Kids, the universe can have a strange way of turning things around sometimes. You may think you find yourself at the end of one road, but then you look closer, and you find that there's another path there, one that tempts you to walk it. Ultimately, you will. And it'll only be a matter of time until that road brings you to the place you didn't even know you wanted to go.)
(Valentine's Day night, 2015)
Robin adjusted Barney's bow tie as he stared at himself in the mirror.
"A GNB Black Tie Gala?" he said incredulously. "Really? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for suiting up when the circumstances call for it, or when they don't, but a GNB Black Tie Gala? What are they even going to do there?"
"Well, apparently, there'll be drinks, some drawings, and some live music," Robin told him. "That's what Ted said anyway."
Barney's lip curled slightly in a half-sneer. "That's Ted, the guy would be impressed with a chair show."
Robin smiled."Oh, and of course Ted'll show off that new building of his. Which I guess really is why we're going to this in the first place. Huh."
Barney combed his hair with the back of his hand, brushing down some stray strands. "Any food there at least to make this even HALF worth going to?"
"Oh yeah," Robin replied gladly. "Four words: chocolate peanut butter pie."
"Mmm," Barney murmured in delight. If nothing else, those were the words to persuade him, and Robin knew that. Anything dipped in or topped with chocolate and coupled with peanut butter was truly his weakness when it came to food, and Robin well agreed with him on that. Food was the one thing that could make or break any occasion, after all.
"And bacon wrapped steak," Robin added. "Bacon. Wrapped. Steak! Actual heaven on a plate."
Barney nodded contentedly. "So I guess that says it all. We'll hit the party, get free food and drinks, and ditch like we were never there. Challenge accepted!"
"And sneak some out," Robin added. "Secretly.""Nice!"
They high-fived, their excitement now peaking for the event.
They crammed into a limo with the others (Marshall and Lily, more accurately, since Ted and Tracy were already at the event), and were greeted by none other than Ranjit.
"Helloo!" he greeted them in his normal sing-songy voice as they stepped in.
"To the GNB Gala!" Robin declared excitedly.
"To the GNB Gala!" Ranjit echoed.
Marshall was dressed in a black tux alike to Barney's, and Lily a silky red couldn't help his eyes from wandering when he sat down next to her.
"Barney!" she reprimanded him. "No! Bad boy!"
"What?" he whined. "You're wearing a low-cut dress. Come on. You know the old saying, Lil. If your boobies are a-showin', my-"
"I don't want to hear it," she cut him off.
"Yeah, dude, it's not a free-for-all peep show, you should know that by now," Marshall said. "You don't see me ogling Robin's boobs like some creepy jealous pervert. It's because I respect her."
Robin smiled. "Aw, thank you."
"And because I have Lily, right here, and her boobs are the only ones for me."
Lily, too, smiled.
"Love you too, Marshall," she said, placing her hand on his knee.
"I think I'm gonna puke," Barney commented sarcastically. He stared out the window at the passing scenery. The streets were busy with bustling nightlife, the cafes, bars, and restaurants all filled with people, many of which were likely couples. It made him wish that he and Robin were out, together, on some type of awesome date that involved laser tag, a good dinner and a few drinks, and later some good ol' Valentine's Day shagging. The latter sounded especially nice.
He looked over at Robin, who was talking to Lily at the moment, but tuned her out. He instead focused on how beautiful she looked right now, her curly, lustrous brown hair tied up and adorned with a crystal blue hair clip, her smile, her dress…that elegant, tight-fitting black dress that she wore, which accentuated each curve and the form of her body perfectly. She looked downright sexy, more so than he had seen her in a while. Not that she didn't always look good, but tonight, the sight of her was filling him up with a strong desire that was nearly unbearable.
Then, he came to, realizing that he was with Marshall and Lily, and that all night, he would be in the company of a large crowd. That he and Robin wouldn't have time to sneak anything more than a quick kiss in. God. How frustrating. He bit his bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood, then let out a long sigh. Tonight was going to be a long night.
They arrived at the gala shortly.
"First thing's first, we're finding food," Barney stated, clapping his hands together. "Then, after we've eaten, we're going home. Plan?"
"No, you're not, you're going to stay to hear Ted's Inspiration Speech," Lily said. Barney cocked his head. "Inspiration speech?"
