The Big O and all of its settings and characters are owned by Bandai Visual, Sunrise, and Cartoon Network.

THE BIG O:

ACT 32

SEIZE THE DAY

Chapter Ten: Intimacy

"Roger?" Dorothy's quiet voice spoke from the darkness. "Wake up. You're having a nightmare."

Roger opened his eyes. It was dark. Rain was pounding on the window. Roger was in bed, back in his room on the top floor of the Smith Tower. What time was it? It must have been the middle of the night. He sat up, tried to talk, made some sputtering noises instead and rubbed his eyes.

A beam of light blinded Roger momentarily before moving off to his left. Dorothy's lily white hand turned on the table lamp on the little table near his bed and the girl was revealed to Roger's bleary eyes.

Roger's eyes didn't remain bleary for long.

Dorothy Wayneright was wearing a black slip nightgown that was held on her body by two fragile spaghetti straps. To Roger's eyes, she looked almost naked. It didn't even cover her thighs. Fortunately, the image of innocent sexuality was marred by the rectangular gap in her head where her barrette had rose out to expose her memory drive and the halogen lamp behind it. The black barrette lowered itself into her bangs as she turned to face Roger. "Are you all right?" she asked as she turned to give him a full view of the way the slip fit her delicate curves.

Roger nodded dumbly despite the little voice in his head that kept saying 'Don't stare! Don't stare!' He shook his head to clear it and noticed the mattress tilting as Dorothy opened the blankets and slid into bed with him. Now he was awake and didn't even need his coffee. "R Dorothy Wayneright!" he bellowed as he jumped out of bed. "What are do you think you're doing? What is the meaning of invading my privacy like this?"

"You need me," Dorothy said as she slid out of the bed and gently grasped Roger's shoulders. "You want me. You're alone, and I'm here for you."

"Well uh… I'm not a child…" he muttered, his indignation extinguished by Dorothy's caresses. "I uh… what are you doing?" he asked as she rubbed his chest and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"I'm here for you Roger," she said softly. "You don't have to be alone anymore."

"Er ah… Dorothy," he blushed as he gently removed her hands from his person. "This isn't appropriate…"

"I won't tell anyone," she sighed as her hands ran up his arms.

Roger's cheeks were burning now. "Dorothy you don't know what you're doing." He wriggled out of her grasp but she continued to follow him as he backed away. He darted away from her and put the bed between them.

"Yes I do," Dorothy nodded as she crawled across the bed towards him. From that angle Roger could look down her nightgown and saw more of sweet little Dorothy than he intended to. "I love you. And I think that deep down you love me. And I don't want you to be alone. I want to be with you. You're having nightmares because you're so alone…" She had moved off the bed and seized his shoulders to pull him close to her.

"I… I'm fine," he stammered as he pulled her hands away. They held each other's hands as they squirmed and maneuvered for position. It was as if they were engaged in an awkward yet sensual dance. "Believe me, I'm fine! I just need more sleep that's all and maybe I should watch what I eat before I go to bed…"

"I need you Roger Smith, and you need me too," she said as she pressed his body up against the wall. "Please Roger, you need this, and so do I. I love you… Don't you want to be with me?"

"Dorothy you're not even two!" Roger said as he wriggled out of her grasp and found himself back on the bed. "You're just kid, you don't even know what you want yet! How could I possibly take advantage of you?"

"But you love me don't you?" Dorothy pouted. "You're in love with me aren't you?"

"Yes I'm in love with you but I can't…"

"But you want to don't you?" She asked as she crawled on top of him.

"Yeah, I want to put a bullet in Beck's head too," Roger growled as he seized her shoulders and pushed her off him. "That doesn't mean I'm going to do it! There are some lines I just won't cross Dorothy," he added as he struggled to slip out of her grasp. "So many horrible things have happened to you in such a short time already. I can't let myself be one of them. You understand that, don't you?"

"'So many horrible things have happened to me already'?" Dorothy's voice repeated from across the room. "I had no idea you had those kinds of issues Roger Smith."

Roger looked over Dorothy's naked shoulder to see… Dorothy Wayneright! A second Dorothy Wayneright wearing a black bathrobe was in the doorway leading out to the parlor.

"How…?" He stared at the Dorothy in his arms before rolling so that he was on top. He pushed away from her and staggered backwards so he could see both Dorothys at once.

"I had no idea you had such feelings for me," the Dorothy in the doorway seemed almost amused.

"Roger, hold me," the Dorothy on the bed begged him.

