Part 10
Beka was fuming as she entered the serving area and grabbed a mug to make herself some coffee, needing something to take her mind off the problems outside her ship. The Andromeda was increasingly becoming a living nightmare but she was unable to just up and leave, this time she had to face up to facts and work things through.
With the fresh coffee made Beka made her way through the ship, and suddenly became aware of the fact she wasn't alone when she entered the crew quarters, her usual sanctuary when onboard Andromeda.
"Harper?" Beka couldn't think who else would be sat up on the top bunk; Harper was the only person who seemed to like it up there.
"Hey," He wearily responded.
"Do you want me to leave?"
"It's your ship," He returned flatly.
"But you have stated that you don't want to see any of us, until you're ready and I just got a roasting from Dylan for seeing you earlier, so I can leave if you need the space," Beka offered.
"Stay," Harper simply returned.
"If you're sure," Beka gestured and moved to the opposite lower bunk.
"Sorry," Harper then spoke to Beka's surprise.
"Sorry?"
"For being the reason Dylan roasted you," Harper offered, and Beka saw movement above before seconds later Harper climbed down and sat on the bunk opposite Beka.
For the first time they made eye contact, and Beka had to concede that he looked a lot better, even though it was just a couple of hours since she had last seen him, when he was having the seizure.
"Are you ok now?" Beka asked.
"Yeah," Harper nodded dismissively. "I don't know what happened, barely remember any of it but I'm good now," Harper half smiled.
"Stress?" Beka ventured.
"Probably," Harper agreed. "I just feel drained," he admitted tiredly. "I just want things to return to normal."
"Me too," Beka sighed, and took a sip from her mug. Harper appeared deep in thought when Beka next looked at him, almost troubled and she could guess the reason why. "I want to do so much more than just apologise, Harper."
"Unless you can turn the clock back I can't think what you can do," Harper admitted. "You killed me," he added accusingly and looked away.
Beka closed her eyes momentarily, finding it hard to hear Harper's voice and the accusing tone it carried. She had dreaded that moment, and now she didn't know what to say to make any of it right, it could never be right. "I will always be indebted to Rommie for saving you, I just wish I knew what I could say or do. I don't want to lose you, Seamus."
"Just promise you'll never kill me again," Harper asked with a touch of flippancy.
"I promise," Beka said with some relief in her voice.
"We should never mention what happened in that conduit ever again," Harper quietly spoke, and Beka noticed that Harper was absently fiddling with the cast on his arm, as he spoke, knowing she had done that damage to him when she had put her entire weight on his arms to restrain him.
"I wish I could explain what was going on in my head at the time," Beka attempted to explain.
"You were teaching me a lesson," Harper shrugged.
"Don't make excuses for me," Beka returned.
"I saw the footage of when the three of you were talking yourself into the delusion," Harper stated as fact. "You wanted to give me a dose of my own medicine, to know what it felt like to be," Harper paused and avoided Beka's stare.
"I took it too far, and what I did to you was in no way any indication of how I think you are," Beka stressed. "I don't think you are as forceful as I was, I'm not sure why I responded to that in the way I did."
"I thought a lot about it," Harper now shrugged, but avoided Beka's gaze as he spoke now. "In part I can see how you were influenced by the delusion to teach me a lesson, to come on strong and see how I like it," Harper stated. "But I think there's always been a part of you that has wanted to put me back in my place, to show your dominance over me, to make me weak."
"What?" Beka was unsure as to what Harper was suggesting.
"When you first found me I was some dumb ass kid that you had taken from some slum of a planet that was so bad I saw the Maru as luxury in comparison, and maybe you saw an ounce of potential that you could maybe use to your advantage," Harper now suggested. "But over time I became more than that, I got myself an identity, I got the port and then I became important, and I made a name for myself once I joined the Andromeda and I was no longer that same dumb ass kid you could push around."
"Harper, no," Beka denied his words. "That's not true, I've never been anything but proud of what you've done for yourself, and I mean that."
"Dylan, Tyr," Harper began. "To protect the ship they did what comes natural, their instincts caused them to shoot at me but with you," Harper frowned. "Your instincts had you humiliate, abuse me, and finally to try and kill me."
"Don't say it like that," Beka stressed.
"To destroy the monster you created," Harper continued.
"That's not true," Beka denied once more. "I did what I did because I wanted to somehow have power over the one who was evading Tyr and Dylan, and because a small part of me was actually attracted to your power."
