Act IX: What I've Done
The day didn't feel like a normal one from the get go. The studio seemed to be a clout silence, not a soul here yet. With most of the ensemble not dressed today for rehearsal Lily should have expected this. Being a bit on edge made you forgetful. She walks through the empty entrance way and into the studio, her mind as focused as it had been in the longest time. There was a definite nervousness somewhere deep down. She wouldn't deny it. But she was suppressing it like a professional... at least on the outside. That calm sexual walk would never show weakness.
There you are.
Nina already seemed to be here. No surprise. She was adorned in all white surprisingly, a familiar outfit hugging her slim figure as she was sitting against the wall going through her hand motions. For another treasured second for Lily it looked like the old Nina. Was it an intimidation tactic she was trying? Lily just smiled at the potential mind games Nina could have been playing.
Nina looks at Lily with not as much pleasantries, not a reply or gesture given as she seemed to be just as focused as her challenger.
"You look good in white." Lily walked over neighborly dropping her bags, sitting next to her, hands on her knees in pseudo deep thought. "Keep that look…"
They sat in quiet even after the words. Nina ignored and kept her excellent posture, moving gently in and out of transitions of the White Swan variation in her head as the music played. She looked so calm like any professional would be. She looked as cool as the other side of the pillow. She looked… in control.
The keyword was "looked".
"… I want to vomit." Nina muttered suddenly, breaking her strong façade. While she kept her cool face she let out a breath that spelled doom. Lily only sighed as she shook her head in amazement at the almost comedic collapse.
"Hehe, what? Are you okay?"
"This is all because of you!" Nina stopped her motions, sitting there in almost pouty way. "I haven't slept for hours. I got less than an hour of sleep. Why are you doing this to me?"
"Hey hey, we need this." Lily had a little guilty smirk as she saw the flash of angry Nina again. It almost looked like the day when Nina was quite perturbed Lily didn't 'wake' her up.
"If you say so…"
"Aw, Nina…" Lily frowned, stroking her soft hair, just getting a scorn girl's scowl for a reply. "To be honest and fair I didn't sleep much more either. Does that make you feel better?"
"… Not enough." Nina was plain flustered, still struggling with this bet that they made. It was silly to ride such a big part of their lives on this ballet role. Nina actually hiccupped when she would think this. Not too long ago ballet was everything to her. The irony of the thought was just a strange feeling.
"Well I feel a lot better because of that day of rest. Thanks for that massage…"
Nina couldn't believe that in one day and Lily seemed like she wasn't in the least bit of pain. One day was all it took for the Lily to compose herself physically… and apparently mentally as well. "Knowing about today, I am almost regretting helping you."
Lily couldn't tell if it was a joke or not really. She didn't mind it either way.
"Shhh, Nina it's just like the movies." Lily whispered. "The good girls always win. And we both know which one here is the good girl."
"This is not a movie!" Nina scowled, holding her swirling tummy. "This is real life! These are real feelings."
"Hah, imagine a movie about Swan Lake. Who the hell would go see that?" Lily smirked at the silly thought. "What's next… a Facebook movie?"
Nina wasn't amused, just coiling up in a ball of nervousness again.
"Come on. Just do what you do best. And everything will work out." Lily reassured brightly as she leaned back against the wall, pulling out her iPod.
"You are always so calm." Nina sighed, leaning back the same. "You don't seem nervous at all."
Either way is a win for you…
"Competing against the one who probably put on the best Swan Lake performance ever? And not being nervous?" Lily looked over as if Nina was nuts, grabbing her earphones to pull out her mp3 player. "Okay. I'll let you in on a little secret. I just have techniques to deal with the stress and butterflies."
"Such as?"
"You really want to know?"
"If you wish to tell me."
"Okay, but you're going to listen to exactly what I say. No questions asked alright?" Lily pointed over to the boom box. "Turn off this annoying Swan Lake music we've been listening too for way too long and pop this in."
Nina blinked out of curiosity, grabbing the boom box and stopping it, taking Lily's ipod and placing it in position. She was wondering what Lily was about to play. Perhaps some yoga tracks they could do together? Or maybe some peaceful transient music to just breathe deeply to?
Instead some pop beat that brought back memories of a youth lost made Nina startled.
"I-is this..?"
"I said no questions." Lily grinned at Nina's semi-torqued and cute face, taking a gentle stand, holding her hand out for Nina. "Whenever I get nervous I like to go back in time and remember how stupid I was. A time where we didn't know better. So Spice Girls music is perfect. Go 90s."
Nina could only react speechless, taking Lily's hand reluctantly and standing up in rhythm to the crazy piano synth. Lily began to move to the beat in a funky pop manner. The way she swayed even though a bit childish… was still incredibly sexy. Vintage Lily. Those hips don't lie.
