Author's Note: Hi guys! Ok, I felt really bad for waiting a week, but I need to create suspense! Like really I was about to update this the day after last chapter! So, I hope you liked the last chapter, and to whoever asked for more Maya/Ice Hounds(I'm sorry, I'm blanking on who it was, but I thiiink it was tomfeltonlover…and I can't remember the number :p) you'll see more of them soon. As for Eclarexoxo, I honestly don't even know what a beta reader is, cuz I'm just pathetic like that, lol but I'll Google it or something and let you know! Thank you for offering! And, hlskroc, haha! I got right on it, legit writing this chapter like minutes after I posted the last one (Yeah it's still the 15th – 16th as I'm writing this, but it'll be around the 22nd when you read it.). And, Kayla Crystal, LOL I love you toooo. JK, haha that's what I say to my friend, Adeline, when she says she hates me and she's kidding and such. Camaya4ever, Katie was worried that Maya was really upset about their parents, and that she was just not okay emotionally because of that. So after writing the last chapter, ideas are starting to come back to me, slowly. Yay! And I finished my homework for the weekend! Yay! But, I just have to say this, RIP to all who died in the Connecticut shooting. And, my condolences to anybody involved, or who knew someone who died, or was involved. I'm so very sorry. Chapter 10, ladies and…idk are there any gents? Btw, be ready, guys. It's gonna get cray cray. Juuusst you wait. Like, when you read it you'll be all like 'WHOA WHAT?' It surprised me too, when I typed it. I don't know where the idea came from, but I was like, 'Hey! I'll write this!'
Chapter 10: And I Can Barely Breathe
Maya's POV:
I could not believe what I was seeing. No. No. This…this wasn't happening. It wasn't. This is a bad dream. I'll wake up soon, and this will be over. No. No, no, no. There had been a horrible car crash right by my street. There were two victims who happened to have the same car as my parents. This was just a crazy coincidence. It had to be. The two people who had the same car as my parents had died. My parents did not die. It was a coincidence. They did not die. No. But the news anchor told me differently when the names of the victims were released. Mellissa and Rodger Matlin (I don't know Maya's parent's names in the show so I made them up). No. He was wrong. This had to be a mistake. It was a mistake. A mistake. Mistake, I kept telling myself over and over again, trying not to fall apart. I'm breathing heavily as the sound of three pairs of running feet come skidding to a halt. Cam, Jake, and…Katie. A very tear streaked Katie.
"Maya…they, they called me, the-the news s-station, I mean…because well, I'm older after they called anybody else older than me in the family…before this aired. We all came st-straight here." Katie chokes out weakly. I don't answer. I can't answer. This isn't real. They aren't dead. Katie is crying for nothing. This is all a misunderstanding. It has to be. Katie steps closer and Cam and Jake look at us both with sympathy. A lot of sympathy. She reaches my bed and hugs me tightly. My mind is blank. I imagine my face is shocked, or blank too. My hand reaches up to pat Katie's hair, and I realize it's shaking. I'm shaking. She's sobbing into my shoulder. This is real, I tell myself. But I don't believe it. But it IS real, idiot. Believe it and cry with Katie. But, I still don't believe me. I can't process it. I hear the words, and think my thoughts, but in my heart, I don't except it. It can't all just be over. There has to be something we can do to bring them back. There has to be. I try to think of the last words I ever said to them, but I don't remember. Why can't you remember, stupid?! This is an important thing to remember! I yell at myself in my head. Finally, I just begin cry. And cry, and cry, and cry, and cry. I guess it's pretty obvious that I love or loved- no, no…love…I'll always love them...them dying doesn't change that - them regardless if they ever loved me or not. I don't know if they did. Now that they're gone, maybe I never will. Finally the tears stop, at least, temporarily. Katie releases me and we just sit for a minute. No one knows what to say. I suppose that you never know what to say in times like these, it's impossible to know exactly how to act when a tragedy hits. When bad things happen, people are irrational and stubborn; and stupor; and nobody can think straight, let alone know how to handle themselves, others, or the situation. So the four of us are silent, apart from my heaving shaky breaths, and Katie's constant sniffles. I finally can't take it anymore. Like I said, the silence gives me time to reflect on what happened and I don't want to. I don't want to think about it, but I know eventually I'll have to. But for now, I'll keep running from my problems.
