Author's Note: A reviewer asked if I did drugs, and if that's why I knew all about them. No, I do not. I don't love Ouran enough to do drugs just for research haha. But most of my friends are great priggish druggies, and when I'm bored I observe them.

Haruhi was beginning to wonder why Kyouya was in the Host Club. She understood his role as financer and such, but why was he a Host? He displayed no particular charms or gentleman qualities, and yet all the girls swooned over his Shadow King self. In all fairness, Haruhi had never actually seen Kyouya in action as a Host, as she was always so busy being one herself, but she vowed to remedy that. Maybe seeing the many different sides to Kyouya would help figure the one true Kyouya out.

So it was lucky then, that on Thursday afternoon there was a Japanese tea party to celebrate the wonderfully orange season of autumn. It was planned in haste, as many of the customers were getting restless, but the planning was still impeccable. Tamaki and Kyouya had locked themselves in the back room of the music suite for two hours, whispering to each other.

In the front gardens of Ouran, many low floor tables were set up with royal purple velvet pillows for the girls to sit on, and black pillows for the Hosts to sit on. Haruhi was wearing a long kimono and dramatic stage make-up, as was Nekozawa. She thought he couldn't look more absurd or out of place, but many of the girls were fawning over him already.

While pouring tea for a petite brown-haired girl who was chattering wildly, Haruhi glanced to the other side of the garden where Kyouya, in his own set of white dazzling robes, was charming a green-eyed beauty. He flashed the girl a 1000-watt smile, his grey eyes were positively sparkling, and there was red color on his cheeks. It took Haruhi a while to realize that the color was all natural - it was a blooming blush. Being nice suited Kyouya. So, apparently, Kyouya was a Host for a reason. He was just as charming and charismatic as any of the other Hosts, if not more so because of his odd personality.

"Say Haruhi," said Hikaru, after the tea party and the Hosts were clearing up, "My father's throwing a lavish party to celebrate the opening of his corporation in Germany, and I was wondering if you wanted to come? It'll be a really fancy thing, but afterwards we're going to a club with Jiro and some of his friends. It would be great if you came."

Haruhi wasn't really looking forward to a lavish party with rich people, but going to a club with Jiro afterwards sounded like fun. She was beginning to think of Jiro as that cool older guy, kind of like a brother, but much cuter and more playful.

"That sounds fun," said Haruhi, chewing her lip. "Will this last very late?"

"Well, yeah, my dad's party won't end until midnight, at least," said Hikaru, "And Jiro's a late-night kind of guy. We could all spend the night with Jiro. But don't worry, we can probably afford a nice hotel room or something."

"I'll have to talk my dad into it," said Haruhi, "Got any good lies?"

Later that night, while she and her father were sharing a very rare meal, Haruhi chewed on her food thoughtfully, trying to think of something believable. She probably couldn't use Kyouya as an excuse again, since he wasn't even talking to her, and her father would start to get suspicious if she was spending the night at a boy's house too often. It was too bad she didn't have any female friends. Or maybe she did.

"Father," started Haruhi, and he looked up at her with shining eyes. Haruhi had to struggle to continue, unable to look at eyes that might be lying to her every night. But then again, she was lying right back, wasn't she? "I don't know if I've ever talked about her, but I have a friend named Renge. She's my only female friend."

Her father positively lit up at the mention of a new friend. "Haruhi! Haruhi, that's so nice! What is she like? Is she very girly or is she like you?"

"Um, she's very girly," said Haruhi, "But she's very nice. Gets top grades and helps me with things I don't understand. But anyway, she invited me to sleep over tomorrow night. A lot of her other girl friends are going to be there, and she said she would introduce me to them."

Oh, Haruhi was an amazing liar. She could have kissed herself, honestly. If there was one thing her father wanted for Haruhi, it was to have lots of normal friends, with normal lives, who included Haruhi in those lives. And for Haruhi to finally have female friends was an even bigger thing. She knew exactly what to say, and throughout it she was amazed that she didn't roll her eyes. She was making herself sound like a real social loser.