"You know this song?"
"Sadly… yes…"
"Okay now, sing along with me and dance okay? You will feel better by the time we're done."
"… D-do I have to?"
"Nina I'm going to pinch you if you don't listen to me. You wanted my help right?"
"…"
"Yo I'll tell you what I want, what you really want." Lily sang proudly if not quite pleasantly, then pointing to Nina. The silence after put a damper on the proceedings as Nina just looked down with a mopey face. This was Lily's big secret?
"Ugh," Lily paused the track as Nina soon after wasn't obliging. "… I know you know these lyrics."
"I feel stupid…"
"That's the point! Now sing it!" Lily threatened with a harsh poke to her bony chest. Nina groaned, rubbing the sharp touch, just nodding in reply.
You really could make me walk off a cliff can't you?
"… So… tell me what you want… what you really… really… want…" Nina frowned in a mumble, crossing her arms, not knowing how this was going to help. The butterflies were still there most definitely.
"Good but belt it next time." Lily pressed the beat to start again, swinging towards her. "I'll tell you want I want, what I really really want!"
It was a simple fact. Those eyes. That face. Nina would do anything for her.
"So tell me what you want, what you really really want." Nina said a little stronger above the music.
"I wanna… I wanna… I wanna… I wanna… I wanna really really really wanna zig ah zig ah!" Lily suddenly pranced up with the silly lyrics, dancing like a hip hop star, bobbing her head to the beat. Nina wanted to laugh instantly Lily's disregard for shame, trying to hold it in. Lily was like an oil to get Nina to open up her doors. Surprisingly her voice wasn't that bad actually. Not great… but not bad.
What do I have to lose?
"If you want my future…"
"Sing it Nina."
"Forget my past…"
Lily took it, quite happy with Nina's effort. "If you wanna get with me you better make it fast!"
**"How do you always do this to me?**
**You… taught me how… to smile again…**
"So don't go wasting!" Nina suddenly sang out with a strong to her friend's surprise, joining Lily in a ridiculous dance, cutely staying close almost cheek to cheek. "My precious time!"
"Get your act together and we'll be just fine!"
"So I'll tell you what I want what I really really want!" Voices blurted out from across the room, as a startled Nina and Lily glanced over to see a group of ballerinas and ballerinos rush in like a mob. All dressed in casual clothes they began to move to the beat and singing their hearts out. It was turning into the Mickey Mouse Club…
"You guys I love this song!" Lynn pranced, channeling the young girl inside her.
"God I haven't heard this in… like ages!" Madeline laughed as she too was getting into it, moving like it was a rave.
"What the heck is going on here? Ah!" Veronica passed by as she was suddenly picked up by a male dancer, and swung around to the music.
"Oh here comes the chorus everyone!" Lily shouted out, pointing to Nina and the rest. "If you want to be my lover!"
"YOU GOTTA GET WITH MY FRIENDS!" Everyone shouted.
"Make it last forever!" Lily shouted again.
"FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS!"
Nina shook her head and stood back in amazement if not dumbfounded. She just saw the ballet studio erupt into a pop ballad in unison and together. Everyone and anything seeming to be laughing and Lily was the master of ceremonies egging everyone on. The joy and the nostalgia were contagious. Nina let it all soak in, staring at the dance studio where she poured sweat, blood, and tears into. All these dancers poured their all into this place like Thomas wanted. But for one time… amazingly this one day… they all seemed to let it out in a place where it usually wasn't accepted.
Ballet in this place forced you to be a machine.
For once, they were being the young adults they were and Nina was with them.
She was one of the girls.
"Come on Nina!" Lily took her by the hand gently, Nina giggling as Lily swung her around into an intimate dance. They both shared smiles and broken laughter like the crowd around them, dancing with Lily in the most innocent manner. They traded funny moves. And funny faces. There was no club lights. There was no ballet stage lights. Just a clear warm room lit up and a cute song to move to. And it was strange but for the first time they were having good innocent… fun together as friends.
"What's going on here?"
Of course all parties must come to an end sometime.
"H-hey Thomas…" Lily waved as her and Nina just looked over with almost shameful faces.
The music stopped with a press of a button. All the other dancers slowly began creeping out passed Thomas like he was about to strike them like a viper. He was a dictator around these parts and this type of behavior apparently was not befitting of a high class studio a Leroy clansmen would run. He pulls out the ipod from the boom box and walks over to Lily and Nina, handing it to the darker of the two.
"You two should be preparing for the dance of your life." Thomas looked not so amused.
"We're ready Thomas. Don't worry…" Lily took the ipod with a chuckle. It was no secret. She loved being caught.
"I apologize Thomas." Nina bowed her head. Apparently this new Nina still did not.
