Wohoo, another chapter! =) Hope you guys still like to read it!

I´ve posted a Trailer for this on Youtube, my crappy attempt to do one! XD If you want, check it out! =)

They were sitting in front of the Caravan, watching the sunset. Gwen was snuggling into Lance and Morgana was sitting pretty close to Merlin.

He didn´t mind, it was over anyway.

I only need to find a way to deal with it…

The memories of Arthur and him, the happy ones, where ghosting around in his head. They were all there, so close as if he just needed to reach out and he would be able to touch them, to feel them.

Merlin wanted this more than anything, to remember how it felt to touch Arthur. How it felt to be in his arms and to kiss his soft lips. Hearing his own name, whispered into his ear by the prince.

But this all seemed so far away now. It was unattainable to him, he would never be able to feel Arthur like this anymore, his memory was all that Merlin had left and even there he couldn´t remember how it really felt.

"Merlin? Merlin I´m talking to you!" he heard his name and was thrown back into reality.

"W...what?" Merlin looked over to Lance who he assumed had just talked to him.

"I asked if you want a beer or if you prefer the girls drink."

God…coming here wasn´t a good idea at all. Merlin thought,but he had chosen to join them so it was his own fault. This was one of the moments when he felt like a real idiot.

"Girls drink?" he then asked, because he couldn´t think of anything better.

"Red wine." Lance answered and pointed at the glasses the girls were holding in their hands.

"Uhm…I´ll take the beer, thanks." Actually, he didn´t really wanted to drink anything.

But maybe it will help to escape this goddamn mess I have gotten in… he thought and took the bottle Lance was offering.

It wasn´t helping at all, Merlin didn´t feel any dizzy, not even after 3 beers.

When they finally decided to go to bed Merlin wasn´t able to sleep, and it wasn´t only because he had to sleep on the couch. There was one double bed which they had left to Gwen and Lance and two single beds which were occupied by Morgan and Arthur.

Morgan had offered him her bed but Merlin didn´t mind the couch since he knew he wouldn´t sleep much anyway.

Now he was lying there, staring up at the ceiling. Pictures were dancing in front of his eyes, pictures of Arthur, of course.

This is so stupid… he thought. Why am I doing this to myself?

But there was no answer to this question. He couldn´t fight these pictures or his feelings. And there was this one side of him who didn´t wanted to forget Arthur. Although he knew that this was pure torture.

Fuck.

As Arthur´s blue eyes started to appear, Merlin had enough and got up.

"I need some fresh air..." he murmured and opened the caravan door.

"Can´t sleep, hm?" he suddenly heard a voice and almost fell down the two steps he was just about to walk down.

Lance was sitting in a chair and if Merlin wouldn´t have seen him go to bed, he would think that the young boy hadn´t moved at all.

"Sit down." And Merlin sat down. Actually he had planned to go for a walk but he would probably get lost anyway.

Not that Arthur would care… he sighed. But Morgan would, and Gwen.

They sat there in silence for awhile, staring out into the night.

Merlin really tried to think about something to say but it didn´t seem as if something meaningful wanted to come to his mind.

"It´s hard, isn´t it?" he suddenly heard Lance´s voice and turned his head. "But it will be alright."

What is he talking about? The black haired boy was confused.

"Being in love isn´t easy at all, and certainly not if the person you love doesn´t remember."

Merlin´s eyes grew wide within a second and his heartbeat accelerated.

What? How does he…he can´t possibly…

Lance turned his head, smiling at him absently. "I can tell from the way you look at him, you know, and how you interact with Morgan. You didn´t know from the beginning, did you?"

Merlin could only shake his head in shock and disbelief.

"I remembered everything when I saw Gwen for the first time, it seems like this woman is my destiny. But...I really know how you feel, Merlin." Now he was focusing him. "She was with Arthur back then and it broke my heart. But it worked out in the end, just don´t give up!"

Merlin was still shocked that Lance knew.

I can´t believe it… he thought. But why is it that of all people Arthur and Gwen don´t remember?