"Oh, Haruhi!" gushed her father, "That's so wonderful! Of course, of course, you can go!"

She almost winced from the guilt, but this was in Haruhi's best interests. She may not be getting the social interaction her father wanted, but it was still social interaction, wasn't it? Even if it involved drugs, clubs, boys, and lavish parties.

The next day, Haruhi lugged her usual booksack to school, along with a smaller bag filled with her clothes for the night, and left it in the Music Suite. After classes, she hurried to the Host Club meeting to discuss the next big event.

Tamaki was having a hard time running his ideas past Kyouya.

"But it's not that expensive!" he quipped, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Actually, Suoh, it runs 120,350 yen over our budget," corrected Kyouya.

Tamaki paused, no doubt trying to weasel his idea into Kyouya's brain, before he sighed and said, resigned, "Any one else have some cheaper ideas?"

No one said anything. The twins and Haruhi were bored and anxious to leave for their own festivities, and Nekozawa and Hiroshi were still trying to learn the ropes of the Host Club.

"Anyone?" persisted Tamaki, looking around the room hopefully.

"What a lazy lot," muttered Kyouya under his breath.

Haruhi was itching to snap back at him, but she sensed the meeting was coming to an end and she didn't wish to prolong it with her childish arguments.

"So, we're done?" said Hikaru, sounding far too excited.

"I suppose," said Tamaki, looking at Hikaru suspiciously. "What are you doing, anyway?"

"Just grabbing a bite to eat with Haruhi," said Kaoru, a wicked glint in his eyes as he smiled at Tamaki with his arm around Haruhi's shoulders.

Tamaki was dumbfounded. "But…Haruhi…daughter…"

"Good bye, father!" said Hikaru cheerfully, grabbing his things and making a dash for the door.

"Come back here! Daughter!" yelled Tamaki after the threesome.

Hikaru and Kaoru were giggling and running as fast as they could, feeling something alive coursing through their veins. It was a weird feeling, and maybe it was only the wind against their faces, but they suddenly felt full of energy - energy they hadn't felt in a long time. Haruhi was struggling to keep up with them, wondering why they were running in the first place. But she saw something different in them, a wonderful and fresh something, that she ran faster to catch up with them.

They stopped at a shiny black convertible car, and Haruhi wondered if it was theirs. Hikaru fished out a pair of keys from his bag and Haruhi said, startled, "You're not going to drive, are you, Hikaru?"

Hikaru only grinned.

"But you're not of age! You don't have a license!" she protested.

"Au contraire, my naïve little friend," said Hikaru, also taking out a small, plastic card with his picture on it, "I do."

Haruhi rolled her eyes and said, "Jiro?"

"A friend of Jiro's," explained Kaoru. "But don't worry, we know how to drive. We paid our driver to take the day off and not tell our parents."

"So, you coming?" asked Hikaru, dangling the keys with his index finger.

Haruhi looked at the car is if it were about to explode, thinking about her options. Get in a car with crazy twins who didn't have their licenses, and have a potentially good time, or stay here while they drove away, and deal with Tamaki and Kyouya and feelings she wasn't sure about. Being a practical girl, the first choice was obviously safer.

The small smile on Haruhi's lips was all the answer Hikaru needed, and he unlocked the car and jumped into the driver's seat. Kaoru let her sit in the front, and he lounged lazily in the back with his feet up against the door.

As Hikaru drove and the wind blew through Haruhi's hair, she thought she might have an idea of what Hikaru and Kaoru had felt before, that alive feeling. Kaoru was closing his eyes in the back, letting the last days of sun and warmth caress his face, and a smirk formed on Haruhi's face. The twins were pretty unpredictable people. And, however much she tried to deny it, they were her best friends, if not because they were her only friends.

Hikaru pulled into a parking lot to a very large, expensive looking store.

"What are we doing here?" asked Haruhi.

"Well, you need something to wear, don't you?" replied Kaoru in the back.

"But I have clothes for tonight!" said Haruhi, "That blue dress I wear sometimes, remember?"