"Yeah, didn't he tell you?" Marshall asked. "He'll be delivering a two hour speech on why he decided to build the Aero Tower, you know, all of his motivation and stuff that went into it!"
Barney rolled his eyes. "Oy vey," both he and Robin muttered.
"It won't kill you guys," Lily told them.
"Ha," Barney laughed dryly. "It'll only feel like it then?"
Lily stared at him, unimpressed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Though, maybe if I faked a heart attack-"
"Barney!" she snapped.
"Okay, okay, I won't fake a heart attack!"
Just then, an elegantly dressed waiter walked by, carrying on his tray a few plates of mini sandwiches.
"But really though. Food first," Barney said. "I have been starving myself for this event for days. Well, actually, I just haven't eaten today, but it's felt like days, it really has." He placed a hand on his stomach. He stopped another waiter and grabbed he and Robin a glass of champagne.
"Speaking of Ted, where is he?" Robin asked, looking around the crowd.
"He's hosting a panel right now," a sudden voice interjected. It was Tracy, who emerged from the cluster of people, glass of champagne in hand.
"Tracy!" Marshall exclaimed happily when he saw her.
"Yup, my ol' Teddy boy's really done it," she continued. "He's developed and gotten built the third building in this city. I don't know how he does it, but I'll tell you, I am so freakin proud of him."
"He's hosting a panel?" Barney questioned.
"Oh, no, not really, but I told him he should have," Tracy said. "Apparently he didn't want it to seem like he was God. Between that and the speech I mean. A lot of human beings just can't accomplish that much in such a short span of time. But…he really should have." She nodded wistfully.
As Tracy was taking to Marshall and Lily, bragging on Ted, Barney and Robin had disappeared into the crowd until they managed to locate the food bar, which was, at the moment, lined with delicious looking hors de'ouvres of all sorts. Barney grabbed a chunk of some type of bread and dunked it into a bowl of rich pesto, then ate it quickly and eagerly.
"Dude, this party already sucks," Robin told him. "There's only one thing we can do to make it not suck…" Barney finished chewing, then, at the same time, he and Robin both said, "We should totally drink ourselves into a stupor until we're too drunk to do anything else and we get kicked out of the party for it!" They turned to each other. "Awww!"
Giggling like a schoolgirl, Robin picked up a large bottle of wine and filled both she and Barney's glasses.
"To our awesomeness and to trying our best to avoid lame parties," Barney declared, a mischievous smile on his face, and he and Robin toasted with a clink of their glasses.
(Several drinks later…)
"Ladies and gentlemen!" a loud, familiar voice boomed over the speakers. "Gentlemen and ladies. People…of New York. Any aliens in the crowd? Marshall said there might be aliens."
"Oh crap, Ted's up," Robin alerted Barney, who, when startled, slopped the liquid from his mouth, then tapping him on the shoulder. "Come on!"
"Show of hands, who's an alien?" Ted continued. "No one? Good to know."
Barney and Robin stumbled through the barrage of people, now drunker than before, but only slightly at the moment, the alcohol having not yet taken full control of their bodies. They took a seat at one of the front tables, and Robin brushed a fallen hair out of her eyes, her bun now starting to come undone.
"Well, I'm assuming you're all here tonight because you want to congratulate me on the Aero Tower," Ted continued. "And if so, I very much appreciate your coming."
As he spoke, Barney kicked Robin's foot from under the table. She glared at him angrily, then turned her attention back to Ted. He seemed to be yammering on and on. Barney ran his fingers through his hair, bored out of his wits. He looked over at Robin again. Crap she's hot. Hotter than usual. At this point, Barney had put all remaining logic aside. He had to do it. He had to get out of here. Now. Gently, he reached under the table and placed his hand on Robin's leg, feeling her soft, silky skin at his fingertips.
He rubbed it gently, knowing what was just the thing to get her going. She turned to him, her eyes icy, lust filled- it was working- and he winked at her.
After a few more minutes of that, she could take it no longer. The two excused themselves from the table, undetected by the rest of the crowd and Ted himself, and rushed off together down the halls of the building. They needed somewhere to go, somewhere private. The bathroom. It wasn't the choice option, maybe, but here, it was pretty classy- classier than MacLaren's, and the two only knew how many times they'd done the dirty in there. They rushed through the doors of the men's room and closed it urgently behind them.