"It's alright, she's not real," the Dorothy in the doorway said as she entered the room. "If it helps, she's just the product of your perverted imagination."

"Dorothy! I…!" he rubbed his eyes before looking back at them. There was only one Dorothy now, and she was wearing her reddish black dress with the white cuffs and jabot now. "What's happening? What's going on?"

"You're still asleep Roger, this is all just a dream," Dorothy told him. She walked over to the closet and got out his slippers and bathrobe. "If you're ready we can talk about it. Unless you want to continue where you left off?"

"That… won't be necessary Dorothy," Roger blushed, unsure if he should be relieved or disappointed. He decided to settle on being confused. "What's going on?"

"You're dreaming," Dorothy repeated as she handed him his bathrobe. "And you're a little hard of hearing apparently."

"You sure seem like the real Dorothy," Roger frowned as he shrugged into the robe.

"That's because I am the real Dorothy," the redhead replied as she handed him his slippers. "Unless you've decided that I'm your inner voice or something."

"No let's just pretend you're the real Dorothy for now," Roger sighed as he sat on his bed to put his slippers on.

"Then let's take up where we left off," Dorothy said as she sat down in a chair.

Roger blinked. Dorothy's dress had vanished to be replaced by a silky black slip.

"I meant your concern that you might be a copy of someone who lived before," Dorothy explained, crossing her naked legs.

Roger rubbed his eyes. Dorothy was back in her reddish black dress again.

"I apologize for leaving," Dorothy looked away. "I suppose that I'm too close to the problem, and it affects me personally. It would seem that we have more in common than we realized, despite the fact that you're human and I'm an android."

"We both don't know if we're real," Roger nodded glumly. "Am I the real Roger Smith or just a copy? Are you the real Dorothy Wayneright?"

"Why are my Memories capable of operating a megadeus?" Dorothy added.

"Are these Memories really mine or do they not belong to me?" Roger continued.

"Am I truly capable of love?" Dorothy prompted with a shy smile. "So Roger is it true? Are you really in love with me?"

"That's hitting below the belt Dorothy," Roger protested.

"You're right, I'm putting my interests before yours," Dorothy admitted. "Still you seemed to be working through that question when I arrived. Can you answer it? Just for your own sake if no one else's."

"I dunno," Roger rubbed his eyes. "I don't want to love you that way. You're so young. You can't be more than two years old. That's underage in anybody's book."

"But are you in love with me anyway, Roger Smith?" Dorothy asked hopefully.

Roger looked down at his feet. "Yes."

Dorothy put her hands over her mouth to stifle a nervous giggle. "My second laugh," she blushed. "This one is so much better."

"Do you love me Dorothy?" Roger asked with a gentle smile.

"Yes, but I don't want to scare you," Dorothy grinned indulgently.

"Scare me?" Roger frowned. "The idea of you being in love with me doesn't scare me," he said indignantly.

"Yes it does it terrifies you," Dorothy scolded. "When I told you I was in love with you you had a megadeus kidnap me and step on you. It was pathetic."

"Pathetic?" Roger protested. "From my point of view it was terrifying."

"Or are you afraid to love anyone at all Roger Smith?" Dorothy asked softly. "Are you afraid that if you admit you love someone, they'll be taken away from you?"

"I…" Roger's eyes were stinging. He brushed a tear out of his eye and stared at his hand in surprise. "You're… you're right Dorothy! Deep down I'm convinced that if I fall in love with someone they'll be taken away from me. You're right. I opened myself up to Angel because…"

"You knew that one day she would disappear without warning," Dorothy finished. "Because you knew that one day you would lose her a part of you instinctively decided that you two were meant to be. We always want what we can't have."

"Even androids?" Roger smiled wryly at her.

"At least this android," Dorothy admitted. "I can't speak for the other ones."

He smiled sheepishly at her. "What did you say the anima did again?"

"It opens you up emotionally," Dorothy smiled.

"You're doing a great job of that," he winked.

"Yes," Dorothy blushed and fidgeted in her chair. "This is very empowering. You're sure you don't remember your dreams very well?"

"Dorothy, what are you up to?" Roger's voice had a playful scold.

"It's occurred to me that this is an opportune time to open up to you, for you won't remember what I told you later," Dorothy said with a guilty smile.

"You don't have an ulterior motive do you?" Roger asked skeptically. "Like planting ideas in my dreams so you can influence my waking behavior would you?"

