"I'm so sorry Leland!" I cried down the phone. Duane Lee's arm was curved around me as he leaned in to listen to this difficult conversation. He had wanted to tell Leland himself but I knew it had to come from me. I wanted Leland to blame me; not his brother.
"Oh, well OK then. I mean, if you're sorry then it's all alright!" He screamed down the phone. He felt physically sick at the thought of what she had just told him. Not only had the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with betrayed him but she had done it with his brother. "It doesn't matter that you've been cheating on me with my brother because you're fucking sorry!"
"It was only a kiss Leland, I swear. I didn't mean for it to happen. It was a mistake Leland. I love you." I wanted to take away his pain but I couldn't. I knew this was ripping him apart but I couldn't change that. I refused to lie to him. He didn't reply to me. He simply hung up the phone and I finally let the tears that were burning my eyes fall. "He hates us Duane Lee. Everyones going to hate me when they find out what I've done."
He pulled me into his arms and held me while I sobbed. He'd expected things to be strange between us but they weren't. He was still one of my best friends and I felt comfortable and relaxed around him. He was sexy and absolutely gorgeous but I had always thought that. As long as we didn't kiss then it felt like nothing had changed and I didn't understand it. I wanted to feel different because then I could explain why we had done it but I didn't.
Finally my tears dried up and they decided to head to the gym. Duane lee helped me complete my leg exercises and then made me walk 10 steps before he caught me. They always worked out hard in the gym but today their session was brutal. They were each trying to pushing themselves for last night. Duane Lee watched me check my phone again and then dejectedly put it away. Leland still hadn't called either of them and that was killing me. I at least wanted to know he was safe.
"He'll calm down soon Kizz and then he'll call. Just give him some space. He'll forgive us." Duane Lee called. He wasn't sure if he believed it himself but he had to try and make her feel better. All of this stress wasn't helping her recovery. She was going to make herself sick again and he didn't want that. He was supposed to look after her and he had done this to her.
"He might but I FUCKING WON'T!" Beth screamed as she charged into the gym. She looked like she was ready for a physical fight. The people here were used to the Chapman's fighting so they didn't even bother looking up and she strode over to Kizzy. "What were you thinking? It wasn't enough to have one of them; you needed both for your collection? Who's next? Justin? Actually, they seem to be going up in age so is Big Daddy the next fucking Chapman man you're going to make a play for? How could you do this?" Beth was screaming at me but I just stood and took it. I forced myself not to cry but what she said hurt. I hadn't meant for any of this to happen but she wouldn't listen even if I'd tried to explain. I loved her and Dog and I didn't want them to be mad at me but I couldn't blame them. I was ripping their family apart again.
"Hold up Beth. That's not fair and you know it! It wasn't her fault. It was me! I did this and I don't fucking regret it so if your going to be angry then be angry at me. She is just caught in the middle so back off! She's hurting here too." Duane Lee crossed the gym in a few strides and wrapped his arms around me. I clung to him because he was the only person in my life who wasn't mad at me but also because he was Duane Lee and I loved him. Beth stood there looking horrified. "We didn't plan any of it Beth and it was just a kiss! Yes, I feel bad for hurting Leland but this isn't your fight Beth. You can't get involved in this because it will tear us all apart. We have to figure out a way to fix this and we will. He will forgive us eventually." Duane Lee spoke as he rocked me. I let the tears I had been fighting fall and suddenly I was sobbing. I couldn't stop it and I wasn't even sure I wanted to. I wanted to hurt because I understood it. I knew how to deal with pain and anger. They were strangely comforting to me because they felt normal. I knew what those feelings meant and I could handle them because I had been feeling them most of my life.
"How can you be so fine with this? Leland is in bits at my house!" Beth was sorry that she had upset Kizzy so badly but she couldn't change it. She thought of Kizzy as her daughter and now she had 3 of her kids ripping each other apart and she couldn't do anything about it. Leland didn't even know she was here.
"Leland's at your house?" I sobbed. I hoped that I had heard Beth right because I needed to know he was safe. He was my whole world and I would die for him. I wished there was something I could do to take away his pain but there wasn't. I had done this to him and I hated myself for it. I had always thought that it would be Leland who broke my heart when he realized I was too young. I never even considered the fact that I would do anything to hurt him so badly.
"Yeah, he got the first flight back when you called him early. He broke down as soon as Big Daddy hugged him and now he won't even talk. He's dead on his feet but he won't sleep or eat. He won't do anything. He's just sitting there. I'm worried about him Kizzy." Beth's voice broke as her anger finally evaporated. After looking into my eyes she knew I was hurting as much as Leland was.