Thomas just looked at both of them disappointingly, shaking his head, walking off in that same powerful manner he always did. Nina and Lily watched his every strong step as he walked towards his office opening the door, abruptly stopping on an apparent whim.
"I'll tell you want I want… what I really really want…" Thomas blurted out in bad melody with a heavy French accent, looking at them with a half-smile. "They played the shit out of that in France as well. Horrible music but quite frighteningly catchy."
Nina and Lily just stared almost in their own horror.
"… I have nieces and nephews."
As Thomas left the area Nina and Lily paused only to compress their uncontrolled laughing, covering their mouths like little teenage girls. Even the ice cold Thomas couldn't resist a little of the rare fun and it was unbelievable. They both just stared at one another as they were once again alone.
"Wasn't expecting that." Lily laughs. "Actually we used to do this in San Francisco all the time at our studios. Just kind of be cute and dumb to relieve the tension. No Ballet. No hurting. Heh, didn't know this place had it in it."
"Me neither…" Nina was still taken back, actually much more than Lily. All the bad vibes were gone it seemed, like an aura dissipated. How much of it was Nina's own doing or the one standing next to her was still the debate.
"So you feel better?"
"I can't believe it… but yes." Nina gave a little relieved exhale as she tried to compose her joy.
"Just please stop thinking so much. Go out there and be Nina Sayers." Lily shook her gently in a friend's grasp. "Have fun! Don't over analyze this. It will all work out. I promise."
You're so amazing Lily…
You make me… me.
"You're always there for me..."
"It's my job. See you out there… and good luck." Lily gave her the most genuine smile, putting on her ear plugs continuing her sing along solo, walking off mouthing the lyrics. Nina could only giggle to herself and at Lily as she glanced around the studio, the mirrors showing only her. The image of her glowing self from an unexpected lift from a friend she once thought was her enemy. She remembers the lonely nights practicing here. There was too many of those.
This was a pleasant change.
For once it wasn't cold anymore.
If you wanna be my lover?
You have got to give…
Taking is too easy…
But that's the way it is…
- B – B – B -
The lights turned on blazing onto the two dancers on opposite sides of the stage. Thomas wanted this to feel as near the real deal as possible, getting the two into show time form. Beneath them were all their peers sitting and waiting for the dance that was going to decide their new lead. Lily had a couple deep breaths before leaping up and down, trying to get as a loose as possible. Her intensity wasn't hidden. It was like she was. What you see… was what you got.
On the other side, Nina was on her hands, one leg on the ground, a leg far upstretched to the sky. She was the opposite. Calmly coaxing the body into preparation. Her intensity lied within.
"Alright, Terry and Rick prepare your selves as the princes." Thomas commanded from below, taking a gander at both the girls. "Both of you have been amazing Swan Queens. I know you both can do this. We're going in less than one minute."
Nina and Lily both nod in silence as they tried to get into the frame of mind they needed to get into. Lily and Nina were friends but just like before they were now rivals. Frenemies at least for the moment.
"Thanks for doing this Nina." Lily said from across finally, putting her toes to the test, stretching and cracking the often used feet. "You're going to be great."
"… You're welcome and so are you." Nina nodded back, taking a glimpse at the stage. She hadn't been on this stage in so long. She still was afraid of it. The stage lights felt the same like Opening Night. The crowd wasn't even there just like Opening Night. But for some reason the fear wasn't jolting her. She was looking it straight in the eyes… letting it know she was here to stay.
I can do this.
"Lily! Prepare for the first run! White Swan opening!"
"Well… here goes." Lily walked over to Nina, reaching out to hold her hand. "Remember. Whatever happens… it will be okay."
"I hope so." Nina smiled, feeling Lily's warm hand. That reassuring touch was needed.
"This is your stage. Let's put on a show alright?" The entertainer in Lily would never be silenced, walking off with a step and a bounce, coiling into first position. Nina backed away to the stage to watch on, Lily about to go first.
"Lights! Music! And dance!"
Nina had already seen Lily performed the White Swan variation so many times but not recently. Her movements, her personality, and her seamlessness were vastly improved as the White Swan. Nina almost didn't believe it. The amount that Lily had improved technically was extremely drastic for just the past months. Her rotations were so tight and precise… just like Nina.
Just like me…
Lily passed the prince in a smooth pull, spinning towards Nina with every step landing perfectly, going so fast that Nina couldn't believe her eyes. Something was off and Nina couldn't deny what she was seeing. Every spin Lily's face would… almost change. First it was Lily… then it was Nina. Then it was Lily again. Then back to Nina. The old Nina. The one dressed as the White Swan. By the end of the transition Nina wasn't staring at Lily anymore. It wasn't possible…
She was literally staring at the White Swan.
The White Swan that died Opening Night.
In this farewell.
There's no blood.
There's no alibi.
Because I've drawn regret.
