Chapter 10

Rape

How many times had I been told about it? Way
too many, that was for sure. I had had a sit down
talk with Sora a little before he died. It wasn't
awkward at all. People talk about the "sex talk"
with their parents being awkward. But with Sora
it wasn't. He just told me that I needed to watch
out for scary guys who might want to do things to
me. I was so grateful at the time that I had someone
to watch out for me like my brother that I promised
him right away that I would. But for some reason,
when I came here, I somehow forgot that and let

Ulquiorra

just walk in and…take me. I felt disgusting. Sora had
known – stay away from scary guys. Didn't Ulquiorra
qualify as "scary"? Yes, of course he did! He was the
scariest guy I had ever met. Was his sexual appeal so
much that I just couldn't keep away? Was my willpower
really that weak? Or was it something else? Did I let him
do it? Was I really that weak? Why did he do it, anyway?
Was I just raped for revenge? No, couldn't be…could it?
I couldn't even fathom that. Did he do it out of anger? Did
someone say something to him that set him off? What
was he trying to prove? Because no girl – no being

deserves

to be violated in that way. That's what he had done – he
had violated me, violated my body, my mind, my soul –
and he was going to get away with it. And that was the
biggest thing – Ulquiorra wouldn't pay for what he had
done to me. He was an Arrancar, for Kami's sake. And not
only that, but he was an Espada – the cuarto Espada. Did
he think it was some kind of honor to get "treated" by
someone as powerful as him? Did he think that I was glad
or grateful? Honored that he was the one to take my innocence?
If this was the case, I would be happy to set him straight. I
was not honored. I was not happy or pleased that I'd been used

to

please that disgusting man. What I was, was angry –
no, not even that. I was shocked. Not at his behavior,
I should have expected that from a powerful being
like him. I was shocked that I could ever have loved
him. I had the perfect man in front of me – my Ichigo.
I just got so tired of waiting for him. I felt like a
flower that someone had picked the petals off of –
he loves me, he loves me not style – and then left
on the ground, petals scattered and stem browning,
waiting for the wind to come around so that I could

die.