"I have to see him." I didn't bother saying anything else because I didn't have to. Duane lee understood the bond that Leland and I have and he knew I could help his brother. He lifted me into his arms and headed for the car. We didn't even bother stopping to shower. Beth jumped into her car and followed us back to her home. I looked out the window and prayed that I could just make it through this. I couldn't afford to break down again. This wasn't about me; Leland needed me now.
When we pulled up outside Duane Lee ran around the car and picked me up again. He carried me into the house only to nearly knock Baby Lyssa over. She was stood with her arms folded and she was glaring at us. "Get OUT! He doesn't need you two around here rubbing his nose in this shit." She was angry but she was also determined to defend Leland. I nearly broke when I looked in her eyes. Lyssa hated me right then. She was my best friend but she hated me for hurting her brother. I didn't blame her because I hated myself just as much.
"Duane Lee put me down please." I asked softly. Duane Lee lowered me to the floor instantly and left me to support my own weight. He trusted me to know what I was doing. "Lyssa, darling, I know you hate me right now but this isn't your fight. You can't win this one and neither can I. So just move out of my way please."
"I'm not going anywhere Kassandra." She growled at me. That's when I knew she was truly pissed. Nobody called me by my real name because they all knew I hated it. Her fists were clenched at her side and I knew she was fighting the urge to hit me. She loved her brother and I had hurt him badly. She wanted to hurt me the same way. She didn't understand that I was already hurting.
"Please Lyssa. Don't do this, Leland needs me. He may hate me right now but he needs me and you know it. If you want to we can get into this later but for right now just fucking move." I stepped forward and begged my legs not to betray me. As I stepped forward again she moved to the side. I knew this wasn't over but I forced my legs to keep moving as I made my way out to by the pool. I should have been proud that I'd walked so far but I didn't care. The only thing I cared about in that moment was Leland.
He was sat on one of the sun loungers just watching the water. I stood watching him for a while since he hadn't noticed me. He had been crying and his eyes were still shining like amber and his face was red and blotchy. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and he looked absolutely heartbroken. My legs started to shake and I panicked. I knew I was about to fall but I was too close to the water. If I landed in the pool then I would be in serious trouble. "Leland!" I screamed. His head whipped up to look at me for a split second and then suddenly he was stood next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me tight against his body. I put my hands on his shoulders and rested my head on his chest. He just stood there for while without saying a word. I was relieved that he was even touching me. I thought he would have been repulsed by the idea of it but he seemed to be relaxed with me in his arms.
"I want to hate you Kiss. I should hate you! How could you do that to me? You didn't just kiss someone else. You kissed my brother! Why do you want to hurt me?" He was livid but also confused. He needed answers and no matter how hard it was I owed him at least that.
"Let's sit down Lee." I said. He turned and carried me to the small table and chairs on the patio. When we were both seated I started talking. "I didn't plan any of this Leland. I didn't do it to hurt you. In all honestly I wasn't even thinking about you. I kissed Duane Lee outside the party when he stopped me from falling and we felt a spark. We both felt bad then but when we took you to the airport he kissed me properly once we got back to the car and it was intense." Leland put his head in his hands as I spoke but I knew I had to finish. "There is chemistry between him and me but there always has been but you already knew that. It didn't mean anything Lee but we both knew we had to tell you. We couldn't keep that from you." I put my hand on his arm and he met my gaze.
"I don't know what to do Kiss. I love you and I don't want to lose you but I can't trust you and him together now. I want to learn to trust you again and be able to chalk it up to a moment of madness but right now it just hurts." His voice sounds gravelly and I wanted to hold him and take all of his pain away but I couldn't. He needed time to forgive me and space from Duane Lee too. I'd do whatever it took to make him smile again.
"OK, well I'll come and stay on Kona with you for a few months and we'll spend some time with the boys. You can learn to love me again Leland. At least say you'll try." I begged. The thought of losing him filled me with dread. Leland and his sons were everything to me. I couldn't live without them. I was petrified that he was going to refuse and send me away. I couldn't live without him now.
"I don't need to learn to love you again Kiss, I will never stop loving you." He kissed my fingers then as fresh tears started to run down his face. I pulled him into my arms and we cried together. If I could turn back time I would never have kissed Duane Lee because seeing Leland like this was tearing me apart.
We left for Kona that afternoon. Duane Lee came to the airport with his dad to see us off. I waited with Dog while Leland and Duane Lee went for a walk. They needed to at least talk once before we left. While I was sat with him dog turned to look at me. "Do you love Leland, Kizzy?" He asked.
"Of course I love him Uncle Dog! I've always loved him and you know it. Why are you questioning it now? I made a mistake Uncle but it doesn't change my feelings." I was hurt that he had asked me that but I could understand it too. I wasn't blood related to him so he had to look out for Leland.