"Somebody say something. Please. I hate the silence." I say, my voice cracking. Nobody does. So we sit. Finally, Katie sighs.
"I'm gonna call Aunt Lily and Aunt Petunia (HARRY POTTERRR)." She pulls her phone out of her bag after digging around for a minute, and steps into the hall. Jake follows her. I sigh shakily.
"Maya…" He trails off and hugs me. I can't blame him; I'd trail off too, if I were him. We stay like that for a while. His head on top of mine, with our arms around each other. I could stay like that for a long, long time. He kisses my head.
"I…I'm so sorry. If you wanna talk about it, or cry, or be distracted, or anything at all, I'm here." He says
"Thank you," I whisper weakly. It really hits me about what'll happen next. Katie and I might be on our own, or we'll have to go live with our relatives. I don't want either. I want my parents to come back. I want everything to go back to how it used to be. I can't…I can't deal with this. My eyes begin to burn again and I feel a fresh batch of tears roll down my cheeks. Cam is still holding me, and begins to stroke my hair. He doesn't tell me that it's okay. Because he knows it's not ok, and that he would simply be telling me a pointless lie. But…I'm…I…I don't have parents anymore. I wish they'd spent more time with me. I wish I'd made more of an effort with them. I wish this was all just a nightmare that I had to knock the sense into me. To make me see that I shouldn't take life, or other's lives, for granted. That I need to try now, because I might not have the chance later. Except this wasn't a nightmare. This was real life, and quite a harsh wake up call. I've spent all this time moping about my parents, wishing they'd call or visit. But did I ever call them? No. But I don't know what I'd say if I had. 'Hello, Mom and Dad. Come visit me, because I want you to show you love me, even if you don't.' Yeah, that would happen. But now…I don't even have the chance. They're gone. They're never coming back.
And, I.
Can't.
Deal.
With.
That.
I just can't. I have no idea what's coming next. Will Katie have to drop out? Will she ever get to go to college? Will I ever get to go to college? What will happen to us? Now I have more questions than I did this morning, and now, I'm much sadder, and scared. I don't want this to be happening. I take back what I said earlier, this is what I hate with a burning passion.
…
I spend the rest of the day thinking about my parents. Maybe if I think of them enough today, the pain will numb itself. But it hurts to think of them now. I begin to dig out memories from deep in my mind; one's I nearly forgot about. The lost treasure that was my childhood. My favorite memory is from when Katie was 12 and I was 7, and we were all decorating the Christmas tree. There was a movie playing in the background, 'A Christmas Story', and there was a fire going. Mom and Dad had made everyone hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, pink ones -strawberry flavored- for me and Katie. We all had Santa hats on, except for Dad, but Katie and I fixed that. I was sharing the big arm-chair with Mom and Katie was stretched out on the floor. We were all laughing and smiling. We were happy. We were together. The tree had colored lights and quite a few ornaments, some of which, Katie and I had made. It was a beautiful thing. A beautiful memory. It always will be. And I start to realize, that, at one point, my parents had loved me. Maybe they did the whole time, or maybe it stopped after a while. I'm going to believe it didn't. I'm going to believe that they always loved me.