There was a slight pause before Hikaru burst out laughing. "Haruhi, this isn't that kind of party. This is a big, snobby party and you need to look like the rest of the guests coming."

"But I don't have any money to buy a dress," frowned Haruhi.

"Oh, Fujioka," sighed Kaoru, "We're made out of money for a reason."

It finally dawned on her. "I can't let you buy me a dress!"

"We've got the money, and we're buying you a dress whether you want it or not," said Hikaru with finality, getting out of the car.

She wasn't happy, but she had to go along with it, she supposed. She tried to rationalize it in her head by saying they had so much money as it was that they wouldn't miss a small amount of money for a dress. Right.

The store inside was just as lavish as it looked from the outside. They even had a lounge for shoppers to sit and drink tea while the workers brought out dresses for them to look at. The shoppers didn't even have to shop for themselves! It was simply marvelous.

Kaoru instructed a lady who knew him quite well, it seemed, to bring out the best dresses they had in Haruhi's size. There was a slight look of disdain as she looked at Haruhi's figure, which was far too skinny and stick-like, and was particularly lacking in the chest department.

The woman brought out some truly beautiful dresses, and each time Haruhi tried one on, she tutted and threw it in the discard pile, saying it simply did not flatter Haruhi's figure.

"I've never met a girl with such a boyish figure," said the woman as she took Haruhi's measurements again. "Look at that! Absolutely no chest!"

Haruhi was starting to feel a bit insecure about her figure. She had never considered herself lacking in anything. Outside of the dressing suite, she could hear the faint giggles and chats of the twins. What she wouldn't give to publicly embarrass them as well.

"I suppose the best way to give you a figure will be to layer you up," said the woman, coming at Haruhi with a scary looking corset. Haruhi started to back away from her when the woman laughed good-naturedly, "That's right, you should be scared. These things are not pleasant."

She had Haruhi raise her arms while she tied the corset painfully tight. Haruhi was having a horrible time trying to breathe, but she braced herself each time the woman tied another knot. When Haruhi looked back in the mirror, her waist was practically non-existent, but she noticed that she looked pear shaped. Her chest was…noticeable.

"Does wonders, doesn't it?" chirped the woman, admiring her handiwork.

The woman left the room again, coming back this time with something much scarier than a corset. Haruhi wasn't even sure what it was, but it seemed to be a metal skirt type thing.

"What's that?" asked Haruhi cautiously.

"Hoopskirt," replied the woman, "It'll make you look more like a female than a…I don't even know what, less like a boy, I suppose."

Haruhi spared a brief glare at the woman before she put the hoopskirt on. The woman had picked out a golden-brown silk dress, with dark brown embroidery on it. It was had short, puffed sleeves and a wide neck-line. Haruhi had never seen a more beautiful dress, and she couldn't believe she was going to wear it.

The woman gave her a pair of silk tan stockings, golden strap shoes that wouldn't even be seen from underneath the dress, and, lastly, a golden necklace. When Haruhi showed herself to the twins, they were both dumbfounded and at a loss for words.

She changed out of the dress back into her normal attire, and unwillingly obliged to purchase black hair extensions.

"Our parents don't really agree with the androgynous look," said Hikaru tentatively. "If you want them to like you, you'll want to look like a girl in all meanings of the word. They believe firmly in identities of sex and all that."

When it came time to pay for all the things, Haruhi looked away pointedly so she wouldn't have to see the total price. She told the twins she really didn't want to know how much the cost was, and they teased her relentlessly as they drove back to their mansion.

One of the maids was outside waiting for them.

"Hello Hitachiin-san," said the maid to Hikaru as he got out of the car. She gave Haruhi a courteous nod as well. "Your parents are having tea with the Tanakas, and wish me to tell you they will be back in time for the party. They expect you and your guest to be at the party at the designated time."

"Thanks," said Hikaru, "And will you help Haruhi get ready when it's time?"

"Of course," said the maid, and went back inside.

Haruhi winced. She deplored corsets.

