Chapter 10 – Turmoil
Thumping footfalls ring off the walls of Crocus as two ice mages course swiftly through the streets, each striving to reach their target before the other. While Lyon runs down the same path as Juvia, Gray goes a different route to cut her off.
Not caring that he's technically cheating, Gray rockets himself forward by shooting ice from the bottom of his feet. At the next intersection, he banks left and reaches the corner of Juvia's street, waiting in the shadows for her to arrive. He is starting to worry that she has already passed when he hears her agile footsteps approaching. Before she can run by him, he snatches her off the main road and into the alleyway, covering her mouth to stifle her cry of surprise.
"Shh, it's me!" He whispers in her ear and presses her against the wall away from the moonlit pavement. Deep blue eyes gleam curiously at him in the darkness, but Juvia does not struggle against his hold. A streak of silver rushes by shortly thereafter, not noticing the huddled figures in the adjacent alley. Gray waits until Lyon's footsteps fade in the distance before uncovering Juvia's mouth, belatedly realizing he's been acting like a deranged kidnapper. Even so, he feels satisfied after successfully getting the water mage alone.
The moon beams hauntingly down at them, casting enchanting shades of silver light and cobalt shadow. It is late enough that the residents of Crocus have retreated for the night. All is silent, save for the soft rustle of the evening breeze as it plays quietly with their hair.
"Gray-sama?" Juvia inquires, forgetting to drop the honorific in her confusion.
Perhaps it is the safety of darkness. Or the fact that there is no Lyon, no Fairy Tail, nobody around to pry into this moment. Perhaps it is the way starlight reflects in her eyes, the feel of her body pressed against his, her delicate scent lingering in the air. Or maybe Gray is finally tired of hiding his heart behind a wall of ice, always careful, always calculating.
Tonight he throws caution to the wind and just wants to feel.
Almost as if in a trance, he cups Juvia's face and tenderly caresses her cheek with the pad of his thumb. It's even softer than he remembered it.
"Juvia," his voice is deep and husky against the shell of her ear, sending tremors running down her body. Juvia doesn't understand what's happening. Gray should be with Lyon. So why is he pinning her against a wall, half-naked, touching her, whispering in her ear— being so damn sensual? If this goes on, she thinks her heart might explode.
"My feelings aren't for Lyon." He pulls back just enough to rest his forehead against hers. "They're only for you." With one arm propped against the wall and the other hand securing her face, he effectively cages her in with his body, ensuring she can look at him and only him.
Juvia wonders if she's dreaming. Her knees feel weak and she is drowning in the fathomless abyss of Gray's eyes, his warm touch gentle yet simmering with latent power while his masculine aroma permeates her senses.
"But you said you only love Juvia as nakama." She manages to voice through the mesmerizing haze clouding her mind.
She feels, rather than hears, the rumbling chuckle that reverberates through Gray's chest. He brings his face so close to hers that all she can make out is the curve of his cheekbone framed by raven black hair.
"I lied." His breath tickles her mouth, and the next thing she feels is something hot and moist pressed against her lips.
Her world explodes. She's burning and melting at the same time, knees buckling, hands grasping clumsily at Gray in an effort to keep herself upright. Her eyes close instinctively, heart beating so intensely it almost hurts with pleasure. Every nerve in her body goes into frenzy, dizzy with desire, picking up every nuance of touch—every sensation available. She can't suppress the mewl of craving that escapes her throat, and Gray heatedly pulls her flush against his body as he daringly runs his tongue along her lips. She nearly faints from sensory overload.
Why are ice mages so hot?
Memories of another ice mage struggle to be noticed through the thick fog of passion.
Bluebells. A steadily beating heart. Strong arms and a well-muscled chest. The color of the moon. A comforting embrace warm enough to save her even in her darkest hour.
Lyon.
It is as if someone has thrown her into the frigid waters of a glacial ocean. Her eyes snap open. This is wrong.
And Juvia does something she never thought possible; she pushes Gray away.
Chest heaving, limbs shaking, lips quivering, she stares unsteadily at him. He looks as surprised by her as she is by herself.
"S-sorry… I guess I got carried away." He begins to apologize, trying to compose himself and calm the scorching desire that still grips his heart. It proves more difficult than expected, especially when he can still feel the lingering tingle of Juvia's plush lips.
"That's not it." Juvia's gaze drifts to the cobblestone path awash with liquid moonshine. "Juvia would have enjoyed it, but… why now?"
Why now, when she has been chasing after him for so long? Why now, when she is finally letting go? Why now, when she is developing feelings for Lyon?
"I…" Gray isn't sure how to respond, so he blurts the first thing that enters his head. "I didn't want to lose you to Lyon."
Almost as soon as the words exit his mouth, he wishes he can take them back. Juvia's doll like face contorts with pain and she clutches a hand over her chest as if he has physically struck her. When tears prick in the corners of her eyes, Gray feels like his heart is going to break.
"Juvia," He tries to say something—anything—to fix the situation. But the woman takes a deep breath and straightens her stance, lowering her arms with fists clenched against her side. Her visage shifts from betrayal to fury, and her eyes dance with defiance as she glares at him.
"Juvia has feelings too. She is not a thing to be won from your childhood rivalry!" She cannot stop the quiver in her voice—from hurt or anger, she isn't sure. "Lyon really likes Juvia for who she is, and Juvia is starting to like him back."
Gray tries to find words to tell her it's not true—that he isn't pursuing her because of his rivalry with Lyon. He wants to tell her all the reasons he genuinely likes her, how important she is, and how terrifying he finds the possibility of her leaving him. But he doesn't know how, and he is afraid that another clumsy confession would be taken the wrong way. Juvia takes his silence as confirmation.
