be less apparent."

How on earth does she do that? I mean, I know we' re good, but no one is that good right? "I think I might have got that, loud and clear. And for the record, just in case my eyes weren't clear enough, I really, really love you too. And trust me, as soon as I can hug you without you feeling sore, I'll start doing all these things I've been dreaming about for the past four years."

Suddenly, just looking is not sufficient. I need to kiss her, and since I can, I do. Deeply and thoroughly, as she deserves to be kissed.

"Atta boy, down! Hold your horses! So not fair, to get me all reeled up when you know you won't deliver! Let's go back to cooking dinner! Peel some potatoes and cut them in little squares. Then put them in the oven with some olive oil over them."

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't you ma'am me Castle!"

"Sir?"

"Kitten!"

"Hey! Not fair! Love?"

"What about love?"

"Can I call you Love?"

"If you feel like it…just…keep it between us? No need to give Lanie and the people at the 12th more ammo you know?"

"Got it. Love."

"Potatoes Rick!"