"I'm sorry, miss, I've never done this before," said the maid apologetically.

"It's fine, it would be painful either way," said Haruhi, gritting her teeth.

When Haruhi descended those grand stairs with a Hitachiin twin on either arm, she felt, for the first time ever, like a beautiful girl. She had never felt a particular pull to either gender, but tonight she felt like a blossoming female. Maybe she could be a suitable girl after all.

"You look wonderful," Hikaru whispered in her right ear, and Haruhi smiled, flattered.

Meeting the twins' parents was the most nerve-wracking part of her night. Their mother, although very nice and courteous, seemed as though she didn't consider Haruhi a part of the group. She also smelled heavily of alcohol, and Haruhi wondered if she might be an alcoholic. Their father was curt and to-the-point, which the twins had forewarned her about. Over all though, everyone was making an effort to invite Haruhi into their little club.

"Hikaru! Kaoru!" shrieked a skinny, red-haired girl. She had the most astonishing green eyes Haruhi had ever seen, and Haruhi noticed that she did not look particularly Japanese.

"Lola!" cried Kaoru, embracing her. Behind the girl's back, Kaoru motioned being sick, to make damn sure that he did not like this girl at all. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" she said in her choppy Japanese.

"Haruhi, this is Lola," explained Kaoru, "She comes from England."

"Hello," said Haruhi politely, nodding her head. "I've always wanted to learn English."

The girl now switched to English. "Oh, it really is a lovely language. Of course I don't think it's nearly as hard as Japanese, but who am I to say that, eh!"

Haruhi had no idea what she had just said. Lola gave a quaint little laugh and said in Japanese, "I hope that you learn to speak it someday."

She looked around the party, then said, "Isn't Kyouya coming?"

"Oh, no," said Hikaru, "This is strictly a business party, or so my father says."

"What a shame," said Lola, frowning. "It's been a while since we've…seen each other." She winked at Haruhi, as if trying to relay a message. However feminine Haruhi felt, she still had not mastered the art of female communication. She frowned back at Lola in confusion.

Lola gave that quaint laugh again, which Haruhi was beginning to find annoying. "Kyouya's a very skilled bedmate," she said, winking again. When Haruhi still didn't reply, she said exasperatedly, "My goodness, girl. Kyouya gives me great sex."

Haruhi almost choked on the drink she had, and Hikaru had to thump her on the back unceremoniously.

Lola's eyes widened. "Oh god, please don't tell me you're his girlfriend or something. I would just die, absolutely die!"

"No!" said Haruhi almost too quickly. This conversation was now starting to frighten her.

"Phew, that's good," said Lola, her shoulders becoming more relaxed. "I wouldn't want to give up Kyouya now."

"You know it's not exlusive," said Kaoru, frowning at Lola.

"Oh yes, yes," said Lola airily, "We know it's not. My friend, Ayame, was just telling me last week how she had such a wonderful time with him. And then Miki, you know her - the shy little girl - was telling me about the time last month, she said it was absolutely wonderful. Oh, it was hard not to be jealous of course, but that's life, innit?"

What was going on? Just how many people had Kyouya slept with?! Didn't he say he never did anything unless he got some kind of sick merit out of it? What could all these girls possibly give him?

"Does he…get anything out of it?" asked Haruhi timidly.

Lola looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. Well, that certainly made Haruhi feel important.

"Well, besides an incredible night with moi?" said Lola, laughing, "Only joking! Sometimes he'll go on about merits and benefits or something, but I usually tune him out. Not the sort of thing you talk about when you're going at it, am I right! Ha-ha, well anyways, he's not the most talkative person. He'll talk sometimes but mostly he's just physical, and I'm not complaining, eh!"

Haruhi really, really, REALLY, didn't want to hear about Kyouya's sex life. God, she didn't even know he had a sex life, but she should have known. It was just like him to have some sick little secret, and his just happened to be being a perverted womanizer who took pleasure in sleeping with various women, not caring about them in the least. He made her so sick sometimes.