From the truth.
Of a thousand lies.
"It's really you…" Nina stares into her weak eyes, the White Swan like a tense chord ready to snap at any moment. Tension was what made the White Swan tick. A beautiful woman teetering on desperation and hope, only to have a feeling that it was going to be all taken away. Nina felt the pain in her old self. The one that was so graceful on stage but so weak and in pain off it. Every movement of the White Swan spoke to Nina…
Am I not good enough?
The White Swan clutched her aching breast.
Why do I hurt myself?
She caresses her own face for comfort.
Do you hate me for being so weak Nina?
She turns to her Nina in a finished pose.
… Why did you kill me Nina?
The ballet crowd erupts in cheers as Nina shook her head to straighten it out, staring as a blurry Lily was in finished position hands extended towards the prince. Nina breathed heavy as she clapped with a hesitant stare, seeing Lily wave at her with a playful wink.
You are really here.
The illusions were back with a fury and Nina tried to keep it together. She just smiled back happy for her friend as she walked to center stage now, prepping her body into first position, her memories of the White Swans movements burned into her mind permanently.
"Alright Nina! Let's go!"
Everyone was on the edge of their seat as Nina did what she was born to do. This was Nina's first steps as the Swan Queen since that night and she wasn't disappointing, nailing every move with the same grace and technique as before. It was slightly different this time though as she seemed to have a quiet confidence… a hope. Before she danced the White Swan it was almost a forgone conclusion of her impending doom. This one… her face… it was sad… but it… wasn't going to give up.
I didn't hate you. And you're not weak.
Nina leapt as high as she could, landing in a twirl, her toes carrying her like she was on a cloud across the prince.
** Nina looks at herself in the mirror, practicing her moves countless times, spinning on her toes. A loud crack makes her wince in pain, crumbling to the floor. She opens her ballet shoes to see blood.**
We had so much pain welled up inside. All we had was dance to let go. You tried so hard. You were such a delicate person but you still gave it your all. Nina turned, swearing she was seeing the White Swan watch her from back stage, looking on with tearful eyes.
"I am sorry you had to die…" Nina whispers quietly as she pushed off into a furious leaping flurry. "B-but I needed to grow. I needed to become the woman I am supposed to be…"
The Prince catches her and twirls her in the air, Nina seeing the White Swan nodding at her with a sorrowful hug of herself.
"I am not ashamed of you…" Nina spoke to herself gingerly. "But please understand that it wasn't worth living like that anymore. It was time to move on."
Nina was prepping for her final spins as she landed on a dime, the motions and moves coming back to her rushing like she was performing the show, everything quiet all around her.
"No one was there to guide us but now there is…" Nina back toed towards where the White Swan was, looking at her broken self, clung together with as much beauty as there was tragedy. "Rest peacefully… you deserve it… it wasn't fair but… you still are me. I will never forget you and you will forever be a part of me."
The White Swan looks at her mirror image… the real her, holding her side where the wound was that killed her. She suddenly breaks a small smile as if she finally felt no pain, looking at Nina… seeing how strong she had become.
"I'm proud of what we've… become… thank you for letting me… rest."
Suddenly the room erupted in a loud cheer just as loud as last time, Nina hearing the group of ballerinas and boys chant her name like it was some sort of rallying cry. She looks over where the White Swan was and sees Lily smiling at her like usual, clapping as well. Her breathing calmed.
"Sayers still gots it." Lily complimented.
Nina just laughed a bit brokenly, closing her eyes as she felt at peace with a side of herself she hadn't seen in so long. She walked back to her position, breathing in pants as she felt the sorrow and pain from those nights… just take flight away. The White Swan within was at rest.
"Lily, Black Swan variation!"
Nina froze as she felt a chill run up her spine as the music shifted to darkness. She almost knew what to expect and didn't want to turn at first. She clenched her fist and gulped, the inevitable two red eyes in the darkness far across the stage looking right at her. The Black Swan walked out to the light, the black costume hugging that pale body like it was alive. The crimson stare of the Black Swan never leaves Nina, almost challenging her, not impressed.
I think you're still the same girl.
Prove to me that you've changed. That you actually learned something.
The Black Swan hissed as she touched her own pale cold body, the Prince circling her like she was an irresistible meal to be had. Nina saw herself touching the prince, stroking him, moving that body in a sensual sway that the prince could not resist. She takes a few steps back as the Prince pulls that limp body towards her, the Black Swan almost popping out to grab Nina herself. The creature leaps out of the prince's hands and strikes a threatening pose, toe pedaling to a stop, her bareback waiting for the Prince to feel.
You told me that you finally understood.
You better not have fucking lied.