She closes her eyes, pale skin glowing under moon light, and for a moment she looks as vulnerable as a newborn. "My sincerest wish is to love and be loved. I want to be happy. So please… don't play with my heart anymore."
She turns to leave. "Good bye, Gray."
The finality in her tone paralyzes him. And Gray knows that if he lets her walk away, it will all be over. She'll give up on him.
Move, Gray wills himself. Move!
He lunges at her desperately and captures her in a frantic hug, pressing her back against his chest. But she pulses with magic and he knows she's about to water body out of his grasp.
"I thought you were dead!" he yells unthinkingly.
Juvia pauses, surprised and puzzled by his unexpected admission. "What…?"
The nightmarish memories from the afternoon come rushing back from the hidden corners of his mind. Gray's shoulders hunch and he repeats in a hushed voice laced with agony, "I thought you were dead."
After revealing his greatest fear, the rest of the words come tumbling out like water from a broken dam. "My parents died. Ur died. I loved them and it hurt like hell. I… we're mages, and our lives could end at any time. I'm not afraid to die, but I'm afraid of going through that pain again; the pain of losing someone I love with all my heart. I didn't want to love you. I didn't want anyone to get closer to me than nakama. So I tried to keep you distant. Any time I felt like we were getting too close I'd back away. But," a broken chuckle leaves his lips, "you were so damn persistent. I didn't even know how much you meant to me until…" he takes a quaking breath, "until what happened today."
His arms tighten around Juvia, and she doesn't resist. Though Gray is very open about certain things—like his body, for example—it is a well-known fact that he simply does not talk about personal matters such as his past or his feelings. If he needs to deal with something, he'll stubbornly do it on his own, only giving as much information as necessary. And yet here he is. Obstinate, tight-lipped Gray revealing the secrets of his heart. Juvia can't bring herself to stop listening to his precious words.
"Do you have any idea, Juvia? Do you have any idea how panicked I was when I realized you were suffering alone in the rain? I must have run through half of Crocus screaming for you. I would have kept going too, but—" he halts mid-sentence and goes silent so long that Juvia thinks he won't say any more. She feels a faint tap on her shoulder and notices a dark spot on the fabric of her dress, as if a single drop of water landed there. But it certainly isn't raining and the only thing above her shoulder is Gray's face. She feels his chest shudder against her back, and her eyes widen in astonishment. It can't be…
Juvia nearly sprains her neck from the haste with which she turns her head, looking up and over her shoulder in an attempt to see Gray's expression. But the quiet man has his face tilted at such an angle that she can only see his profile highlighted by the luminous moon, his eyes covered by dark bangs. She watches, captivated, as his lips part to continue.
"Your rain stopped so suddenly. I think that was when Lyon found you. But at the time, I thought it meant something happened to you. I thought-" his lips twist into a sorrowful grimace, "I thought you succumbed to the curse. I thought you died. And I… it hurt so much I thought I was going to die too. After that I realized it's too late to keep you away when you're already part of my heart. So instead I wanted to keep you safely by my side. But I didn't know how to act after pushing you away for so long. And then Lyon came and I was scared you would give up on me. I still am. So that's why I'm doing this now. Even though Lyon's the one who forced me to act, I cared about you even before he showed up."
Juvia's stomach sinks with guilt. She falsely accused Gray of such a callous thing even while she was unknowingly making him suffer. She bows her head in shame and ponders how she should apologize for her harsh mistake.
"I might not love you as much as you love me yet, but I know it's only a matter of time before I get there," Gray finishes. His arms loosen around her, as if giving her a choice to leave if she so wishes. But the lingering touch begs her to stay. "Please don't give up on me."
Juvia could cry from the overwhelming feelings consuming her heart. How can she refuse? How can she possibly refuse after that?
She shifts in his arms and Gray thinks she will leave him. Instead, she turns around and throws her arms around him, too emotional to be embarrassed over his state of undress. She can hear the rapid flutter of his heart as the bare skin of his chest pulses against her cheek. His arms tighten around her and he nuzzles his face into her silky blue tresses, holding her as if his very life depends on it—like he will never let her go.
And Juvia wonders just what she has gotten herself into. Her heart pitter patters for Gray, as it has since the day she met him. More recently it pitter patters for Lyon as well. She needs to choose between the two, but making a decision is far from easy.
It's true that she has loved Gray for a longer time and that her feelings for him are stronger than her feelings for Lyon. But she is also acutely aware that if not for Lyon, this moment with Gray would not have happened. For one thing, who knows how much longer it would have taken Gray to act if he wasn't being pressured. And even more importantly, Juvia herself might not be alive without Lyon's intervention. He is a good man. He really is. And Juvia knows firsthand what it's like to love someone, wishing only for that person to give her a chance.
What is Juvia to do? What is the right thing to do?
Neither the tranquil touch of moonshine nor Gray's snug embrace can quell the turmoil of her conflicted heart.
A/N:
This is both the first kissing scene and the first serious confession I've written in my life. I'm not sure how well I pulled it off, so please let me know. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!
Juvia's limited use of first person speech is not a mistake. She seems to drift into first person occasionally in the manga, especially when she says something from the heart. So I thought I'd incorporating it into my writing.
I'm unsure how well I implied this, but the drop of water on Juvia's shoulder was supposed to be a tear drop. Could you let me know if my implication was clear enough or if it's something I need to improve on?
Thank you guest reviewers Laury rose, penguin trainer, tora-chan, Layla, Kimberlouxxx, Kilalan, fuwafuwa, Tweety, and anonymous guests!
-Laury rose, penguin trainer, and Kimberlouxxx: It makes me happy to be able to bring a smile to your faces :)
-fuwafuwa and Tweety: 50 page chapters? Sure! Just give me a year between updates. :P (Kidding)
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