"Barney, I am going to kill you," Robin told him, breathless from the kissing she had forced herself to pull away from.
"No you're not, I saved both of us from that lame-ass speech back there," Barney retorted sassily as he undid his tie quickly, the silk slipping between his fingers. "Thank me later."
Robin aided him in undressing, unbuttoning his white dress shirt as fast as she could, tempted to bite the collar of his shirt and pull it off, as he did the same for her, untying the sash of her dress precisely but with urgency.
"You jerk," she panted, her voice teasing. "If Ted knew about this, we'd both be dead."
Barney undid his belt buckle. "Ted doesn't need to know. Haven't I told you the old magician's saying? What you don't see behind the curtains, you don't need to see." He winked again.
Robin was breathless. "You're right. Get over here." She grabbed him, pulling him to her. The scent of booze still lingered on his breath- the light, sugary smell of marshmallow vodka.
When this was all over, they would no doubt drink more and bring their plan to fruition, but right now, they were still tipsy enough to have fun. He had her pressed to the stall of the bathroom before she knew it, which creaked with each vibration their bodies sent into it. He was good- too good. She hoped desperately that no one would walk in, but if they did, well…that was the last thing on her mind anyway.
They finished in a sufficient amount of time as Barney's body finally weakened, Robin's fingers dug into his muscular chest as she struggled catch her breath. She pulled herself away from him, finally, her own heart pounding against the inside of her chest. The taste of him was still fresh on the tip of her tongue after they finished, sweet, mild, and mellow, like vanilla buttercream. The fact that "it wasn't really the time" couldn't have mattered less than it did now. Then, the last sound either of them expected to hear could be heard- the slow but sure creaking of the door, opening.
"Crap!" Robin exclaimed in a whisper. "Someone's coming in!"
"Ssshhh!" Barney hushed. He barely had time to process what was happening, or say much in response, his body still slick with perspiration, breaths still coming hot and short.
"Barney, are you in here?" The two exchanged awkward looks. Worst of all? It was Marshall.
Barney cleared his throat, then choked out a deep, gruff voice. "There's no Barney in here!"
"Oh, okay, just checking!" The door closed. He had fallen for it, like a rabbit to a trap.
Barney let out a sigh of relief. "That was close," he breathed out. "Can you imagine if we would have gotten caught?"
"Ugh, I know," Robin agreed. "Though it wouldn't have been the first time."
Barney nodded. "Guess we better get back out there, huh?"
"Guess so, Mr. Scherbatsky. If you're ready." One look at Robin, and Barney had decided that he indeed was not, truly. But he was exhausted, and it wouldn't be long before Ted would come looking.
He sighed. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be."
By the time they had gotten back to the dining area, Ted's speech was over. When he and Tracy saw the two, they immediately greeted them. "Hey, where were you guys?" Ted asked.
"Traffic jam," Barney lied.
"Yeah, that," Robin agreed.
"And what's up with your hair?" Ted inquired, as Barney's was now quite scruffier than before, and Robin's had its own fair share of flyaways.
"It was windy," Barney told him.
Tracy eyed them oddly. "But you guys were just here?"
"Don't be so naïve," Lily interjected. "I know what they did." She stared at Barney in particular, her green eyes locked on his blue ones. "They went to the food bar! Of course!"
It took Barney a minute so say anything. "Right! You should try the garlic bread and pesto. Mmm." He rubbed his stomach delightedly.
"Or the bacon wrapped steak," Robin added. "Heaven on a plate!"
"Totally!" Barney agreed, smiling widely.
Tracy nodded. "You know, that does sound good."
"It does," Ted replied.
Just then, Marshall barreled in. "Guys! They have chocolate peanut butter pie!"
Barney snarled at realizing he'd forgotten about that, guessing at the possibility that he'd probably missed his chance at getting any.
"So how do some good hors de'ouvres sound?" Ted asked the others.
"Awesome, let's hit the food bar!" Tracy responded, and arm in arm, the couple, along with Marshall and Lily, headed back through the crowd and to the food.
The coast was clear for Barney and Robin, at least for now. They took two more glasses of champagne from a passing waiter, and chugged them simultaneously.
The two were taking a separate cab on the way home, and they piled in one after the other. Now they had reached their goal of drunkenness.
"What a party," Barney panted.
"Best party ever!" Robin replied in her overexcited drunk voice.