The Black Swan coos in the hands of the man she is trying to trick, touching him where he wanted to be touched. Nina gasps as the darkness in her let out a screech that no one else heard, piercing Nina's ears as she backed away. The darkness within was so intimidating. So powerful. So full of rage. So fearless…
So let mercy come.
And wash away.
What I've done.
I'll face myself.
To wash out what I've become.
Erase myself.
And let go of what I've done.
Nina trembled, holding her chest as the Black Swan's stance was taken by her old friend, Lily bowing with a wave. She turns to Nina again with a reassuring smirk, almost to tell her everything is going to be okay.
Are you going to be a coward Nina?
*… I am afraid.*
So you haven't learned anything?
*… But Lily taught me there's nothing wrong with being afraid.*
Nina wasn't fazed by the images as she began bouncing up and down preparing. She heard Thomas yell the words for her to begin and leapt upwards. Nina closed her eyes, letting her breath out, the sensual moves of the Black Swan now her palette. She opened her eyes next, pulling out of the darkness with a strut that only the new self could do, a confident, sensual strut… but one with the understanding of the task at hand. This Black Swan was the sexual creature but it was calculating. It was uncontrolled but… by design.
"I was afraid to let you to the surface because I thought you couldn't be handled…" Nina shot out like an explosion into spins that looked frantic. "I thought you were something that was not… me."
Nina stressed her body into a ball, unleashing a twirling leap as she met with the prince staring at him. She knew she had to seduce him. She had to make him want her. She wanted to do it like last time but for some reason it wasn't feeling the same. She had to close her eyes again for a second closing them tight, trying to find that urge to take this man to the edge.
I can't find it…
Maybe I am no different…
"It's okay…" Nina heard that voice of her strength, slowly opening her eyes.
Lily?
"Seduce me…" Lily stood next to her in all black like a male partner, her new partner in this dance of seduction.
"B-but how…"
"Come on… you want me… seduce me Nina." Lily urged.
Nina looked into her eyes as she nodded with a determination that was always with her. Nina's primal instincts flowed out like a cascading river as she pressed her back into her 'prince', grinding her rear into her. Lily groaned reached out stroking her cheek in encouragement, only to have Nina leap out of her grasp, striking her pose with a face of lust and confidence. Lily smiled almost wickedly, licking her lips as she tried to pursue, Nina slanting across with a spin to her behind, a hand running down Lily's stomach and to her crotch.
"T-that's it…" Lily blushed as she grabbed Nina's body, holding it tightly, dragging her across the floor.
"How are you going to lift me…?" Nina whispers as she swayed her hips into Lily's body, making them both feel like ticking time bombs, wanting to explode in their lust for one another.
"Do you trust me?"
"… Yes I do…"
It was the only words that need be said. Lily smiles as Nina felt herself lifted up high above the air, feeling so weightless, her body so free of anything holding her down. She was being lifted. She was being lifted by her friend that she thought couldn't. It was ridiculous to doubt Lily. The same girl that was her enemy not too long ago was the only thing that held her up for months. The only one that supported her when she couldn't stand on her own.
Will you always be there for me?
Nina lands in a tight spiral, her thighs finishing in between Lily's legs and her hands across her face. They both let out a lustful purr as their bodies were so close… so warm… and so prepared to be taken.
You want something. Go get it and let nothing stand in your way.
You finally get it.
"You'll always be a part of me like my old self." Nina whispers towards the darkness within. "But I'm in control from here on out."
"Nina! BRAVO!" She heard Thomas yell, making her shake out of her trance.
Nina looked back to see her old male partner Rick staring at her with an unusual stare as if this new sexy Nina was an alien. She felt a hardness on her leg, instantly knowing the issue and backing up in a gasp. Nina was extremely red in her face as she looked at him. She was still a little of her old self in that sense. The same man that said he wouldn't "fuck her" to Thomas was convinced. Apparently according to what was going on below his waist that's changed.
"Wow Nina… sexy seductress…" Lily laughed from the back, looking at her so surprised. The Black Swan that was standing there was now gone, again her old friend taking its past with it. Nina tries to cool herself off, feeling quite bashful, knowing what she just did. Everyone was literally blown away regardless. That was more passionate than anything she did Opening Night.
"Alright Nina! Lily! Since there is no partners in the final variation! Together dance side by side, split! Nina inverse!"
"You are doing so great Nina…" Lily walked to center stage meeting Nina at the middle.
"Am… I winning?" Nina seemed the more out of it of the two for sure.
"I hope… so…" Lily said genuinely with a chuckle as she patted Nina low on her back. Nina could only stare with appreciation. No words ever would tell Lily how she felt about her.
You are my perfect friend.
You were my perfect rival.
You will be my perfect lover.
You will always be my perfect… everything.