After the encounter with Lola, Haruhi didn't know what to think. She knew, deep down, that it was none of her business what Kyouya did - he could do whatever he damn well pleased, and it shouldn't affect her. She, herself, was doing something despicable with the drugs, but she never thought of drugs as badly as sex. It wasn't even the act of sex itself, it was the abandonment. Kyouya clearly didn't think twice about who he slept with - did he even care what the girl's name was? Did he bother to find out anything about her?

And what hurt most of all was the realization that Kyouya probably held Haruhi in the same regard. Maybe he didn't care about her at all; maybe the only reason she saw so much of him was because of Host Club. Would he even look twice at her otherwise? Most likely not. His choice of girls seemed to be the pretty, obviously effeminate, and easy ones. Haruhi was none of those. She might as well just be a boy to Kyouya. She didn't know why she cared all of a sudden, but knowing he didn't think anything of her hurt like hell.

"Ready to go, Haruhi?" asked Hikaru, standing beside her by the bar.

Haruhi snapped out of her reverie and nodded eagerly. As she went back upstairs to change, she saw Lola give her another wink and wave before leaving through the grand glass doors. Haruhi never wanted to see her again, no matter how nice she was.

She and the twins were back in the black convertible now. Haruhi had changed into jeans, tennis shoes, and a short cotton dress on top. She felt comfortable in her regular clothes again. She left the hair extensions, liking the way they made her feel. She left all her make-up on as well, thinking it was suitable for a club environment.

"You okay?" asked Kaoru.

"Yes, why?"

"I mean…about Kyouya and all," said Kaoru.

"Oh," said Haruhi, frowning. "I don't know, to be honest. It's not like I care, or should care, but I kind of do."

"Have you ever thought that you might…like him?" said Kaoru quietly, so Hikaru wouldn't hear.

Haruhi was alarmed. Of course she'd never thought that! That was like, the tortoise falling for the hare, or a shark falling for its prey. Did such an attraction even exist?

"No, I've never…thought about that," said Haruhi. "I know it would never amount to anything. He only does things for his own benefit, and there is absolutely no benefit in being with me."

"Maybe there are sides of Kyouya you don't know about. He might do things just for the sake of doing them," suggested Kaoru.

"Well I'll never know, will I?" said Haruhi bitterly, "He's so secretive. I never would have found out about his promiscuity if it weren't for Lola and her big mouth."

Kaoru sighed. "Well, Haruhi, I don't know. You're both stubborn and it's so hard to tell sometimes."

They arrived outside of Jiro's dingy apartment building and waited for him to come out. He sat in the back with Haruhi and said, "What, I don't get a hug?"

She hugged him awkwardly.

"You look different, Mary," he said. "I like this look though, don't worry."

"Mary?"

"As in Virgin Mary," said Jiro, giving her a Cheshire grin. "I find the irony in it impossibly funny."

"So let's get this party started!" he cried into the whipping wind. "I'm ready to completely fuck myself up and throw my life away. What about you, Mary?"

When she didn't reply, he persisted, "Something the matter, little angel? Tonight you're supposed to be a wild vixen, ready to rock and roll."

"My life's at a kind of stand-still right now," admitted Haruhi.

Jiro sighed and put his arm around her shoulders, in a familiar loving kind of way. "So is everyone else's. The truest thing you'll ever hear in your life is this: life sucks. It sucks balls, if you'll excuse my frankness. You could waste it trying to be happy or whatever, but you'll get no where. I gave up a long time ago, and I went down the 'road of sin' as my father calls it. So what? For fuck's sake, I'm at least somewhat happy this way. Yeah, drugs fuck me up and having sex with random people isn't always safe, but who wants safety, anyway? Isn't that just so boring?"

Haruhi liked Jiro's random philosophies. They weren't the most thought-out or intelligent, but they were incredibly relevant to real life. Since when did you have to be smart to understand life?

"So what do you say, angel?" he said, "Are you going to spend tonight trying to be rational and safe and boring?"

Haruhi thought about it for a moment. No, she really didn't want to be the kind of drab figure Jiro was talking about.