I wish it had stayed like that. But it didn't. As Katie and I got older, Mom, Dad, Katie, and I all became more distant. I wish we hadn't. I wish I'd fixed this at the start. But I hadn't. I know, they are –were- the parents, they should've taken the initiative, but I guess I could have. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. But I didn't. What's that one song? Hands of Time, I think it is? It goes, 'You can't turn back the hands of time, just let it go and you'll be fine. What's done is done, and it's over. You can't turn back the hand of time'. I've always liked that song. I remember it was in the first episode of Pretty Little Liars, at Ali's funeral. And also, that other song from PLL that I love, Suggestions, fits this quite well. 'It just takes a second, for my world to come crumbling down. Oh, I'm sure, in the distance, you can hear that awful sound. I plead for an answer; plead for an answer from you. But, if you give me an answer, that makes no sense then what's the use? And just like that, my life is broken. I can barely breathe, and now I'm open for suggestions.' It just takes a second for my world to come crumbling down…I can barely breathe... That seems true. That seems to fit me. If only it didn't. If only my parents hadn't gotten in an accident. If only I'd known them better. If only we'd spent more time together. If only. I suppose that my childhood is over. I'm only a freshman, 14 years old (I know she was 13 in early season 12, so I'm gonna guess 14), but maybe growing up doesn't so much have to do with what age you legally stop being a child. Maybe it's about the way we think. The way we act. The way we handle situations. The way we work. What we've been through. But I feel older and younger at the same time. Now, I have even more vulnerability than before, like a child. But I've also started to experience what it's like to be on your own. And I feel tired. I'm fourteen, and I'm already tired. Not sleepy…wary, I guess. Tired. Why is it that whenever things begin to look up and you start to feel happy again, life throws another freakin' curveball? And I don't even play baseball! Life's not fair. It rarely is. It's always a game that you don't know the rules to. Know what I mean? Like it has all the unfair advantages and you just gotta roll with it. But what about when you don't want to? What if you don't want life to make the rules? What it that whole 'everything happens for a reason' stuff is total crap? My parents had no reason to be killed! Nobody had the right to kill them! They didn't deserve to die. I didn't ask for them to die. I asked for them to love me. But you can't always get what you want, right? I think bitterly. I have a feeling I'm going to be thinking of a lot of things bitterly from now on. Sigh. I can already see it. I'm gonna be bitter, sad, and just all around mean I bet, until I get over their deaths. And I have the feeling that's going to take a while.
…
I was allowed to go home early form the hospital, 'considering the circumstances'. I've been home for two weeks. Tori's mom has been coming around the house a lot. I like Mrs. Santamaria. She's been so nice to Katie and me, bringing over food for us, just sorta being our mom for a little while. Tori's like that too. She's also always really good about it. Whenever she brings my homework she always has something to cheer me up. Cam is doing stuff like that too. His billet parents and real parents are offering us help. Everyone's being so good about the situation. Except for Katie. I mean, I understand that she's grieving but so am I. And I actually started making some money for us. Giving cello lessons to younger kids, and tutoring fifth, sixth, and seventh grade French. I still go to school. I make dinner. I clean up after us. I'm organizing the funeral and memorial because Katie's too 'busy'. All she does is sit on the couch in sweats staring blankly at the TV. It's like she never moves. Always the same position and the same expression. You wouldn't know she ever left her spot if and you didn't live with her. She eats. Silently. She just picks up her fork and puts the food in her mouth. She stares at the table, never daring to look me in the eye. I think she knows that it's wrong just to sit there all day and let me do the work. She knows. But she lets me do everything for her anyway. Things were not going well. Katie sat around all day, and my parent's money wouldn't last forever. We weren't particularly rich in the first place. I had a feeling that they were only gonna get worse.
Author's Note: So? What did you think? I worked hard on this chapter; I wanted to really get it right. I hope I did. I actually contemplated earlier in this chapter making this really be a nightmare that Maya wakes up from, but I decided against it. But re-reading this, I made myself sad. I half wish I hadn't killed off Maya and Katie's parents. But really, how sad is that? But I feel like I had to do it. It was not originally what this chapter was going to be about, but as I was writing the top author's note…it just sorta came to me and I felt like I had to write it. I hope you guys like the story still…idk I feel like I made people less interested. Oh, well. Also, I do not own the songs 'Hands of Time' by Rachel Diggs, or 'Suggestions' by Orelia has Orchestra. I do not own PLL, Harry Potter, or Degrassi and it's characters. Only this story line. Ok, two updates in one night. So, this'll be 'next weeks' update. But, when I actually post it, it'll be this weeks. Cuz I'm wring this on the 15th (well, technically the 16th since it's like midnight) but I'll post this on either the 21 or the 22. Coming up we have a Maya/Katie confrontation, and a new character will be introduced soon. Happy holidays everyone! Ok, xoxo (It's like my little trade mark! Like my own –A signature! GASP!)
~Ginny