They began on cue, like mirror images moving to the beat, neither of them back down from the challenge. They gave each other glances of support and care between each motion, pushing each other to limits they didn't even know could be reached. Memories of everything they had gone through floods through their minds. Their first meeting. The bathroom. The night club. The rivalry. The misunderstanding. The realizations. The sex. The drugs. The talks…
"I wouldn't change anything we've done together Lily!" Nina shouted as she spun into the side.
"Me neither!" Lily backed off in the same manner. "Let's finish this the right way okay!"
"Okay!"
Nina and Lily met at the stairway, pushing up it together, moving their hands as if they were propelling themselves up to the heavens. The two Swans stood before the lake they were about to jump, everyone just holding their breaths as the music brought the entire dance to the climax.
In the version of Swan Lake chosen by Thomas the White Swan dies after learning of her prince's betrayal. Long ago Nina read different variations of the ending to the story. Her favorite was when the prince realized he was wrong he chose to die with the White Swan so they could live happily together in heaven.
Together.
"Let's go together alright?" Lily whispers, those pearly eyes flashing. "You're amazing Nina Sayers…"
"Together… we'll always go together I promise." Nina smiled with a tear of happiness in her eyes.
It almost felt like they were hand in hand. They both jumped together as it ended, landing softly on the bed below like they were on the clouds. Nina opened her eyes a feeling of peace running through her body, a sense of calm that she hadn't felt since she was a young child. She opened her eyes to see Lily on top of her, grinning while stroking her face.
"Not bad… Nina." Lily laughed. "Not bad for two skinny little broads huh?"
This is what happiness feels like.
I almost… forgot.
Lily blinked as Nina was in tears, not really replying just looking up. "Hey what's wrong?"
"… Nothing." Nina laughed, wiping her eyes, looking at Lily. "Nothing feels… wrong at all."
"Hehe, come on… let's take our practice bow okay?" Lily wanted to just lay here with Nina all day but knew they had a crowd to appease.
"Whoever wins-"
"Shh… don't worry about that right now." Lily grinned, kissing her cheek. "You're back to doing what you love Nina. That's awesome isn't it?"
I'm no White Swan.
I'm no Black Swan.
I'm a dancer.
I'm Nina Sayers…
"More than awesome." Nina nodded approvingly as they helped one another up, walking out to their peers who seemed quite appreciative of their efforts.
"MARRY ME NINA AND LILY!" One of the boys yelled to laughter.
Nina and Lily just smiled in the center stage, absorbing the claps with quiet bows. It was loud and pleasant. They heard their peer's reaction to their performance and it was clear they won respect. It almost felt like the real show in fact. For the competition as far as they were both concerned… they both won.
- B – B – B –
In the office Lily and Nina both sat in their own chairs, both in silence. Nina hadn't looked up once since they got into the room, waiting for Thomas to come in with the news. She was back to being quiet, almost not wanting to know the results. Lily partly agreed. In fact neither of them really wanted to hear it now. They both did so well. One person wasn't going to be exactly rewarded for it…
Dreams met for one. Dreams broken for another.
"I don't care about this role…" Nina said it unlike her old self. "I only wanted you…"
Lily sighed glancing at Nina up and down like she was a painting that was impossible to figure out. "I know… you did so great Nina."
"Thank you…" Nina just held her head, leaning forward wanting to burst from the anxiety.
"Be honest with me you wanted me to trip and fall didn't you?" Lily accused with a chuckle, an ice breaker.
"… A part of me did." Nina teased back.
"Hello ladies."
Thomas walked in and the silence was now ironically deafening. Nina and Lily could hear the hums in their ears as Thomas sat down at his desk, looking at them both and analyzing his two dancers.
"When I agreed to do this I didn't know what to expect from you both." Thomas seemed to be antsy himself. "I really didn't want to go through this again but for me it felt right and I know Lily wanted to push this." He sighed. "I'm going to cut the bullshit and just tell the one I would choose right now to be my Swan Queen if I had to make a choice."
Lily and Nina held their hands together underneath the desk, holding tightly, looking at one another with hopeful stares.
It will be okay… I promise…
"I would choose Lily…"
Nina heard it almost in slow motion and twitched, Lily looking back into her glare not feeling so much like a winner. Nina let out a deep breath as she felt the loss go into her body. She lost the bet. She lost… Lily.
**"Thomas! What's she doing here? She's supposed to be sick!"**
**"Thomas I've been worried about her! I don't think she's ready to do this… let me just do the Opening Night and she can take the role back. I just want her to be okay!"**
**"Lily it is my decision! Go back to your make up table now!"**
"Congratulations… Lily…" Nina managed to muster up, smiling. "You… deserve it."
"… Nina…" Lily felt a sadness well up in her chest as she watched Nina come up short. She just wanted to hold her so tightly. To support her but Thomas being here wasn't letting her do so.