"Yeah, Aero Tower! Yay Ted Mosby!" Barney laughed. "I haven't had this much fun since I was like…like a year ago!" he slurred nonsensically, smiling.
"I know!" Robin agreed. "Me too! You just get it!"
"We should do this *hic* every night," Barney told her, unable to hold back his hiccups any longer, which were coming more frequently now. "Robin?"
"What?" "I had a super *hic* legen-wait for it…legendary night tonight," he told her. "Happy Valentine's Day." He smiled warmly at her.
"You too, Mr. Scherbatsky," she replied, leaning in and kissing him.
(Valentine's Day, 2016)
The day had finally come that Ted had successfully had a building built in Argentina, one that had been in developments for years now, a hotel off the coast that was loosely based on the Farhampton Inn, where some of his best memories had been made.
Barney and Robin were visiting at the time, staying at another hotel nearby. The sunlight of morning was shining brightly through the window, onto their sleeping faces. Barney's eyes opened slowly. His head was throbbing with what felt like the hangover of a lifetime…how much did he drink last night? The light only made it so much worse, and he could remember absolutely nothing of the previous night as well. Robin was slowly waking up next to him, and the moment her eyes even slightly started to open, she was greeted by the incessant alarm of a crying baby.
"Great…" She muttered.
"Want me to get her?" Barney asked, stifling a yawn.
"No, I'm fine," she responded. She gently lifted the baby from its crib, hushing it to calm it down. Then she realized that it wasn't theres. In a few minutes, a lady had rushed into the room, grabbed the baby, and hurriedly ushered the two out, yelling angry words and obscenities in foreign at them as they fled out the door.
"Geez Louise, was that really necessary?" Barney asked, his head still pounding. "Oh! Right! We're the room across from that one!"
He opened the door of the room opposite to the one they'd just been evicted from, and immediately went to scoop up their baby, Ellie, from her crib. "Whew! Uh, Ellie needs her diaper changed!" he commented loudly, holding the baby away from him.
"It's your turn, I did it last," Robin retorted.
"Nuh-uh, I did it last!" Barney argued.
"Barney, we've been keeping a literal chart, are you blind? Seriously!"
"Aw crap. Pun not intended." He reluctantly sat down, laying the baby on his lap and taking off her diaper.
"I hate you," he told Robin teasingly, who only shrugged. As he changed her, looking absolutely horrified and hoping to God that she wouldn't get his pants dirty again, he said, "Can you believe it's been a year?"
"A year," Robin echoed. "That doesn't seem right, somehow."
"One year ago," Barney continued. "When we were at that lame party of Ted's, remember? We wanted to get drunk and we couldn't keep our hands off each other, so we snuck off into the bathroom and did it."
Robin smiled. "Ah, those were the days."
"And…we made her!" Barney finished. "We made this cute lil' thing right here. Geez, how cliche is conceiving a baby on Valentine's Day?"
She snorted. "So cliche! I mean, come on, we could have conceived her on like, Christmas, or Halloween, but Valentines Day?"
"Yeah, even President's Day would have been better than that!" Barney added playfully. He looked down lovingly at his child. "But…here she is. Ellie Valentine Stinson," he said, a warm smile forming on his face.
"Ellie Valentine Stinson/Scherbatsky," Robin corrected him.
"Don't push it." Just then, Barney's phone buzzed. "Ugh, it's time to go," he said.
Robin sighed loudly. "Can't we just tell Ted that we have the hangover of a lifetime and we can't make it?"
Barney yawned. "We could, but I doubt he'll let us get by that easily."
"Or…," Robin said. Before Barney could do anything otherwise, she grabbed the phone out of his hands, and quickly texted Ted, "We have the hangover of a lifetime and can't make it. Oops. Sorry! Love from Mr. Legen and Mrs. Dary."
After sending it, she handed the phone back to Barney. "You're welcome," she said.
He smiled. "I love you so freaking much," he told her. "You too." They kissed, Ellie between them. "Now can we go back to bed?"
"God, yes, please." They headed into the bedroom, Ellie still in their arms. Ellie, their unexpected but miraculous baby. Ellie Valentine Stinson/Scherbatsky. The two fell asleep shortly, their daughter cradled in Barney's arms, Robin's head resting on his chest. They even slept through the buzzing of Barney's phone…