"I had to ask Kizzy because if you are having doubts or your feelings have changed you need to tell him. Don't tie yourself to someone you don't love because you feel obliged, It will only hurt you both worse in the long run." He explained and I couldn't help but smile. He wasn't just looking out for Leland; he was looking out for me too. I threw myself at him then and wrapped my arms around his neck. He just laughed and hugged me back.
"Let's go Kiss." Leland called. I turned to see him leaning against the check in gate smiling at me and his dad. He was wearing a pair of gray jeans, a white vest and a pair of black tennis shoes. His hair was tightly braided and he had a pair of sunglasses on top of his head. His eyes were shining and he had a cute little half smile playing on his lips. I was surprised to see how happy he looked despite everything that had happened today. My heart skipped a beat because he was absolutely beautiful. The air stewardess stood at the desk obviously thought so too since she couldn't take her eyes off him. I felt jealousy start to bubble in my stomach as I watched her check him out. She touched his back as she slid out from behind the desk and the jealousy I felt grew.
"Lee, can you carry me please Lover? I'm feeling a little tired." I asked as I smiled seductively at him. I knew I was pushing the limits after what I had done but I couldn't help it. I wanted to make it clear to her and everyone else that he was mine. She didn't have a right to touch my man. It didn't matter what I had done because he was still mine. I know that it hypocritical but I didn't care.
"I'd carry you anywhere sweetheart." He said as he lifted me gently into his arms. "You don't have to be jealous baby. You are the only woman I want. No matter what has happened that won't ever change. My eyes are for you only." He whispered into my ear. He turned us to wave goodbye to his dad and I realized I hadn't seen Duane Lee since he walked away with Leland. I hoped they could get over this too because I know they love each other.
"I can't help it Leland. You just look so damn sexy right now and she touched you. I was fine until she did that; the fucking bitch!" I was seething as I spoke but he just laughed. He thought it was cute that I was so jealous. He walked past the air stewardess without even looking in her direction and she shot me the evilest look I've ever seen. "Well there goes our chance of getting extra peanuts on the flight." I laughed.
When we were departing the flight he winked at the air stewardess and I heard her giggling to her friend. I had to smile because I felt sorry for her. I knew how devastatingly sexy Leland could be when he tried and she didn't stand a chance. She would have a crush on him for a very long time and he wouldn't even care. Leland is the most loyal and sensitive man I've ever met. He loves me unconditionally and no other woman even hits his radar. If I wasn't so in love with him I might have felt bad for everyone else.
With Leland's help I was walking by myself within weeks. I still couldn't manage stairs but other than that I was OK. He was so patient and kind that it made me feel even worse about what I had done. I tried to show him every day how much I love him and what he means to me but it never felt like enough. He seemed happier though. We were even sharing a bed again now. Most of the time he just held me but when we made love it was explosive. He taught me time and time again what it meant to truly love someone.
After nearly 4 months we decided to go home. Lyssa and Beth weren't happy about me being back but they accepted it for Leland's sake. Duane Lee was back with Teresa so we didn't have to share the apartment with him anymore which was a good thing. Leland settled straight back into things but I couldn't. I was feeling poorly and for some reason I was very emotional. If I wasn't snapping at Leland for no reason I was crying over nothing. Even at the office I was a complete bitch. If someone put a file back in the wrong place I freaked out.
"Come with me girl." Beth called from the back door one day. I didn't question her I was headed out the office. We walked in silence for a few minutes until she turned me to face her suddenly. "Little girl, you're pregnant." She blurted and I think you could have picked my jaw up off the floor.
"No way Beth. Leland and I are always careful!" I said but my brain was still trying to take in what she'd said. "I can't be, can I? Beth I can't be pregnant. Not after everything we've been through lately. He's only just learning to forgive me and I can't even walk up a flight of stairs! He's going to hate me Beth!" I was starting to panic. I hadn't even thought about having children. I was too young and we were only just getting things back on track.
"You are, Precious. I've thought it for a while. You need to do a test and then you need to talk to Leland." She put her arm around as she spoke. She may not like what I had done but she still loved me and didn't like me being so upset. "He'll be fine, honestly. He loves you more than anything and he has always wanted more kids. I bet he loves the idea."
"I hope so Beth. I've nearly lost him twice now and if Jake and Duane Lee couldn't pull us apart then maybe this is the last straw. He's put up with a lot already. How much can expect him to take? We've barely been together a year and I was out cold for 6 of them" My voice was shaking and my hands were sweating. Now that I thought about it I knew she was right. I was pregnant and I was freaking out about it already! I'd never thought about having children before. Would I even be able to cope? Could I be a mum? I was barely old enough to look after myself.