"Hey now Ms. Sayers." Thomas got her attention quite sternly with that voice. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. It may be blasphemy but you danced perhaps even better than Opening Night."
Better than perfection?
"To be honest I did not make that decision based only on today. Today if I had to choose between you two purely based on this try out? It was a coin flip." He looked over to Lily. "You madame. You have grown since you first came here. You had a monumental task to step into the shoes of a performance that Nina accomplished and you did so with a brave smile."
Lily smirked to herself hearing it from the well-respected choreographer. She was a bit of a ham, waving her hands like she wanted to hear more.
"You came here undisciplined but filled with intangibles and passion and realness." Thomas leaned back. "Now you are as sound as any ballerina I've come across and you single handedly pulled my production for the past month almost flawless. I couldn't take this role away from you."
"I… accomplished all that huh?" Lily never really reflected on what had happened the past months.
"With all the pressure and the increased exposure you passed with flying colors." Thomas reassured. "Doing what Nina did for show after show after show. I know it wasn't easy but you stepped up no matter how much pain you were in."
"I guess I really almost forgot what I was doing for the last month." Lily looked at Thomas and Nina. "When Nina went down… it just was kind of a big blur. Just get the job done right…"
"Nina, please understand that it wasn't anything you did today." Thomas told her again. "You are an amazing woman. The changes I've seen in you are almost not possible to imagine. You're not even a shell of that girl that couldn't lose control anymore."
"… I had… help." Nina turned to Lily with a smile.
"I see." Thomas chuckled to himself as he had a realization between the two that he was pretty sure of.
"Well… thank you Thomas. You helped me as well." Nina turned to him with a shake of her head. "I have no problem keeping Lily as the lead. She deserves it more than anyone else."
"We're not done." Thomas smirked as Nina and Lily froze back in surprise. "I did this version of Swan Lake because I wanted to get back to the basics. To simplify the roles. To have one Swan Queen played by one woman. After today? I don't think that is the simple answer anymore."
"W-what are you saying?" Lily curled her look.
"I am splitting the roles again." Thomas stated with strength. "A Black Swan and a White Swan…"
What? Nina shook her head.
"Huh? You're kidding!" Lily smiled big, turning to Nina instantly nudging her shoulder. "Hey! Are you okay with that?"
Nina just blinked a couple of times looking at them both, too surprised to really answer. "I… I don't want to take away Lily"
"Oh come on Nina! Will you just take a break when it comes your way just one damn time?" Lily urged, holding her hand. "We'll be co-leads! We can dance… together… kind of."
Dance together…
"Well what do you say Nina?" Thomas asked as Nina just stared at them in deep thought. She was running through images of her mind. What did she want? What did she want to do?
This… Nina knew what she wanted.
"I will do this only on two conditions." Nina said with a suddenly strong voice. "Firstly, I want to choreograph a dance with me and Lily on stage at once during the third break. The transition from the White Swan to the Black Swan sections. Secondly? Lily and I will be both the White and Black Swan. These roles are not separate."
"Whoa, what do you have in mind?" Lily blinked.
"Nina uh, that is some tall conditions for someone getting an opportunity here." Thomas crossed his arms.
"If I come back I know for surely that the exposure to the ballet will increase." Nina added. "Sitting back and watching you work Thomas has inspired me. I want to do what you do. And this is a perfect time to do so. Please let me do this. Nothing goes past you. Every choreography I create will have to be accepted by you. Me and Lily already proved we know the current choreography by heart. We can handle a little more."
Thomas laughs to himself, Nina and Lily not knowing mockingly or in fun. "Imagine… this is the same girl who walked into my office months ago all dolled up but couldn't even look me in the eye just for a lead role. Now she's making demands from me."
"Y-you did what?" Lily gasped looking at Nina who blushed shamefully. "You little animal…"
"I uh… I… w-what do you say Thomas?" Nina wanted the subject to change back immediately.
"As long as I get final say on what goes and doesn't I don't see the harm in trying. Your idea for a dual Swan Queen pair intrigues me." Thomas smiled. "Being my assistant for those few weeks makes me tentatively agree Nina. Do not disappoint me by making me regret this."
"Oh my God," Nina couldn't contain herself and leapt off her seat, rushing over and hugging Thomas. "Thank you! Thank you! You don't know what this means to me!"
"Not a problem… now you two Swan Queen's get some rest. We have a big overhaul for the show in the next week." Thomas pulled out his drawer with a chuckle, even he had his spirits brought up from this whole ordeal. What happened today was unprecedented even in his storied career. Even the top dog needed something new to keep the passion alive. Watching Nina's and Lily's stories unfold apparently had softened him… a little bit.
"Didn't you two hear me? Get out of my office. There's not enough hours in the day. Au revoir."
- B – B – B –
Joy.
It couldn't be contained.