"Arthur loved you so much Merlin. After he brought you and Morgana´s bodies back to the castle he didn´t talk to anyone for 3 weeks. He then married Gwen, but they were never really happy because all he could think about was you. She wasn´t mad at him, not at all, this was also when we started our affair, and he didn´t even mind."

Merlin felt his eyes filling with tears but he tried to hold them back.

"Just don´t stop trying, ok? It will be all right. And don´t worry, your secrets are safe with me, they´ve always been." With that, Lance got up and disappeared into the caravan, but not without patting Merlin on the shoulder.

The young boy stared out into the night, still feeling the touch of Lance on his shoulder.

I can trust him… that was for sure. But how can I not stop trying if Arthur only gives me looks that I can´t stand?

It was breaking his heart and Merlin couldn´t do anything against it.

He must have fallen asleep, because when Merlin opened his eyes, the sun was already rising. His hands wandered up, massaging his shoulders which hurt from the uncomfortable position he had slept in.

The sunrise was beautiful, the sky was colored in orange and red and for a moment Merlin thought that it may all end up in a good way. Unfortunately this feeling didn´t last very long.

Just don´t stop trying, ok? Lance voice was echoing in his head.

And Merlin didn´t want to stop trying but he didn´t know what to do.

After breakfast, they decided to go to the beach and fly the kites they had found in the caravan.

Gwen and Morgan seemed to have the time of their lives while Arthur was sitting on the blanket they had brought.

Merlin was standing next to Gwen, watching her kite flying up high in the air. Lance was there as well, giving him an encouraging smile from time to time.

This isn´t helping at all…

He gazed at Arthur which didn´t seem to care about him or the kites at all.

Merlin didn´t know what to do, he couldn´t possibly talk to Arthur, he wasn´t even able to get any closer to him. His fear of being rejected kept him right where he was.

"Gwen? Can you help me with my kite?" he heard Morgan shouting across the beach and suddenly Merlin felt the cords of the kite pressed into his hands and Gwen and Lance disappeared into Morgan´s direction.

"What…?"

He was so surprised and inexperienced with it that the kite crashed just a few seconds later.

It came down right next to Lance who startled up.

"So…sorry!" Merlin stuttered and looked helplessly into his friend´s direction.

"No Problem!" and with that Lance grabbed the kite and brought it back up in the air.

Merlin, still not knowing what to do since he had never done this before, just gestured helplessly with his hands and the kite crashed again.

Great… Everything seemed to go wrong these days.

"You really don´t know how to do this, do you?" Merlin´s heart skipped a beat as he suddenly heard Arthur´s voice somewhere near his ear. The blonde had appeared behind him and his presence alone caused Merlin to get goose bumps all over his arms and his back.

"Lance? Could you?" Arthur shouted and Lance turned around, walking a few steps into their direction, bringing up the kite again.

"You have to keep the balance and have an eye on the wind!"

Merlin´s hands were shaking and it wasn´t helping that Arthur was now bringing his arms forward, practically capturing the young boy in between them.

The blonde then covered Merlin´s hands with his and the black haired boy needed to bite his lip in order not to gasp.

This was how it felt. His stomach was doing flips, his heartbeat was a lot faster than usual and his head was spinning because he could not only touch, but smell Arthur. This unmistakable and familiar smell, Merlin had missed it so much.

He closed his eyes to capture all of this, Arthur´s presence, his touch and his smell.

Arthur didn´t know why he had even got up from the blanket, probably because Merlin had looked so helpless with the kite. The blonde had felt this sudden urge to help him.

Right now he wasn´t sure if was regretting that he had touched Merlin or that he had put his hands on the other boy´s.

But…but it feels…so… familiar. And it felt …right?

No this couldn´t be, this was just rubbish!

Suddenly, Merlin leaned back against Arthur´s chest.

God. His hands tightened automatically around Merlin´s and the kite began to shake dangerously. It felt as if an electric shock was going right through Arthur´s whole body.

It took him several seconds to get his mind straight again.

"I…I…well that´s how it works then."

And suddenly Arthur was gone. Merlin could still feel the warmth of his body as the kite crashed once again.