"Like I said, it's tempting to put my interests before your own," Dorothy admitted. "Still it might help you to realize that you're not alone. In many ways I face the same predicament that you do. I'm trying to find my identity."

"Not easy is it?" Roger nodded.

"It isn't," Dorothy agreed. "People are quick to put a label on you, but you don't know if it's accurate and you have to challenge it. For example, I'm an android. Do I have a soul? Am I truly alive? Should I have the rights of a human being?"

"Should you?" Roger prodded.

"I think I should," Dorothy nodded, "but of course I'm biased. Do I have the right to love you? It's not like I can bear children. Am I imposing on you by daring to become a bigger part of your life?"

"If it helps the idea of children scares me," Roger laughed. "The only reason I let you stay is because you're so mature."

"And I'm impressively well built," she added. "We must talk like this sometime when you're awake."

"That's right," Roger nodded. "I'm asleep. Did you get anything else out of that psychiatry book you were reading? Or if all of this is a dream is there anything I read somewhere that I could remember through you?"

"It was a confusing book about archetypes and the collective unconscious," Dorothy said. "It hypothesized that the human mind has a number of symbolic archetypes within that it uses define its individuality. The three most prominent at this stage of your life are the persona, the shadow and the anima."

"The persona?" Roger prodded.

"The mask that protects us from our negative self-images," Dorothy explained. "The part of ourselves that represents who we believe ourselves to be, not necessarily who we are."

"Roger the Negotiator," Roger sighed. "That's the mask that represents who I believe myself to be, whether it's true or not. You told me what the anima is, my feminine side who wants to put me in touch with my feelings. So what is the shadow? It sounds very sinister."

"The shadow aspect is a part of the unconscious mind consisting of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and instincts," Dorothy said. "It is the part of the self that the conscious mind doesn't want to accept as part of itself."

"The 'dark side' of the mind," Roger nodded.

"Everyone would theoretically perceive their shadow as evil," Dorothy shrugged. "It is the part of your mind that you're ashamed of. The part of your identity that you refuse to admit is part of you. There are other psychological archetypes but those are the three I best understand."

"Or are they the three I best understand?" Roger sighed. "It could be that I'm alone and just talking to myself."

"At least you're getting in touch with your feelings Roger Smith," Dorothy said hopefully. "If I'm not real, hopefully I'm a positive aspect to your personality."

"What happened to me?" Roger asked. "Why haven't I woke up yet? Why am I having these crazy dreams?"

"I can only speculate but my guess is that it has something to do with that monster we encountered at Dinosaur Lodge," Dorothy suggested. "It invaded your thoughts and you asked Big O to help you. Big O responded by entering your mind and deleting all mental engrams that were foreign to your psyche. The problem is that you're still wounded, psychically. If you had been shot it would be as if Big O removed the bullets but didn't know how to stitch up the holes. Your mind is a jumble trying to put itself back together now that the structures that used to make up your identity have been damaged."

"And I've got a lot of crazy stuff in my head that's been brought to the surface," Roger nodded. "All those twisted Memories have been torn lose and they're floating through my noggin like confetti on New Year's Eve, clogging up the works of what used to be my mind. I'm too messed up to have my brain scrambled like I did."

"Part of the trouble could be that you have so much willpower," Dorothy suggested.

"What do you mean by that?" Roger asked.

"I think that your will is so strong that it's affecting your body," Dorothy clarified. "You refuse to accept reality until you know what reality is so you remain in your dream world until you can make a decision."

"The human mind doesn't work like that Dorothy," Roger scoffed. "The body doesn't work like that either."

"It was only a guess," Dorothy shrugged. "The book was about self-realization. It warned that if a person doesn't proceed towards self-knowledge neurotic symptoms may arise. I'm over simplifying…"

"How do I gain self-knowledge when I don't know what Memories are mine?" Roger asked. "We're between a rock and a hard place."

"The book suggested exploring and integrating the disowned parts of your identity," Dorothy said. "Right now you seem to be exploring your feminine side and getting in touch with your feelings. Do you want to kiss me?"

"Yes," Roger blushed and looked away.

"Perhaps you should accept and explore your feelings for me," Dorothy smiled gently. "I may only be in your mind but once you stop denying me you'll be able to move on to your next challenge."

"And if you're the real Dorothy Wayneright?" Roger asked with a knowing grin.

Dorothy smiled back. "Then I'll be able to move on to my next challenge also."

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Roger's hand picks up the receiver and a sinister voice says:

Next: Beside Myself