"I considered that," Harper was already shaking his head. "But it's the easy, safe, convenient option as an excuse, and I know you too well, Beka, your instincts attract you to men twice my size and twice my strength," he stated as fact. "You did what you did because you could, and all you wanted was for me to be dead."
"Why are saying these things?" Beka was confused and upset now by Harper's damning verdict on her.
"You killed me, Beka!" Harper now snapped angrily, and Beka had no reply.
"Trance to Harper," Trance's voice sounded over the Maru's communications. "I need to see you immediately on med deck."
Harper got to his feet, and placed a hand on Beka's shoulder. "I don't hate you, Beka," he spoke softly now. "But I'm in a bad place right now and I can't dress up what happened to save your feelings, I'm sorry, my head is just spinning."
"I understand, and maybe the truth hurts, like they say," Beka accepted with difficulty. "But we can still be friends, right, at some point?"
"Always, Beka, right now," Harper smiled, and encouraged Beka to stand up.
"Even though I killed you?"
"Let's not mention that again, not even in jest," Harper suggested, sounding more like himself as he surprised Beka by reaching out to embrace her fondly.
"I love you, Harper, no matter what, you have to believe that," Beka spoke, leaning her head down onto his shoulder.
"I know, you too," Harper returned, and felt some comfort at last.
"You better go and find out what Trance wants," Beka pulled away and wiped her eyes that were almost threatening tears. "And thanks for saying what I couldn't say myself."
"I might not be right, in fact for once a part of me hopes I'm not, so I'll be waiting to hear you prove me wrong," Harper smirked. "Just remember, I'm a genius, rarely wrong but that doesn't rule out the possibility of chance."
"I'll work on it," Beka grinned now. "And I'll work on my power issues why I'm there."
With a friendly nod of his head, Harper left Beka on the Maru to contemplate what had just been said between them, to try and understand the conclusions Harper had reached, and then appreciate the strength of friendship they had.
Dylan sat on the cot and put his head in his hands, as he digested the news Trance had just told him. With a shake of the head, he glanced at Trance and saw his feelings matched in her expression.
"How did this happen?" Dylan asked out loud. "This ship is supposed to protect us, and I'm supposed to protect my crew."
"Dylan, we know what happened was an accident," Trance began.
"And this? Can we really put this down to an accident, this is major, Trance," Dylan stressed, jumping down from the cot.
"We should wait for Harper," Trance suggested.
"This will kill him," Dylan sighed, and looked upwards.
"Harper has strength, he may surprise you," Trance shrugged.
"Come on, Trance," Dylan stressed and paced the deck. "Even with the Magog eggs we could offer hope, an alternative."
"And we can now," Trance insisted. "This isn't the end, this is just," Trance paused on hearing Harper's footsteps approach, and she glanced at Dylan to be silent.
Harper stopped on entering the med deck, finding both Trance and the captain waiting for him. It had been the first time he had seen Dylan since the captain had shot him, and he hadn't been expecting an audience.
"Dylan," Harper finally acknowledged and walked towards Trance.
"Mr Harper, glad to see you are up and about again," Dylan acknowledged.
"What's going on?" Harper asked, more towards Trance.
Trance glanced at Dylan, and then back to Harper before speaking. "I felt Dylan should be here when I tell you this, I have the test results."
"Why does he have to be here?" Harper asked confused.
"Your results are not good," Trance simply said.
Dylan moved forward. "I'm here as a friend and as your captain, and I think you should sit down."
"I don't want to, what is this?" Harper stressed, looking between both Trance and Dylan.
"Please, sit down," Trance requested.
"Why can't Beka be here?" Harper asked, as he reluctantly sat down.
"I'll leave if you want me too, but I'm not sure Beka should hear this yet," Dylan hinted, and Harper was suddenly tense.
"Am I dying?" Harper asked, suddenly serious to the situation.
"No, but you have developed a condition that could be life threatening if not treated," Trance offered, and noticed Harper pale slightly. "I don't want to alarm you but the condition alone is not untreatable, and many people are known to have it but in your case, Harper, it's serious."
"What do you mean?" Harper asked confused. "Is it too late?"
"No, I mean in your line of work, your lifestyle, it's going to affect you more so than maybe others who also suffer," Trance explained.
"Just tell me what I have," Harper asked, and his voice sounded harsher than he intended but he was growing tired of the riddles.
"You have some brain damage," Trance stated.
"What?" Harper couldn't help the nervous laugh.
"Your black outs and fits are due to the damage that has occurred to your brain," Trance continued. "There are imbalances present that can not be reverse without major surgery."
"But it can be cured?" Harper tested.