Nina and Lily were as high on their spirits as they ever had been, feeling like two teenage girls who just got their first real dates with a hunk or a babe. The bounce to the step was back for both of them. Lily wanted to make a movie called "How Lily Got Her Groove Back" right now.
"Wow, you talking to Thomas like that." Lily walked out hands around Nina's shoulders holding her tight and protectively. "What are you planning for this two Swan Queen thing?"
"I want to tell a story that's personal to me for that one section." Nina looked at the mirrors around her. "When we danced together I felt that we can do something amazing together on stage at once in a real show."
"I'm game for anything." Lily winks at her. "I told you… it would work out."
"There's so much to do. I need to choreograph. I need talk to the stage hands to design some props. I have to talk to Georgina about a costume change…" Nina held her head at the blister she got herself into. This was the world of Thomas Leroy. The one she saw her future as.
"Will you just relax and just celebrate please? You're giving me a headache with this." Lily let her go and stretched. "We're both Swan Queens! Unbelievable!"
"I… I know… but…" Nina gave her a look of not so joyous faces. "Technically you won today… so…"
"Not really. I got a sympathy vote." Lily shrugged. "I'd call it a flat out draw."
"Then what about… us?" Nina asked with a bit of weakness in her voice. How it shifted from Thomas to now talking to Lily was like night and day. Nina still had a weakness for Lily. A big weakness.
"Haha, you want me so bad don't you?" Lily laughed, grabbing her ipod in a smooth snug matter. She made a playful teasing smile. "I'm getting a little nervous about this…"
"W-what are you doing?"
"When I get nervous and get butterflies you remember what I do…" Lily put the earplugs in, the music starting in her head.
"Lily… no… not this again. Not now."
"Candle light and soul forever… a dream of me and you together… say you believe it… say you believe it." Lily sang with much feeling as she walked towards Nina seductively.
"… Lily… will you take off those headphones and-"
Lily put a finger to her lips, silencing her. "Free your mind of doubt and danger. Be for real don't be a stranger. We can achieve it… We can achieve it…"
"Lily! Stop fooling around! I'm being serio-ah!" Nina suddenly felt Lily touch her and feel her up, hands planted on her firm rear, making her lift her toes a bit in an embarrassed gasp.
"Come a little bit closer baby… get it on… get it on… cause tonight? Is the night… when two become one…"
"… Lily… please… just answer me." Nina pleaded.
"I need some love like I never needed love before." Lily giggled back away, dancing with herself now in the most sensual way. "I had a little love. Now I'm back for more. I wanna make love to ya baby. Set your spirit free. It's the only way to be…"
Nina suddenly grabbed the earphones and pulled it out. "Lily… no more!"
"… Sheesh, you are no fun…" Lily suddenly kissed her lips making Nina mmph like a toy. "Just meet me at my house 7:00 tonight alright?"
"But we need to-"
"Look… it's going to be a date okay?" Lily rolled her eyes around the studio. "Isn't that what couples or… pre-couples do normally? Date?"
"I… y-yes… I guess."
"I think that should give you your answer… now I'm going to put my music back on and I'll see you tonight co-Swan Queen." With a whisper to her ear, Lily pulled the earphones back over her head and left how she was always arrives to the studio. She began to hum the melody of the song as Nina kept staring at the girl who plainly had her coiled around those fingers. Just walking away Lily had her enticed.
It was all in the butt Lily told her once.
Happiness was a strange state of mind.
"I can't believe… this." Nina looked around as she saw plenty of reflections of herself with a smile plastered on her face. She touched her burning cheeks and waved excitedly. There was excitement in her. There was hope back inside of her. All that work. All that suffering… she made it through the doubts.
She hears a crack as she looks over to the side seeing reflections of herself that didn't match the others. A Black and White Swan without any make up sat next to one another laughing, looking… friendly. Nina watches them as they were conversing in a silent conversation, slowly turning and looking at their real self through the mirror. They nod approvingly at Nina… waving, slowly fading out like ghosts that had finished their purpose.
"I think we made it didn't we?" Nina whispers to them in remembrance of her ordeals. "… Thank you."
Nina swears she could hear Lily's voice outside ring like a siren. She was just as excited as Nina was.
Silly games that you were playing
Empty words we both were saying
Lets work it out girl.
Lets work it out girl.
Any deal that we endeavor
Girls and girls feel good together
Take it or leave it.
Take it or leave it
Are you as good as I remember baby?
Get it on, Get it on
Cause tonight, is the night.
When 2 become 1…
I need some love like I've never needed love before.
Wanna make love to ya baby…
I had a little love, now I'm back for more.
Wanna make love to ya baby…
Set your spirit free…
It's the only way to be…
A/N: Special thanks to those who support. And the 90s for making such cheesy but lovely music...