"No," she said, gaining momentum, "I'm going to be a wild vixen."

"That's a good girl!" he said, pinching her cheeks playfully.

They arrived at a club called Moxie. Haruhi could feel the vibrations of the music coursing through her body, even before the reached the sidewalk. There was a long line, but Jiro only flashed the security guard a smile and was promptly let in.

Inside was the most incredible thing Haruhi had ever seen. There was color and sound and movement everywhere. It was dark, but there were colored fluorescent lights, and lots of people were wearing glow-in-the-dark necklaces. There was a large bar on the other side from the entrance, and Haruhi noted lots of glowing liquid bottles.

"Fancy a drink?" Jiro asked loudly over the club music. He handed her a small shot glass filled with deep blue liquid. There was a time when Haruhi would have questioned what was in the glass, but now she didn't care. She downed it and basked in the sweet sourness of the drink.

Hikaru was tapping his foot to the music, enjoying himself. Kaoru was whispering things in his ear - no doubt rather naughty things - and they were enjoying each other's existence. Jiro tried to get Haruhi to dance, and succeeded after several failed attempts. He held her hands tight, teaching her how to move without any awkwardness.

And then he kissed her.

It was a sweet, deep kiss on the lips, but Haruhi knew it didn't mean anything. Jiro was just this kind of person; he was a very physical and unabashed being. So she smiled at him, to let him know she didn't think anything of it, and he left for a little while to the back rooms of the club.

Haruhi felt weird dancing on her own, so when she looked back to find the twins still immersed in their own world, she followed to the back rooms where Jiro had disappeared to. The club outside was nothing compared to the back. Every which way people were in various forms of undress, some making love standing up, on the ground, or simply kissing. There was smoke in the air, and Haruhi could make out the faint smell of marijuana. She noticed that one of the couples making love included Jiro. He was with a random girl, no doubt clueless as to her name or age.

And suddenly Haruhi understood Kyouya's motives. Maybe, just like Jiro, he just did not like being alone. She knew for a fact that Jiro like physicality and hated being alone, because it made him think of all the stupidity he had done in his life. Maybe it was the same for Kyouya. Maybe when he was alone, he was reminded of his life, and if he simply wanted to forget, he would find a girl. That was the merit, she realized. Being able to forget about the mess of a life he led was merit enough for him.

"Are you just going to stand there?" asked a male voice behind her.

When she turned around, she came face-to-face with a 20-something man, who had dyed blue hair and large oriental eyes.

"There's plenty to go around if you're interested," he said, offering her a square sheet of paper which looked like a stick-on tattoo.

"What is it?" she asked, interested.

"LSD," he replied. "Like this." He stuck out his tongue and placed a square sheet on it, and let it dissolve.

Haruhi cautiously followed suit, feeling an unusual sensation. Within the hour, she was seeing flying monkeys and imagining she could hear colors and feel sounds. It was surreal but eye-opening.

The next morning, Haruhi had absolutely no idea where she was. In fact, she couldn't tell for sure if it was even morning, as the shades to the window were pulled. She looked down at herself and was glad to find herself fully clothed. She was shocked, however, to find that Hikaru and Kaoru were both naked and lying on a bed together. Kaoru's arm was around Hikaru's waist, and they both looked peaceful. On the bed next to them was Jiro. He too, was naked - at least from the waist up, and was slumbering beside the same girl he had been with at the club. There were various other people around the room, whom Haruhi imagined to be Jiro's friends. There was an open baggy of coke, but Haruhi had no desire to be under the influence of drugs at the moment. She looked out the window and found it was still dark. She looked down at the digital clock on the night stand and it read 4:49.

She sat back down, unsure of what to do. It didn't look like anyone was going to be waking up soon, and Haruhi certainly didn't want to be the only one awake. She knew she would over think last night's festivities, and do something rash, so she took the baggy of coke, and snorted some from the dresser. With that, she lay back down on the floor with a soft pillow under her head, and attempted to sleep, even though she felt jittery and awake.