"Yes, and you could make a complete recovery," Trance answered.
Harper glanced at Dylan's expression, then back to Trance. "So what's the catch?"
"The part of the brain affected is the part that makes you susceptible to working within an artificial environment," Trance revealed. "Any surgery that is conducted to cure you of the problem will effectively deaden that area, and make you unable to interface with machines."
Harper's expression grew cold with the realisation. "I'd lose the use of my port?"
"You'd totally lose the ability to communicate interactively with any artificial environment," Trance frowned.
"So I couldn't even wear the glasses or remotely link up?" Harper checked.
"That part of the brain that makes it possible in any sense would need to be effectively numbed, to counter act the damage and restore balance," Trance glanced at Dylan, and saw his frustration at Harper's diagnosis. "Even looking at monitors could trigger attacks, you're brain is now very sensitive to flashes of light and movement, especially artificially created," Trance wanted to sound more positive but it was hard as she looked at Harper's expression.
"And if I don't have this surgery I'll always be prone to these black outs and fits?" Harper checked, and saw Trance nod her head. "There's no option, I'd rather have the fits and blackout than lose my port, or give up my work! It's all I have!"
"Harper, these fits are no easy option," Trance argued. "They could be life threatening, what you have developed is a serious imbalance in your brain activity, I believe on Earth it would be regarded as a form of epilepsy."
"Epilepsy?" Harper checked, recognising the term. "One of my younger cousins had that, could barely go a day without a fit of some kind," Harper remembered, and his memories seemed bad by his expression as he looked away.
"It is common amongst unmodified Humans," Trance frowned. "And you've just told me that it's something that has affected your family, so you must take this seriously, Harper."
"Tell me my options, just tell me the facts," Harper requested after some consideration.
"Your best hope for a complete cure would be to have the operation, it would stop the part of the brain this is causing you to black out and fit," Trance stated. "If you were to have this operation, I would strongly advise that you have the data port removed too, to lessen the stress on that part of the brain," Trance could see Harper already shaking his head in denial at that option.
"Give me more, there must be more options," Harper requested firmly.
"Medication can be used to prevent the attacks," Trance suggested. "This would need to be monitored closely and adjusted regularly, but would not be one hundred percent guaranteed to stop attacks from happening, and they might interfere with your work inside the systems."
"But I could still work," Harper asked.
"Yes," Trance conceded.
"I'll do that," Harper immediately responded.
"I want you to go away and think carefully about this, Harper," Trance requested, and handed Harper a flexi with all the details he needed to be aware of.
Harper stared at the flexi. "How did this happen, exactly?" Harper then asked, with his eyes still transfixed on the flexi.
"You've been exposed to a high intensity of electric shock, during a time when you were using that part of your brain," Trance revealed.
"I've been shocked before when I've been connected," Harper countered.
"There are safety precautions in place if you receive feedback from the terminal you are working at, it might be enough to knock you out, but not to damage your connection or brain," Trance sighed, and knew what was coming and she looked at Dylan.
"Beka did this to me," Harper simply said what the others already knew. "Now I know why she wasn't invited to this little party." Harper tensed as he remembered the shocks that Beka gave him, her laugh as he squirmed under her, his body jolted to extremes under her control. "She did this," he then spoke with fear.
"Harper," Trance moved closer and put a comforting hand on his arm. "Whatever you decide to do, I will support your decision but I want to be sure that you have given this every consideration."
"I can't lose the port," Harper shook his head, his emotions rising. "Trance, this port is all I have, it's me it's what makes me different and not just another kludge trying their luck away from Earth!" he stressed. "It was the first thing I ever got for myself, that I worked for and I need it, I can't do the things I do without it," he was almost begging for understanding now, as Dylan moved forward.
"Harper," Dylan now spoke up. "Go and think about this, your first instincts may not be your best ones."
Harper sniffed and then nodded his head, needing space, he felt too confused and overwhelmed to argue. He jumped down from the cot and began to head towards the exit, when Dylan stopped him.
"We'll tell Beka, so don't worry," Dylan told him.
"No," Harper looked Dylan in the eyes. "I want to tell her, and I want to be given time to make up my mind about this, please, just let me deal."
"You don't have to deal with this alone," Dylan insisted. "We're a crew, and we stick together so use us."
Harper had to bite back any comments his instincts wanted to return, and instead he took a deep breath and didn't answer. He walked away without reply, leaving Dylan with a clear indication that a lot of work was still needed to bring Harper back again, and he feared the latest development would only serve to push him further away.
TBC